“I like the sound of that.” He felt a tremor of excitement pass through her; he couldn’t comprehend how hard it must be to always keep your bear inside you. How difficult it must be to have this secret life that you can’t share with anybody.
He wanted to be the person who taught her how amazing it was to be a bear. He wanted them to build a life together, but more than anything, right now, he wanted to take her to bed. Because that was part of what being mates was all about too. However, he also knew that would have to wait.
He pulled back away from her. “Come on I’ll put some coffee on.” He headed to the kitchen and she followed.
“You live here with your brother?” she asked.
“Yes. My parents live in Grizzly Hollows too. Our family has lived here for generations.”
“And this is where you want to live for the rest of your life?” she asked.
He could tell that she had been thinking about their future too, and he wanted to set her at ease. “Yes. At least it was until I spoke to you on the phone. Now I realize that I will be happy to make my life wherever you are. Even if it means moving away from Grizzly Hollows.”
He saw the shock on her face, and realized that she thought she would have to persuade him to leave here, or give up her life for him. In that moment, his future changed. He wanted her to be happy, to not have to make any more sacrifices, or lose her family again.
The life he thought he would have here in the mountains was slipping out of his hands, and for the first time he didn’t know if he really cared.
If he moved away from Grizzly Hollows, would he be able to wipe the face of the dead man from his memory? Or would it still haunt him?
Chapter Nine – Mae
He made her coffee, and a grilled cheese sandwich which tasted divine, but maybe that was because she was eating it sitting opposite Jay, who kept staring at her with a smile on his face.
“If I wasn’t so hungry, you might be enough to put me off my food.” She grinned up at him as she took another bite and chewed it slowly.
“Sorry. It’s … I never expected you to be here. Never imagined you would be here in my house, quite so soon. I’ve lived here with Tad for a good few years, just him and me, and now all of a sudden we both have mates. I guess that when he found Viv, his mate, I didn’t expect it to happen for me too. Not so quickly. It looks like someone’s smiling down on us.” Yet there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Sometimes it’s hard to feel like you deserve this kind of happiness.”
“You work as a ranger; you must have saved a lot of people. Doesn’t that make you deserving?” She tilted her head to one side trying to read his expression. Mae got the feeling that Jay didn’t feel deserving and she wanted to know why. However, she didn’t know if this was the right time to ask, considering they had just met.
Once again she thought of just how strange this was. Sitting here, eating a grilled cheese sandwich with the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with; and knowing all of that, when they had only just met. It somehow didn’t seem right to ask him such personal questions.
“I should text my gran,” Mae said, suddenly realizing she had forgotten to let Isabelle know she was OK. It also gave her a chance to change the subject, and perhaps lighten the mood between them. She wanted to get to know him a little without the intense air of expectation that seemed to have settled around them.
“Once you’ve done that, and you’ve finished eating, how about we go for a run?” he asked.
“A run? In the snow?” She never was one for running or jogging, and if she went out into the snow, she would make a fool of herself for sure.
“Yes. We can follow the mountain trail, get some privacy.”
“We’re private here?” She sent the text to her gran, and wondered if she had been a little premature. It should read help, get me out of here.
He smiled. “I think two bears in this house might cause a lot of damage.”
“Oh, you mean run as bears?”
He laughed. “What did you think I meant?”
“I don’t know.” She blushed a deep red. “Like I told you, my bear has been pretty much shut away. Whereas it is second nature to you, it’s completely foreign to me. When you said run I thought you meant … on two legs.”
“It’s okay, there’s a lot we have to get to know about each other. Maybe a run on four legs would be a good way to let a little bit of this tension go.”
He had felt it too, and it made her happy to know that. It meant they were in tune with each other and how they were feeling.
“I’m ready to go when you are.” As she got up from the table, her phone beeped, and she checked it, reading the text from her gran. “They’ve settled into their room at the pub. They are going to have some lunch, and she says she’d like to meet you later.”
“I’d like to meet her too. She must be quite a lady to have brought up her granddaughter to be such a fine woman.”
“We’ve only just met; we don’t know each other at all. For all you know, I might be a hopeless loser.”
“I don’t think that’s true for a moment,” he said, making her blush red again. His eyes grazed her body, and she reacted to him in a way she had never known. It was if his body called to hers, and she couldn’t help but respond.
He helped her put her coat on, and then pulled on his own coat, opening the front door for her. They walked across his porch and she let a shiver pass through her as the cold air filled her lungs.
“Is it always this cold here?” she asked, pulling her coat tightly around her.
“No. Another few weeks and the weather will be warm. Maybe not as warm as it is where you live, but I like it, it makes everything seem fresh. We never have the really hot sun that seems to drain the color out of everything.”
“You really do like it here, don’t you?” She looked up at him as he answered.
“Yes, I do.” He let out a deep sigh. “But that doesn’t mean to say I can’t be happy somewhere else.”
