“Of course not.”
She suddenly recalled the last spanking her mother had given her. A neighbor had come to call and Madelaine had tromped through the house in a pair of breeches she’d stolen from one of the servant boy’s rooms. Later, after the neighbor had left, her mother had come to Madelaine’s room, shut the door, and whipped her until welts covered Madelaine’s bottom. She’d forgotten the moment until just now.
“Madelaine,” Grey said lowly, his voice so razor-sharp that it snapped her from her recollection, and she glanced automatically to Elizabeth’s bed to see what was the matter. But Elizabeth lay still, her snoring filling the room.
“What’s the matter?” The dark look on his face puzzled her.
He reached for her suddenly, and with the memory of her mother’s last spanking fresh in her mind, she shoved her chair backwards out of his reach.
“Madelaine.” He dropped his hand and sat very still. “Goddamn,” he whispered. “Did your father beat you as a child?”
“No.” She was very glad he’d not asked about her mother. She’d never told a soul about the spankings she’d received from her mother every time she’d been a disappointment, but now that she was remembering them, she was shocked to realize just how many she could recall, and the pain of what her mother called “a simple spanking”.
He studied her intently for a moment before speaking. “Who beat you?”
Heat flooded her cheeks, and she swallowed convulsively against the feeling that her tongue was tied. “N-n-no one.”
His eyes glittered as he stared. “Madelaine, you’re lying to me.” His voice was low and fierce. “Tell me. I’ll keep your secret.”
His scent of freshly washed male surrounded her. When had he moved his chair closer? Their arms touched and their legs brushed. She glanced worriedly at Louisa, but the woman’s eyes were closed and her mouth was hanging open. Wonderful, her chaperone, her lone defense against her own desire for Grey, was fast asleep. Discomfited, she pressed her fingers to her temple and took a deep, calming breath. “My mother didn’t beat me,” she said without stuttering, so it had to be true. “She s-sp―” She clenched her teeth and took another deep breath. “She spanked me when I deserved it, which was quite a lot given how disobedient I was.”
He slid his arm around the back of her chair to rest on her shoulders, while he smoothed her hair in a repeated, calming fashion with his free hand. “What sort of spankings?”
She sighed at the relaxing feeling his touch brought her. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against his arm. “The typical sort with her hand and sometimes a leather strap.”
“And did it hurt very much?”
“I don’t know.” But her bottom screamed now in remembrance.
“Madelaine.”
She opened her eyes and looked at him. His face was inches from hers. She tried to draw back, but he slid his hand to the base of her skull and held her locked in place. “Did it hurt?”
He’d not relent until he had his answer. She could see it in the dark glint of his stormy gaze. “Yes, it hurt. Terribly. I usually couldn’t sit the next day. Are you satisfied?”
She tried to turn her face from his, but his other hand came up and captured her chin. “No, I’m angry as hell. Did your father hit you too? Because if he did―”
“No,” she said as sharply as she dared with two people sleeping so near. “As far as I know, he never had an inkling Mother hit me. He was gone often to see the king and on various trips, and when he came home Mother would always be upset with him for having been gone as long as he was. I think they were too busy arguing over how much he was gone to talk much about me other than for Mother to bemoan what a failure I was as a proper lady.”
Grey looked at her as if he was struggling with some great emotion. He stroked her bottom lip with his finger, igniting that familiar fire he’d lit before deep in her belly. “I’ll never hurt you, or let anyone else hurt you again.”
The shock of his lips on hers silenced anything she was about to say and allowed him complete access to her mouth. His tongue slipped inside like silk, but burning hot. He explored her mouth gently with erotic strokes until the fire in her belly started to spread up her body, and a low moan escaped her. Then just as suddenly as he’d started the kiss, he pulled away but captured her hand as he did so and brought it to his face. “I wish we were alone.” His voice was raw and gravelly.
She traced down the slope of his jawline, and then made herself pull away. “I wish it too, but I know it’s very good we are not.”
