by JB Lynn
Before we could discuss this major life change further, we heard Armani and Dave approaching.
“Don’t you worry,” Delveccio assured me. “She’ll get a good deal.”
With that, he lumbered off.
Chapter Four
“I got a job,” I announced the moment I walked into the B&B’s kitchen.
Aunt Susan, who was in the midst of buttering a piece of toast, arched an eyebrow. “Hello to you too, Margaret.”
“This is going to go well,” God drawled sarcastically from his hiding spot.
Susan scowled at the squeaking sound.
“Hi.” I didn’t offer my aunt an apology for the lizard or my abrupt announcement. The reason I’d just blurted it out was to prevent myself from chickening out. By saying it aloud, it made my commitment to that particular course of action feel more real.
“Angel called,” Susan told me. “He wanted to know if he could take you out tomorrow evening.”
“He called you?” I asked suspiciously.
“Well,” she admitted without a shred of shame, “you forgot your phone and when I saw it was him calling, I answered.”
“You answered my phone?” I asked through gritted teeth, trying not to lose my temper.
“I told you, I saw it was him calling. It might have been important.”
“And how did you happen to find my phone? The only place I could have left it was my room. My personal space.”
She stiffened her shoulders and managed to appear offended, even though she was the one who was in the wrong. “Are you implying that I was snooping? I assure you, I wasn’t. I was simply refilling the pet food you keep down there.”
I nodded slowly, making a mental note to check with Piss to see if that was true.
“So who’s your new employer?” my aunt asked, changing the subject and taking a bite of her toast.
I resisted the urge to point out that only horses eat standing up the way she had lectured me many times. “Armani.”
She choked on her toast.
I did my best to restrain my satisfied grin, but my lips had a mind of their own and the corners of my mouth kept climbing higher and higher.
“Armani?” she spluttered, spraying crumbs all over the counter.
I nodded.
“I forbid it.”
I shook my head. “How many times have we gone over this? I’m an adult now. You don’t get to forbid me anymore.”
“But—”
I held up a hand to silence her.
“Seriously,” I warned, “this is not the path you want to take in this discussion.”
She let out a long-suffering sigh. “Please tell me it has nothing to do with her investment in The Corset.”
“It has absolutely nothing to do with The Corset,” I assured her.
“Thank heaven for small miracles.” She narrowed her gaze suspiciously. “But what job could she possibly hire you for?”
“Chauffeur.”
She frowned. “That may be even worse than working at The Corset.”
“Not in my book.” I shuddered, illustrating my revulsion at the idea of working in the lingerie shop again.
“But—”
“She wants me to chauffeur her in an RV.”
“An RV?” She said it like she’d never heard of such a thing.
“A motor home.”
“A motor home?” she asked.
“Like a Winnebago,” I explained with a touch of desperation.
“Winnebago?” she repeated.
“Polly got a cracker?” God mocked.
Eyes narrowing, Susan snapped, “You carry that lizard around like it’s your favorite accessory.”
“She should,” God retorted. “I’m priceless.”
Of course my aunt didn’t understand his words, all she heard was more squeaking. As a result, she thought that my chuckle was a result of her words, not God’s “pricelessness”.
“You can’t drive a Winnebago.” She wiped up the crumby mess she’d made.
“Technically, it’s not a Winnebago. It’s another brand.”
“You can’t drive one. Period.”
I mentally counted to ten before replying. “Actually, I can.”
She shook her head.
“I don’t need a special driver’s license or anything for it.”
“But—”
“In fact, I’ve already done it,” I announced proudly.
It hadn’t been pretty, and I’d pretty much felt like I was going to throw up the entire time, but I’d taken not one, but two RVs for test drives and lived to tell the tale…albeit the abridged version.
“Why on earth does she want to live in a motor home?” Susan asked.
“She wants to travel.”
“Where to?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Wherever her psychic visions lead her?” Susan mocked.
“Maybe.”
She glared at me. I got the distinct impression she was trying some mental jujitsu to bend me to her will.
I yawned to let her know it wasn’t working.
“And you’re going to drive her?”
I nodded.
Shaking her head, she threw the rest of the toast away, making it clear that the conversation had ruined her appetite. Finally, she asked softly, “But what about Katie?”
I looked away, afraid she’d see my misgivings in my gaze. “It’ll be a good test to see how she does staying with Darlene.”
Susan stayed uncharacteristically silent.
I glanced over at her. Even though she’d turned around so that her back was to me, I could tell from the hunch of her shoulders that she was upset.
“It’ll be okay,” I tried to assure her, my voice cracking traitorously. “She’ll just be next door.”
Susan spun around. “It’s not her I’m worried about. It’s you.”
“Me?”
“I’ve liked having you back here,” she admitted. “You’d disengaged for a while there and then after the accident, we got you back.”
“I have to live my own life,” I said defensively.
“I know. I know.” She opened her arms. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t want you in mine more.”
