by Lauren Wood
I thought about the ring that was burning a hole in my pocket, and how the hell I was going to bring that up. I didn't know how I was going to do it and it never seemed like the right time. I knew that I was just going to have to let things go and see how it worked out, but I really wasn't that sort of person. I like to be in control. I liked to control things so that they worked out the way I wanted. If I had my hands in something, it just always seemed to work out better for me.
“Good morning Craig.”
“Good morning baby. Did you sleep well?”
She told me that she did, but I could see that there was still something missing in her eyes. Ever since we had that conversation yesterday, things have been a little bit different between us.
“So, what do you want to do today Jeanine?”
She shrugged and told me that she didn't care. I think that it had a lot to do with her outburst yesterday, because she had been a lot more mellow ever sense. Jeanine was embarrassed by the way she acted, whereas, I was still wondering what that meant for us. If she wasn't thinking about marriage, children, or moving here, where was this all supposed to go?
“I know a few places that would be nice. It has been a long time since I've been out to the southern coast, and it might be nice for us to go together. There aren’t as many people, and we would have some time together, so that we could talk.”
She agreed, but didn’t say anymore. I was starting to think that Jeanine was holding a lot in, and I wanted to know what. Whether she knew it or not, she was my life now and I wanted her to be happy.
The ring that had been burning a hole in my pocket, I decided to take with me. I don't know why, but for some reason I was convinced that today was the day to give it to her. I was going to give it to her under false pretense, so that she wouldn't get his irritated about it.
Lisbeth had already noticed that she didn’t have her wedding ring on and I knew that others would as well. We had church in the morning and I didn't want to have to explain it not on her finger like with the maid. I didn't want to have to explain anything, but I knew that if you didn't answer questions, they were going to think whatever they want to do and sometimes it was worse. I had a reputation to withhold in this town.
We got dressed and it wasn’t like yesterday morning. We didn't have sex and even though I wanted to come out about the marriage and say it, I wanted to put it off at the same time. There was so much up in the air now but every time I touched her, every time I made love to her, I just made it worse. What if she really was going to go home and we weren’t going to see each other again? The idea of it, made my throat close up a little bit.
She got out of the shower and got dressed. She did so right in front of me and I think in a way, she was teasing me. I wasn't going to take the bait though. There was a lot on my mind and sex was only going to cloud it up even more. I needed a clear head, so that I could get myself a clear conscience.
“What do you want to do with breakfast?”
She barely touched her plate in front of her and I asked if she wasn’t hungry. She’d been quiet and Jeanine was acting different than what I was used to.
“I'm done Craig. I never was much of a big breakfast person.”
I told her that I didn't know that, and I made a mental note to tell Lisbeth that she didn’t need to make the effort any more. If all she wanted was coffee and some toast, it was good that Lisbeth got used to what the woman of the house wanted. I know that she wasn't sure about the situation, but at the end of day, she was my maid. I know that her family knew my family, but I couldn't let her step over bounds this time.
We left out of the house and instead of walking everywhere like I usually do, I wanted to go a little bit further and we got in my car. She hadn't seen it before, because it was parked in the back and she smiled at me.
“As much as I love the weather here, I am glad to see something with some air conditioning, I'm not going to lie.”
“It has been so long since I've been in America and witnessed air conditioning. I guess you just, get used to it after a while, because when I visit America now, everything seems cold. You go into a gas station and you think you're going to freeze to death.”
She agreed, but I had a feeling that she would rather freeze to death, than bake alive like we did sometimes. But instead of saying anything about it, Jeanine just smiled as I turned it up and let the air blow in her face. It was the first smile I'd had seen since last night and it was one that I was going to treasure.
We went to the coast and it took about an hour to get there. I had a place out there, that had plenty of vineyards and just beautiful sceneries, that I hoped she would find as compelling as I did. I was trying to get her to stay here, which meant that I had to show her all the reasons that she should.
I could've gone anywhere, especially with education that I had, but I came back home. This was the only place I wanted to be, and there were more reasons than my job and what that entailed. It was the water, the air, the color of everything. I wanted her to see it the same way.
“So where are we Craig?”
“This is my second house, I guess what you Americans would call a summer house. Really, I come out here when the weather is good, and I want to get away for a little bit. It is extra helpful when my phone doesn’t work because then I don’t get pulled away all the time.”
“What happens to your clients?”
“They find someone else, or they wait. It’s just that simple.”
“Oh.”
There was no telling what was going on in her mind, but I pulled it away from the subject and tried to connect her to the land, if that meant later, connecting with me. I was willing to try anything at the moment. I didn’t want to say that I was desperate, but it wouldn’t be too far off.
“You have a very strange life Craig. You know, that right?”
