“Alex,” he cut me off. “Don’t go there. You’re not responsible.”
“She was right and wrong at the same time.” I stopped, sighing at the dubious look on Aiden’s face. “Grandma Piperi wouldn’t tel me everything. Actual y, she told me a bunch of crazy stuff about love and need… and gods kissing. Anyway, she told me that I would kil the one I loved, but how is that possible? Mom is already dead.”
An odd look flickered over his face, but it was gone before I could figure out what it was. “I thought you said you didn’t believe in that kind of stuff.”
Of course, he would remember that out of the bil ion random comments I’d made. “I don’t, but it’s not every day you’re told that you’re going to kil someone you love.”
“So this is what’s been bothering you today?”
I squeezed my thighs. “Yes. No. I mean, do you think it was my fault?”
“Oh, Alex.” He shook his head. “Do you remember when you asked me why I volunteered to train you?”
“Yeah.”
He pushed away from the table I sat on. “Wel , I lied to you.”
“Yeah.” I bit my lip and looked away. “I kinda figured that out already.”
“You have?” He sounded surprised.
“You stood up for me because of what happened to your parents.” I stole a peek at him. He was quiet as he watched me. “I think I remind you of yourself when it happened.”
Aiden stared at me for an eternal second. “You’re far more observant than I give you credit for.”
“Thanks.” I didn’t share the fact I’d only figured that out recently.
That lopsided grin appeared. “You’re right, if that makes you feel any better. I remember what it was like afterward.
You always wonder if there was anything you could’ve done differently, as pointless as it is, but you get hung up on the
‘what if’ of it al .” The smile disappeared slowly and he turned his face away. “For the longest time, I used to think if I had decided to be a Sentinel earlier, I could’ve stopped the daimon.”
“But you didn’t know a daimon was going to attack. You were—are—a pure-blood. So very few of you even…
choose this life. And you were just a kid. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
Aiden faced me then, gaze curious. “Then how can you hold yourself responsible for what happened to your mom?
You may have realized there was a possibility that a daimon would find you, but you didn’t know.”
“Yeah.” I hated it when he was right.
“You’re stil holding onto that guilt. So much so that you’re reading into what the oracle said. You can’t let what she said get to you, Alex. An oracle only talks in possibilities, not facts.”
“I thought an oracle talks with gods and the fates,” I said dryly.
He looked doubtful. “An oracle sees into the past and the possibility in the future, but it’s not set in stone. There is no such thing as a certain fate. Only you are in control of your fate. You aren’t responsible for what… happened to your mom. You need to let it go.”
“Why do you al say it like that? No one says she died.
Everyone is, like, afraid to say that. It’s not what happened—she was kil ed.”
The shadow appeared on his face again, but he stepped around the table. “Let me look at your back.” Before I knew what he was doing, he lifted the back of my shirt and inhaled sharply.
“What?” I asked, but he didn’t say anything. He tugged my shirt up further. “Hey—what are you doing?” I smacked his hands away.
He shot around the table, his eyes a gunmetal gray.
“What do you think I’m doing? How long has your back been like this?”
I shrank back. “Since we… um… started blocking training.”
“Why didn’t you say something about this?”
“It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t hurt, not real y.”
Aiden whirled around. “Damn half-bloods. I know you al have a higher than normal tolerance for pain, but that is ridiculous. That has to hurt.”
I stared at his back as he rummaged through the numerous cabinets. “I’m in training.” I forced as much maturity into my voice as possible. “We aren’t expected to bitch and moan about pain. It’s a part of training—a part of being a Sentinel. It happens.”
Aiden wheeled around, expression incredulous. “You haven’t been training for three years, Alex. Your body—your skin isn’t used to it anymore. You cannot let things like that go because you think someone is going to think less of you.”
I blinked. “I don’t think people are going to think less of me. It’s just a… couple of damn bruises. Some of them have faded already. See?”
He set a smal jar beside me on the table. “Bul shit.”
“You’ve never cussed before.” I had the strangest urge to laugh.
“It’s not just a bruise. Your whole back is black and blue, Alex.” Aiden paused, his hands clenching air. “Were you afraid I would think less of you if you brought this up?”
I gave a slight shake of the head. “No.”
His lips pressed together. “I didn’t expect your body to adapt quickly, and honestly, I should’ve known.”
“Aiden… real y, it doesn’t hurt that bad.” The never-ending, dul ache was something I’d gotten used to, so I wasn’t real y lying.
Picking up the jar, he walked around the table. “This should help, and next time, you wil tel me when something is wrong with you.”
“Al right.” I decided not to push my luck. He didn’t seem like he’d appreciate any snarky response at this moment.
“What is that stuff, anyways?”
He unscrewed the lid. “It’s a mixture of Arnica and menthol. Arnica is part of a flower. It acts like an anti-inflammatory and it reduces pain. It should help.”
I expected him to hand me the jar, but he dipped his fingers inside it instead. “What are you—?”
“Hold your shirt up. I don’t want to get this al over it. It tends to stain clothing.”
Dumbfounded, I found myself lifting the edge of my shirt.
