Not That Kind of Love

by K. S. Martin

  “Have you been rehearsing that?” He smirked at my question. “Wow Jamie. So, who is she?” His brows furrowed over his nose. “I mean there must be a girl that you are interested in. It sounds like you’re breaking up with me.” I gave him a mock pout and I pulled into an empty parking lot beside a bank. I shoved the truck into park. “So who is she and when do I get to meet her?”

  “Mich, there isn’t a girl.” I pawed at my sunglasses trying to get them off. My mouth gaped open so I could get more air into my shocked lungs. I had trouble trying to draw a breath. “Oh shit no Mich! I didn’t mean it’s a guy.” I looked at him peculiarly because what he was saying made no sense. What could it be if there was not a girl or a guy? “Damn, really? That’s the conclusion that you jumped to? You can be so obtuse sometimes.” He smiled then. “I just meant there isn’t anyone that… that’s not true. Mich, I want to try dating.”

  “Who is it then if there isn’t anyone?” I watched his face closely, waiting and still very confused. “Who do you want to date?”

  “You Mich, I want to date you.” He chuckled nervously. “I want to try it, try us dating.” I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. It was ironic. Just this morning I’d decided it was time to find a boyfriend and to accept that he would never be interested in me.

  “Okay, the jokes over, now who is it?” I was still laughing. I stopped then when I saw the gray of his eyes. “You’re serious.” My brows drew together tightly. “You are flipping serious? Why now Jamie? Is that why you keep checking me out? Is that why you were so damn hospitable last night? Is that why this morning? Jeez, Jamie after all this time, why now?” I was getting mad. I’d had a crush on Jamie from the Moment I met him on the school bus until we graduated college or maybe it was last night. Why had it taken so long to get here? Until very recently I still clung to some hope that maybe… but I had finally accepted it and decided to move on. “You suck Jamie.” I put the SUV in drive.

  “Park it.” He was glaring at me now, imperious. He got his cell out and texted someone. “Call Hannah and tell her that you have a flat and will be late.”

  “No.” I said stubbornly and crossed my arms over my chest. He took my cell from the console and texted Hannah.

  “You are delayed indefinitely. Mich, I love you, I always have and I know that you love me. I know it isn’t that kind of love but I want to see if it could be.” He made quote marks in the air with his fingers, those long beautiful fingers that my skin ached to have all over it. “I want to take you out on a date. We will go to dinner and movie or whatever you like. I think that we owe that to ourselves because there is no one else on this planet that I want to spend my time with, except you. If it doesn’t work out, then at least we will know that we gave it a fair shot. I meant what I said though. I want a wife, kids, a house and maybe a dog. If I can’t have that with you, then I want to find someone to have it with. Can you understand that?” I chewed on my lip and thought about it for a few minutes. “I want to know if ours could be that kind of love.” He finger quoted in the air again.

  “Okay, I get it. Your biological clock is ticking. “So, if you want to try dating, we can try it.” This was my hard to get act. Truth be known, I was already thinking of ways to let him take me.

  “I’m going to kiss you now. Try not to freak out, okay?” I gasped. He was leaning over across the console toward me as I backed away from him, skittish. What if it were awful? The fantasy would end. The friendship could end. What about that? What if we did date and ended up hating each other? Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure that I was ready for this, even after all these years of wishing and hoping. What if this is what ended it all? I wouldn’t be part of his family anymore. He wouldn’t hold me after my nightmares anymore. Oh, shit! I screamed inside my head. He took my jacket lapels in his hands and pulled me toward him. Jamie kissed me then on the lips and it was no ‘friend kiss’ either. It was electric. It was full on with tongue and it stole my breath away. A tingling sensation shot through me from my lips straight to my core flooding me with moist heat and dampening my panties. My hands went instinctively up his chest under his jacket, around his neck and my fingers wove into the short hairs at his nape. When his lips left mine, I kept my eyes closed. “Damn.” I breathed, my eyes fluttered open. His face was just a whisper from mine, I could feel his breath on my face, and I could taste his coffee and mint from his toothpaste. “Jamie?” I said dreamily as I gazed into his eyes now and they were so dark and so beautiful, like sapphires. “Do that again.” Jamie flipped the armrest up out of his way as he unbuckled his seatbelt and came across the seat leaning his body into mine. Finally. I’d loved him for so long and wanted him so much. It felt so good, the heat of him, the weight of him. My hands were on his shoulders pulling him closer. He nibbled at my mouth, his tongue flicking the corners until I opened for him letting him explore my mouth again. Jamie’s tongue was in my mouth and it was heaven. I trembled when he sprinkled kisses over my jaw and throat urgently, this was going to get out of control quickly. I wanted him inside me. I could feel his erection pressing into my thigh and I wanted to shift and let him rub against me like he had this morning. All of the muscles low in my belly were clenching sweetly with desire and arousal. We’re in public though where anyone, everyone could see us. This should be private and I wanted him to myself so I pushed on his chest now. “Jamie.” My breath was raspy, “Stop, we can’t do this, not here.” He sat back slowly. It occurred to me he had never kissed me on the mouth before. Why hadn’t he and why did he now?