“I wouldn't say that Jeanine. Maybe it seems strange from where you come from, but here it is normal. You would not believe how many times I got to go in the middle of the night to take care of something.”
“Like last night?”
I pressed my lips together and turned away. Jeanine wanted to know everything, but in reality, she really didn't need to. The things that she was thinking of, the thoughts going through her head, were not at all correct. She needed to understand that I kept certain things from here because it was for her safety, not mine.
“Just trust me when I tell you that you don't have to ever worry about it.”
I can tell that Jeanine did not like that answer at all, but there was nothing else I could say. She hadn't even thought about staying here, so how could I bring her into my world? I didn't even know if she was going to stay now.
13
Jeanine
It was beautiful on the coast and his second house was just as pretty as the first. Something was off rather quickly and there were several men that came over, needing to see Craig. I was not introduced to them, and he told me that he would be back in a few minutes, once someone whispered something in his ear.
They all went off in a room together and spoke quietly. I could only imagine what they were talking about. Maybe Craig was right, this was normal here, but it didn't seem that way to me. It seemed like he was hiding something, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it.
When he came back out, he looked a little distressed and I asked him what was wrong.
“Well, I need to go for a little bit. People have been trying to call me and I've been stuck out here without any phone service. That's why they're here”
“So, they came all the way out here just to get you to come back?”
Craig said it was so and I wasn't sure what to think. It was becoming very clear to me that things were a lot different here, but it wasn't just that. There was something else that was in nagging at me that I wasn't sure about.
I wanted to know more, so I pressed him a little bit on some details. None were forthcoming. He had every intention of leaving me here by myse
lf, with only a few staff available.
I was assured that they would get me anything that I needed, and I didn't doubt it, but I wasn't here for fancy dining and a nice view of the ocean. I was here for Craig, but it seemed like Craig always had something else to do. When I asked him where he was going, he didn't really answer me. He just pushed it out of my mind and told me not to worry about it. As soon as he told me to essentially drop it though, it just made me want to know more.
I watched him go and I was filled with several different emotions at once. I felt like he was lying to me about something.
There wasn't much to do at the house, much like the other one. It was beautiful, had nice furnishings and the best views, but there wasn't a lot of personal things there. It almost felt like he didn't actually live here.
I was served dinner at this beautifully decorated table, but I was there by myself. Even though he told me that he would try to be back soon, Craig was nowhere in sight. Again, I went to sleep on a bed that I was unfamiliar with and I was alone.
I was starting to rethink everything and questioning again why I was here. The man that I thought was so perfect for me, had a lot of secrets and until I knew what they were, there was no way that I could move forward with him. I felt like he wasn't being honest with me and I just wanted to know why.
I woke up with a start and it took me a minute to remember where I was and who was in front of me. Craig was standing over the bed and he apologized rather quickly about having to leave.
“I hate that I had to do this two nights in a row Carla. I hope you can forgive me.”
“How could I not Craig? You are a doctor and you take care of people. There is not much that I can say to that. I knew that before I came here.”
What I left out was the fact that I didn't really believe him anymore. I believed that he was a doctor, that was clear. But I was starting to question what kind of doctor he was.
Many people had come up to him, to that him, slip him money. When I started to think about it, I realized that it is a different sort of person that was thanking him. They wore flashy clothes like him, had nice shoes, and they had an air to them that I wasn't familiar with.
It was dark in the room and he talked about going and getting a shower again. That seemed to be something that he wanted to do he got back and again I asked if you wanted any company, and again he told me that he didn't.
I'd only been here a couple of days and the picture that I had of Craig in my head was changing very quickly. He was not the man I thought he was at all. So then the question was, what sort of man was he then?
“You look worried Jeanine, what is the matter?”
He was coming towards me in a towel and I couldn’t meet his gaze. I couldn't really think when he was that close to me, especially when he didn't have any clothes on. I didn't even have to look down, to know that he was hard, he was always hard. The man was always ready, and it would've been so easy to move into his arms and forget about everything. Most likely, that was what I should have done.
“I'm not worried Craig. I just thought that we would spend more time together. I didn't realize that they were going to call you out so much, that you were in such high demand here. “
I hadn't even seen a hospital around, and I was starting to think that he was one of the doctors that did house calls. I didn't get to see if he had any blood on his clothes, and when he started to come towards me, I sidestepped him and told him that I needed to use the bathroom.
I got in there and started to look around a little bit. I don't know what I was looking for, some clue or something to tell me what was going on, but there was nothing.
It was only when I moved the gold shower curtain out of the way, that I saw his pile of clothes. I picked them up and looked over them. I felt like a little bit of Nancy Drew at the moment, and I was looking for some red dots that I knew were going to be there. It didn't take long for me to find exactly what I was looking for, and while there was almost a relief that I had found it, telling myself that I wasn't crazy, there was also a side of me that didn't know what that meant.
