Beacon

by Michelle Irwin

  “You’re right about that. I’m damn lucky to have you both in my life. And I don’t take that for granted.” She kissed me again and went to head to Angel’s bedroom before stoppin’ and turnin’ back. “Hey, Beau, i-if something were to happen to me, you’d look after her, wouldn’t you? For me.”

  “What?”

  “If my kidneys get worse, and—” She stared at me, and I couldn’t close my jaw. It was proof that Lydia’s passing had made death play on Phoebe’s mind more than it had in recent months. She usually skirted around the issue of her illness. “Never mind. Just promise me that no matter what, you’ll keep Angel safe. Please?”

  “Always. She’s my best friend.”

  “Thank you.” Phoebe nodded and then smiled. “Night, Beau.”

  “Night, darlin’.”

  After she’d disappeared down the hall, I followed behind. There wasn’t much point in stayin’ up. Besides, if Phoebe decided in an hour or two to come into our bed, I didn’t want her to find it empty.

  I’d barely pulled the blankets up when I heard Angel’s fresh sobs echoin’ through the house. The sound was muffled almost as soon as it started, and I had no doubt it was because Phoebe had wrapped Angel into an embrace.

  Things between the three of us were hardly conventional, but it wasn’t so odd that it was entirely unconventional either. It just was, and it worked for us. Or at least, it had for the last three years, and I couldn’t see it changin’ anytime soon.

  We were happy just the way we were.

  CHAPTER TWO: THREE’S COMPANY

  WHEN OUR WEDDIN’ anniversary rolled around, I took Phoebe out for dinner. I’d changed into a fresh set of clothin’ before I left my office at Emmanuel Racing so I could pick her up from home like any good date should.

  When I arrived, she opened the door to reveal herself looking beautiful in blue, just like she had for the first part of our weddin’. I drove her to the same restaurant we’d dined at for the last three years—a nice li’l place at a hotel who always gave us a table with maximum privacy. Before long, the host had settled us into our usual table and given us our menus. The moment we were alone, I couldn’t resist no longer, I reached out to touch Phoebe. My wife. Even after three years, I couldn’t believe my luck that I could call her that.

  Phoebe stopped midsentence as somethin’ across the restaurant caught her gaze. We may not have had any tables near us, but there were still a few in our eye-line. I followed Phoebe’s gaze to see that one of those tables had a highchair pushed against it. While Phoebe was distracted, I watched her starin’ at the mother feedin’ her baby. My heart ached because I’d dealt with the fallout of Phoebe’s desire to have a baby for so many years. I knew how badly she wanted it, even though it was the one thing we could never have. Our attempts before we got married had sent Phoebe’s health spirallin’ and we hadn’t tempted fate since then.

  Phoebe’s gaze cut back to me, and when she saw that I’d caught the direction of her gaze, she gave me a doleful smile. Before she could say anything, the server came to take our orders.

  “Did you ever imagine we’d end up here?” she asked as she stared into my eyes.

  “At Madison’s?” I teased. “It’s nice enough, but it ain’t exactly a lifelong dream.”

  “Silly. You know what I mean.”

  I did, mostly because she’d expressed similar sentiments every anniversary so far. She’d come leaps and bounds from the shattered girl she’d been when I first came to Australia. Now, she spent two days working with her mama and two more volunteerin’ in a women’s shelter. In the two-and-a-bit years she’d been there, she’d helped countless women escape from terrible lives. Sometimes, it overwhelmed her—facin’ the capacity for evil that lived within some people’s hearts—but it gave her purpose that she’d been longin’ for in the lead-up to our weddin’. In the days and weeks when everythin’ she’d defined herself by had been stripped away piece by piece.

  “I always hoped we would,” I said, answerin’ the same way I usually did. This was the dream, for me. The life I wanted with Phoebe was never about the fancy cars and high-rollin’ lives but the quiet moments in between.

  She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked up at me with her breathtakin’ eyes. Once more, I had to question how I’d gotten to be so darned lucky. Even through the battles we’d faced, our love had never lost its shine. Each catastrophe had been another opportunity to dig in and make our connection even deeper. It was impossible for me to love anyone nearly as much as her, and I wanted to make sure she knew it every day.

