“Lina.”
She took my face in her hands and smiled a sad little smile. “Just kiss me. Please, Damon. Kiss me.”
Lina didn’t wait for me to do what she wanted. And when she kissed me again, I didn’t resist. I kept my hands wrapped around her wrists, but this time, I didn’t push her away. We rose to stand together, water dripping off her into the tub, her naked body yielding, making me wet as it molded against me. I released one wrist to cup the back of her head, kissing her harder, her lips soft and open, her taste like whiskey and need. Lifting her in my arms, I held her to me, not caring I was as drenched as she was, needing this for this one moment, needing her this close. Needing her mouth on my mouth.
I grabbed a towel, carried her into the bedroom, and dragged my lips away to sit her on the edge of the bed. I wrapped the towel over her shoulders and looked at her, her sad eyes wide on my face as she clutched the towel to herself.
I took a moment in the bathroom, breathing in a deep breath, gathering my strength. I grabbed a towel and dried myself, then returned to the bedroom to sit beside her. Lina turned to me, looked me over. She pushed her towel off her shoulders and straddled my lap.
“No,” I said, taking hold of her arms. “Lina, no.”
She kissed my face, then my mouth, her nipples grazing my naked chest.
“Stop. I told you this can’t happen again.”
“Why not?” she asked, her breath damp on my face, my lips.
“It just can’t.”
“Then why are you here?” she asked, her eyes closing when she kissed my mouth again.
It took all I had to not kiss her back, not to throw her down on the bed and lay my full weight on top of her, sink my cock into her, and have her.
Gritting my teeth, I gripped her wrists and stood, forcing her to stand. “This is too fucking hard.” I pushed her into the chair in the room. I needed to put distance between us. If I didn’t—
She watched as I walked away, then back. I leaned over her and took hold of her arms. “Tell me what that stuff was. The gold. Tell me what it was for and where you were and what you meant when you said no one hurt you yet.”
Her face shut down. She looked at her hands in her lap, then began to pick at a cuticle.
“I can’t help you if you don’t let me,” I said when she wouldn’t look at me.
When she turned her face up, she gave me a strange sort of smile. “I don’t need help. I’m not asking you for it.”
“I think you do need help. I think you’re in something that’s way over your head.”
“I was at a party, Damon. I worked a party.”
My jaw tightened along with my hands. She didn’t tell me to let her go, though.
“I worked one of Alexi’s parties. They painted us gold. That’s what that was, just some makeup. I’ll get paid tomorrow. I’ll return the fifty bucks I took from you then.”
“This isn’t about money, and you know it,” I said through gritted teeth.
She cocked her head to the side. “What’s it about, then?”
Her face was harder, her eyes colder and completely closed off to me. That girl that I’d held in the bath, she was gone. She was so far gone, I almost wasn’t sure she’d been there at all.
I released her. Lina went to the bed and reached beneath the pillow to take out a worn white shirt, which she slipped over her head. It came to the very tops of her thighs and left everything in plain sight. The thought of her at a party, naked, painted gold for everyone to look at, it made me want to put my fist through the goddamned wall.
“What do you mean you worked the party?” I asked, teeth gritted, wanting her to deny what she implied.
“What do you think I mean?” she asked, her hand on her hip. “You’re right. I don’t live here for free, Damon. I pay. Just not with money. I make myself available to Alexi. I let him parade me around. He likes the tattoos. I let him use me however he wants, and I get paid for it.”
I watched her face as she said it, heard how cold and hollowed out she sounded.
“I don’t believe you.” I said, my voice low and hoarse, fists so tight my fingernails cut into my skin. “You told me…” I turned away, ran a hand through my hair, tugging it hard before facing her again, taking her by her hair and pulling her head back hard.
She made a sound, and I knew I was hurting her. I just…I couldn’t stop.
I didn’t want to.
“You told me you don’t do that for him. You told me.”
She tried to grin, but I twisted my fingers and wiped that grin off her face.