Why was he coming home with blood on him? Again?
I heard a loud knock on the door and I jumped a little bit. I don't know why my nerves were suddenly as bad as they were the first day. I was starting to question everything, had been most in the day, and now it was even worse. Craig was keeping something from me, I was sure of it. But was it really my place to ask him about it? I mean, it wasn’t like we were married or something.
“Are you okay in there?”
“Yeah baby. I will be out in a minute. You can’t rush me and if you stand by the door, I will never be able to go. I think I had too much wine.”
I heard him chuckle on the other side. “Good enough Jeanine. I will leave you be. I just don’t know what is going on with you. You’ve been acting strange since I got back.”
I bit my tongue because I wanted to show him the shirt and ask him what was going on. I wanted to know, because it was going to bother me until I found out. And if I wanted to know something, I always found out.
Then again, I kept thinking that maybe I didn’t want to know. Nothing good was going to come from the truth. Not this time around anyways. I just had this feeling and I couldn’t shake it.
I got out of the bathroom and he was waiting on the bed for me. The towel was gone and before too long, so was my head. Craig had a way of driving me crazy and this was one of those times. All of the curiosity that I had was just going to have to wait. I had my mind on something else at the moment, something far different than late night emergencies and blood on his shirt. That was for another day.
14
Craig
There was definitely a different vibe in the house. While me and Jeanine had sex when I got home from being called out last night, something was different. She was looking at me like she didn't trust me, and that was probably the worst part of all. I wanted her to trust me, needed her to and that meant that I was going to have to tell her more than I wanted to. I just didn't know how to do it. It seemed like the secrets and lies were stacking up between us, and I wasn't sure how to fix it.
We drove back to the main house the next morning and Jeanine didn't say a lot on the way there. She was very quiet, and I could tell that she had something on her mind. But unlike before, Jeanine was keeping it to herself. I don't know what it was, but I knew that it wasn't good.
“So how do you like it here so far?”
“It is definitely different Craig. I'm glad I came.”
Her answer was reserved, and of course it wasn't the one that I wanted. I wanted her to love the place like I did, so that she wouldn’t want to go anywhere else. I had a feeling that was the only way I was going to get her to.
“I have been many places Jeanine, but I've never found a place like this. I fall in love with it every time I come back home.”
“I can see that, it's beautiful. It would be easier if I grew up here, and I knew the culture and the way people were. but I have a feeling that I was not prepared for the culture shock when I got here. It is far different than I'm used to, as you know from being in America before.”
She did not allude to what those differences were, and I wasn't stupid enough to ask her. I thought that she wanted me to comment on it and that kind of made me nervous. I didn't want to have one of those talks today, because it didn't turn out well. I was still under the impression that everything would get swept underneath the rug, like it always did. That's what I was used to.
“Well. I guess I will just have to show you some more bits of the island to make you fall for this place. Then maybe I can get you to stay.”
She didn't answer me, but she didn't do a quick glance over at me. I was biting my tongue again, sure that she was going to shut me down quickly, but she didn't. I didn't think that that was a good sign, but it was a sign that she was holding more in.
I don't like this tension between us, so I knew that I was going to have to say so
mething. There was always a chance that it was going to turn out to be the wrong thing, but I had to try. I had to bite the bullet.
“If you have something that you need to ask me Jeanine, I wish you would. I feel this tension between us and I don't like it at all. I know you can feel it too.”
She sighed in relief and I knew then that she did have something to ask me. I wasn't sure if I had set myself up for failure or not, but I knew I was about to find out.
“I just want to know where you went last night. That is two nights in a row that you just took off, without telling me anything. It is certainly not something that I'm used to, and I don't think that I’m going to ever get used to it. It would be one thing if I knew where you were going, but I have no idea what you were doing or where you even were last night. You had blood on your shirt...”
I put my hand on her hi knee and tried to reassure her that it wasn't that big of a deal.
“I was just going up for work, I told you that. When somebody calls and they need help, how can I refuse them? Would you really want me to?”
“I am not saying that you should, I just don't understand why you can't tell me anything. If that is what you were out there doing, why do you come home in the state you are in?”
“People get hurt around here Jeanine, and they bleed. I promise you that I am not lying to you. I was taking out a bullet from someone’s chest after I left you last night. A person's life was in the balance, or nothing would have pulled me away from you. You have to believe that.”
That seemed to open up the door for more questions. She wanted to know why they hadn't went to the hospital, or why they were calling me. She also wanted to know why no one else can take care of it.
“I mean, it isn't like you are the only doctor here right?”
“No, I never said I was. There are a couple of surgeons on the island, but some still call me. “
