by Pat Tucker
“I’m working on a new song, an original. I think you’re gonna like it.” His enthusiasm defied logic.
What about me told him I was in the mood to talk or even think about his music. I had just come out of jail for some shit I didn’t do, some shit he’d actually done. And he hadn’t been the least bit concerned about my experience or what might happen to me because of it.
“Yeah, I let Moms hear it earlier, and she says it’s fiyah!”
I struggled to suppress the eye roll I wanted to toss his way. I hoped my silence would be a hint to him that I was not in the mood to visit with him.
“I think I’m really on to something. You’re gonna love it.”
I turned the water on, dumped a cup of Epsom salt in the bath, and looked around for my favorite scented body wash.
“Yeah, when I make it big, and I know I will, I’m gonna take care of us. Like I already told Moms, I’m gonna hook her up too.”
Sounds from the water filling the tub wasn’t enough to shut him up, and that pissed me off. It was clear that Cooper knew if he kept talking, he could probably get me to forget about the real problem that was hanging heavy between us. That had always been his strategy.
“I’m gonna take this bath so I can try to relax,” I said.
“Oh, yeah. You want me to go get the boom box, so I can play that new song for you? It might help you relax. It’s real good, Licia.”
I wanted to tell him the only thing that would relax me was if he were to go to bed and leave me alone. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to Cooper talk or sing.
“I’m good. I just need to relax and clear my head.”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. This new song is live; all you gotta do is sit back, enjoy your bath, and listen as I serenade you.”
“Coop, I need peace and quiet. I’m trying to think about some moves for your career, and right now, I need quiet to gather my thoughts.”
“Oh, well, why didn’t you say so from jump?”
That really was my bad because I should’ve known if he thought I was working for him, he’d do whatever I asked, so that I could focus. If I wanted peace and quiet for myself, that wasn’t important, but if it was to focus on him, he’d make sure we could hear a rat piss on cotton.
Chapter Twenty-One
When I woke up, I felt completely tired. It was like I hadn’t slept any the night before. If I wasn’t in and out of memories from the past, I was wrestling with insomnia.
Being single was worse on the weekends; loneliness clung like humidity on a Houston summer day. I wasn’t sure exactly when Yesterday and my mother finally stopped bothering me, but by the time the sun peeked through my blinds Saturday morning, I felt more alone than I had in a very long time.
There was no hangover from my cocktail, but my heart felt heavy knowing my son had tried to call, and I didn’t get to talk to him. If only I hadn’t ignored the phone for fear it was Mom or Yesterday trying to call.
I dragged myself out of bed and nearly stumbled over my mother’s designer shoes.
“Damn, these things.” I snatched them up and put them in the corner near my bed. Who would pay a month’s rent for a single pair of shoes? I knew Cooper had bought them for her, yet another thing to remind me that as I struggled, they lived a life of luxury.
“Maybe I should sell those bitches on eBay!” I laughed out loud at the idea of selling my mother’s red bottoms.
As I made my way into the shower, I tried to come up with a plan to talk to my son. If I cleaned myself up and worked to keep my temper in check, things might be different this time.
Freshly showered and changed, I grabbed a yogurt from the refrigerator, used the Uber App to order a ride, and then enjoyed my breakfast as I waited patiently. In my mind, I went over all the reasons this was a great idea.
“Good morning, Felicia,” the driver said as I eased into the backseat.
“Hi.”
I put earbuds in so that he could see I wasn’t in the mood for conversation. I tried to convince myself that this time would be different. I took it for granted that the phone call last night was to try and set up a visit. I hadn’t seen my son in almost a year.
Evelyn and Cooper tried to act like they didn’t stop Trey from reaching out to me, but we all knew the truth. As I sat thinking about the history between the four of us, it brought up deep-rooted rage that I couldn’t seem to let go.
Seeing Trey after the breakup was more challenging than a boot camp program. There were times when we’d used my mother’s house as a calm space, the neutral ground.
But it seemed like the minute Cooper and Evelyn realized what was going on, they started inviting my mother over to their fancy place for visits, which meant that my access to my own child was cut off.
One afternoon in particular, I wanted to see Trey, so I had asked my mother to offer to watch him.
“Well, if I do that, they’re gonna tell me to come over there, and I’m not in that kind of mood,” she had said. “Can you just call and see?” I hated to need anything from anyone, even my own mother. She only did things when she wanted; any other time wasn’t convenient for her.
I had watched as my mother reluctantly picked up the phone and made the call.
Either she was just an actress by nature or she knew how to turn on the charm instantly. Her entire demeanor had changed immediately.
“Heeeey, Cooper, how’s my favorite son-in-law?” My mother had cut her eyes at me after the greeting. She’d turned her back like that would plug my ears and prevent me from hearing her sweet-talk the man who had destroyed my life.
It didn’t matter to me how she felt about him. I just wanted to see my son.
“Well, I was thinking you could drop Trey off and pick him up tomorrow? Miss Geraldine’s grandkids are over, and you know they ain’t seen Trey in a long while.”