“Why’s that?” His hand was again around her shoulder, his fingers brushing lightly back and forth over the skin exposed at the base of her neck.
“Because you scare me.”
“I scare you?” He stopped brushing her lip.
“No, no.” She shook her head. “The way you make me feel when I’m around you scares me.”
“Ah.” He smiled, two dimples appearing in either side of his cheeks. “That’s different. That kind of fear I like. You should release yourself to your fears. A little bit, that is.”
God, the man was impossible. His every word sounded like an invitation to sin, and she very much wanted to respond “yes”, but she couldn’t. Yet she could offer him the truth of her heart. “I’ve avoided you since you told me what my father said because I was afraid if I was alone with you too much, I would break my vow to be an obedient daughter.”
“I see.” He fiddled with one of the flowers embroidered on her dress. “So you do want me to continue to court you?”
“Very much,” she whispered, suddenly feeling shy.
A crease lined his forehead. “And if your father won’t relent and give his permission?”
She refused to consider the possibility. “He won’t refuse me. He’s very reasonable, and I’m sure his worry has to do with your reputation at Court. But once he hears how honorable you really are, and I tell him how you cared for your sister, I know he’ll change his mind.”
“What if your father is refusing my courtship because of other reasons?”
She frowned. “What else could there be?”
Grey shrugged, not meeting her gaze. “Nothing.” His tone was harsh. “There’s nothing.” He looked up and smiled. “Together we’ll change his mind.”
She nodded. They had to change his mind. She didn’t think she could defy her father. His disappointment would be so great, and there was part of her that wondered whether it was her mother’s disappointment with her that had led to her parents’ last argument that had sent her mother tearing off on her stallion into a snowstorm and her death. “So you don’t mind waiting to court me?”
“I’m courting you now.” He grinned. “And I mind very much waiting for you, but I suspect you’re worth the wait. Will you consider something for me?”
“What?”
“Will you see me if someone is always present, and I vow not to touch you again until we have your Father’s agreement that I may court you?”
“Yes.” Her husky tone made her wince. She had to get a little control. It was hard. She wanted more than anything to spend more time with him. “I’ll see you as long as someone is always present.” After all no harm could come if he kept his vow.
Madelaine crumpled the paper in her hand, plopped onto her bed, and stared into the crackling fire. She was utterly disgruntled. Why hadn’t Grey kissed her when they’d strolled in the garden tonight? It wasn’t as if there hadn’t been ample opportunity. His aunt had left them for a moment to speak with an old acquaintance. Madelaine had been so sure she’d get a kiss or at the very least he’d try to hold her hand. He’d pointed out stars. She kicked her slippers onto the floor. Stars were perfectly lovely, but she’d wanted his lips on hers not his knowledge.
She was being unreasonable, but she didn’t care. This week had been horrid. Grey had kept to his vow not to touch her like a saint. She wanted to kick herself for agreeing to his suggestion. The letter she’d just received from
her father didn’t improve her mood.
She’d not been prepared for him to refuse to come back to the castle. Let alone under any circumstances, barring imminent danger to herself or the return of the Prince of Wales from his trip abroad. His words made it next to impossible to obey his wishes. If Grey didn’t touch her soon she’d go insane.
She closed her eyes and listened to the wood pop in the fire grate. There were two choices. She and Grey could keep on as they had been or they could allow small harmless touches, such as a brush of the hand or even a chaste kiss. Butterflies danced in her stomach.
She felt trapped between desire and duty. What to do? She plucked at her coverlet. Her heart told her Grey was honorable. Father would see reason. Eventually. Setting her worries aside long enough to dress for bed, she donned her night rail and looked out at the moon. Was Grey somewhere gazing at the same sky? Would she see him tomorrow and have to endure more sweet torture?
She closed the shutters of the small window. She longed to be alone with Grey and feel his hand cup her face and his lips crush against hers as they had before. She yanked back her covers and settled into her cool sheets.
