by Fiona Murphy
He moves then, slowly sliding out of me and I shudder with the feeling of his movement. Only the head of his cock is inside me and then he pushes back inside almost gently and now instead of just pain and pressure there are fine little ripples of pleasure and I groan his name in surprise. A chuckle sounds from above me.
“I knew it. I knew you would please me in every way.”
His thrusts aren’t slow and he’s moving inside me easily and I’m trembling from the pleasure that is building. So good, he feels so good I can barely focus on his fingers still working inside my pussy. A moan escapes and he reacts, knowing what I need and he picks up speed and I’m crying out with pleasure. His hand grabs my hair and pulls me back and I love it. Teeth dig into my shoulder and I push back against him, demanding more. He responds, harder he’s pounding into me and my climax rushes up and over me, pulling me under like a rip tide. I’m still pushing back against Sam for his thrusts and now my ass is squeezing his cock, begging for his come. Only seconds later he begins to spurt inside me and the feeling of his hot come filling me there has me shuddering all over again.
We both fall onto the bed, still connected. I feel him tense and know he’s going to roll off of me.
“Don’t move, please don’t move. I need you to stay inside me.”
Breath hot against my neck he kisses me there. “Yes, baby, whatever you need.”
Chapter Eighteen
The first thought going through my head is, no, absolutely not. I’m shocked the words aren’t actually coming out of my mouth. But apparently they are clearly written on my face.
Sam sighs and goes down on his knees in front of me. I’m on the couch where we had been watching a movie. It’s been three months since we brought Dean back and he and Quincy Tucker had moved into another house together, after finding out how well they got along together. Sam had given up the name of Keith Sanders who had worked out and only a month ago Keith had moved out on his own. Another recruit Sam had come up with is coming into Austin in a week but for now the house is ours.
“Zoe, it will be a quick trip. I have to go and settle it. This is the second break in already.”
“I want to go with you. I don’t want you going alone.”
“If you come with me I won’t get anything done. I don’t want you taking off work to deal with this. Please, baby, it will be okay. I’ll go up tomorrow morning and be back Tuesday night and it will all be sorted out.”
Even though Sam is now on days he doesn’t have the weekends off, his days off are on Monday and Tuesday. I know Taylor won’t be happy about me taking time off but he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Looking at Sam, nothing I can say will stop him from going. He’s made up his mind. I don’t know where the tears come from, they just start falling. He swears and pulls me up and into his arms.
“You know it kills me when you cry, Zoe, please sweetheart, don’t cry. This has to be done, I’ll be fine, I promise.”
I cling to him, scared to let him go. He takes me to bed and all through the night he keeps me awake, and for many hours hanging on the edge of an orgasm before allowing me to slip over the edge. He’s inside me almost the whole night long, he knows I like him to stay inside me, long after he had come.
The next morning I wake up and find him gone. I want to cry all over again, his note on the refrigerator is short and sweet. Be back soon, Sam.
I lean my head against the cool stainless steel of the refrigerator door. The house feels empty without him, I feel empty without him. In the last few months I had done everything I could to be open and it feels as if we had grown closer, not just sexually but as two people working at a relationship. We did the couple things that we enjoyed together, movie nights and dinner out, the Farmer’s Market and dinner with Christine and Taylor. Then we did things apart like him going for runs or hanging out with the guys, while I painted or read and those things felt like they strengthened our time together. We shared more and more about our past, I had talked about Chicago more often, he had opened up about his mother and his time growing up. They had been bittersweet memories that had been made sweet by sharing them. I had no walls with Sam, he didn’t even have to ask, I gave all I had at the lightest question.
On the sex side I don’t think either of could be more satisfied. He let go and was rough when he needed to be but it wasn’t very often, only once or twice a month. A part of me was relieved by that, not because I didn’t like him being rough but because I liked it so much my orgasms were often painful and I would beg him for more than once and he often took me three or four times a night and I woke satisfyingly sore the next day. Sam was always regretful the next day but I made it clear I wasn’t, I loved knowing that I could take what he needed to let loose and satisfy his needs. His remorse wasn’t welcome I would tell him again and again and the last time he had finally stopped apologizing the next day. He was always more gentle in the days afterward and I loved all the ways he made love to me.
My phone rings and I want to ignore it but hope it’s Sam calling to check in. It isn’t, it’s Dale the gallery owner. In the last few months he had requested two more sets of four to show and all had sold. We make plans for him to come to pick up more paintings next weekend. I’ve been more productive since Sam, sometimes doing two paintings a day. I know my new ones are better and know it’s because of how happy I am with Sam. The website is also drawing in traffic and sales, I had sold nine paintings online. Dale is fine with me also running the website, as long as I had a link to the gallery on the site. He also wanted me to sell for at least two hundred more than what he sold them at the gallery which I didn’t have a problem with as it only cost me about eighty dollars for shipping the painting and the cut taken from the online payment center that processed my sales.
