“Oh it’s you, Alex.” He stood, laying the book and his glasses on the table. I turned in a circle to marvel at the vast number of books in his possession. His eyes followed my expression. “I can’t bring myself to part with anything. I guess when I love something, I hoard it.”
Well, that explained everything. He kept pictures of his wife and her clothes all through the house. He even had her room exactly as she had left it. And my surreal resemblance to her was shocking. I saw myself at thirty-five.
Looking up at her portrait, I said, “Charles, I have something to tell you.”
“What is it?” He walked around his chair to stand in front of me, reaching for my hands and holding them. His gaze and his voice took a sexual tone. “You look ravishing today. You have a beautiful bloom on your face like a flower that’s ready to be plucked.” That is a word that I would never connect with this sedate and reserved man. Did I miss something? Did I overlook the sexual nature of this man?
“You need to sit, Charles.”
“Only if you sit beside me,” he said without expression, and he pointed to the place near him.
I drew a deep breath and then exhaled. His eyes watched mine and then settled on my mouth. He had this strange look I had seen on Max when Max’s eyes landed on my mouth then he declared that he wanted to fuck it. Clearly Charles would never say that, but I knew what he was thinking.
“I’m pregnant.”
“Marvelous.”
“What do you mean marvelous? I can’t marry you now.”
“If not me, who are you going to marry?”
“No one.”
“Have you thought hard about your decision? What will Max say once he finds out?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
“Now you will have two children by Max. You will never have the freedom that you crave. You are not rich, and you can’t fight a man like that,” he said matter-of-factly.
“I promise you that I will put a stipulation in our agreement that if you marry me, you will have all the money you desire to make you independent of me and anyone, and if you discover that you do not want to be married to me, you are free to go, and I will pay for everything.”
How can I turn down that offer? But my father once said, when something is too good to be true, it probably is. As usual I ignored his words and thought I had done the best for myself with what I had to deal with at this time.
I had forgotten that I was never good with contracts.
I hesitated. Then like a waterfall spilling its contents over a cliff, I said, “I’ll marry you.” Charles lightly kissed my forehead. I liked that he did not push himself on me. I liked that he was a gentleman, and I liked that he had patience.
He held my hand, and we sat together looking out into the sunset. Our gazes locked, and he gave a delicate smile, concealing a predatory expression of satisfaction that I had seen before on Max’s face.
***
My wedding day was approaching. Saturday was the big day. This would be a life-altering occasion. I felt it when my father said that I had been adopted, I felt it when I met Max, I felt it when I found out I was pregnant, and I felt it when I first knew that Max had moved on and I would never have him again.
I tried calling and texting Max, but I received no answers. After our vows were said, then Max would deliver my son to me, and I would tell Max that he would have another child.
Informing Charles that I didn’t want a large wedding had gone well. Because his friends knew his wife for a long time, they were none too happy with me marrying him. The decision to have a small wedding and invite a few family members proved easy on me and a delight. I was too nervous for a large celebration.
It was Friday. Crystal finally made it to Charles’s island home. I was in my room sulking about Max not bringing Maxim. He’d conveniently dropped out of sight. He sent word by Josh that it might traumatize Maxim. In Max’s words, “My son is too young to see his mother marry any man other than his father. It will confuse him.”
I strolled down the winding stairs and heard voices in the library. The shouting was coming from Charles. Since I had never experienced that side of him, I thought it best that I didn’t intrude. When the door opened, I slipped behind it. It was the doctor whom I had met earlier and had examined me, and who had said how remarkably I looked like Charles’s wife.
“You need to tell her, Charles.” I had no idea who the “her” was that he was referring to.
“I have no intention of doing that,” he said, holding a brandy snifter in his hand and taking a large gulp.
“Someone should say something. Maybe I will.”
“If you value your practice and clients, then you will not interfere in my affairs.”
The doctor walked out of the room with Charles looking on. “Let me see you out.”
“I have no problem seeing myself out.” He paused, looking back. “Just remember what I said, Charles.”
The doctor walked slowly out, heading for the nearest door to exit the mansion. Charles closed the double doors to the library. I hesitated with my fist to the door. I decided to knock, and Charles answered, “Come in.”
“I overheard the doctor talking to you,” I said, being secretive as if I knew what the conversation was about. Charles raised an eyebrow and took another drink, his face turning sullen. I added, “I didn’t hear what he said, only that you ‘need to tell her’.” I saw a look of relief wash over him and relax his face. His brow smoothed, and no longer did I see the lines break near his eyes. A wide smile crossed his mouth, and his impeccable white teeth made him appear more handsome.
Charles stood and faced me. He placed his arms around my shoulder, and all felt well. I was no longer worried and unhappy. He held me to him. I looked in his eyes, and I saw not erotic desire but a longing for something lost—the loss of his first love. And if I read it in his eyes, he certainly read it in mine.
Could Charles and I move past everything, especially Max and his wife, and learn to love each other? That would be the million-dollar question. He held me tight and gave me a soft kiss on my lips, which made me feel that it would not be long before I surrendered myself to him.
