by Ali Parker
It was his eyes, so alive and tentative and concerned, that were the clincher. I could get lost in his eyes, as cheesy as it sounded—even in my head—but I supposed that there was a reason for that cliché. To me, that reason was Jared’s eyes.
“I did do all that for you, yes,” I admitted, knowing that we had to get through this part of the conversation before we could get to what I was burning to talk about: the comments he’d made several minutes ago.
“How did you even find all that out?” Taking another step toward me, he held out his arms, and I sank into their welcoming warmth, leaning my forehead against his chest as those strong arms wrapped around me and held me to him.
“Like I said, she looked familiar, and I vaguely remembered hearing about something similar to this couple of years ago, but it was never reported on, and it was covered up quickly,” I told him, breathing him in and wrapping my own arms around his waist.
He dropped a kiss to the very top of my head and was almost reverent when he said, “Thank you.”
“Thank me, for what? Those test results were going to come in, either way, and prove that you were telling the truth.”
“I was thanking you for digging all that up, but I was also thanking you for not doubting me. You trusted me, even that first morning after the story broke when we were at Gerry’s office. Why?”
I sighed and tightened my grip around him, tilting my face up against his chest to look him in the eyes. “Because I know you. At least, I think I know you as well as anyone.”
Pressing a kiss to my forehead, his eyes fluttered closed as he breathed in deeply. “You do. But I guess that’s both a blessing and a curse.”
“Why?”
“Precisely because you do know me. I thought for sure that you were going to trust Madison in all of this. You know my past probably as well as only I do, maybe even better. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d believed the other woman.”
“You really thought I would have believed her over you?” I asked, planting a kiss on his chest before turning my eyes back up to his.
“I never said I thought that, just that I wouldn’t have blamed you. Honestly, though, when I didn’t hear from you, I thought that you hated me, even though I knew that I hadn’t knocked Madison up.”
“How could you have been so sure?” I directed the question at his chest, burying my nose in him because I couldn’t get enough of his scent after being away from him for so long, but also because I couldn’t look him in the eye as I asked.
“You’re not going to want to hear this.” He sighed into my hair, fastening his hands behind me as if he were afraid I was about to run. I braced myself, knowing he was right. I didn’t want to hear it, but at the same time, I needed to.
Forcing myself to meet his eyes, despite whatever it was he was about to say, I nodded and kissed his jaw softly. “I know I’m not going to want to, but I need to know why you were as sure as I was.”
His broad chest rose against mine as he took a deep breath, but to his credit, he kept his eyes on mine, their dark depths communicating his need for understanding. “I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that I’m religious about wearing a condom. I asked Madison if she was on birth control, and she said yes. Before we, uh, did it, I was reaching for a condom when she told me that we didn’t need one. I played it off, and she wasn’t happy, for obvious reasons now, but I knew for a fact that I still used one.”
“Condoms aren’t a hundred percent effective. You know that, right?”
Pressing another kiss to my forehead, he smirked and still didn’t release my eyes. “I know. I’m damn proud of how virile I am, but even I’m not arrogant enough to believe that doing it one time, while the girl’s on birth control and I’m wearing a condom, would have done the trick. I mean, my swimmers are probably strong, but—”
I groaned, smiling against him. “Could we please not discuss your sperm right now? Give me a break. I’ve hardly slept this week.”
One of his hands snaked up into my hair and gripped the nape of my neck as he threaded his hand into the hair he found there. He looked down at me with a fierce expression. “I know. You have no idea how much that means to me. That you were fighting in my corner.”
I’d never thought of myself as a particularly astute person. Beyond people’s very obvious boundaries, I tended to stomp all over them. It was different with Jared.
It was like there was a voice in the back of my head telling me when to back off, when to press forward, and when to just let him be. In that moment, I knew it was one of those times that I just had to let him be. I knew instinctively what it meant to him that I’d fought in his corner without question, and so I let hearing the words from him go.
There was something else that I definitely needed to hear the words about, though. “You do know that you called me your girlfriend back there, don’t you? If it was just for the—”
He silenced my vulnerable moment of uncertainty in the best way possible. He kissed me until my knees were weak and allowed his body to do the talking. His kiss gave me back my confidence, energized me, and moved me.
When he pulled back, his hand cupped my cheek, and I couldn’t help but lean into it. Being completely enveloped by him, caged with his one arm and so gently caressed by his hand, gave me hope that he hadn’t just been saying what he did to get to Madison.
My racing thoughts stilled when my eyes meet his and he traced my cheekbone before saying anything. After a long moment of drinking each other in, Jared said, “I know it goes against everything I’ve been saying, but I called you my girlfriend, and I meant it. I missed you this week. I have feelings for you that are real. They go beyond just having fun and sex. If you want to keep having fun—”
“I do, but my feelings for you are real, too. Not that I’m complaining at all about the sex, but there’s more to this than that.”
My heart was trying to escape from my chest by climbing up my throat, and my insides felt like they’d been lit up by a stick of dynamite joy. The only thing that kept me from dissolving into a puddle of pure bliss was the fact that I would miss out on seeing the look in Jared’s eye when he told me this.