  With her focus locked on me, I took the opportunity to reach under the table to grab the anniversary gift I’d gotten for her. I passed the box over to her.

  “D’ya know the traditional gift for three years is leather,” I said as she untangled the ribbon around the box.

  Her smile hinted that she did know. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I was tryin’ ta figure out what to get ya that fit into that criteria.”

  She was down to the wrapping paper as I spoke.

  “I even asked Angel for some suggestions.”

  Phoebe chuckled, no doubt knowin’ what Angel was like better than I did. “I bet she had some interesting ones.”

  “Well, they mighta been entertainin’. Most of ’em woulda required a trip to an adult shop.”

  “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Phoebe chuckled.

  “But I knew those things weren’t for you.”

  She swallowed, and a shadow passed over her face. As it did, I regretted saying anything. Although canes had been his preferred instrument, Phoebe’s captor had also used a leather whip to torture and torment her.

  “When I saw these though, I knew ya had to have them.”

  As she lifted the lid, a smile crossed her lips. She drew the leather jacket out of the box. “It’s gorgeous.”

  “I can’t wait to see ya in it.”

  It’d been a while since I’d seen her on her bike. Ever since her health had taken a dip, she didn’t like ridin’ alone and didn’t wanna risk havin’ anyone else on the back. I’d offered to take control instead—it wasn’t like I didn’t know how to ride a bike—but she wouldn’t. She claimed she wasn’t a good passenger.

  “Maybe when we get back to the room we can do a private fashion show,” she suggested as she folded the jacket again. “I can wear what you bought me, and you can wear what I bought you.”

  I tilted my head to one side. “And what did ya buy me?”

  She passed me a small box. “This.”

  With a grin, I opened the gift she’d given me, wonderin’ what the heck she coulda bought for me that I could wear for a fashion show and that would fit in that small a box. When I lifted the lid, I chuckled. “Yeah?”

  Phoebe laughed. “I can see it. It’s a nice watch.”

  “Seems the outfits are gonna be a li’l one sided.”

  “I’m not complaining.”

  I thought about havin’ her in the hotel room upstairs wearin’ nothing but the leather jacket and my breathin’ sped. “I ain’t either.”

  She put the lid back on the box. “Are you ready to leave?”

  “We’ve still got our food comin’.”

  Her lips parted. “I’m not hungry. For food. Why don’t we get them to deliver it to our room?”

  “Great idea.” I raised my hand and called the server over again, asking her to send our meals up as room service.

  It wasn’t long before we were back up in the room. As soon as we’d arrived, Phoebe had taken the present I’d given her and disappeared into the bathroom. I took my cue and dressed in the present she’d bought for me.

  When I was done, I reclined on the bed wearin’ nothin’ but the watch.

  She came out of the bathroom in her leather jacket, but she hadn’t put on the matching pants, or her bra and underwear. Because she hadn’t done up the jacket, it hung open and revealed her cleavage as well as almost everythin’ else.

  “Sw
eet Jesus,” I muttered under my breath.

  “I think it fits me pretty well. What do you reckon?” She did a little spin, and I had to clutch onto the sheet to stop myself from rushin’ across the room to pull her in my arms.

  “Come here.” My words were a quiet demand.

  With a smile on her lips, she crawled onto the bed. She wasted no time in positionin’ herself over my hips, and after I’d waited for her to brace herself, I lined myself up. We’d spent enough time teasin’ each other at the table that we were both ready for more. Although we had all night to make it last, we’d both silently agreed to rushin’ straight in.

  “Oh, fuck.” Her breath came fast and her voice filled with desperation as I thrust into her.

  My hands found the edges of the jacket, and I pushed it away from her chest.

  “Oh, God!” She breathed the words as the leather brushed over her nipples.

  “I was wrong,” I said. “About the jacket bein’ your gift.”

  “Yeah?” she asked, with a hint of a smile playin’ on her lips.

