Juanita plates the food and hands it to me through the opening between the dining room and kitchen. I nod, thanking her, and make my way over to the seat by the front window.
The day looks to be perfect as the sun shines and the birds chirp. I forgot how quiet this place can be, and it freaks me out a little.
I think I chose New York City as my escape because the noise was deafening compared to here. I went on a class trip my sophomore year, and of all the things to remember, the noise is what stuck with me. It drowned out everything, and I finally felt like I could breathe.
Right after I moved there, I was certain I made a mistake. I could swear I saw Nate in every face I looked at. The fear and doubt would flood through my brain, especially at night. However, I dove head first into school and kept myself as busy as possible. Then time passed, and I grew more mature and aware of what I wanted to do with my life. Then I got into a full-time relationship with my work. Like a dog, I worked impossible hours at the marketing firm. After three years, someone finally took notice.
I got better accounts, added to major projects, and by the time I was canned, I was in line to become partner. I would have been the first female partner in twenty-five years, and I wanted like hell to have that job. I needed to nail the Master Innovation’s account. I had to have the best proposal to offer the partners. Until then, I had no idea who Daniel was.
Of course, it was not the same for him. He somehow knew we were both up for partner yet didn’t disclose that to me. He played me. All I was told by my boss was the best candidate would be selected from two different people.
As I had my nose stuck in my work, Daniel was working overtime, too. When he saw how great I was at my job, he knew I was his only competition to becoming partner. Therefore, he came out of the woodwork, played with my heart and my kindness. He knew what he was doing when he got involved with me, and it wasn’t to have an intimate relationship. Oh, he screwed me all right, in more ways than one. He made it seem like he was not ready for the responsibility of holding a position like that. Then, when the time was right, he swooped in and stole my opportunity.
The moment I was asked into the boardroom by Mr. Greene and saw the entire board staring at me, I knew something was wrong. Daniel was on the other end, looking like I had never seen him. He accused me of stealing his proposal for the multimillion dollar potential clients when it was me who had done it all. I had to watch my world fall apart before me. The years upon years of dedication and a month spent on developing this presentation went to shit as Daniel blatantly lied.
Nothing I could say or do was proof enough that he stolen all of it from me. Then suddenly, I am a major liability to the firm. I was the delusional woman. He even blew off me living with him as a fatal attraction kind of thing. He said I was a stalker but a good lay, and that was why he kept me around. The old assholes seemed to like that one as they smiled at him with approval.
He is the most ruthless person I have ever encountered. I have never in my life met and befriended someone so conniving, someone who would toss a person away so carelessly for their own selfish needs, but he did. Then I paid the ultimate price.
My things were boxed, security walked me out, and that was that, the end of Madison Stone, partner at JBC Marketing Corporation.
Thinking of the other day makes my appetite vanish after only a few bites of eggs and bacon. I am really in no mood to eat. I need to find a place to live and a job.
The only good thing is they gave me three months worth of severance pay when I left the firm, but it won’t last long. It makes me sick to my stomach. I put all those years into my career, only to be left unemployed. If I go back to the city, I will have to start from the bottom again and work my way back to where I was. Only, this time, I am six years older, and a new crop of cut throat, diehard sharks are all ready for the feeding. Do I really have the desire to claw my way back to the top?
The newly graduated college students are willing to do what they can to get ahead. I know; I used to be one of them. I would do anything, within reason, to get the job I always wanted.
I guess, if I wanted to get anywhere with my old bosses, maybe I should have ignored the reason and got down on my knees right when I was hired. They are assholes who would have been accepting of that. A few of them hire escorts to get the thrill of being bad. I have had the uncomfortable pleasure of walking in on one of the partners while he was balls-deep in some skank.
However, I am not a tramp, and I will not whore myself out to get ahead. It is cliché, and you would think all that workplace crap happened twenty years ago, but it still occurs. The big wigs who do it simply have the money and clout to defend themselves, which leaves it out of the papers, for the most part.
My thoughts break away the moment Nate comes strolling into the guest house. He is carrying a bag of tools in his right hand. He has that rough, gritty look about him, as if he just got done working on the car, yet mirrors a sexy Adonis-type of guy. Grungy hot, I guess is what I would call it. He looks so utterly different it blows me away. I can’t get a good view of his front, because he refuses to face me, but he knows I am there. It is impossible not to see me as you walk into the dining room.
He walks into the kitchen and talks with Juanita. His voice is gruff and low, exactly like it was yesterday, and he just appears so rigid. I take the opportunity to look at his backside, though.
He is wearing a worn pair of light-wash blue jeans that are stained with grease and hang on him perfectly. One of the back pockets is torn slightly, making his black boxers visible through the hole, and his ass … Yeah, it is pretty perfect.
I move my eyes up and get a good look at his shoulders. Although they are cut and formed with lean muscle, they seem to be weighted down immensely. My mind starts to wander as I try to imagine what happened to him and why he wears his agony like a weighted, winter coat.
Nate turns around to walk from the house and connects his steel, gray-blue eyes with mine. He glares at my presence, and I can see his jaw tighten from the mere sight of me. Yeah, he really does hate me now.