“So, I guess we’re revising the terms of our agreement then?” The corners of his mouth were twitched into the most adorable smile, and I kissed each one before returning it with one of my own.
“I guess we are.” Having learned my lesson when it came to a relationship with Jared, I knew that I had to be clear on what we were once we walked out of this conference room.
As if he’d read my mind, Jared gave me a goofy smile that I wouldn’t have thought he was capable of, and he dropped a chaste kiss on my lips. “I guess you’re my girlfriend, then?”
Well what do you fucking know? I guess I was. Bubbles of pure joy floated through my veins and set my heart on fire as a broad smile fought its way to my lips. “I can only be your girlfriend if you finally agree to the fact that we’re dating, and that means that you’re my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend.” He repeated the word as if he were trying it on for size, and then he grinned in a way that could probably light up the moon. It definitely lit up my soul. “I like it. You should know that I haven’t done anything long-term in a while.”
“Oh, I’m very well aware of that.” I smiled and didn’t resist rising up on my tiptoes to kiss the corner of his mouth. “You afraid of what this means?”
“Hell no,” he said, still beaming at me. “I’ve been named the Emperor of Rock, baby. I’m not afraid of anything. I’m willing to give this a go if you are. I’m not afraid of doing this.”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “If you’re serious about that, we’re going to need a few rules.”
A pained, yet teasing look crossed his features. “Rules? I don’t do rules.”
“Might I remind you that you still need me to say yes to dating you officially? Which means rules. Not many. Just a few ground rules that you need to know.”
Sighing with fake exaspera
tion that was given away by his smile, he conceded by saying, “Fine, what are these rules you’re proposing?”
“They’re not hard. There are only three actually. One, you’re not allowed to call me baby, because I can’t stand to think about how many other women have been called that by you before.”
“Fair enough. I can do that. I’m sure we’ll come up with something else.” He nodded, peppering my cheek and jawline in kisses. “What else?”
“If you call yourself the Emperor of Rock again in random conversation with me, you owe me an orgasm.” His eyes lit up with enthusiasm, and I was sure that I’d inadvertently given him more reason to refer to himself by that stupid nickname, but I wasn’t taking it back. It might have been accidental, but it didn’t seem that either of us minded those consequences.
“And the last one?” he asked, his hands dropping to my butt.
I flashed him my most ball-shrinking smile, and his face dropped. “Exclusivity. I know that we agreed to it before, but I’m serious. You get with any other woman in any way, and this is done. Got it?”
“I got it, I got it,” he said proudly, the words and sentences flowing into one another casually. “So as your boyfriend, do I have conference room privileges?”
I knew what he was getting at, but I also knew that I wasn’t ready for that. “What do rock stars need conference rooms for?”
He smirked and started nibbling on my earlobe. “Why, to fuck their gorgeous girlfriends, of course.”
Using all the strength of my every conviction, I pressed against his chest and pushed him away. “You know that I love… being with you—”
“You mean, you love when I fuck you. When I’m buried deep inside you. Don’t try and hide those terms by the generic, ‘being with you.’”
My cheeks burned, but I swallowed my discomfort down. Jared loved hearing the words, and as new as I was to the whole dirty talk thing, I loved when he did it. So why not? “Fine, I love when you fuck me. I love you being buried deep inside me, but that doesn’t mean that I’m ready to fuck you in a conference room at the office.”
“Yet?” he asked, the corners of his lips twitching up into a naughty smile. “You mean you’re not ready to fuck me in a random conference room, yet, Empress?”
“Wait. What did you just call me?”
Smirking as he lowered his mouth to mine, he spoke against my lips. “I’m not allowed to call you baby, and I’m not allowed to refer to myself as the Emperor, so I’m just going with it. Empress seemed fitting.”
Yeah, I might not have been ready to get with him in that conference room just yet, considering we did just have his potential baby mama storm out of there not an hour ago. But there was a definite “yet” to that scenario.
CHAPTER 27
JARED
A hush fell over the studio as my last note faded. And that was it. The album was done. Our last session in the recording studio was a raging success, and after months of being holed up in here, all the disagreements and celebrations when we finally got it right, our jobs were done.
For now.
“Fuck yeah,” Dom yelled, performing the legendary drumroll that he did after the close of every last recording session. The sweet smell of a job well done mingled with sweat and excitement in the air, and I turned to find every last one of my bandmates smiling behind me.
Even Caleb had his guitar raised over his head as he whipped his hair forward and he cheered. “That’s what I’m fucking talking about.”
“Makes putting up with your asses worth it,” Matt said, his famous, gigantic smile on his face as he bowed to an imaginary audience. His fists were in the air as he turned around in a slow circle. Then they dropped as he faced us again. “But seriously guys, I’m calling it. This album is gonna be sick. Best yet.”
“I second that,” Dom said.
Gerry burst through the doors carrying a six-pack of beer and wearing a triumphant smile.
“I thought you guys deserved a treat after that.” He broke open the beers and handed one to each of us with a nod. “I’m sure that you guys are going to throw a rager to celebrate this later, but how about an impromptu party just for now?”