  “Yeah. The way I see it, this gift is all mine.” I trailed my hands over her body, pressin’ them between the leather and her skin.

  She leaned forward over me as my fingertips traced lines over her body. Her full lips pressed against mine in a series of soft kisses, each one lingerin’ longer than the last. The fourth time she brought her lips to mine I reached my hands into her hair and held her against me. As I did, I took care not to hold too tight or pull on her hair. I was careful not to give her any reason to assume I was gonna hurt her.

  “Happy anniversary, Beau,” she whispered as she shifted her hips over me.

  “Happy anniversary, darlin’.” I longed to add the three words I hadn’t been able to say to her enough. I didn’t know whether it would be one of the times I could say it though, or whether it’d send her skitterin’ away from me. The night had been so perfect, and I didn’t wanna be the reason anythin’ stopped.

  Phoebe tilted her hips and changed the angle of our union, sendin’ me closer to the edge. There was never gonna be a time I didn’t want this. Didn’t want her. It was never gonna be enough because I wasn’t ever gonna get my fill of her. I only wished I were able to better express to her how I felt. How days, and months, and years could pass without it ever changin’ the way I loved her.

  Needin’ to have more of her, I pushed the jacket off her shoulders and tossed it across the room.

  “Hey, that was a gift from the man I adore,” she said with a laugh.

  I chuckled as I grabbed her hips and rolled us both over so that I was on top. As soon as I had, I kissed her throat. “Good thing I know where he got it from then.”

  When I thrust into her again, she gave an open mouth exclamation—one she’d done before and that I loved so much. Where her head tipped back and her jaw dropped open as her eyes rolled backward. A breathy sigh left her.

  I love you. I thought the words I couldn’t say, and kissed her as hard as I dared to communicate them anyway.

  DESPITE THE few days I’d had off to celebrate our anniversary, I was back into the routine of racin’ before I knew it. Workin’ for Emmanuel Racing, and racin’ in the V8s, was a far cry from life on my old team, Richards Racing. For all the best reasons. My bosses were fantastic, and the team was a family to each every staff member. The format was interesting, and provided new challenges. Best of all, working for Emmanuel Racing had allowed me the opportunity to stay in Australia until I married Phoebe.

  The only thing I didn’t like about my new life was the fact that over the course of the three years, Phoebe went to fewer race meetin’s. It meant she wasn’t at my side as often as I wanted. Between the heat, the excitement on the track, the flights, and the dietary requirements she had, it was often easier for her to stay at home with Angel. It took a little of the luster off my career, but there was nothin’ better than comin’ home to celebrate my wins or commiserate my losses, with the one I loved. After greetin’ Phoebe, and Angel if she was around, I would speak to Cass, Joe, and Mitch back in the States after they watched each race.

  Phoebe even stayed home for Sandown in the middle of September. I had to share the car with another driver and woulda had time to spend with Phoebe if she’d been with me. Then again, in an ideal world, we woulda shared the car and she woulda been at my side the rest of the weekend.

  Instead, she was in Brisbane with Angel.

  It meant that when she collapsed, I wasn’t at home with her. The first I knew about somethin’ bein’ wrong was that Declan wasn’t in the pits when I came back in from my laps. Her daddy had disappeared, and I didn’t know why. When I climbed off the podium after finishin’ in second place, a few ashen faces stared at me.

  “What’s goin’ on?” I asked, lookin’ around the faces and meetin’ the blank stares. My heart dropped to the floor. “What is it?”

  Patrick, the race controller, pulled me aside. “It’s Phoebe,” he murmured, starin’ at his shoes.

  I could feel the warmth and color drainin’ from my face. Any lingerin’ heat from the car disappeared instantly. “What?” The word barely had any volume.

  “I don’t know, Declan didn’t say much, just that he had to go home and that you needed to go too, as soon as you could.”

  A thousand worries flooded me, and I retrieved my cell phone, fixin’ to call Phoebe’s number. Only, I had a voicemail I needed to check first.

