by Lauren Wood
When I finally did get to sleep, I just tossed and turned a lot. I had woken up for the eighth time and it was finally enough. I was sick of trying to sleep, so I got up and got dressed. I went down to the kitchen and started to make some breakfast.
Lisbeth came in and started to say something in Spanish. I told her that I didn't understand what she was saying, so there was no point in us talking.
“What are you doing?”
The fact that she knew English so well surprise me and I turned around to see her face. She had this little smirk and I knew that she was undoubtedly thinking I was an idiot at the moment.
“Well, let’s see if you can understand this better.”
“I do understand. I am here making some breakfast. That's all.”
“Does Craig know you are here?”
“No, I guess he doesn't. I slept in the guest room last night.”
“She made a tsking sound and shook her head from side to side.”
“That is not good.”
“No, I guess a husband and wife, should stay in the same room, shouldn't they?”
“I see that you know.”
I was starting to think that everybody in the town knew about it besides me. I don't know how I was supposed to feel about all of it, but I did want to ask her some questions. I knew that she was going to tell me the truth, for some reason, I just knew that. I wanted to know more about Craig and her granddaughter.
“I heard about your granddaughter.”
“He was in love with her. That was who he was seeing when you too started talking. I could see him changing, pulling away from Angela, but I never thought that he would leave her. I never thought that he would leave her for you. A woman that doesn't even want to be married to him. Angela would have married him in a heartbeat.”
This was something that I heard of and understood rather intimately. What women would do for Craig. I wanted to say that I didn't care, what he did, or who he did it with, but that wouldn't be the truth. I still desired him just as much as I had before finding out everything. I don't think that part would ever go away, and I still don't like the idea of him with anybody else.
“So that is why you do not like me?”
“I do not like you for many reasons, but that is surely one of them. You do not know the good thing that you have here, and you just throw it away. Many women would kill for marriage with Craig.”
“Well, most women would have known about it, I guess.”
She looked at me rather strangely and I just waved her off. I certainly wasn't going to talk to her about it, because she was the last person that wanted to help.
Lisbeth went back to Spanish as she left, undoubtedly cussing me out in her own language. I didn't really know what she was saying, but she left the kitchen and I was going to take that as a win. I wasn't under the same ideas of her, or anybody else here. I wasn't going to be happy that he married me, when I didn't even know what was happening. That was last thing that I was going to do.
I made some toast while the coffee was finishing up and then I went outside to the porch. I hadn't been out here since the first night, the one where we made out on the swing and we had talked for a while. I know that it was only a week ago, but it felt like forever now. So much had happened since then.
I was looking at the town around me, and it was waking up slowly like I was. I saw a few people out on the porch as well, getting out of the house and starting their morning routine. It was strange to think that the rest of the world could keep on going, like nothing had happened. When everything was changed in my world.
“I see you have found my favorite place to be in the morning, when I’m not next to you in bed.”
His voice was still enough to get me rattled. All I had to do was hear it, and something inside of me started to vibrate. I wanted to travel back in time and I wished that yesterday hadn’t happened. I wanted to go back to the day before.
“I can see why this would be one of your favorite places. It is certainly pretty, especially with the sun coming up. I haven't been waking up early since I've been here, and I feel like it's a waste now. I didn't know it was so pretty out here.”
He came down to sit beside me, but I could tell that he wasn't sure what to do with himself. He was walking on egg shells, and I didn't want it to be this way. I was sure that we could work it out, I just wasn't sure how.
“So, are you still mad at me?”
I looked at him and made a sound. Of course, I was still mad at him. After all the lies he made me believe. How could I not be?
“I just don't understand why you did it? I mean, how did you think it was going to go? Did you really think that I wouldn't be upset?”
“Actually, I didn't. I thought that you would find it romantic, I don't know what I was thinking. I really don't.”
“So, when I asked you the other day if there was anything you wanted to tell me, that didn't come to your mind?”
“It did, trust me. But I could already see that you weren’t going to take it very well and I didn't know how to tell you. I was hoping that the longer you were here, we would get closer and then you would see it as a good thing. That is what I was hoping would happen. But now I know that I was wrong.”
“So what are we supposed to do about this?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean we are married, and we shouldn't be. So, we need to get that fixed.”
“I was hoping that you would decide to stay married. I know that this is soon, and you want to get to know each other a little better, but nothing is going to change. I'm still going to love you no matter how long it takes. I just hope that you will give us a chance.”
I didn't know what to say, but I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to stay married to him. There was no way that we could start a marriage like this. With all these lies. I didn't want to start a marriage that I didn't even know about. No matter what his reasoning was, I couldn't let this stand. I don't think I'm going to be able to just get over this Craig. As much as I care about you, I can't understand. We are going to have to get a divorce.”
