Holly settled into a pale flowery wingback chair as Anya brought the information to her. Seeing the pained look on her face, Katie, their seamstress asked, “Are you feeling okay?”
“My back has been hurting all morning.”
Concern fluttered through Katie’s light blue eyes. Her graying hair still had traces of the golden red of her youth. “You are only 15 weeks pregnant. I am not sure you should be having so much pain already.”
“What did the doctor say?” Anya asked.
“I missed my appointment yesterday.” Holly held up her hand at the slew of protests she knew were about to spill from her friend’s mouth. “Don’t worry, I rescheduled for tomorrow.”
“Why did you miss the appointment?” Anya asked, knowing that yesterday had been slow.
Holly shrugged, not wanting to tell her friend about the letter she received from the lawyer. Holly had run up to her apartment right before the appointment and found the letter amongst her other mail.
“Hunter!” Anya growled, as if reading her thoughts. “What did he do now?”
The bell over the door interrupted the argument.
Katie placed a restraining hand on Holly’s arm. “I got it. You rest here.”
Holly heard Katie greet the customer warmly. She glanced up at Anya, hoping to change the subject, but the woman had her arms crossed and her foot was tapping an impatient rhythm on the carpet.
With a sigh, Holly explained the letter from the lawyer. Anya growled again. “That man is so cold.” Anya brushed her palms together in washing motion. “Be done with him - that is what I say!”
Holly opened her mouth to argue, but Anya interrupted. “Why keep hanging onto Hunter when Hunter no longer wants you?”
The pain and the truth of her words stung. Holly bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling, and looked down at the folds in her dress.
“I am sorry, Holly. I am not being mean, but it is about time you moved past all this guilt. You said you are sorry, but he didn’t want to make it work. That is his right. This I understand.”
Holly interrupted forcefully. “And my choice to honor my husband is also my right.”
“You are not honoring Hunter, you are punishing yourself.”
Holly stood and began lifting the heavy dresses from last night’s event and put them back on the rack.
She paused, smoothing her hand over the gown she was about to hang up, the heavy plastic protective sheath crackling under her hand. She finally looked up, shaking her head in denial. “I’m not punishing myself.”
“You haven’t forgiven yourself so you’ve created this penance to make up for your mistake.”
“I’m not punishing myself.” Holly repeated – as if declaring it again would chase away her doubts. “I love Hunter. I always will. I made a big mistake, you are right. And I don’t forgive myself; because of my stupidity, I lost a truly wonderful man.”
“Then go fight for him!”
At Holly’s incredulous look, Anya clarified. “I see it like this – you can stay the way you are and continue to punish yourself, you can forgive yourself and move on, or you can go fight for him.”
Tears glistened in Holly’s blue eyes, and she scoffed at the idea. “Hunter wouldn’t want to see me.”
“Maybe the reason he makes these schedules so you all can’t meet is so he won’t give in. Maybe he is still in love with you.”
Holly interrupted, “The last time he saw me, he told me that he couldn’t get the picture of me in Seth’s arms out of his mind.” She jammed the wedding dress where it belonged on the rack. “I know Hunter. Time isn’t going to erase those pictures. It will just burn them into his mind.”
“You are right! He’s a ruined man because of you!”
Holly spun around at the familiar voice. Grace Harrison stood before her, her steel gray eyes, so much like Hunter’s, flashed with anger.
“Grace, I...”
“You’re sorry!” Grace interrupted, then looked away and heaved a weary sigh. Her voice was softer now. “I know, but sorry can’t stop the anger from eating away any ounce of peace he has left.”
Holly stood before her one-time sister-in-law speechless. What was she supposed to say? Sorry was all she had. Everything else was an excuse. And her excuses were like pouring kerosene on Hunter’s burning anger. Following her tryst with Seth, she had tried everything to get Hunter to understand her point of view. Every excuse was just a nail in her own coffin. When she realized that, she had just walked away, no matter how much it hurt to do just that.