As he gets closer, I can see last night’s cut on his lower lip and the purplish bruise under his eye. His knuckles are scraped and scabbed, and it is quite apparent he has been in a fist fight.
I glare back at him, disgusted with the sight of him. I am over his attitude. Yes, I know I screwed up and could have handled the situation better, but I was a nineteen-year-old kid. I could barely get a handle on my life as it was, and to do what he asked … That was impossible. He should be thanking me, not hating me. He saved himself from the inevitability of a disastrous future.
He clears his throat. “Two weeks, Madison. Then you need to find somewhere else to go. That’s—”
“Got it!” I snap back. I really don’t care what else he says to me right now. Besides, I don’t plan on staying that long. I just want a couple of days to recoup, and then I will get in my car and perhaps head to the west coast. I always wanted to go to California. Maybe this is the universe telling now is a good time to leave.
I pull into the drive just after three a.m. It has been a long night, and I am ready to shower then drink myself into oblivion. I am feeling good, but I am nowhere near oblivion yet. After the fight, I went to a local bar in town and drank fairly heavily until the locals started taking notice. Not in the mood for another fight, I chose to leave and continue to achieve my whiskey haze at home.
I huff out loud when I think of the physical state of oblivion. It is the result many search for when they drink, and something I always despised, but now it is all I look forward to. The whiskey haze is all I crave. It is my solace, my Band-Aid to the pain over the last ten years, especially since my family died. After the last one passed a year ago, booze and fighting is all I look forward to. When that can’t help me, standing on the brink of death at the cliffs seems to snap me back to the life I hate.
My arms are sore, and my side aches, but my pockets are three grand richer. This will be enou
gh to pay the bills for next month if we don’t get any business. If I keep up my success, I will be able to add that much more money to the small stash I have been putting away.
I walk through the door and head straight for the kitchen where I pull the bottle of Bushmills from the cupboard and pour it into a glass. Normally, I like my whiskey on ice with a little water, but tonight, I need it straight from the bottle. I tip my head back, downing the drink, then pour myself another glass.
I was stone sober when I found Madison on the cliffs, though I wish I had been wasted out of my mind. Maybe, if I had been drunk, I would have had the nerve to leave her passed out, drunk in the grass. Then she wouldn’t be sleeping in the guest house; she would physically be out of my life.
It was impossible to sleep last night. The weight of knowing she was here almost broke me in half, and I was consumed with rage and frustration.
Initially, I thought the fight would calm my anger, but it only subdued it slightly. Consequently, I determined maybe a woman could help me, that all I needed to do was work it off in the bedroom. I called a regular of mine, drove to her house in the middle of the night, and bent her over the arm of the couch. I slammed into her several times, releasing the pent up stress and anger, then left her naked and satisfied. Now, I am gaining all the emotions back again, though. Every sober moment, she is on my mind.
I simply don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want to admit to myself how I actually feel inside. I will stick with the anger, and when that doesn’t work, I will seek a state of oblivion.
I move from the kitchen and sit back in my recliner. I turn my head to the side and look at the picture on the side table. It is hard not to think about what might have been every time I pick up the frame. Where would my life be if she had said yes, if all my dreams had come true that night?
With the bottle in my hand, I disregard the cup and simply drink, wanting to obliterate Madison from my thoughts. I close my eyes, trying to think of nothing, but until I drink more, she always manages to show up.
My stomach is swarming with nervous butterflies. The very thought of what I am about to do gives me this out of control yet amazing feeling all through my body. I have dreamed about how this moment would happen, about what I would say, about what she would say. Now the dream is finally happening. It is moments away.
I know I am crazy. If you were to ask Maddie about our relationship, she would tell you we are best friends, nothing more. Yet, if you were to ask me about us, I would tell you the exact opposite. Did I realize it immediately? Absolutely not. However, I think I have loved her from the moment I met her, even if it took me this long to finally understand what love really is.
There was once a time when I only ever considered Maddie as a friend, but the past year, being her best friend has been a cover. I have been thinking about her in so many other ways, and deep down, I know Maddie feels the same. She gives me this look every time I have to hold her after her father goes crazy. She looks at me like she could never live without me, and I am ready to tell her I feel the same way.
I called her an hour ago and told her to meet me on the cliffs, that I had a surprise for her. She is always into my stupid little stunts, so I am sure she will think it is related to that, but she is in for a shock.
She has said countless times that she is ready to break free from Crestbrook, but I cannot allow that to happen. I need to give her a reason to stay; therefore, I am going to ask Maddie to be my wife. If I ask her to be my girlfriend, I think she would still leave. However, if I ask her to be my wife, then it isn’t her she has to think about; it’s us.
I will be the reason she stays. I know she won’t leave. I know her. She needs me as much as I need her. We are lost without each other. She is the other half of me.
I didn’t think it was possible to feel this devoted connection to someone, especially when I am barely out of high school, but I do. Why waste the time calling her my girlfriend when every ounce of our connection tells me she needs to be more?
It is like life has put us in the exact same places at the exact same times, because it knew we were meant to be together. I have never met anyone I can completely be myself with until her. Maddie and I have shared so many laughs, tears, and unforgettable memories, just her and I. And I have to keep that going.