“We’re always up for that,” Nick told him, grabbing his beer and drinking to its neck before pulling it away. “You joining this impromptu party, Gerry?”
Our manager flashed a wry smile and pressed his lips together. “I’m afraid not, gentlemen. There are things that I need to take care of before I head home. You enjoy it, though.”
Caleb raised his beer to Gerry and played a power chord that made Gerry wince a little. “Thanks Gerry-bear. Maybe one day when we finish our tenth moneymaker for you, you’ll take some time to join us.”
Caleb played another chord and glanced at Dom, who effortlessly started a rhythm and then gave me a look. Our hive mentality took over, and Matt and Nick set down their beers to join in the ruckus we never failed to cause.
Wrapping my hands around the microphone, I brought my mouth so close to it that the metal scraped my lips and crooned the first words that came to mind with the easy rhythm that was coming together behind me. “Our manager, our beloved Gerry-bear. Won’t you stay for just one beer? You’ve been a part since the very beginning. Won’t you stay for just this one ending?”
I paused when necessary for the instruments between the words, and the song just seemed to carry itself until Gerry laughed and turned to the door. “I’m sure between you lot, you have more than enough women to sing to. You don’t need to make up songs on my behalf. Expend your energy on more useful conquests.”
Miming a mic drop, because let’s face it, I would never drop my actual mic on purpose, I laughed as Gerry finished talking and walked to the door. “You are a useful conquest, Gerry!”
He laughed on his way out, pausing only to look at us over a shoulder. “I know this is a huge moment for you, but do me a favor and keep your shit together while you’re out later, okay? Now is not the time to ruin all the positive publicity you’ve been building for all these months.”
Nobody looked at me, since they all now knew that I was innocent, but I knew it was in all of their minds. It was only a week ago that my situation with Madison threatened everything that we’d worked for, and even though they now knew that her kid wasn’t only not mine, but that there was no kid in the first place, it was still fresh in everyone’s memories. It was like everyone’s nasty little reminder about how quickly shit could go wrong. Everything could change.
Nick tossed Gerry a thumbs-up and one of his easy smiles. “No getting anyone pregnant tonight. Got you.”
I flipped him the bird, but he pretended to catch the motion and kissed his hand. “No hard feelings here, Larsen. The first Destitute baby remains to be made. The race is on, boys.”
A good-natured symphony of groans and “fuck yous” rose through the studio as we sipped on the beers that Gerry brought. As the others started stowing away their instruments and giving each other shit about who would conceive the first Destitute baby, I was looking around the studio that had been our home for a good three months now.
It was actually kind of starting to feel homey and comfortable, but yet, we were about to leave this sanctuary behind again. Very soon, we would be exchanging it for screaming fans, packed stadiums, and suitcases stuffed full of worthless memorabilia, because we rarely managed to visit the actual sites the souvenirs represented, and clothes were at risk of being stolen by fans who worked for the hotels that we stayed in.
I wouldn’t change it for the world. It was the life that I’d chosen and the life I fucking loved. Performing to packed stadiums—whatever that meant in terms of sacrificing personal comforts—was the fucking best. Most people would disagree that staying in five-star hotels across the globe was compromising personal comforts, but those people didn’t understand what it meant not to be able to cook comfort food on the fly, or to have to live out of a suitcase for months on end.
Then there was the tour bus. A couple
of months on that thing would make anyone question our sanity for looking forward to touring. The cramped quarters, the sounds of snoring and fucking that you couldn’t escape, the smells… God, the smells were awful.
Nobody cried for the King, though, or the Emperor in my case. I understood that. And getting to stand up on stage and play our music to thousands of screaming fans every other night or so made it worth every damn thing that I’d never wanted to hear or smell.
As much as I loved touring before, knowing that Alicia was going to be with me this time made me look forward to it that much more. Having her, the woman I was dating, around twenty-four-seven should’ve bothered the fuck out of me, but it didn’t. It was going to be a change of pace, but for some reason, I found it weirdly refreshing.
My brother’s voice infiltrated my happy thoughts, and although I would have preferred to have this conversation with him in private, the others deserved to know and were bound to find out sooner, rather than later, anyway.
“You come to your senses after the other night yet?” Caleb asked me, pushing his hair off his forehead.
Dom’s brow furrowed as if he were trying to remember an argument that we’d had. “Did I miss something?”
“Nope, you missed nothing,” I said. “He’s going on about me and Alicia. Don’t worry about it.”
Dom’s eyebrows raised slowly as he looked me over “That’s still going on?”
“Is it, Jared?” Caleb asked, the challenge clear in his eyes after he told me to break it off weeks ago.
My eyes almost rolled of their own accord, but I wouldn’t give Caleb the satisfaction. “Yes, it is.”
Caleb opened his mouth like he was about to say something, then snapped it shut.
“What?” I asked.
“I’ve already told you ‘what.’ A girl like that, the only way you keep her around is if you don’t fuck her around.”
“I’m not fucking her around. We’ve talked, okay? We know where we stand with each other.”