My need for Mr. Black had waned. I had not felt his arms in months, and I no longer dreamed of him entering and disappearing into my body.
***
Today was the day I would become Mrs. St. John. I had selected an eggshell-white, off-the-shoulder, satin Vera Wang gown. I didn’t want a traditional veil and a church wedding. After all, I was pregnant with another man’s child. We were to have a garden wedding near the beach. I had breakfast early in my room. Crystal was there with her happy self to be my maid of honor. It was good to see her smile again. I didn’t have anyone but Crystal now.
My father at first refused to give me away when I told him of the new pregnancy. I knew it was because he didn’t approve of Charles and of not disclosing my pregnancy to Max, though my father gave no explanation. That’s the way he was. He told you once not to do something, and when questioned he always said, “Because I know best. I’m older than you. If you don’t listen, you’ll learn. You’ll learn.”
Max hadn’t taken it well when I finally contacted him the day before the wedding. He said that he knew of the first Mrs. St. John, and that the only reason Charles was marrying me was because I resembled his first wife. I guess that was never a reason to marry anyone, but coming from Max it sound so perverse.
I looked out over the estate from my bedroom window and saw Charles riding his gray gelding on the beach. He came to the front door, and his groom took the horse. Charles appeared to be so calm. I admired him for that.
Looking at the clock, I saw that it was almost time for me to dress for our wedding. I shook violently as if something was very wrong. I wondered if I would see Max or Jonas since they were not invited. A knock came at the door.
“It’s time, Ms. Bishop,” the housekeeper shouted nervously. “Everything is prepared, and you will be hap
py with the cake and the food. You need to take your shower. Someone will be in to do your hair, and then Crystal and I will help you dress.”
When I exited the shower and wrapped a robe around my body, I walked into the living area to see a somber Crystal fidgeting with her hair, her left leg moving at the speed of light. “What is it this time?”
“Jonas and Josh are both coming to the wedding,” Crystal said in a voice so low I had to lean in to hear her.
“Why would you invite Jonas? I told you to invite people in your family.” I threw a pillow at her in anger. “I had to invite Joshua. You know that, Crystal. He’s my best friend, and I need him for moral support.”
“I’m dating both of them. I couldn’t desert Jonas after all he has been through.” My eyes rolled, my head swung back, and I let out a loud sigh.
“Didn’t I tell you not to have them both hanging on? I told you to do something—anything—and this is what you did?”
Crystal mumbled something and walked into the closet to bring out my dress and shoes.
“I came to you because I thought you could tell me something, seeing that you have been dating two men, and not just any men, but rich men,” Crystal said, sitting on the bed, hunched over and looking at the floor.
I crossed the room and put my hand on her shoulder. “I understand how you feel, but when I decided that I was going to marry Charles, I let Max know, and I didn’t waver. I didn’t want Max to think that I might marry him. And besides, I had another reason for marrying Charles.” But after thinking about what I was doing and had done, it didn’t make sense anymore. I was marrying Charles to give me leverage with Max. I knew that I was using Charles, but if what Max said was true, he was using me as well. We were both getting what we wanted. After all, we are adults, as an arrogant, handsome, sexy billionaire once said.
“You have to make up your mind and live with your decisions,” I said, trying to convince Crystal. I hope I can live with mine, I silently confessed.
“Is that what you’re doing, Alex?” I glanced at Crystal. “Living with your decision?” she said, reading my expression.
“Yes. That’s what you do when you are an adult. Live with your decisions and try not to hurt and get hurt. Nothing is guaranteed in life.”
When our eyes met, the stylist knocked and entered with the maid following. The maid had a smile on her face, and her eyes were bright. She was a young woman who appeared to love the sound of a wedding. Her eyes were full of Prince Charming and live happily ever after.
“It’s your wedding day, Ms. Bishop. Soon you will be Mrs. St. John.” She walked around the cluttered room, chatting and picking up shoes, clothes, and coffee cups.
After the stylist completed my hairstyle with a bun and curls framing my face, she worked on Crystal. I did my own makeup, which was not much. A little eye shadow here, a little lip gloss there, and a little blush, and I was done. With frayed nerves and shaky legs, I stepped into my dress. Crystal took more time with her makeup. She had been practicing for somebody’s wedding since she was a little girl. Her false eyelashes brought out the beauty in her large eyes. She was a pretty girl and didn’t know how to be dishonest.
That was why she confessed about Jonas and Joshua. Nevertheless, she wanted both and probably hoped I could help her keep them both. It was not meant to be because they were two different men and they liked her very much, which was not good.
I knew how much Josh had wanted her because he would call her when he was in Hong Kong. It had been very expensive to talk once a day, but he managed. No doubt he spent his bonus money to keep in contact with her even after he tried to break it off. I think he heard the rumors about her and Jonas and didn’t want to look stupid in my eyes. He liked her and wanted to be more to her, but she was caught up with the bad boy and she couldn’t shake that feeling. And neither could I.
I saw a change in Jonas whenever he was with Crystal. He was calm and pensive. He appeared to think before he did anything. He thoughtfully sent flowers and took her to dinner and brought her roses, something Mr. Black never did.