  “You’re right.” He smoothed his hair with his hands. “Can you take off early, after your meetings?” I nodded. He drew in a cleansing breath and exhaled very slowly.

  I stopped in the small florist shop that was in the lobby of my building. Max had the bouquet ready for me. It was yellow and orange Gerber daisies this week. I handed him money and hurried upstairs. I stuck them in the empty vase that I’d bought with the first bouquet that I gave Hannah. She must have gone for coffee because her chair was empty. She loved yellow so it would be a nice surprise when she returned. I went into my office and gathered paperwork then checked messages. I couldn’t concentrate all morning, my thoughts kept going back to that kiss and that conversation. Did I imagine that? Did Jamie really tell me that he wants kids, my kids? He wants a house and a dog with me? Then, did he really kiss me? Did he kiss me with tongue? It’s weird. I can’t wait to see if I’m the victim of some sick practical joke. Thank goodness, Mr. Anderson was called into another meeting and couldn’t meet with me after all the voice mail said. I was too emotional and too anxious right now. I wouldn’t be able to fake level headedness with that kiss still flavoring my lips. My feelings about Jamie were suddenly worse than they ever were in high school. Why did I let him kiss me? That was a dumb question. I knew why, because he was Jamie. I was putty in his hands. It happened that fast all over again, I was a mess, a head over heels, quivering, mindless, barely gelled mess. Ours wasn’t that kind of love he’d said. His may not have been but mine had always been that kind of love from the first Moment he sat down on the school bus with his front tooth missing, in his faded jeans, navy blue sweater and Nike shoes. He was so cute and so cool. I was instantly head over heels, he only saw a new friend and so I remained as such. Our parents were either blind or I was great at hiding my feelings. It seemed like he only wanted to be my big brother or something though and that was always good enough. I would take whatever I could get if I could spend time with him. Jamie could have just about any woman that he wanted. I was glad he wanted to spend his time with me back then and just as much now. Why would he want to date me now? I’m still not built, not blonde, and certainly not spectacular. Obviously that’s what interested him, the woman screaming ‘Oh God,’ was blonde and stacked. The posters on his wall when he was a teenager were blondes with huge boobs. It just doesn’t make any sense. I try to stay in shape and I like to run. I started because he suggested that I should.

  Luckily, when I had p
repared all of the spreadsheets and reports, I had been coherent and it wasn’t hard to explain them to my clients. I told Hannah that I wasn’t feeling well after the meetings and that I was going home to lie down. I sent a text to Jamie that I was ready to leave so that he could make an excuse. He was waiting for me at the SUV and I tossed the keys to him then walked around to the passenger side. If anyone were watching from my office, they would assume that I really was sick. I climbed in and turned to face him. “Are you sure that this is what you want Jamie? I don’t want to start down this road if you are going to change your mind and try to put it back like it was. I was in bad shape for most of high school and all of college. I don’t want to be that messed up again.”

  “What are you talking about? How were you messed up in high school and college?” He glanced at me.

  “I was messed up over you.” I pulled my phone out at the sound of the chirp and read the text from Hannah averting my eyes from his inquiring gaze. It said drink plenty of fluids and crawl under the covers. She was concerned because I never went home sick. I texted my thanks back to her and turned the phone off.