“So what kind of jobs do you have to do being a ranger?” she asked.
“It varies quite a lot. Sometimes it’s going out onto the mountain, and then sometimes, like this morning, it’s about small things. An old lady lost her dog, and she thought it had fallen in the river, but it just got stuck down the rabbit hole. But saving her dog, in some ways, was just as important as finding someone out on the mountain and saving them.”
“That must be something to help people in such a way.”
“It is.” He looked at her and smiled, but that same sense of sadness seemed to cross his face, and this time he changed the subject. “So what do you do?”
“Nothing as exciting as you. I work at the local hotel.”
“And you like it?” he asked.
“Yes, I do. I like meeting new people, and I like being able to help them have a good vacation.”
“So we both help others in different ways.”
“I don’t think it’s quite the same thing, do you?” she asked, but she liked the feeling that he respected her.
“Okay. I think we’re far enough along the track to shift.”
“I think I’m more nervous about this than I was about meeting you for the first time.” In her mind, her bear shuffled uneasily, almost shyly, and Mae wanted to stroke her soft brown fur and tell her it would be all right. To Mae, her bear was magnificent, never afraid, always confident, and it seemed strange that for once their roles were reversed.
“You’ll be fine. Do you want me to go first?” he asked.
“Yes, please.”
He walked away from her, turning once to give her one last lingering look before the air shimmered around him, and for a second he disappeared from view before returning as his bear. Mae stood staring at him, or staring at where he had been, because he was already moving off at speed along the trail. She had no idea what it looked like to see another person shift. She knew that she must have seen her dad change into his bear when she was a child,
but it was one of those things that she had forgotten or had simply blocked out of her mind, as she had blocked out a lot of memories that were too painful to remember.
Concentrating on getting this right, she allowed her bear to take charge, and in an instant, her view of the world changed and she was lumbering after her mate, following his trail through the snow, which lay thicker up here.
It was exhilarating. Her bear, who had spent so long cooped up with nowhere free to run, was ecstatic, filled with the pure joy of freedom. Out here on the mountain, she could allow herself to be one with her other side. They ran, lungs working to breathe in the bitterly cold air, legs propelling them forward, and ears on the alert for danger. With Jay in front of her, she had no doubt there was any danger lurking, no hunter with a gun, which had always been her and Isabelle’s worst fear when Mae was a bear.
Settling into her stride, she lunged forward, trying to catch up with Jay, whose rear she could see not too far ahead. Onwards and upwards they climbed, her lungs burning with the strenuous exercise, but the blood pumping through her veins was full of fire. She trusted him and followed where he led, climbing up steep slopes and jumping over boulders, until at last the mountain gave way to a flat plateau, and he stopped.
There, he shifted back into his human form and stood looking at her. Swallowing down her panic, she stood still, and let her human form come forward. Yet she was hesitant, and for a moment it was as if the process had stalled. He came towards her, placing his hand on her bear hide, and threaded his fingers through her thick, luxurious coat.
“It’s all right, just relax.”
With her eyes locked with his, she felt the world shift, and then she was once more in his arms. He held her close, and turned her to look at the view far below.
“This is what I wanted you to see. This is where I live.”
Below them, she could see the scattered villages, nestled into valleys, which offered shelter from the worst weather. It looked so serene. Smoke drifted up from chimneys but apart from that, it felt as if they were alone in the world.
Here it was so quiet, so peaceful, so easy.
There were no decisions to make, no words needing to be said. She leaned against him and let his warmth flow through her. So this was what is was like to have a mate. Now she could begin to understand how her father had felt towards her mother, and why it had hit him so hard when she died.
Even though they had just met, she felt as if her life was entwined with Jay’s, just as their souls were.
Chapter Ten – Jay
Being here with Mae reminded him of what he loved about the mountain. It was peaceful and quiet, the serenity made more beautiful because of the woman stood next to him. He spent so many days of his life up here; it was the place he loved best in all the world. Living in Grizzly Hollows, he had learned at a very young age to respect the mountain and everything it could throw at you. That was how you survived up here.
As he took in the view before him, and the snow all around him, he admired the rugged beauty of it all and at last began to let himself remember that Rhys had died because of his own foolishness.
Jay had done his best to reach him. The autopsy results had come back, and it was clear that the man had died almost instantly. It was time to let himself move on, to live his new life without guilt for a man who had only come here to cause pain and hurt.
He took in a big breath, allowing it to fill his lungs, his chest puffed out like a bird showing off to his mate, and then he let it go, every single last bit; and with it, he let go of the guilt, too.
“Are you all right?” Mae asked. “I know we don’t really know each other, but I get the feeling there’s something wrong. Is it to do with me coming here?”
“No. No not at all. In fact, I think you coming here has made me realize that I can’t carry guilt around with me. All it does is eat away at you.” He turned his gaze to her. “There was an accident here a couple of days ago. A man died. I tried to dig him out. I tried to save him, but he was already dead. When I reached him and uncovered him… All I can say is that I’ve struggled to get his face out of my head.”