Crossing the space separating us, I hugged her tightly.
“Sensitive skin,” God protested. “No crushing me.”
“You’re not going to take that creature with you, are you?” Susan asked.
I chuckled. “Why? Are you going to take care of him while I’m gone?”
“Absolutely not!” my aunt and God groaned simultaneously.
Chapter Five
“I heard you’ve got a date tomorrow night.”
Glancing back at my sister Marlene standing in the kitchen doorway, I wondered how that message had gotten passed around so quickly.
Marlene raised her eyebrows, waiting for an answer.
“Yeah,” I admitted, leaning against the counter. I returned my attention to looking out the window to watch Katie, Darlene, and her two daughters playing Simon Says in the backyard of the house next door to the B&B. They were having a blast. Part of me desperately wanted to go join them, but I knew that allowing them bonding time was more important.
“What are you going to wear?” she asked.
“How do you even know I’ve got a date?” I countered.
“Angel told me.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because,” she replied on an exasperated sigh, “I called him to find out when and where you’re going.”
“You called him?” I practically screeched. “What are we? A couple of thirteen year olds?”
“Naah,” she argued. “If we were thirteen, I’d have called his friend instead of going to him directly.”
I shook my head.
“Anyway,” she continued, getting the conversation back on track. “You’ve got a date. Let’s go shopping.”
“For what?” I asked.
“Something to wear.”
“What?” she scoffed. “That black dress you wear to everything?”
“What’s wrong with my black dress?”
“It’s got no color.”
“Most black things don’t,” I pointed out.
“We can go tomorrow morning. It’ll be fun.”
I frowned at her. “You do remember I’m your sister who doesn’t enjoy shopping, don’t you?”
“A girl’s gotta dress,” she countered.
Returning my attention to the game outside, I reminded her, “Angel’s seen me first thing in the morning in my pajamas and he still asked me out. Somehow I don’t think he’ll find the dress offensive.”
Marlene sighed as though I was the single most annoying person on the planet. “A change of pace never hurt anyone.”
“I could do without so many changes,” I muttered.
“And yet you’re leaving.”
Hearing the accusation in her tone I glanced over at her. “You’re upset I’m going on my road trip?”
She shrugged.
“You think I’m abandoning Katie or something?” My voice went up a notch as my sense of guilt got hold of me.
“No,” Marlene admitted grudgingly, joining me at the window and watching how happy Katie seemed.
I nudged her shoulder with my own, trying to get her to say more.
“It feels like you’re abandoning me,” she admitted quietly.
“What do you mean?” My voice cracked with surprise as I threw my arm around her. “What do you mean you think I’m abandoning you?” I chose not to point out that she had abandoned the family by running away years earlier, and never getting back in touch until recently.
Marlene shrugged. “It was one thing coming back to the B&B when you were here, but now I’ll be all alone with the witches.”
I chuckled. “They’re not that bad. Besides, Darlene is just next door.”
“It’s not the same as having you here.”
“She’s your twin,” I reminded her gently. “If you need an ally, she’s the strongest one you’ve got.”
“She’s busy with her family and now Katie.”
“Trust me, she’s not too busy for you. Why do you think she moved next door?”
Marlene considered that for a moment. “You really think so?”
I nodded. “Why don’t you go join them?” I squeezed her shoulders.
I watched the hesitation fall from her face, and she ran out the kitchen door, smiling.
I leaned heavily against the counter, feeling drained. Maybe Griswald was right. Maybe I’ve been taking on the weight of my family’s problems for too long. Opening the refrigerator, I took out a piece of cheese to give to DeeDee. She had been very unhappy with me since I’d told her that there wasn’t room for her to come on the road trip, due to the size of the RV. I hoped that by giving her a treat, I could smooth things over between us. Yes, it was bribery, but I hated seeing the accusing look in her brown eyes.
Opening the door to the basement, I walked down the stairs.
DeeDee didn’t even greet me. She stayed curled up in a ball on the sofa, sighing her discontent.
“I brought you some cheese,” I tempted.
She lifted her head and sniffed the air, but didn’t budge from her seat.
“You are in the doghouse, Sugar,” Piss said, slowly climbing out from underneath the couch. “She is not going to let you off the hook that easily.”
Ignoring the cat, I crossed the room, sat down on the couch, and offered the cheese to the dog. She wasn’t too proud to take it. In fact, I almost lost a finger as she snatched the treat out of my hand. “So you’re still mad at me?”
DeeDee swallowed the cheese before answering. “Yes. At mad you.”
“One of the many problems with dogs is their lack of understanding the need for personal space,” God opined from where he lounged on a piece of driftwood in his terrarium.
“This from the creature who spends his time hanging out between Maggie’s mammary glands,” Piss hissed.
“That’s different,” God defended himself. “Maggie doesn’t even know I’m there most of the time.”
“I beg to differ,” I retorted sharply. “You never shut up while you’re there.”
Flicking his tail to signal his disagreement, God turned his back on us.