“I know if you could go back, you would change things. I know you never meant for the affair to happen. It was probably an emotional mistake. I know that you never meant to hurt him.” The little blonde woman crossed her arms over her chest and added, “But you knew how he would react. You of all people should have known the disastrous effects it would have.”
Guilt slashed her battered heart, and Holly turned her head so no one would see the tear that escaped its bounds.
Grace wasn’t relenting. “I truly believe you still love him, but that is now your cross to bear.”
She turned to leave and was almost to the door when Anya stood up. “You are right, she made a mistake, but she beats herself up daily. She doesn’t need you coming in here pummeling her anymore.”
Grace turned toward Anya. “My brother is tortured with her ‘mistake’ every day. He is turning into a bitter, angry man...”
Anya fired back, “Hah, he was already bitter and angry. Why do you think she turned to...?”
Holly snapped out of her numb state and interrupted her friend’s defensive arguments. “Anya, it doesn’t matter.” Anya looked like she was going to argue, but Holly just shook her heard. Walking up to Grace, she said, “I would do anything to erase the past. I wish I could do something or say something that would erase his pain.”
Holly’s voice was choked with emotion, and she took a moment to clear her throat. The picture of a broken, bitter Hunter tortured her mind. Grace’s face softened at the obvious pain she was going through, but Holly turned away from it, feeling unworthy of even her sister-in-law’s sympathy.
“I’m sorry is all I have to say – and I would sing it from the rooftops if it would help him.” She lifted her chin a little. “But, like you said, I know the effect my stupid mistake had on him. I didn’t just hurt him – I destroyed him. And yes, I still love him. So those two things combined are my cross to bear. Knowing I destroyed the man I love.”
Grace stared at her for a moment. There wasn’t an excuse in Holly’s words, there wasn’t an angle to get some sympathy. It was a declaration, a statement that she had done the unforgivable and she was prepared to suffer for it.
The angry lines on Grace’s face faded, but she didn’t say anything else as she walked out the door. Her steps slowed and she paused, staring at Holly through the display window. She started to walk away but returned a moment later, staring at the dress in the window.
With a furrowed eyebrow, she threw another disconcerting look Holly’s way before she stormed off.
“How dare she...?”
Holly interrupted Anya’s fuming tirade. “She had every right.” Holly didn’t even try to hide the weariness in her voice. She kneaded her back again.
“Why don’t you go home a little early today and get some rest? We will handle the party tonight.” Katie suggested. The older woman’s kind, compassionate voice was like a balm for her soul. She smiled at her. “Thanks, Katie. I think I will.”
Gathering her belongings from the back office, she headed out the door.
Chapter Twelve
Going through her office, Holly gathered her things and then exited through the back door to the alley behind the store. Her legs were heavy with the emotions of the day, and she wasn’t sure how she lifted them to climb the wrought iron stairs that led to her apartment over the shop. Unlocking the door, she slipped in and was greeted by her cat, Espresso. Sitting in front of the door in ant
icipation, the cat tilted her head to the side and let out a soft meow.
As she walked inside, the cat circled Holly’s legs, nearly tripping her in the process. “I missed you, too.”
Putting her stuff down on the counter, she pulled a bottle of water out from the fridge and looked down to see Espresso sitting in front of the pantry door. When their eyes met, the cat let out a mournful meow. “You didn’t miss me; you just think you need a treat.”
Espresso’s wide blue eyes spoke nothing but innocence, and her soft meow solidified the poor sweet kitty act she was trying to sell. With a laugh, Holly opened the pantry door and the cat’s tail shook with excitement as Holly put one of the small treats on the ground in front of her.
After devouring the treat, the cat let out a short meow, and then walked away.
Holly walked over to the window seat, pulling one of the decorative pillows over her slightly swollen belly, hoping she could ease the dull aching cramps that seemed to be getting stronger. Espresso jumped into her lap. After kneading Holly’s legs for a minute, the cat turned and looked up at Holly. As if sensing her pain, the cat let out a soft meow.