  “Beau, it’s Phoebe.” It was Angel’s voice talkin’. “She collapsed. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I couldn’t get her to respond, so I called the ambulance. They just took her away and, oh God! I don’t know what’s going on. I know you’ve got stuff you need to do, but you need to get back here when you can. You—God, I can’t get the image of her out of my head. I need you to call me, Beau. I need you to tell me she’s going to be all right. I can’t lose her. I can’t.”

  I disconnected the voice mail call and dialed Angel’s number.

  “Talk to me, sweetness,” I said as soon as she’d answered the phone.

  Angel sounded like she was in tears when she answered. “She’s still in the hospital. Alyssa is with her now. Declan is on a flight back now and was arranging a ticket for you for the next flight.”

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know. One minute, she was fine, the next she’d blacked out. It was so fucking scary, and I still don’t have any answers to know why it happened.”

  I had my guesses as to why, but I didn’t want to give them the power of voicin’ them. “Goddammit. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Keep me up to date if she comes home, won’t ya?”

  Over the next hour, I arranged everythin’ I needed to and headed back to the hotel to pack up my stuff. I shoved what I could into a carry on bag, and packed the rest to return with the team. The next flight home wasn’t for another two hours, so I had the time even if all I wanted to do was rush back to Phoebe’s side.

  Every passin’ minute was a tiny eternity, draggin’ on forever and keepin’ me from Phoebe’s side. Every delay at the airport was maddenin’ because of my need to return to her and make sure she was safe.

  The instant I climbed from the plane, into a night as dark and thick as the worry that coated my heart, I didn’t hesitate for anything. My cell was at my ear in seconds, so I could speak to Angel again.

  “She’s still at the hospital,” Angel offered after we’d shared our greetin’s. “Dec and Lys just left. She sent them away because she knows you’re on the way. She won’t tell anyone what’s happening and has given the same gag orders to her doctors. She says she wants to talk to you first before anyone else knows what’s going on.”

  “I’m just jumpin’ in a taxi now. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  I raced to the taxi rank, knowin’ there would be no one available to pick me up. They were all at the hospital or heading home to bed. I gave the driver the hospital name and silently pleaded with him to go as fast as he could.

&
nbsp; The whole way, my heart pounded in my chest, just as it had when I’d heard Declan had left to go home. It had raced the entire journey, workin’ so hard for so long I was certain I was wearin’ it out. It didn’t matter though, not when I had somewhere I needed to be.

  I met Angel in front of the hospital and she gave me the ward and room number Phoebe was in and then handed me a small bag.

  “Some extra clothes for tonight’s stay,” Angel said when I glanced at the bag questioningly. She grabbed my carry on off me. “I’ll drive this home and see you here in the morning. Did you want me to bring anything else in for you?”

  With a shake of my head and quick thank you, I raced to Phoebe’s ward. Thankfully, the nurse let me straight in to Phoebe’s private room even though visitin’ hours were over. Of course, I had to promise to let her sleep—even though I knew I wouldn’t be gettin’ any shut-eye.

  I stopped at the door when I saw her hooked up to the machines. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to stay in the hospital, but it was the first time I’d been away when she’d been admitted. It was also her longest stay so far.

  When I’d taken in all I could, I grabbed the seat and shifted it near to her bed. I reached for her hand and brought it to my cheek. Then I rested my head on the bed and tried to get some sleep while I waited for her to wake. A few times, the nurses came around to do their observations, but Phoebe was too groggy to notice me and I didn’t want to keep her awake any longer than necessary. We’d have time to talk in the morning. Of course, that meant I had an almost sleepless night of imaginin’ all the worst-case scenarios.

  In the morning, Phoebe woke before me. She brushed her hand over my hair in gentle strokes, apparently not wanting to wake me. When she saw I was awake, she stared down at me and smiled for a fraction of a second—beamin’ so brightly I almost forgot where we were—but then her smile fell, her lips curled down, and tears traced down her cheeks.

  “Oh, Beau.” She held her arms out for me, and I wrapped her up right away, not needin’ her to ask me twice.

  “What is it, darlin’?” I asked, breathless from my mad dash and from the desperation coursin’ through my body. What had caused her to pass out? What was wrong? Why was she stayin’ the night?