“I know it’s easy to say, but you can’t blame yourself for other people’s actions.” She leaned her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you bringing me here, thank you for running with me. I understand how much this place means to you.”
“It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t leave,” he reminded her.
“Let’s not talk about it now. We’ve only just met, and already we’re trying to work out the rest of our lives. I know from experience how quickly things change, how quickly your world becomes different. I don’t want to think about that now. I want to think about us, us in this exact moment.”
He turned his body so that they were facing each other. Mae tilted her head backwards, and he gazed into her eyes, noting the fire in amongst the ice as flames of desire danced around her pupils. He could gaze into those eyes forever. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, and then kissed her, fiercely wanting her to know how much she meant to him.
Her lips parted, allowing him in. It seemed like a small act of submission, but it meant everything to him. He slid his tongue along her lower lip, feeling her shudder in anticipation. While he kissed her, he slipped his hand down her back, and then further still, until he cupped her bottom and then pressed his hips forward letting her know the extent of his arousal. Tension threaded through her body for a moment and then she relaxed into him, moving her hips slightly so that they brushed against him, driving him crazy.
As his chest crushed hers, he felt the buds of her nipples harden in arousal and knew she wanted him too. She robbed him of his senses, and he tried to remember if there was a cave nearby, somewhere he could take her so he could claim her as his mate.
However, just as he took her hand to lead her to the nearest cave, her phone beeped in her pocket. How did she even have cell phone reception up here?
“It’s Gran.” Mae smiled apologetically. It took her a second to read the text, and then she said, “I have to get back to town.”
“Of course,” he replied. “Is everything OK?”
“I’m not sure. The text says she’s in trouble.”
Beside him, she shifted into her bear, and began to run back down the mountain, with Jay close behind her. Why couldn’t life give him a break? Now he was a horny bear who needed to claim his mate, but that was not going to happen anytime soon.
Such a pity, his bear said, and he had to agree.
Chapter Eleven – Mae
What had Gran been up to? That was what Mae wanted to know. She had only been gone for three hours or so, and it seemed impossible that three elderly ladies, with a vast amount of life experience, could get themselves into trouble in that short space of time.
Mae’s bear ran headlong down the path that they had come up only a short time ago. Despite her growing panic over what trouble her gran could be in, which in her mind ranged from getting into an argument over a cup of coffee to falling down and breaking her other wrist, Mae could not help but feel exhilarated as her bear ran at full speed.
She could hear Jay loping along behind her, she could feel how close he was, and felt awkward that the text from her gran had ended their day early. When they stood together on the plateau, Mae was almost positive that he wanted to take their relationship further. Their physical relationship. Sex. In some ways, her gran’s text had come just at the right time, because she wasn’t sure she was ready for that kind of intimacy yet. Although her bear certainly was.
As they ran down the mountain slope, they were having an internal argument over how far their relationship with Jay was going to go today. Ultimately, Mae knew she was simply putting off the inevitable, and it was only because she was nervous that she wanted to hold back. She had never been with a man, something that was relatively unheard of when a woman got to her age. Yet waiting had seemed the natural thing to do, when she knew that the only man
she was ever going to really love and settle down with was her mate.
She had reached a sharp turn on the path, and she was just about to go left, when Jay caught up with her and shoved her to the right. It was not the way they had come up the mountain, and she slowed and turned to him, questioning him as to why they were going a different way. He nudged her shoulder again, and took off at speed. Knowing she should trust him, she followed.
They reached a place where the path forked and she sensed him slowing, sensed him hesitating, before he picked up speed again and ran on. After another hundred feet, they reached a mountain pass with steep sides. She could see that there had been an avalanche here, and a path had been dug through the snow.
Just before they entered the pass, Jay stopped. Mae ran alongside him and stood with her body pressing against his, feeling his unease. She rubbed her head along his neck and nudged him forward. He turned to look at her, his nose touching hers; his big brown eyes, flecked with amber, looked at her mournfully. She knew this was the place he had told her about, the place where he had found the body in the snow. The place where he thought he had failed.
Here they stood, with him ready to face his demons. She pushed past him, hesitating and turning around to look at him when he didn’t follow. Then she moved forward and kept going resolutely, one foot in front of the other, knowing he would find it difficult not to follow her. Firstly, because she was his mate, and secondly, because he would want to keep her safe.
Sure enough, she sensed him moving behind her, but she didn’t go any faster, she just took her time. About halfway along the path widened, and she knew that this was where Jay had discovered the body. She didn’t stop, she just kept moving. He had to remember that this was a place just like any other. Bad things happened and then you moved on.
Her Choice To Bear: BBW Bear Shifter Dating Agency Romance (Fated and Mated Book 2) Page 4