Once again, there was a sharp intake of breath as he got another look at my back.
“Alex, you can’t let something like this go untreated.” This time, the anger was gone from his voice. “If you’re hurt, you must tel me. I wouldn’t have… ”
Gone so hard on me? Al owed me to practice with Kain and get my ass handed to me? That wasn’t what I wanted.
“Don’t ever feel like you can’t tel me when something’s wrong. You’ve got to trust that I would care if you were hurt.”
“It’s not your fault. I could’ve told you—”
He placed his fingers against my skin and I nearly jumped off the table. Not because the salve was cold—
don’t get me wrong, it was freezing—but they were his fingers moving along my back. A pure never touched a half this way. Or maybe they did now. I didn’t know, but I couldn’t imagine the other pures I knew seeking to ease a half’s pain. They usual y didn’t care enough to.
Aiden silently worked the thick balm across my skin and then up. Eventual y his fingers brushed the edge of my sports bra. My skin felt strangely warm, which was odd to me since the stuff was so cold. I focused on the wal in front of me. There was that picture of Aphrodite perched upon a rock. She had this lusty look on her face and her boobs were hanging out for the world to see.
That was so not helping.
Aiden continued quietly. Every so often my body jerked on its own accord, and then I felt hot, real y hot.
“Did you ever know your biological father?” His quiet voice broke into my thoughts.
I shook my head. “No. He died before I was born.”
His deft fingers slid along the side of my stomach. “Do you know anything about him?”
“No. Mom never real y talked about him, but I think they used to spend time in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We would spend Winter Solstice there w
hen she could… get away from Lucian. I think… being at the cabins made her feel close to him.”
“She loved him?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
He worked on my lower back now, moving the balm in smooth circles, and every so often the cool scent of menthol reached me. “What were you going to do if the daimons hadn’t shown up? You had something to do, right?”
I swal owed. This was an easy question, but I found it hard to concentrate on anything other than his fingers.
“Um… I wanted to do lots of things.”
His fingers stopped and he laughed softly. “Like what?”
“I… don’t know.”
“Did you ever plan on coming back to the Covenant?”
“Yes and no.” I swal owed hard. “Before the attack, I never thought I’d see the Covenant again. After it happened, I was trying to get to the one in Nashvil e, but the daimons… kept getting in my way.”
“So what were you going to do if the daimons hadn’t found you?” He knew not to focus on that horrible week after the attack. He knew I wouldn’t talk about it.
“When… I was real y little, my mom and several Sentinels took a bunch of us kids to the zoo. I loved it— loved the animals. I spent the entire summer tel ing Mom that I belonged in the zoo.”
“What?” He sounded incredulous. “You thought you belonged in a zoo?”
I felt a smile tug at my lips. “Yeah, I was a strange child.
So… it was one of the things I thought I could do. You know, work with animals or something, but… ” I shrugged, feeling kind of stupid.
“But what, Alex?” I could feel his smile.
I stared down at my fingers. “But I always wanted to come back to the Covenant. I needed to. I just didn’t fit in with al the normal people. I missed it here, missed having a purpose and knowing what I should be doing.”
His fingers left my skin and he was silent for so long I thought something had happened to him. I twisted around to face him. “What?”
He tipped his head to the side. “Nothing.”
I crossed my legs and let out a sigh. “You’re looking at me like I’m weird.”
Aiden sat the jar aside. “You’re not weird.”
“Then… ?” I let my shirt fal back down and grabbed the jar. “You done?” When he nodded I put the lid back on.
Aiden leaned forward, placing his hands on each side of my crossed legs. “The next time you’re hurt, I want you to tel me.”
When I looked up, he was eye level with me and we were only inches apart—the closest we’d ever been outside of the training room. “Okay.”
“And… you’re not weird. Wel , I’ve met weirder people than you.”
I started to smile, but something in the way Aiden looked at me caught my attention. It was like he was assuming responsibility for me and what I felt. I knew he did. Maybe it came from having to care for Deacon… and Deacon? I remembered what he’d said last night.
Clearing my throat, I focused on his shoulder. “Does Deacon ever talk about things? You know, about your parents?”
My question caught him off guard. It took him a few seconds to answer. “No. Just like you.”
I ignored that. “His drinking? I think he does it so he doesn’t have to think about it.”
Aiden blinked. “Is that why you do it?”
“No! I don’t real y do it that much, but that’s not the point.
What I’m saying… ?” Gods, what was I doing? Trying to talk to him about his brother?
“What are you saying?”
Hoping I wasn’t over stepping boundaries, I plunged ahead. “I think Deacon drinks so he doesn’t feel.”
Aiden sighed. “I know. So do al the counselors and teachers. No matter what I do or who I bring him to, he won’t open up.”
I nodded, understanding how hard it was for Deacon.
“He’s… proud of you. He didn’t say it exactly like that, but he’s proud of what you’re doing.”
He blinked. “Why… how would you know?”
I shrugged. “I think if you keep at what you’re doing, because what you’re doing is right, he’l come around.”
The serious look remained, and there was more to it than that. He looked worried, and for reasons I didn’t even want to acknowledge, it bothered me.