18
Craig
“We can't get a divorce Jeanine. My culture doesn't accept divorces.”
Your culture is the reason that we are here. You said that this was just a small ceremony for your culture, but it wasn't. I can't see how your culture wouldn't let us have a divorce. We should get an annulment. I didn't know that we were getting married. You know that. Are you telling me that you will fight it?”
Jeanine was working herself up, while I tried to calm her down. Last thing I wanted to do was get her upset, but it didn't look like there was going to be another choice. She couldn't see it the way I did. We loved each other, we were going to be together, so I didn't see why she would want to go and ruin it.
“I am telling you that you will not be allowed to divorce me. It is not how the laws are here.”
“Well if that is the case, then I'm going to need to go home. Because the laws are that way there. There is no way that they will make me stay married to you. It was a lie, and you know it.”
I was fighting a losing battle. I was starting to see that now. While I wanted to just lock her away for a little while, until she had made up her mind, I knew that I couldn't. I knew I had to let her go to let her do what she wanted to do, even if that meant divorcing me. The very idea of it made my head hurt.
“I don't want you to go Jeanine. I don't want you to go at all, but I certainly don't want you to go before the weekend. You were supposed to stay here that long and I would like you to stay. Can't we just forget about this?”
I knew the answer to that before I even asked. She was not going to let this go, and from the way she was acting she was ready to go now. It was one of those times, that I didn't want to let her go. I knew that I was going to have to though. I was just going to have to hope that we really were meant to be together and that she would somehow find a way back to me. It was a tall order, to say t
he least.
“I think it would be best if I went Craig, surely you can see that it is the right answer. After everything that has happened.”
“You know that I don't want you to go.”
It didn't really matter what I wanted though. I could see that much in her face. She was upset with me and right now there was nothing good that was going to come of us being together in this way. I didn't know what was going to happen, and that was the worst part of all. I didn't even want to think about the idea of losing her.
“I know, but I think that I have to. You have stepped over a lot of lines and while I know that our cultures are different, that doesn't excuse it. You were in America long enough to know that we at least like to get consent, before we get married.”
She had me there and all I could do was agree. I knew that I was wrong and that I had done something to ruin her trust in me.
“I know Jeanine. I really don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking, I know that I can't keep apologizing because it's not going to change anything. I did what I did, and we are married. I wish they would just give us a chance though. We had talked about this before so it's not like we're complete strangers and this was never in the cards for us.”
She was irritated with me and had this exasperated look on her face. Her expression was priceless, and I could tell that I was just making things worse. I really needed to shut my mouth because I was just digging the grave deeper.
“You really just don't get it do you?”
Get what? I get why you’re upset, but I don't get why you want to run away. We are married now. We should at least make a go of it.”
“This is not a marriage Craig, this is nothing like a marriage. What you need to understand is that this with all done without me knowing it. We can't be married if I didn't say yes. And I couldn't say yes because I didn't know what was going on. You tricked me, and you know it. Why are you trying to make this harder than it has to be? It’s hard enough as it is.”
I told her that it wouldn't be annulled, simply for the fact that we had consummated it. I know that's not what she wanted to hear, but I wanted her to know. The last thing that I wanted to do was upset her anymore, but I wanted her to get the idea out of her head.
“I'm just asking for some time. Just let it sink in, give us some time. Don't you think we at least deserve that?”
I was trying to convince her softer side, the one that I knew better than the hard side, I saw before me.
“I just can't do this right now Craig. I don't even know what to say. You are acting like this is no big deal, but it is. And you know it is.”
“I just don't want to lose you over something like this.”
“Then you shouldn't have done it.”
She was right again, but that didn't help anything. Knowing that she was right, it didn't make the way I felt any different. I just wanted her to get over this, so that we can move on. I really didn't see what the big deal was, because I knew that we were supposed to be together. I was just making it happen a little faster and I kept thinking that she would calm down soon enough. Then she would see that it wasn't as bad as she was making it out to be. It was supposed to be romantic.
“So, what do you want to do?”
“I want to go home Craig. That is all that I want to do right now. I don't want to fight with you, and I don't want to argue. When I send you the divorce papers, I want you to sign them. And then we will see what is left.”
None of the things she described was anything that I wanted to be a part of. I didn't want to divorce, it wasn't even recognized in my religion and I meant that when I said it. Whether she got the paperwork changed, and somehow got her divorce, I knew that it wasn't going to make a difference to me. We would always be married in my eyes. I kept telling myself that I had done the right thing, even though everything was crashing down around me.