  “What are you saying Mich? That you were into me? That you liked me like that?” I could tell that he hadn’t known and my cheeks turned crimson, his jaw was slack and his eyes were wide. I thought he knew but didn’t feel the same.

  “I can’t remember a time that I wasn’t.” I said softly. “You didn’t know? Well damn.” I whispered. He gave me a sharp look. “Sorry, it’s just so hard to believe that you can read my mind about everything else but you didn’t know that every horny school girl fantasy that I ever had revolved around you.” I shook my head and laughed. He drove without speaking but sped along and wove in and out of what little traffic was left. He whipped into my assigned parking spot in the garage and cut the engine but didn’t move. He just sat there.

  “Really?” His brows furrowed and he looked apprehensive. “That’s a lot of wasted time.” He looked sideways at me. “Why didn’t you say something? I thought that you just wanted to be friends so I never…” He put his hand on my thigh, it was warm, and causing electric tingles to bounce over my nerves.

  “Because I found that making cow eyes at you was so much more effective than just telling you. Really, I thought it was all you wanted. I mean you always went for a different kind of girl,” I put my hands up in front of my chest to show a big chest, and he grinned, “and I didn’t feel like I was your kind of girl.” We both laughed then and climbed out. He pushed the elevator button and wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me close. When we were inside, Jamie pushed me up against the elevator wall and kissed me hard. His frantic hands were everywhere on me, my breasts, cupping my ass, in my hair pulling it free.

  “I’ll do my best to make it up to you.” Jamie murmured against my lips. We were both panting when it dinged at our floor and we broke apart. He pulled me down the hall and stopped at his door fumbling with the keys. I pulled free and went to my door.

  “What are you doing?” He asked as I tugged free of his hand.

  “I’m more comfortable over here, there’s never been a voluptuous blonde in my bed yelling ‘Oh God.” Jamie made a face and shook his head.

  “I knew you were there.” He stalked toward me. “I knew I was going to catch hell for that. She only provided relief Mich, I didn’t care for her. She wasn’t you.”

  “I know Jamie.” I tried to sound cool even though my insides shook with what? With pent up frustration? With anticipation? That bit in the elevator was nearly the end of me and my panties were soaking. He looked utterly dumbfounded. He was against me, surrounding me, his arms capturing me, his rigid groin pushed against my rear end. I could feel how much he wanted me. His hand closed over mine and unlocked the door then opened it. My fingers were no longer responding to my brain.

  “I want you so much Mich that I can’t see straight. I’ve waited for so long for this.” His voice slid into my ear sending a thrill through me, his mouth against my ear. His lips slid down my throat. “It’s been so hard to be so close to you and be unable to act on it.” My breath was the same when I’d run five miles, sharp, raspy and fast. I tossed my jacket and purse into a dining room chair. He was behind me, his heat was enveloping me. His hands came around me to unbutton my blouse and I turned to face him stepping out of my heels as I did. My fingers worked his buttons deftly. He was pulling my blouse out of my skirt and I was tugging and pulling on his clothes as well. We moved into the bedroom and he flung his shirt and jacket over the wing chair that I kept in the corner. I pulled the rest of my clothes off and turned to face him.

  Jamie was in my bed in much the same position as the other night when he came to hold me after the night mare. He’d closed the blinds against the afternoon sun, but the light streamed through making delicious stripes across his half naked body. His arms were up behind his head showing off his biceps, chest and belly. I wanted to taste that belly. I’ve never had the chance to really show him my appreciation for all of the abs workouts that he did. Heat and moisture raced through me. I stared into his eyes. His tongue flicked out over his lips. I wore a white lacy bra and panty set that I’d paid too much money for, but the bra made my breasts look so full and nice that the money hadn’t mattered. He watched. His eyes were a smoldering and an intense navy blue. His erection was tenting the dress pants and if I had any doubts about him wanting me that erased them. He’d removed his shoes and socks and only wore the navy blue pants low on his hips. I could see the sexy curve of his hip bone. I wanted to taste that too. Jamie’s toes twitched, he even had nice feet. His eyes traveled the length of me. I was glad that I had shaved earlier and I hoped that he would like what he found.