It killed me to have to resort to games and tricks to see my own child. But I had stood quietly and let my mother do her thing.
My mother had held the phone for the longest, without speaking, and it made me wonder what type of bullshit Cooper was spewing. But it was just like her to let him have his say.
“Uh-huh,” she’d finally said, and nodded.
Her expression didn’t reveal anything about the conversation, so I had no clue what was going on. Suddenly, she’d turned and leaned against the counter. “Okay, well, that does sounds like a much better plan. Okay then, I’ll be here.”
She had ended the call, then turned to me. “He says he’ll bring the boy in a couple of hours.”
I was relieved, but my mother had acted like she needed to say something, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it.
She had stood with her hands on her hips as if she were waiting for an invitation to speak her mind. I was trapped in a no-win position because she was bound to speak regardless of whether I wanted to listen.
“What’s wrong?”
“How long do you expect to go on like this? When are you gonna try and work something out? God knows this ain’t good for the boy.”
“Do you not think I have tried? I just want to see Trey for a few hours.” I had shaken my head. It wasn’t the time to get into a deep discussion about Cooper and my relationship, but my mother did what she wanted like most people in my life.
“Well, I ain’t one to be all up in your business, but to me, it seems like you’d wanna pull yourself together, if not for you, then for that boy of yours.”
Being poor was not a condition that I could just snap out of, but people behaved like it was. Nearly a year after Cooper had left me, he was remarried, and on his way to living a dream life. I was broke, alone, and left to try and pick up the pieces.
He took my son for me and was able to keep him away just because I had no money. My mother always tried to act like she was a super Christian, but her role in the ba
ttle over Trey made her just like the devil. And I hated talking about it with her. It always turned into an indication that my life, not the way Cooper used his riches against me, was the problem.
The discussion about everything that was still wrong with my life was nothing new. Between my mother and Yesterday, I should have been real close to perfection. They were both pros at dissecting my life.
Nearly an hour later, it was showtime. I had found something to do in my mother’s bathroom, so I wouldn’t be detected.
“Mommmmy,” Trey had squealed and jumped into my arms after the door closed behind him.
Of course I had to stay in the back room while my mother made small talk with Cooper. There were so many times I wanted to walk out and spit on that man, but that only would have made things more complicated.
“Hey, boy, soon I’m gonna have to look up just to look you in the eyes.”
“I am getting taller, huh?”
Trey was eleven, and he was already the spitting image of a younger Cooper. He had his father’s good looks, and I hoped my mild disposition.
That night, Mama had made tacos, and smoothies, we’d watched music videos, and Trey had attempted to show Mama and me the latest dances.
We probably appeared to be just another happy family, but there was so much turmoil and conflict in our lives, nothing could have been further from the truth.
Being around my son made me feel good, and despite his resemblance to his father, I loved our time together.
The ten o’clock news was about to come on when a knock had sounded at the door. It had pulled my attention away from the TV almost immediately.
“Who’s knocking at your door this time of night?” I had given my mother a knowing glance.
She had quickly grabbed the lapels of her robe, pulled them together, and frowned as she looked around.
“I am a good Christian woman!” She had peeked her head around the corner as if she’d be able to see who was knocking. “I ain’t got nobody calling on me this late at night.”
“Well, are you gonna find out who it is, or what?”
My mother had gotten up and gone to the door. When she’d opened it, I’d nearly kicked myself for suggesting that she did.
Cooper had walked in and had come directly for me.
“We are trying to work with you, but when you pull this type of shit, it makes me feel like we can’t trust you.”
My son had looked bewildered.
“Trey, get your things and let’s go,” Cooper had said.
The boy had looked confused. When he’d turned to me, his eyes were filled with tears. I could’ve killed Cooper. He didn’t have to do any of that in front of my son, but he did.
“Do we have to do this right now?” I’d asked.
“Tabitha, you know we don’t want to keep you from your grandson, but if you keep letting her use you like this, we’re gonna have to change that.”
“Cooper, the boy needs his Mama too,” my mother had pleaded, her arms flared as she tried to make her point to no avail.
“If she wants to see her son, she needs to go back to court. We’re not gonna keep going through this,” Cooper had said.
What pissed me off most about this was that Cooper knew I couldn’t afford a lawyer to fight him properly. But that wasn’t all Cooper; it was really my evil sister pulling the strings.
I had been with Cooper long enough to know, if something didn’t have a direct impact on him, he’d get bored with the battle and move on to something else.
But Evelyn, she was the complete opposite. She’d fight until her cold hands couldn’t clutch anything else.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The Uber driver dropped me off exactly where I wanted. The neighborhood was quiet, with large colorful houses that seemed like the architects were all trying to outdo each other. From tree-lined streets to neatly manicured lawns, the area looked like someone took extra care when designing the master-planned community.
There were several cars parked around the cobblestone, circular driveway, so I knew for sure somebody was home. Actually, I noticed several cars; maybe they had company. I walked up to the fancy gate and let myself in.