The sound of a blaring horn forced Holly’s attention out the window. Looking down toward the street, she saw a blonde woman dashing between cars whose horns immediately retaliated at the woman’s reckless actions. The woman dashed onto the sidewalk and into the boutique. Holly knew she should probably go back down and help Anya and Katie, but she was so tired, and the cramps and her back pain didn’t help.
To the protests of Espresso, who was unceremoniously displaced as she rose, Holly headed to her room. Setting the alarm on her phone, she curled up on the bed, hoping a few hours of sleep would help ease the ache in her back.
An hour later, she woke to the feeling of warm stickiness between her legs. She sat up in bed and looked down at the small stain of red on the comforter.
She picked up her phone and began dialing without thinking. “Hello?”
Hunter’s voice snapped her eyes away from the stain. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call...The baby...It is just habit.”
She hung up and dialed Anya’s number. “I think I am losing the baby.”
“You are going to the doctor right now. I am on the way.”
Twenty minutes later, Holly lay on the emergency room bed as her doctor searched for the baby’s heartbeat, his face confirming her suspicions before his words did.
Hunter slid into the room, his eyes searching her face for the answer. She closed her eyes and turned her head from him. “We are searching for the heartbeat right now...”
“Find my daughter’s heartbeat!” Hunter growled. He looked down at Holly and, without hesitation, he grabbed her hand that held the IV.
A nurse came in with a sonogram machine, and more cold gel was placed on her belly. Just as the doctor placed the wand on her stomach, a scream tore from her lips. A wave of pain unlike anything she had ever experienced gripped her belly. She felt the warm gush of liquid between her legs, and her eyes sought Hunter.
The doctor was shouting orders and the nurse gently pulled Hunter to the side as she injected something into Holly’s IV. Another pain gripped her belly and she screamed. But then slowly, the world faded, and her mind went black.
“Hey, sweetie.” Anya said as she came awake. Holly glanced around the room, seeing Hunter sitting on a round stool in the corner, a blank expression on his face.
“The baby?” Holly asked, and Anya just shook her head.
A tear slipped down her cheek. Anya patted her arm. “They said you should be able to come home in a couple of hours. They just want to make sure you aren’t having any complications.”
Holly nodded, numb. All she could think about was the tiny life that had been growing inside her had died. Had God taken the baby from her? She was no doubt unworthy to carry an innocent child in her defiled womb.
Anya cleared her throat. “Well, I will leave you two alone.”
Hunter finally looked up, and Holly searched his eyes for hate – sure he would despise her even more for losing their child. For a brief moment, his eyes held no hate.
She thought he would yell at her, or maybe just leave. Instead, he perched his hip on the bed next to hers. “Are you okay?”
Holly just shrugged, and Hunter looked away, trying to blink back the tears that misted his eyes. “I saw her...I got to hold...”
Hunter couldn’t finish his sentence, and the tears he’d been trying to hold back fell. For a moment, the two sat on the bed, holding hands, crying out their loss. The sins of their past didn’t matter. There were no walls between them, just the shared pain of the child they would never get to see grow up to become a woman.
A week later, she stood before a small headstone bearing the name, Heather Ann Harrison. Hunter had wanted to do a funeral, but she had protested. Too many funerals had littered her life. She wanted to bury her little girl in peace.
Dropping to her knees, she placed some of the things Anya and Katie had bought for Heather. A small pink rattle, booties with pink and yellow flowers, and a small pink stuffed elephant.
Hunter came up to stand next to her, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses, and in his hand he held a large stuffed bunny with “Heather” embroidered on its feet. “I bought this the day you sent me the sonogram...”
She heard the tears in his throat and she reached out to place a comforting hand on his arm. He didn’t retreat, but he didn’t respond. He sniffled, and bent to place the bunny with the things she had brought, breaking the contact between them.