“I lied,” she said. “I lied about that like I’ve lied about everything else. You just don’t want to see it.”
I searched her face. Watched the tears that collected at the corners of her eyes. I released her with a jerk, tossing her onto the bed.
“You want to spank me again, Damon? You want me to bend over the bed? Maybe use your belt this time? Really teach me a lesson? Just be careful,” she goaded. “Maybe you won’t stop at licking my pussy this time. Maybe you won’t be able to resist fucking me this time.”
I walked to where my sweater lay between the bathroom and bedroom and picked it up.
“How do you want me?” she asked, goading me.
I turned around to find her standing by the foot of the bed. She dragged her gaze over my bare chest to my jeans, then came to me, closed her hand over the buckle of my belt.
“How do you want me?” she asked again, this time, sounding on edge, hard, but also broken. Like a broken little doll.
I covered her hand. “Don’t do this.”
“How? How do you want me?”
“Stop. Lina, stop this.” What in hell had happened to her?
Red rimmed her eyes. “Why?”
“Because this isn’t you.” I shoved her out of my way and pulled my sweater on. “You’re drunk, and this isn’t you.”
“It is me! That girl you knew? Lina? She’s gone, Damon. Long gone. It’s just Kat now. This is exactly me.” Her face, for a moment, crumpled. She blinked, forcing that weakness away, but not before I glimpsed that vulnerability.
This was a cry for help. I knew it. I couldn’t believe what she said. It was her way of pushing me away even as she begged for help.
“How much did you drink?” I asked, harder now, firmer. She didn’t need me to be soft with her. Not now. She didn’t even want it.
She shrugged a shoulder and turned away.
“Where’s your purse?” I didn’t wait for her to answer. She’d dropped it on the floor in the bedroom. I opened it and took out the half bottle of whiskey. “Please tell me you didn’t drink all this tonight.”
“What’s it to you?”’
“Fuck, Lina—”
“Fuck Lina’s about right. But if you’re not going to fuck me, then get out.”
I stalked up to her and took her jaw in my hand, hauling her higher so she stood on tiptoe. I still had to lean down, so we were eye to eye.
“You know what, Lina, I believe you. I believe that you’re lying. You’re lying about this.”
“Ask me if I liked it,” she taunted.
“Shut up.”
“Ask me. Ask me if I liked everyone watching me.”
“Goddamn it, I said shut up.” I gripped her arm and stripped the covers off the bed, then tossed her onto it. As soon as I stepped away, though, she sat back up.
“Lay down,” I ordered, my voice low and hard.
“I thought you’d prefer me bent over.”
“Shut up and lay the fuck down. You’re going to sleep this off.”
“Make me shut up. Make me. Make me lay down.”
“Yeah? That’s what you want?” I looked down at her and stepped closer, looming over her so that she had to tilt her head way back to see me. I was just pissed off enough to do what she asked.
Her eyes grew wide, and she didn’t speak. Nice change.
“You want me to make you?” I unbuckled my belt. Her eyes locke
d on it as I tugged it free of my jeans with a whoosh. “This what you want?” I asked her, flipping her onto her belly, lifting her shirt up to bare her little ass.
“Damon—”
“Sobers you up pretty quickly, doesn’t it?” I straddled her hips and took her arms, drew them over her head, and wound my belt around her wrists and through one bar of the headboard, securing her to it.
“What are you doing?” she struggled, but it was done.
I got off her, and she turned to watch as I went into her closet and returned a moment later with two scarves.
“Damon.”
I tugged one of her legs out to the right and secured her ankle to the footboard.
“What are you doing?”
She struggled, but I took her left leg and pulled it wide before binding it to the bed.
I stepped back to look at her lying prone on the bed, bound, spread wide—fuck, it hurt my cock to look at her, at her bared ass, the slit of her sex. I hadn’t needed to do that. Hadn’t needed to bind her like that.