I love Maddie, and I cannot live without her. At the age of nineteen, I know she is the only person I want to spend decades with. Every single day, I want it to be us—Maddie and Nate. For now, forever.
When her beat-up Ford crawls up the steep incline of the cliffs and finally makes it to the top, I smile—shit, I am outright gleaming from how freaking happy I am right now. I have no doubt what Maddie will say, and I cannot wait to hear the one word that will completely transform my life from great to perfect.
“So, what’s this surprise, friend?” she asks as she climbs from her car and walks over to the edge of the cliffs where I am standing.
Maddie looks breathtaking. She is wearing her favorite pair of cut off jean shorts, exposing her star gazer lily tattoo on her right thigh. It is something I dared her to do, and she shocked me by getting it done within minutes of me daring her. It is very beautiful, and on Maddie, it is extremely sexy. She is wearing a simple, black, fitted T-shirt and flip flops. Her eyes are masked in black aviator sunglasses. Her dark brown hair is blowing across her face as it catches in the wind.
“What is with the smile? Did you finally get that nasty crab situation under control?”
I simply shake my head and laugh. Maddie is always saying something smart, and I fucking love her for it.
I give it right back to her. “Only because you did.”
She huffs a laugh in return, and wow, her laugh is the best sound ever.
I walk over to her and try to get my nerves under control. She slides her sunglasses off, and I look into her eyes. I know what I need to say, but I am not sure how. Suddenly, the words escape my mind, and I have nothing coming to the surface. Shit, I knew I should have rehearsed this.
“Dude, you look like you’re about to puke or something.” Maddie comes closer to me, all humor from moments ago washed away. She is concerned, and I am freaking out.
What the hell am I going to say?
“Are you sick or something?”
I clear my throat a couple of times and wipe the sweat covering my palms onto my jeans. I am so nervous, even though I shouldn’t be. I give myself another couple of seconds to erase my mind and start talking, hoping to God she understands what I am asking.
“Maddie.” I reach out and grab her hand, threading our fingers together and giving her hand a slight squeeze. Her sapphire eyes dig into mine as she silently pleads with me to talk. I swallow the fear down one last time then finally get the nerve to speak. “I’ve been sitting up here forever, trying to figure out how I want to say this to you.”
“Damn, you’re sick, aren’t you? Nate, you can’t die … You just can’t.” Maddie looks like she is about to cry. I smile then try to remove the panicked look from my face.
“No, I’m not sick, nor am I dying. But thanks, that makes this that much easier to say to you.” I look deeply into her eyes and allow my heart to do the talking. “The truth is, I’ve been thinking endlessly about our relationship and how important it is to me. Maddie, you are the only person I want to talk to when I wake in the morning and the last sound I want to hear when I fall asleep at night. It took me forever to realize this, but lately, it’s all I can think about. The thoughts have been consuming me, and then it finally hit me like a brick to the face.”
I fall to my knee and pull a small gold band from my pocket, holding it up to her. Maddie freezes, looking stunned. I am not sure if it is a good or bad look, but I keep my thoughts positive and realize this is Maddie. She could never tell me no.
“I want to be the reason you stay, Maddie. I’d be living in sheer misery if you leave. The reason I know this is because I am in love with you. It’s as easy and as complicated as that,
Maddie. I’m in love with you. You are everything to me.
“Will you be my wife? Will you marry me?”
“What? Have you lost your mind?” she replies and pulls her hand from mine.
My heart sinks, but I haven’t fully given up. I know she loves me; it is just going to take her a minute to recognize that.
“We’re best friends, Nate. Hell, I’m not even your girlfriend. We haven’t even kissed, for Christ’s sake, so why would we get married? Unless…”
Then she does something completely unexpected. She laughs, a full on, gut-splitting laugh. She wipes tears from her eyes as she roars out in laughter. I, on the other hand, do nothing. I simply glare at her, and she knows immediately this is no joke.
“Oh, shit. You’re serious, aren’t you?”
I nod my head and grab a hold of her hand then rise to my feet. The air around us completely changes. The wind picks up, cooling our skin, and you can smell the rain on the brink of falling.
Through the change, she just stands there, her face frozen. There is nothing at all: no smile, no frown—nothing. She only stares at me, completely dumbfounded.
To help relieve some of the pressure, I say, “Look, I know this is shocking. Hell, it shocks the shit out of me, too, and I kind of sprung this on you. Yet, I feel in my gut that Crestbrook is where you need to be. I am where you need to be. This has to be the reason I have the strongest feeling for you to be my wife, Maddie. Because I know how much I love you, and I know how much you need me. We are possessed by each other; we belong together. Just take some time and think about what I said. I’ll be back up here in a little while, like an hour or so. Just think about it, and then you can tell me your answer. Okay?”
Once Maddie nods her head, saying nothing, I smile and walk up to her, kissing her on the cheek. Then I think of how cool it will be to make our first everything with each other once she becomes my wife. She will be my first lover, and our first kiss can be right here after we say I do. It will only be with each other, making our bond that much tighter.
Hold on You Page 4