She cried then, unable to hold back the tears any longer. Hunter murmured a comforting comment – but did not reach out to touch her. No hug, not even a pat on the shoulder.
He let her cry it out, still remaining stiffly and quietly by her side. At one moment, she thought she felt his fingertip brush against hers, but she must have imagined it. He cleared his throat and said he hoped she was feeling better, and then turned to leave.
With no other ties to her - he walked out of her life forever.
“Mark, will you help Katie bring in the dresses after Anya’s done?” Holly said to the young man who was carrying the serving trays from second van in the driveway.
“Sure thing, Ms. Harrington.”
Hearing her last name always caused her feet to stumble. One of the last remnants of her marriage she refused to sever.
Three weeks had passed since her miscarriage and Holly was a ghost of her former self. She went to work every day, a plastic smile pasted on her face, but each day it became more of an effort to put on her “I’m okay” facade.
Hunter hadn’t called to check on her. He didn’t come by to see how she was feeling. Why should he?
She pushed aside the thought and rang the doorbell, and was greeted moments later by the beaming bride.
“Oh Holly, I’m so excited.” The young woman wrapped her in a fierce hug brought on by her excitement.
“I’d ask you if you are ready, Rebecca, but I think I already know the answer.”
Over the past few months, Holly had realized there were several types of brides and bridal parties. Some were small, intimate, and included only a small gathering of family and close friends. Others were much larger, and often became more about the party than the dress. Holly listened as Rebecca explained who was here tonight.
“My best friend, who is also my maid of honor, is here. I have five bridesmaids!” Rebecca let out an overwhelmed giggle. “Two are my sisters, two are the groom’s sisters and then I have another friend. I couldn’t leave her out.” Rebecca’s last sentence came out as a whispered apology. “My parents and grandparents will be here - both of them. And Tony’s mom, stepmom and his grandmother also wanted to be a part of tonight.”
As Rebecca led Holly toward the rumble of conversation going on in the other room, Holly thought, with this many opinions in the room, things could get ugly.
She hadn’t been in the room a moment before someone from the couch
called out her name. “Holly, is that you?”
Turning in the direction of the voice, Holly almost dropped her belongings as she saw her half-sister walking toward her.
“Jennifer?” Holly whispered as she allowed herself to be engulfed in the girl’s hug. Holly felt awkward after the woman refused to relinquish her hold immediately. She hadn’t seen Jennifer since she had left the Buckner's home shortly after her high school graduation.
“Dad has been trying to find you.”
She forced a bright smile - but she was sure it couldn’t illuminate a closed shoebox. “Maybe we can talk after the party.”
“Absolutely.” Jennifer said with a smile. The bright stain of red on the woman’s cheeks let Holly know Jen knew that she was getting the brush off.
She turned her back to the group, pretending to sort through her belongings. After she had organized her thoughts, she turned with a brighter, more rehearsed smile.
“Thank you all for coming tonight to Rebecca’s dress decision party.” Holly never let her eyes fall on Jennifer, knowing the woman’s stare would cause her to stumble in her carefully arranged speech. “Katie is passing out cards that will allow you to provide your input on each dress as Rebecca comes out.” She laughed, like she always did at this point. “Now I know it is going to be hard not to shout out your opinions, but our goal here in the first round is to help her narrow down her choices. After the first round of dresses, we will gather the cards and tally the vote. If she needs another round, then we will go from there.”
Mark was wheeling in the circular platform, and a couple of the younger women murmured comments under their breath. Holly didn’t need a huge leap in her imagination to gather that they were talking about her handsome helper. He smiled a jaunty smile at Jennifer, and then turned to go get the tri-fold mirror from the van.
Holly followed Rebecca to a bedroom where they went through the selection of dresses, pulling out the order in which she wanted to try them on. As Holly helped her into the first dress, Rebecca caught her eyes in the mirror. “So how do you know Jen?”
Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) Page 9