  “Come here.” He ordered and a shiver ran up my spine. I’d never heard that tone from him and I liked it. I went around to his side of the bed. His hand reached out and touched the back of my thigh sending a thrill up my leg when his fingernails grazed the back of it and glided up and down. My breaths got faster. He pulled me forward and sat up swinging his legs over the side. For a second, I thought he had changed his mind. He pulled me closer with a hand on my hip and kissed my breast through the bra. My nipples stiffened. He traced a thumb around the one that his mouth wasn’t on. He unhooked the bra easily, slid it from my shoulders, and let it fall to the floor. His mouth captured a turgid peak, sucking it with increasing intensity until I arched and braced my hands on his shoulders. My knees were turning to rubber. His mouth moved to the other and my knees buckled. Jamie caught me easily and rolled me over him until I was on my back on my side of the bed. My thoughts whirled. My mind filled with nothing but pleasure and joy. His mouth was on mine then on the hollow of my neck just under my ear. I think I moaned. “Do you like that?” He asked. I moaned again. His hair was tickling my breast now as his mouth moved over my ribs and belly. His tongue was in my navel. My fingertips memorized the bumps and valleys of his shoulders and back. I didn’t ever want this to end. His finger was tracing hot little circles over my clit through my underwear. My thighs squeezed together with want and seeking relief. His fingers flicked my panties down easily and onto the floor. His tongue was on the seam of my pussy now. He tasted me. Oh God, was this real? It couldn’t be. This wasn’t real, I must be dreaming. Was Jamie really circling my clit with his tongue? It wasn’t possible, I must be dreaming. I had to be dreaming. His fingers worked their way inside me now and I clenched around him. I was flooded with warmth and wetness. “Hmm, you like that.” It wasn’t a question this time. My eyes were closed enjoying the coming orgasm that was swirling around in my womb growing heavier by the second. Everything in me was getting tight and anxious, waiting for the impending climax. If he just moved those wonderful fingers a little and put his tongue against my clit just once more I would go right over the edge. “Oh Jamie,” when his tongue circled my clitoris again. I thought that I was going to come off of the bed. He chuckled against me, his breath tickling my very sensitive flesh. I felt him shift on the bed and
struggle out of his pants. I watched him open a condom. The foil ripped and a second later he was nudging my knees apart with his. My eyes fluttered closed then open and widened as he pushed slowly into me. My hands were still on his shoulders and I lifted and wrapped my legs around him. “You’re so tight and so hot.” Jamie muttered. Was that bad? I thought, didn’t they like it when a woman is tight? It had sounded almost like a complaint. “Jaysus.” I was glad to hear that because it meant this would happen again, and I wanted this to happen again and again.

  “Jamie…” I said my voice was dreamy and thick.

  “Right here sweetheart.” He inched further into me. I gasped. His tongue invaded my mouth and his thick erection slid deeply into me. I felt a pinch but it wasn’t as bad as I’d heard some women say it was. Jamie gazed into my eyes, “Mich, I…” I shook my head, it didn’t matter, I wanted this, I’d wanted this since well, forever. He buried himself to the hilt. I writhed beneath him, he was amazing. He filled me and stretched me. The swirling continued, faster and heavier. I trembled all over, none of my muscles were under my command now, because they were under his, they belonged to him, I belonged to him. My legs shook uncontrollably. He reached between our bodies to put his finger on my clit again sending me right over the edge. A cry escaped my throat and my body bowed against the mattress. I met him thrust for thrust opening myself up to him. He shifted and rolled us so that he was under me. I was straddling him arching to feel more of him, letting him inside me as deeply as he could be. He tilted his pelvis and went even deeper. My whole body shook and trembled as the orgasms worked their way through me with a sweet deliciousness. My head was back and my hair tickled my rear end. Jamie cupped my ass, his thumbs hooked on my hip bones. His strong hands and lifted and encouraged me to move. “Like this.” He said. My hips worked around and back, up and down with his guidance. I braced my hands on his shoulders and he bucked up into me. Jamie took my hands from his shoulders to pull me down on top of him my breasts flattening on his chest. I kissed him hard, pouring all of the want in me into him. I let him have all of what was stored up inside of me for all these years. He shifted and rolled me on to my back again.