She was sick of the yearning gnawing at her every waking moment. If she was sure she could convince her father to agree to Grey’s suit, there was nothing really forcing her to endure this torture one more moment. She smiled. That was an easy decision. Why on earth had it taken her so long to make it? Tomorrow, she’d somehow show Grey that he needed to break his vow. She wrinkled her nose. However could she do that without embarrassing herself? She could brush his hand when no one was looking, or maybe they’d even find themselves alone again for a moment and she’d kiss him. The scandalizing thought made her grin. She was looking forward to getting him to break his vow.
When she woke the next morning and learned the queen had unexpectedly departed for Kew with a small, select entourage of the king’s men, two of the king’s physicians and all the ladies-in-waiting except for her and Elizabeth, Madelaine was thrilled. This was perfect. Now, all she needed to do was find Grey.
Perhaps Elizabeth could somehow help her come up with a plan to be alone with him for a few minutes. Madelaine raced through the halls as quickly as she could and arrived breathless at Elizabeth’s room. She burst through the door and stopped at the sight. Grey kneeled by his sister’s bed, a crumpled letter in his hand and an amused smile on his face. Elizabeth’s face held deep lines of worry. The only noise in the room was the loud snoring of Louisa, who sat slumped on the settee.
Madelaine inched open the door and winced at the loud creak of the hinges. Grey rose and motioned her over. When she was close to the bed, he drew her near his side. His unexpected touch sent her pulse soaring. His hand lingered on hers for the briefest second but even after he released her, her skin tingled with awareness. “Lady Madelaine, I’m glad you’re here. Maybe you can convince my sister there’s nothing to worry about. Nothing I’ve said seems to be doing the trick.”
Madelaine sat and took Elizabeth’s hand. “Worrying is bad for your recovery. Stop immediately.”
Elizabeth frowned. “Grey said almost the exact same thing, but I can’t help but worry when he’s been called home so cryptically.”
Madelaine’s heart lurched. “Home?”
Elizabeth nodded. “Foxhaven, my oldest brother, has summoned Grey home immediately with no explanation. It’s unlike him to be enigmatic.”
Grey laughed, but it sounded forced. “Edward is highhanded, Liz. Surely you’ve not forgotten that. He’s probably taken it in his head that I’ve done something unpardonable and doesn’t want to write it in the letter because he fears I’ll avoid him. I’ll go home, soothe his worries, and then I’ll return.”
Grey’s gaze had locked on Madelaine. His promise to return made her stomach somersault. “When will you be departing?”
“Now.”
“Now?” She cursed the bad timing. “How long will you be gone?”
He gazed down. “Possibly a sennight or two.”
Two weeks? Why didn’t he appear as upset as she felt? As he leaned down, hugged his sister and said his goodbye, Madelaine tried desperately to breathe normally, but catching a proper breath was difficult. Her chest felt compressed, her throat tight. When he stood and faced her, so near she could smell the scent of pine lingering on his skin and see the flecks of grey in his blue eyes, she willed him to touch her.
He reached for her hand, and her pulse leapt. But then he withdrew, his hands clenching at his sides. He wanted to touch her! She would have thrown herself into his arms and lavished him with kisses if not for his sister. “Goodbye, Lady Madelaine.” His voice sounded strained. “I hope to see you very soon.”
She swallowed against her dry throat. “Sooner I hope rather than later, Lord Grey. Safe travels.”
He dipped his head to her and walked out the door. When the door shut, her shoulders sagged. She wanted to run after him and assure him she’d wait for him, but how would she explain herself to his sister? She glanced at Elizabeth. Elizabeth stared back with a small smile. “If you go quickly down the garden path by Frogmore, you’ll catch him at the edge of the woods. He must go that way to get to our home. No one would see you there. But mind you, if you’re not back in fifteen minutes, I’ll wake Louisa and send her after you.”
Madelaine’s heart soared. “Thank you, Elizabeth! I vow I’ll pay you back this kindness.”