I forced my gaze to her face. “On your belly, so you don’t choke if you puke.” I put my sweater on, taking my time now. I lifted the blanket to cover her but not before I gave her ass a hard smack.
“Ow! Fuck you.”
“By the way, I will take you up on your offer later, Kat. I’d love to whip that ass of yours, but I want you sober so you feel every lick of my belt.” I picked up my coat and walked into the other room. “I’ll be on the other side of this door. You just holler if you need anything. Get some sleep.”
I took the half-empty bottle of whiskey and pulled the door closed behind me, her cries of “you can’t do this” and “you can’t leave me here like this” making me smile a little. After taking a sip of the cheap whiskey, I flinched and dumped the rest down the drain then settled on the couch for a short night’s sleep. The only thing that made me feel better was knowing she was going to be hurting tomorrow after the shit she said to me tonight.
7
Lina
I woke up to a sudden burst of bright light and someone yanking the comforter off me. My head throbbed, my mouth felt like cotton, and my eyes like they were sealed shut with glue.
“Rise and shine, sweetheart. You’ve got a flight to catch.”
I peeled my eyelids open and squinted in the bright light. Damon stood at the window, watching me with a satisfied grin on his face. I strained to see why it was so bright and realized the skies had cleared and sunshine now bounced off what looked to be a foot of snow. The blizzard.
“Head hurt?” he asked, that grin a smirk.
He walked over to me. I tried to sit up but couldn’t pull either my arms or legs free. I glanced back at myself, seeing the blankets askew, one naked leg exposed. I remembered the night before. How he’d bound me to the bed. Why he’d done it. All the things I’d said.
“Always takes a few minutes for the memories to come flooding back, doesn’t it?” He sat on the side of the bed, undoing one ankle, then the next, before hovering over my head. He waited until I looked at him before reaching down to untie my wrists. I felt heat flush my face at his knowing look.
“What time is it?”
“Seven. Get up, have a shower. I’ll pack your things.”
“Pack my things for what?” I asked, sitting up, my head feeling like a bowling ball I couldn’t carry.
“We’re going to Florida. I have meetings, and I’m not leaving you here alone. Not after last night.”
I rubbed my sore wrists. “I can’t just take off to Florida. I have a job.”
“That’s exactly the problem.”
“Damon, I can’t not show up.”
“You’ll call in sick. It’s two days.”
He got up and opened my closet, taking out a duffel bag.
“I can’t call in sick,” I said. I couldn’t. For so many reasons, the least of which was the actual job. If I didn’t show up at Club Carmen tonight, Alexi would be here to figure out why. Well, if he wasn’t on his way already after last night when I left the party before it was over. Before I was allowed. Shit. “You have to go, Damon.” I forced myself to move, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, clutching my head. I needed Advil.
“I’m going. We’re going. Together. Taxi will be here in about twenty minutes, so get up and shower.”
I walked to the bathroom to pee. For some reason, I didn’t bother closing the door. I grabbed the bottle of Advil and swallowed two with a handful of water.
“Listen.” I came back into the bedroom to find him going through my dresser drawers. “About last night, I’m sorry. I was drunk.”
Fishing out a handful of panties, he glanced at me before shoving them into the duffel. “I know you were drunk. We’ll talk all about it on the flight. Do you have a bathing suit?”
“I’m not going, Damon. I can’t.”
He stopped and looked at me. “Listen, I don’t want to be rude, but you smell like a distillery after that whiskey. It would be nice if you could shower. For me and the other passengers.”
I shook my head. “You’re unbelievable.” I turned and walked into the bathroom, the thought of Florida, of warmth and sunshine, of a few days out of Alexi Markov’s grasp, already warming me from the inside.
“We’re short on time, so make it quick.”
I stepped into the shower. Could I go? What would Alexi do? I’d call him once I got to the airport. He was going to be pissed anyway. He already was, I was sure, after last night. What could he do? Fire me? Kick me out of this apartment? Fine. Please. Set me free.