I go into my studio, my mind still cloudy from the loss of Sam and look around my studio and am shocked to find there are only seven paintings.
Without thinking I call Christine and beg her to come over. A true friend, she doesn’t ask questions, she simply says she’s on her way. It’s ten till eight and I call Taylor and tell him I’m sorry but I’m going to be late. Taylor isn’t fazed and said he’d figured that with Sam out of town I’d be out of it and to come in when I was ready.
Taylor could see all of that, I wonder as I’m pacing the living room. Only fifteen minutes later Christine bangs on the door.
I grab her and pull her into the house. “Okay, I need you to tell me how I show Sam I love him and to get Sam to love me so he’ll stay. You need to teach me what to do.”
Christine starts to cry and hugs me close. I’m frozen, shouldn’t I be the one crying here.
“Thank god, Taylor is going to so get the best sex ever for setting you two up.”
Pushing her away, “Taylor set us up?!
Realizing her mistake Christine blushes, “It’s not like that, please don’t be mad. It worked, you are happy for the first time in years and you are in love with him and he’s such a great man.”
Anger flares bright at the thought of being manipulated by Taylor, I walk away, unable to speak.
“Zoe, it’s like Taylor told Sam all he did was give you two the opportunity. This would have never gone anywhere if it wasn’t what you both wanted.
Yes, he gave you three hours alone together and I know you. You spent every minute doing your best to be on your worst behavior and telling him all the things that you think are wrong with you. When he got out of that truck he could have run the other way from you but he didn’t. Taylor told me Sam was a good man and since I met him I know that to be true. Sam never would have used you for a quick release, that isn’t who he is. He made a commitment to Taylor so he could be with you and give you two time to be together.”
I sink into end of the couch and as I do, what she’s saying is also sinking in. She was right, Taylor had simply opened the door, it had been up to me and Sam to walk through it. “But he only said six months. What if he leaves?”
Christine sits dow
n and pulls me into a hug, “Sweetie, that man isn’t going anywhere. He loves you, I think you’re the only one who doesn’t see that.”
“But he hasn’t said it and what could he love about me? Every relationship before him ended with me being told I didn’t deserve love because I was cold and empty and couldn’t give love back. How do I give him that? You have to teach me that.”
Sitting back, Christine is stunned and then she’s pissed. “I cannot fucking believe that. That is completely and utterly the biggest load of shit I have ever heard. They were wrong and I’m so angry that you would believe that.”
“Christine, one person saying it, maybe, but all three?”
“I don’t give a shit, it isn’t true. I think deep down you knew they weren’t good enough for forever but they were good enough for the moment and you wanted to care about someone and have someone care about you. That is an extremely basic need everyone has so you went for it but knew since it wouldn’t last you had to protect yourself and you did.”
I’m shaking my head, not sure what to believe.
“Zoe, why did you come pick me up from the hospital when I called you? I had ignored you for almost two years because you saw that Tony beat me and treated me badly and tried to tell me I deserved better but I didn’t want to hear it. You were trying to be my friend and I let an asshole come between us so why did you come when I called you?”
“Because you needed me.” I’m confused.
“Why did you take me home to your one bedroom apartment and let me sleep on the couch and take care of me. Why did you hold me while I cried when I told you I was going to have an abortion? Why did you refuse to say I was doing the right thing or wrong thing, I knew what I needed to do and it didn’t matter what you thought?”
“Because you’re my friend.”
“And you love me. Not romantic love but we love each other like family, like sisters and we make each other feel better and we laugh and share and that’s what love is. So that’s why when I laid there in that damn hospital bed and delivered a stillborn girl that I had gone from wanting to abort to wanting more than anything in the world, you held me and we cried together. That’s why you checked on me the next day to find me trying to commit suicide with the painkillers.
You have dealt with so much pain your life, I was wallowing in mine and you could have walked away, any sane person would have walked away but you didn’t. Love makes you crazier and stronger and weaker and do things you never thought you could do before. That’s what love is and it can’t be taught, it’s something you feel and do because it’s right for you and the person you love.”
Chapter Nineteen
When Sam comes home Tuesday night I’m already in bed. He comes into our room and turns on the light, not worried he’d wake me, knowing I would be awake waiting for him. Looking down at me his eyes are a dull dark blue, “I’m sorry I ran late. I need a shower.” Dropping a kiss on my forehead he goes into the bathroom and I can hear him getting ready for bed. Only fifteen minutes later he comes out with a towel wrapped around his waist.
“How bad was it?” I ask as he runs a towel over his hair.
“I wish I could say not as bad I thought it would be but bad. I hired a company and they’re just going to take it all down. The vandals trashed the house to the studs. Even before that the house needed so much repair it would have been easier to rebuild. One day, I’ll rebuild a house but the other buildings just sitting there empty was an invitation for trouble.”
“I’m sorry.” It’s all I can think to say.