I returned my attention to the Doberman. “We’ve been over this, sweetheart.” I stroked her head. “Not only is there not enough room for you, but it’s really important that I have somebody here keeping an eye on Katie and everybody else for me.”
The dog’s ears perked up. “Important?”
“You bet. Very, very important.”
She wiggled her stump of a tail and I knew she’d forgiven me for the perceived abandonment.
“Live where I will?”
“Well, Darlene said that she’d be very happy if you’d stay there, but it’s up to you. If you’d rather stay in the B&B, Aunt Susan would be happy with that decision.”
God sighed. “You do know that dogs aren’t capable of making decisions, don’t you?”
I shot him a dirty look. “It’s up to you, DeeDee. Where would you rather stay?”
“Here.”
“Here?” I asked, surprised by her choice. “I would have thought you would want to stay with Katie.”
“Here,” she barked forcefully.
“Why?” the cat asked curiously.
“Susan me needs,” the dog explained.
“Oh, honey, I know Susan feeds you lots of good food, but I promise that Darlene would take care of you too.”
“Susan me needs,” DeeDee repeated.
“She means that Susan needs her,” God translated.
“Oh.” I considered that for a moment and realized that she probably was right. Darlene would have a full house, but between myself, Katie, and Angel leaving, the B&B might feel empty.
“Okay,” I agreed. “You’ll stay here and just visit with Katie.”
The dog licked my hand to signal her appreciation.
“But I’m not staying here,” God interjected. “You’ll need me with you, to keep you out of trouble.”
“Me too!” the cat meowed.
I looked at her sympathetically. “I’m sorry but there’s no room for a litter box on the RV either.”
“I don’t need no stinking litter box,” she told me proudly, twitching her tail. “I can walk on a leash.”
“What?” the lizard, the dog, and I all said simultaneously.
“I said, I can walk on a leash. Not that I need one, but you humans do like to pretend that you’re in control, bless your hearts.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that before?” I asked.
“You never asked.”
“But—”
“All that matters is that she can go with us,” God interrupted.
I looked at him suspiciously. “Why do you seem so happy about that?”
“Because,” the lizard said with satisfaction, “it means I won’t starve.”
Before anyone could react to that mercenary statement, we were all startled by pounding on the basement door that led to the kitchen.
Chapter Six
“Away go!” the Doberman barked reflexively, jumping up from the couch and charging the door.
“Open up, I know you’re in there!”
Considering I had nightmares about the police banging down my door, it took me a moment to recognize the voice on the other side.
“Hurry, Chica,” Armani implored.
Running up the stairs, I yanked open the door, thinking something might be terribly wrong.
Armani, in the midst of knocking, smacked me in the nose for my trouble.
“Ouch.” I stumbled back, almost losing my balance and tumbling down the stairs.
“Sorry about that.” She shoved a clear, empty plastic box, the size of the one Aunt Susan kept her recipe cards in, into my hands. Armani barreled past me, limp
ing down the stairs. “You have to pack. We have to go. You have to pack.”
“So I’m guessing you want me to pack?” I mocked as I followed her.
“Yes, yes. Why are you just standing there?”
“Because you just showed up.”
“We have to leave now.” There was a frenetic, almost panicked note in Armani’s voice.
It made me nervous and suspicious. It also made me want to cover my head with a pillow. “Why?”
“Because my psychic powers are telling me to.”
“Well, I can’t leave now because my responsibilities are telling me I can’t just take off at a moment’s notice.”
“Sure you can,” another voice opined.
Looking up, I saw U.S. Marshal Larry Griswald watching us from the doorway.
“It’s actually a really good idea,” the almost-retired lawman said. “Susan and her sisters are all out, so there will be no long, weepy goodbyes.”
“But—” I began to protest.
The lawman held up his hand to silence me. “Everyone already knows you’re going. Katie’s not even staying in the B&B anymore. There’s no reason you can’t pack a bag, give her a hug and promise to be back, and just leave.”
“Listen to the man,” Armani urged. “He’s old.”
Griswald’s eyebrows knitted together.
“I meant older and wiser,” Armani said hurriedly. “You should listen to his advice.”
I glanced over at the one advice-giver I was prone to actually listening to.
He stuck his tongue out at me.
I wasn’t quite sure what that meant.
“Do it, you silly biped,” God elaborated. “Get! Go! Run!”
“Go?” DeeDee panted hopefully.
“Okay,” I said with a heavy sigh. “But I’m going to need a couple of minutes to get everything together.”
“Good,” Griswald approved.
“Hurry,” Armani nudged.
I eyed the small box she had given me. “You don’t expect me to pack in this, do you?”
Looking at me like I was crazy, she explained, “It’s for the little guy.” She pointed at the lizard. “Unless you were just planning on carrying him around in your bra for the entire time.”
Griswald made a choking noise and disappeared from the doorway.
“Hear that?” I held up the box so that God could see it better.