At the front door, which was literally the biggest I’d ever seen in person, I pressed a button and waited for someone to answer. The elaborate doorbell could still be heard over the laughter and chatter bellowing from behind the door. So the Spears were having a party.
Seconds later, someone pulled the door open. “Oh, come on in.”
When I took a step, my legs felt like they might give out on me at any moment. I had no business crossing that threshold, even if the person at the door were clueless. But once I was inside, it felt like I had slipped into a true oasis.
There were beautiful people gathered in a large open area only a few feet away. I couldn’t miss them if I tried. Maybe it was because they had money or just looked like they did, but there was not a single ugly person in sight. Music played softly, and everyone held drinking glasses or plates of food. Cooper was having a party, so maybe he’d be in a festive mood. While the party explained the cars, the timing didn’t make much sense to me.
It was obvious the person at the door didn’t know who I was; I was sure Evelyn wouldn’t have wanted me ruining her party.
I scanned the room quickly as I stepped inside. The TV cameras couldn’t begin to capture all of the opulence that seemed to go on as far as eyes could see: the vaulted ceilings, custom drapery dressed windows that looked as tall as skyscrapers. The idea that Cooper had sold that many records didn’t register with me.
As I looked around in awe, I didn’t recognize any of the faces in the room, and it was obvious none of them recognized me.
For a few minutes, I walked around and looked at all of the fine furniture and expensive-looking knick-knacks that decorated the space. Everything looked nice, but it still confused me.
Who has a party in the middle of the morning? Man, Cooper really had changed. Was it even noon yet? Near the back wall of the large room, several chafing dishes were lined up on a long table. The table was stacked with silver flatware and matching plates.
“Do yourself a favor; you gotta try the Spanish eggs,” a woman said as she whizzed past me, and darted to the table.
All of this was foreign to me. We never entertained like this, and not just for the obvious reasons, but I found it hard to believe that all of this fanciness was Cooper. It must’ve been Evelyn with her fake behind. She was always putting on a show and trying to make it look like she was better than everyone else.
I turned to go explore a little more, but bumped right into Cooper’s chest, and froze in my tracks.
“Uh,” I stammered, and took a few steps back. It wasn’t as much fear as it was surprise. I swallowed hard and dry.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?” The vile words coming from his mouth were meant to sting, and it burned. He didn’t even try to lower his voice. His face was twisted into a menacing scowl that threatened me with bodily harm. His eyes darted around the room, and I wasn’t sure what that was about. My brain was trying to formulate some words that would explain the inexcusable.
“My son, he called me last night. I thought he needed me. I wanted to see him.” My eyes followed his around the room. I still couldn’t get used to seeing Cooper all dolled up and looking important. But even dressed up and with lots of money, he would always be the bitch nucca I knew he was.
“My son ain’t here; he don’t need a damn thing from you, and not only do you not have the right to show up here without calling, you know you’re breaking the law,” he said. The smirk on his face told me he intended to hurt me with that comment.
Around us, people stopped what they were doing, and all eyes trained on the brewing confrontation. I couldn’t believe he was bringing attention to us in this way. Not only were people
staring at us, but when they looked at me, it felt like they were judging me.
My clothes weren’t designer, my hair and makeup hadn’t been done in years, and that never bothered me before, but at that moment, I felt awkward and out of place. Even the hired help looked better than me.
As if the embarrassing confrontation between Cooper and me wasn’t enough, Evelyn sashayed up to his side, crystal flute in hand. “Don’t worry, baby; I’ve already called the police. I told you a long time ago, we should’ve pressed charges on her ass. If we had, bet she wouldn’t be showing up like she owns the place.”
She sipped from her glass and looked down her nose at me. I wondered whether that was the nose she was born with, but knew nothing that narrow could be traced to anyone in our family.
The next time their massive front door opened, two uniformed officers walked in. It was just like Evelyn to make sure she created a scene.
“She’s right over here, officers!” Evelyn yelled. As if I weren’t already the lone standout, the bitch had the nerve to point at me with her glass.
The officers approached. “Mrs. Spears, Ma’am, why are you here?”
“She’s Miss Spears. Bitch still won’t change her name years after the divorce,” Evelyn interjected.
Cooper cut his eyes at her.
“I was trying to see my son,” I said, ignoring Evelyn.
At the sound of my explanation, Cooper frowned and acted like it didn’t make sense. He blew out a breath and shifted his weight to one side.
Suddenly, my mother, of all people, pushed through a crowd that had gathered to watch the impromptu show. The only thing missing from the scene was her falling to her knees and begging God to take her immediately, if he wasn’t going to answer her prayers to “fix” me and my life.
“Felicia, chile, what are you doing here?” Her voice was laced with concern. “Good Lord, sweet baby Jesus, have mercy!”
“I don’t know what she was thinking, but I’m sure she hasn’t forgotten about the restraining order.” Evelyn snickered. She made sure to enunciate every syllable when she mentioned the order. “And in case she did, I called the police just to make sure and jog her memory.”