Elizabeth laughed. “You’ve no need to pay me back for anything. You’ve sat as nursemaid to me for weeks and helped bring me back from the dead. Grey told me he wants to court you, and he told me of your father’s refusal. Take heart, Madelaine. I’ve never known Grey not to get what he wants. I don’t know how he’ll do it, but I’ve no doubt he’ll bring your father around. Go now and wear my cloak, in case someone should see you.”
Madelaine threw on Elizabeth’s cloak and pulled the hood around her face. “I’ll return soon.” She raced out of the castle, taking care to avoid being seen by anyone. The brisk morning air burned her lungs. Ignoring the burn, she ran down the garden path, past Frogmore and toward the edge of the woods. Her slippers pounded against the hard dirt. She had to catch Grey before he was too far out of her reach. As she rounded the bend in the trail, she gasped as Grey disappeared into the thick woods.
“Grey!” she shouted, hoping if anyone happened to be near they would think it was his sister running after him. He whipped around in the saddle, a smile spreading across his face. Flying down the slope of the trail, the toe of her slipper hit a gnarled root that rose above the dirt. She almost tripped, but Grey was before her and pulled her into his strong embrace and into the cover of the woods.
“Madelaine.” His husky voice slid over her and made a deep ache bloom in the pit of her belly. He pushed her hood off her head. “It was foolish of you to come after me.
“Do you want me to go back?”
“The devil you say. I’m supremely glad you’re foolish.” He delved one gloved hand into her hair, twining around the strands and bringing her head close to his. Her heavy breathing filled her ears as he pulled off his other glove with his teeth and spit it to the ground. He slid his bare hand reverently over her cheek, sending sparks of desire through her entire body.
“I’m sorry.” He trailed his fingers gently down the exposed skin of her neck, then back up to her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids. He placed a kiss on each lid before his warm lips found hers and plundered her mouth. She was going to die from wanting him.
She slid her hands up his arms and trailed her fingers over the swell of muscle not even his heavy overcoat could disguise before resting her hand on the curve of his broad shoulder. She wanted to feel more of him. As their tongues met and receded, she ran her hands over the stubble of his beard and into his thick hair.
After a moment, he pulled back and stared at her. “I’m sorry I broke my vow.”
The fact that he didn’t look a bit sorry made her grin. “I’m not.”
He brus
hed a kiss across her lips before pulling her against his chest. Her head rested under his chin, the strong beat of his heart echoing in her ear. “I had made up my mind to demand you kiss me today.”
“Really?” He tipped her chin back, so she had to meet his eyes.
She nodded shyly.
“Thank God. I’ve ached to touch you. Damned stupid of me to promise not to.”
She grinned. “I wish one of us would have bent a little sooner.”
“What of your father?” Worry creased Grey’s brow.
Madelaine sighed. That was an excellent question. Guilt prickled at her. “He wrote me this morning and refused to come back to Court until the prince returns from abroad or if I’m in danger.”
Grey frowned, a look of consternation making the crease on his brow deepen. “It’s odd that he speaks of danger and waits to come back when Prinny does.”
Madelaine shrugged. It was odd. Father had done many strange things lately, but she had no answers, and he wasn’t forthcoming. Yet odd as it was, some of his actions did follow with his personality. “Father has always been overly concerned with my safety. It’s one of the reasons he taught me how to defend myself. He wanted to teach Mother as well, but she refused to learn. Besides that, who knows my father’s mind? Perhaps the king commands he speak with the prince on a sensitive matter.”
Grey’s frown deepened. “Perhaps. Is your father’s letter what changed your mind about my vow to you?”
She held his searching gaze. There had to be nothing but truth between them. She’d have none of the secrets her mother had always claimed her father kept from her. “His letter, my desire.” Her honest words brought a hot blush to her cheeks. Grey bent his head to kiss her again, but she stopped him. “And coming to know you better. You are honorable. He will have to see that and relent.” She expected her words to wipe away the creases of worry on his face, but if anything, his body grew rigid. “What is it?” she asked, her heartbeat skipping.
What A Rogue Wants Page 16