“Hey,” I reached out and tapped the hand that rested next to my left leg. “You are—”
The hand that I tapped reached up and clasped mine. I froze as he threaded his fingers through mine. “I’m what?”
Beautiful. Kind. Patient. Perfect. I said none of those things. Instead, I stared at his fingers, wondering if he knew he was holding my hand. “You’re always so… ”
His thumb moved over the top of my hand. The balm made his fingers cool and smooth. “What?”
I looked up, and I was immediately snared. His stare, his soft touch along my hand was doing very strange things. I felt hot and dizzy, like I’d been sitting out in the sun al day.
Al I could think about was how his hand felt on mine. Then, what his hand would feel like on other parts. I shouldn’t be thinking that at al .
Aiden was a pure.
The door to our room swung open. I jerked back, my hand fal ing to my lap.
A big, hulking shadow paused at the door. Mister Steroids—Leon—glanced around the room, his eyes fal ing to Aiden, who had moved to a much more appropriate distance.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Leon said.
“What’s up?” Aiden asked evenly.
Leon spared at glance at me. He didn’t suspect anything.
Why would he? Aiden was a wel respected pure and I was just a half-blood he was training. “Did she hurt herself?”
“She’s fine. What did you need?”
“Marcus needs to see us.”
Aiden nodded. He started to fol ow Leon out, but he stopped at the door. Turning back to me, he was al business again. “We’l talk more about this later.”
“Okay,” I said, but he was already gone.
My gaze went back to the painting of the goddess of love. I swal owed hard and my grasp on the little jar tightened. There was no way—absolutely no way—I was interested in Aiden in that way. Sure, he was swoon-worthy and real y nice, and patient and funny in a dry kind of way.
There was a lot about him to like. If he were a half-blood, then there wouldn’t be anything wrong. He didn’t work for the Covenant, so there wasn’t a student hooking up with a teacher kind of problem, and he was only three years older than me. If he were a half-blood, I’d probably have thrown myself at him already.
But Aiden was a freaking pure-blood.
A freaking pure-blood with wonderful y strong fingers and a smile that… wel , made me feel like there was a nest of butterflies in my stomach. And the way he looked at me—
how his eyes shifted from gray to silver in a heartbeat—
affected me even now. My stupid little heart leapt in my chest.
CHAPTER 10
SPRAWLED ACROSS THE MATS, GOING THROUGH
THE motions of the cool-down stretches a couple of days later, Aiden decided to let me in on why Marcus had wanted to see him.
“Lucian is coming.”
I stared up at the ceiling, disappointed. “So?”
Instead of looming over me like he usual y did, he dropped down beside me on the mat. His leg brushed mine, causing a tightening in my chest. You’re being ridiculous, Alex. Knock it off. I moved my leg away from his.
“He’s going to want to talk to you.”
Pushing my weird attraction to him out of my mind, I focused on his words. “Why?”
He bent his knees and dropped his arms over them.
“Lucian is your legal guardian. I suppose he’s curious to see how your training is coming along.”
“Curious?” I kicked my legs into the air. Why? I had no clue. “Lucian has never been interested in anything that had to do with me. Why would he start now?”
/> His expression tightened for a moment. “Things are different now. With your mom… ”
“That doesn’t matter. It has nothing to do with me.”
He stil looked strange as he continued to watch me point my toes at the ceiling. “It has everything to do with you.” He took a deep breath, seeming to choose his next words wisely. “Lucian is dead set against you returning to the Covenant.”
“Good to know Lucian and Marcus share that in common.”
His jaw tightened. “Lucian and Marcus share nothing in common.”
There he went again, trying to convince me Marcus wasn’t the douche I believed him to be. He’d been at it for weeks, talking about how concerned my uncle had appeared when my mom and I had disappeared. Or how relieved Marcus had seemed when he’d notified him I was alive. Nice of Aiden to want to repair the relationship between us, but Aiden didn’t realize there was nothing to repair.
Aiden reached over and pushed my legs back down to the mat. “Do you ever sit stil for five seconds?”
I grinned, sitting up. “Nope.”
He looked like he wanted to smile, but didn’t. “Tonight, when you see Lucian, you need to be on your best behavior.”
I rol ed to my feet, laughing now. “Best behavior? So I shouldn’t chal enge Lucian to a fight, I guess? I’d win that one. He’s a total wimp.”
The severe frown that graced his face was a clear indication he wasn’t amused. “You do realize your stepfather can overthrow Marcus’s decision to al ow you to stay here? His authority supersedes your uncle’s?”
“Yes.” I planted my hands on my hips. “Since Marcus is only al owing me to stay if I prove myself capable of returning to classes in the fal , I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Aiden came to his feet swiftly. For a moment, I was struck by how quickly he moved. “The big deal is if you mouth off at the Minister like you do with Marcus, you won’t get a second chance. No one wil be able to help you.”
I tore my eyes away from him. “I’m not going to mouth off at him. Honestly, there’s nothing Lucian can say to me that wil get me riled up. He means nothing to me. Never has.”
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