“It’s time to go,” Crystal said, looking at the clock.
“So soon?”
“What are you going to do, stay in here and have everyone come to the room? Remember, you have to live with your decisions,” she said, eyeing me with a smirk.
Crystal knew the advice I dispensed was a load of shit. We both knew that I couldn’t make up my mind and that Max had made it up for me when he texted me that he would marry soon.
Walking in a daze and missing the only man I had loved, I stumbled with every step down the stairs but managed to make it through the garden doors. Charles had arranged to have beautiful flowers flown in from the nearby islands. Every color was represented. Flowers adorned the walkway and the centerpiece on each of the hundred tables, which were covered with fine white linen, under white tents.
My father took my arm. He stated that he couldn’t desert me. Gazing at me, he said, “You are beautiful.” I heard a traditional wedding ballad and saw my mother on the front row crying, and standing on the stage of the gazebo was Charles in his black tux with a boutonniere in his buttonhole.
I couldn’t help thinking, Let’s get this over with. It was a slow walk to meet the man I would be with for the rest of my life. It was a slow walk to be with a man I didn’t love. It was a slow walk to make promises I couldn’t keep.
Blinded by how handsome Charles was standing in his black tux, I imagined that he was Mr. Black. How I missed that gorgeous, domineering, jealous man. Standing alongside of Charles was his best man, the doctor who had said, “Tell her.” He knew Charles’s secret. I didn’t know they were close friends.
My father in his black suit, a concerned look on his face, stepped aside and released my hand to Charles. There was a somber look on my father’s face—the kind of look that made my hair rise on my neck. Maybe he knew something too. Facing the minister, he began the ceremony. As I looked into the minister’s eyes, they changed and his voice became louder and his words began to speed up.
***
A sudden roar came from the guests, and then the noise died down. I thought it was a squirrel that had scampered across the lawn or a seabird taking a shot at the fancy hats the women were wearing. The minister continued and said, “If anyone should say why these two should not be married, let them speak…”
“I know why.”
“What?”
I turned to see Max bounding from the arms of security guards, and Jonas standing ready to assist his brother. “Let him speak,” Jonas said. Jonas had grown a slight beard and cut his hair in a buzz cut. I hardly recognized him.
Max stood on the carpet midway to the gazebo. The guards came behind him and grabbed both arms. Charles’s eyes narrowed at me.
“I want to hear what he has to say, and then we will get on with the wedding,” I said, trying to hold back my excitement of seeing Max break through a throng of security guards to stop my wedding.
My eyes held Max’s, and he stood in front of me and Charles. I saw tears pool in his green eyes when he stated, “I can’t live without you. I need you. We need you to make our family whole again. Don’t do this, Alex.”
“Those words were touching, but are you finished so I can get on with my wedding?” Charles said, perturbed. His steely eyes met the soft warmth of Max’s tear-drenched face.
Max’s face hardened at the sound of Charles’s arrogant words. His tears dried with a brush of the back of his sleeve.
“No, I haven’t begun. If you don’t want the world to hear this, then you had better postpone this ceremony, and you and Alex meet me in the library so we can talk. That is, without your bodyguards.”
I gazed at Charles with puzzlement. His eyes darted away from mine and he waved for the microphone. “There will be a brief pause in the wedding ceremony for me to address the intruder who has chosen this time to disrupt my wedding. Please have some champagne and food while you wait.” Charles gave a broad sm
ile as if he was in charge of everything and that I should not worry.
The guests mumbled to one another, and then with smiles they rose and were directed by men dressed in black suits with white shirts and white gloves to a tent for food and drinks.
I wasn’t worried. I wanted to see my Mr. Black, even if it was just for a moment. Crystal trailed behind me and cast a glance at Josh, who sat to the left, and Jonas, who sat on the right facing the gazebo. Then Josh and Jonas stared seriously at each other. I hoped they resolve their problems because mine were immediate and complicated.
Heading to the library, I stopped and turned. “Crystal, you can’t come in here. This is between Max, Charles, and myself.” She dropped the train of my gown and showed me her crossed finger. She was always wishing me good luck, and I gave her one back because she would need it with Jonas. Josh, however, went with the flow. He was easy to like, he was easy to love, and he would be easy to say good-bye to if she chose that route.
I entered the library, where a nervous Max paced up and down the Oriental rug, holding a cigar in his hand. He stopped in his tracks, catching a glimpse of our faces, and stated, “Charles, I took this opportunity to enjoy one of your Cuban cigars.” He set it on a holder and then he shoved his hands in his pockets. Maybe that was to conceal the shaking of his hands, but his voice showed no loss of control even as he was out of his element and on Charles’s turf.
However, I knew Max. His body language suggested that it was a matter of life or death for him.
“What is it, Max? Haven’t you done enough damage to me?”
“It’s not what you think, sweetheart.”
“Don’t refer to her as your sweetheart,” Charles said, lowering his voice. He continued, “She is soon to be my wife. Do you understand?”
“That is a matter of opinion,” Max said, reaching for his cigar and taking a pull on it, turning his head to his right and blowing out the smoke.
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