“It’s okay, I have someone clearing out all the personal items. They’ll box them up, and for now, they’ll go into storage and when it doesn’t feel like tangling with barbed wire I’ll go through them.” He pulls back the covers and his eyes darken at the negligee I had worn for him.
It’s red but sheer and was held together by three very strategic bows that had to be undone for it to be opened.
“Now this is gift, I am going to enjoy opening. Thank you, baby.” We make love slow and he’s so gentle I want to cry from the sweetness of it.
Chapter Twenty
Two months later and Taylor is in a cheerful mood. We have added two trainers and are exactly where we need to be. We’ve also been able to continue to recruit to the field in the numbers we need. One of our people in the field had contacted Taylor yesterday about coming in from the field and maybe stepping into training or in house. Taylor is ready to ask Sam to become a partner and I agree with Taylor that Sam would be more likely to accept now. Sam and I are working so well there’s the tiniest piece of me that is scared that something will happen to ruin our happiness. I’ve never been so happy before, I’m still waiting for something to blow it apart.
Taylor calls me into his office and I go and he’s waiving a piece of paper. “It came in yesterday. It’s all yours, I just need to sign this with a notary and you are the owner of a home all your own.”
Instead of the euphoria I had thought I would feel at this moment, it’s the other foot dropping. This is the something that could tear us apart.
“What’s the matter? You like I just told you that you have cancer instead of a home. Shit, I forgot Sam.”
I nod and my lips come together, I don’t know what to say or do. I had honestly forgotten until today.
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to talk to Sam first. Just hold onto it and I’ll let you know tomorrow.”
“What ever you want to do, we’ll do.”
The rest of the day flies by and when I get home I don’t remember the drive at all. With Sam’s drive, even though we’re now on the same schedule it takes him longer to get home. I change into a long white peasant skirt and a loose off the shoulder white stretchy top. I go into my studio and look around. It was all but bare now. Between the gallery and the website almost as soon as I painted something it’s gone. There are only three remaining now. I love this room. I can’t imagine painting anywhere else, even in the heat of the summer. Running my hand over my work table I remember that Sam had followed through on his desire from that first time he’d been in here. He had bent me over the work table so many times I could no longer count them. He won’t allow Taylor to just give me the house, would he leave, would he want to move and would he want to take me with him?
I hear his truck and go into the bedroom. I’m sitting on the middle of the bed, my legs crossed as I wonder how the next few minutes will go. He finds me and leans against the frame of the door and watches me.
“What’s wrong?” He asks without moving from the door.
Sitting up straighter I look him in the eye. “When Taylor asked me to go see you he said it was a favor at first. When I was quiet too long because I was surprised he went from it being a favor, to it being a deal. If I got you to Austin and to talk to him, whether you took the job or not when I paid off the mortgage with my rent, with this month’s rent, he would give me this house free and clear.”
Sam’s tense and his eyes darken but he doesn’t move and his eyes don’t leave mine. “This house now belongs to you?”
“No, I told him I would need to talk to you first. If you say yes then okay but if you say no then he’ll keep the house.”
“You’ve never had a place to call all your own, a home that was just yours and Taylor is willing to give that to you and you’re willing to turn that down when I say no because you know I can’t deal with that?”
The tears are a surprise and I look down, what he said about saying no isn’t a surprise so why am I crying?
“Why?” He moves and is at the edge of the bed. “Why are you willing to accept me saying no?”
“Because if say no and I accept then you’ll leave and it won’t matter it’s mine, it won’t be home anymore.”
Moving over me his voice is husky, “Why?”
“Because I love you damn it.”
His smile is wide and his happiness is as clear and bright as an Austin day in July and just as
hot. “Well, it’s about damn time.”
He wipes the tears away and I can only stare back in shock. “Sam?”
“Zoe, I loved you from the beginning. Lust from the minute I laid eyes on you but then you told me you wanted me but you weren’t going to hurt me. You were trying to protect me from you. I’ve never met someone so selfless like that before. But when you told me that, I knew it was coming from someone who had known pain so deeply they didn’t want to hurt anyone the way they had been hurt. I knew I’d have to take it slow and allow you time to get used not just to love, but how it felt on both sides.”
“Then why did you say only six months?”
“There’s slow but I was also desperate, baby. I needed you and I didn’t want to give you time to think too hard about it.”
“Oh, Sam! I was so worried you would figure out I loved you and that you wouldn’t want that because you were afraid I would become all clingy and demanding.”
“You are demanding, very demanding of my time and my body and I love it.” His kiss is nearly savage and both of us are nearly frantic with need.
A long time later he rolls away to the bedside table on his side of the bed and pulls out a ring box and I just know and the tears start up again. Wiping them away he swears, “I keep telling you that when you cry it makes crazy. I’m begging you, baby, no tears.
This a happy moment, from now on, no crying at happy moments.” He opens the box and I inhale in shock, it’s beautiful.
“Sam, it’s huge.” It’s a large oval, with four prongs holding the six carats in place.