Damon walked into the bathroom, holding a pair of jeans and a sweater. “You can wear these. Let’s go.” He checked his watch.
I switched off the water, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around myself. He stood in the doorway watching me, his eyes full of me. I could see him trying to look away, trying not to see me, but he did. Even if he couldn’t admit it to himself, he did.
“Why aren’t you gone after last night?” I asked. “After what I told you. How awful I was to you.”
He stepped up to me and brushed a strand of wet hair off my face.
“I told you I wasn’t leaving you alone to handle this. We’re going to go away, and you’re going to tell me exactly what’s going on, and we’re going to fix it. Get you out of whatever you’ve gotten yourself into. Together. I care about you, Lina. I’m not about to walk away and let you destroy yourself.”
I searched his face, his eyes. It was like we’d known each other forever. It was like no matter what, no matter how awful I was or how badly I fucked up, Damon would be there, and that was that.
“It wasn’t true,” I said. “Last night, what I said, I lied.”
“I know.”
“It’s better if you’re not involved,” I felt the heat of tears but managed to contain them.
“That’s not up to you. It never was, not since the moment I walked back into your life.”
“Damon—”
He put a finger over my lips to quiet me. I swallowed, his touch soft, leaving me wanting so much more. My chest tightened as we stood looking at each other, and I knew in that moment that I loved him. I loved Damon Amado.
And he was the one man I could never have.
But we could have this.
We could have two days, couldn’t we? It would break me, but we could have it.
To steal time. Precious time.
Could one steal time? No. It didn’t work that way. There was always a price to pay. But I would. I’d pay it.
A car honked its horn outside, and Damon dropped his arm. “That’s the taxi. Get dressed, and we’ll go. We’ll stop at the church to pick up my things. Do you need anything else?”
I glanced around. “Sunscreen?”
He smiled. “We’ll get that there.”
A few minutes later, we walked out of the apartment and into the idling taxi. When we got to the church, I waited in the cab while he went up to get his things. I dialed Alexi’
s office line at Club Carmen, knowing he wouldn’t be there yet, and left a voice mail to say I’d be gone for a few days. I didn’t say more than that, knowing he’d be by to check the apartment once he got the message anyway. I hung up and switched my phone off as Damon returned, loaded a duffel bag into the trunk, and climbed back into the cab.
Damon had church business in Miami, and the hotel he’d booked was just a block from the beach. I’d never been to Florida. The warmth in contrast to the icy, wet cold of New York City felt better than I could have ever imagined it could.
When we arrived, we took a taxi to the hotel. At check-in, when the desk agent mentioned it was a room with a king-size bed, he said that was fine. I was surprised, thinking he’d ask for two doubles, since he seemed determined that nothing would happen between us. I knew he was struggling against himself, wanting it, wanting me, as much as I wanted him.
“I’ve canceled my evening meeting, so I’ll be back by three. You’ll be on your own until then.”
“That’s fine. I think I’ll lie down and take a nap. My head still hurts. Then maybe we can go to the beach together after?”
“I don’t care where we go, but we need to talk. I need you to come clean with me, Lina. That means you tell me everything.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t commit to that. It was for his own protection.
“Make sure you eat something. Just charge it to the room.”
Embarrassed, I looked away.
“And pick up sunscreen from the gift shop if you go out.”
“You know I’ve been living on my own for two years, right?”
“I know,” he said, taking some money out of his wallet and setting it on the desk. “I kind of sprung this on you, so I feel responsible.”
God. So freaking embarrassing. “Thanks.”
Our room overlooked the water. After Damon left, I decided I’d nap on the beach instead of in the hotel. I unpacked my things, put on my bikini and a sundress, grabbed a towel and my purse, and headed out. I’d relax and enjoy the next few hours and not think about anything. I’d need to face it all soon enough anyway.
Disgraced (Amado Brothers) Page 8