“I will do whatever you ask. But just know that we will always be together, whether you get paperwork saying otherwise or not. You will always be my wife. When you are ready to come back, I'll be waiting for you.”
“I don't think that's going to happen Craig. After everything that has went on here, I don't think it's going to happen at all. I thought for a while that we were perfect for each other, I really did, but things have changed, haven't they? You are not at all who you said you were, and I fell in love with a different man.”
“That is not true. I am everything that I said I would be and so are you. We were meant to be together, that is why you're here. You know that. You know that this is supposed to happen, but you're scared, so you're running away.”
“That may be so Craig. But I'm not ready to get married. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to get married. I don't think it'll turn out well.”
I wanted to assure that she would be back. I just knew that she would. But I don't want to sound too cocky about it.
Instead of strapping her down and making her stay with me, I got her a plane ticket and watched her go. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, but I knew that it was necessary. I don't know how it was going to happen, but I knew that she would be back.
19
Jeanine
I still had a week off from work and I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how it was supposed to be now. For the last several months, I had been talking to Craig pretty much every night. I spent the whole week waking beside him in bed. It was hard to adjust from that, to nothing.
Now instead of talking to him before I went to sleep, I was instead forced to toss and turn in the bed, thinking about him instead. But I couldn't feel him, and I couldn't talk to him. That was the worst part of all.
When my second week of vacation was over, I was ready to get back to work. It was only but a distraction from what was going on in my head, but I welcomed it. All I could think about was Craig and I still wasn't answering his calls. I knew that it wasn’t for the best, because he would get in my head. He always did.
Several people that I worked with knew that I'd went to see Craig and I didn't talk much about what happened. I just said that I had a good time and he was great. I didn't want to admit what had really happened. But then I talked to Candy. She was the only person that really knew what was going on, and I needed her help. Her husband knew a lot of people, and in particular, I was looking for a good divorce lawyer.
I didn't want to really talk about it over the phone, so we agreed to meet up later in the day. I hadn't seen anybody since I got back, and it seemed like it was time. The more I thought about it, the more I knew that I was just going to have to do this. I didn't want to, but I had to. I couldn't stay married to him, there was no way.
“So, tell me what is going on Jeanine. You sounded really freaked on the phone.”
“I guess I did huh? I need you to talk to your husband and see if one of his friends can help me. I don't know what else to do, but I need a good lawyer.”
“What happened?”
She looked worried and I told her that everything was fine.
“So then, what do you need a lawyer for?”
I didn't want to tell Candy, not really, but I knew I was going to have to. I knew when I called her that I was going to have to spill it all. A part of me wanted to tell somebody what he had done, what happened while I was gone. How all of my hopes and dreams had somehow been crushed and now I was left to pick up all the pieces.
I gave her the quickest version that I could think of. I didn't put in how much I cared about him, or how good he felt when he was touching me. I couldn't say those things because they still killed me. I had imagined what could happen between us, but now there was nothing. Now I was talking to my friend about a divorce lawyer, for my marriage that I hadn't even really agreed to.
“So, you're married right now?”
I shook my head and told her that I was.
“Crazy huh?”
“Yeah, that is crazy. Is that guy nuts or something? I mean I don't get it. How do you get married and
not know that you're getting married?”
“Because I didn't know my Spanish very well, and I don't think he's nuts. Craig is far from nuts, trust me. He is a doctor. Very good from what I hear. I think that he thought it would be romantic. Our cultures are very different.”
Candy sat back in her chair and took a sip of the water in front of her.
I didn't know how supposed to feel about all of this, but I knew that I had to do something about it.
“So, you need to get divorce?”
“Yes.”
“And is he going to agree to it?”
“I think so. He told me that he would do whatever I wanted, but I don't think that he really wants to.”
“This guy really loves you, doesn't he?”
Her question threw me off because it was not the first thing that most people would think of. I was duped into marrying him, he had set me up, conned me, so I wasn't thinking about how much he loved me. I guess that he did though, he had to right?
“Maybe, but that certainly isn't the way to show somebody that you love them. He shouldn’t have done it this way. He should have told me about it, asked me like a normal person. It wasn't romantic.”
She had this dreamy look on her face and for the life of me, I would have guessed that she wished that she was in my situation. As crazy as it sounded, I felt like that was how she felt. That somehow, she could understand what Craig had done. I just couldn’t.
“It is romantic, if you see it the right way. It would have been a hell of a story to tell your children. It is really sweet.”
I told Candy that obviously she lost her mind. There was nothing romantic about someone marrying me without my consent. But then I forgot who I was talking to. She had married her husband when she was drunk and in Vegas. It had worked out for them, so Candy liked to think that it would work out for everybody. I don't think that was the case at all.
