by Andy Mandela
“I didn’t think you’d notice that one was gone, but since you have, I’ll show you,” she says. “Come here.” We go into the other room as she continues, “I wanted to surprise you, and give it to you as a present, but now is as good of a time as any.” We go all the way to her nightstand, which has a drawer. She opens it and takes out a picture frame. She turns around and hands it to me. “Surprise,” she says with a gentle tone, since the surprise has been made to come out earlier than she planned. I hold the frame in my hands, and in the frame was the photo that was missing, my favorite. And just below the center of the picture, on the right side, were the words, “In Liebe, Karina.”
I say the words out loud, knowing that the phrase means, “With love.” “I didn’t know you knew German, “I tell her.
“Well I don’t speak it fluently, but I know a little. I learned the phrase after finding it amongst other greetings. I just thought it sounded better than “sincerely” or “yours truly,” but then again, foreign languages have a tendency to do so. Also, it just rolls off the tongue better, I think. How’d you know it was German? Do you speak it?”
“I know a little as well,” I say, “along with a few other languages.”
“Like what?” she asks, curious to know just what parts of the world I’m familiar with.
“I know a little German, of course, French, and Spanish. I also know a few words of Japanese. How about you?” I ask.
“Um, English obviously, and a little Spanish. I took four years of Spanish throughout junior high and high school. Unfortunately, since I don’t really have anyone to speak it with, I’ve sort of forgotten most of what I’ve learned. Plus, that was like ten years ago, but I can still remember a modest amount.”
I know we might be having another lengthy conversation, so we sit down at the edge of the bed. I wonder if Karina as any Latin blood in her at all, or something that would prompt her to take four years of Spanish. “Is your heritage what tempted you to take Spanish, or did you just like the language?” I ask.
“No,” she says, “I guess it was the only language to learn at the time. My schools only offered Spanish as a foreign language, which stands to reason, living in Texas and all. There are people literally everywhere who speak Spanish. I don’t know about now, but back then, I could carry a decent conversation with another person. But you wanna know the real reason I wanted to learn a second language?”
“What would that be?” I ask, intrigued.
“Privacy,” she answers, “There’s a lot of people who like to listen in on other’s conversations or butt in on them. Having something different to speak makes a conversation more private, particularly if you’re talking about something you don’t want the whole world to hear. Sure, Spanish might not have been the best option, but there was nothing else at the time. Honestly, I’d really love to learn French now.”
“I’d love to teach you some sometime,” I offer.
“Thanks,” she returns, “And hopefully this time it doesn’t escape me.”
“Well then, we’ll just have to have regular conversations, now won’t we?” I say.
“So how did you come to learn such a variety of languages yourself? Did you learn them all in school as well?” she wonders.
“Spanish, yes, like you, but the others I learned from studying myself,” I explain. “I’m not perfectly fluent, but I do know quite a bit.”
“Hmm,” mutters Karina, finding my knowledge of foreign languages interesting. “I think I’ll just set this right beside the lamp.” I liked how the picture looked underneath the light of the lamp.
“How did you know that picture was my favorite, by the way?” I ask.
“Oh, I didn’t. Is it? For some reason, maybe even the same reason, it was my favorite too. In this one, you get all of me. In most of them, you either get a close up of my face, or just my top half. I don’t really know, I guess I somehow like this one the most. Even though my face isn’t visible, you already know what I look like. Why was it your favorite?” she asks.
“I’m not too sure myself, either,” I say, actually unsure. “Maybe for the same reason.”
Soon afterwards, we decide to eat once again, this time takeout. I bring the food back to her place, and we eat while watching television in the other room. Once we were done eating, we continue to sit on her couch, with the lights off, the only light coming from the television set. Tonight felt unlike the other night when we were watching a movie at my place. There, we kept a respectful distance from one another, us two only being newly acquainted at the time. Now, she’s cuddled up next to me, and I’m unsure if she’s fallen asleep. I can’t see her eyes. After a while, I decide it’s time to go to bed. I don’t know if Karina would like me to stay over tonight or not. I wouldn’t want to impose.
I notice her eyes are closed, so I whispered, “Do you want to go to your bed now?”
“Yeah,” she whispers back, half asleep. To be honest, I’m not even sure if she was talking in her sleep or if she was on the brink of sleep. We stand up, I put my arm around her to her bed, turning of the television as we leave the room. I lay her on her side of the bed and I pull the blanket over her. Her eyes open fully, then she asks, “Are you leaving?”
I’d like to stay, and I also don’t feel like sleeping alone tonight. I have a feeling that Karina doesn’t want to sleep alone either. I figure the best way to find it to see what she thinks, so I answer her question with another question. “Would you like me to stay?” I ask softly, sitting next to her on the bed.
“Yes,” she answers, nodding her head. I can’t really tell if she gave me a look, even though my shadow isn’t blocking her face. Then she says precisely what I was just thinking. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”
I’m not really that tired right now, since I took a cat nap earlier when we got back from our first outing. But I choose to lie next to her, just like she did with me earlier.
After a few minutes, I find myself thinking again, not of my past, but of my future. I think about what Karina and I should do tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. I find it easier to think this way when I’m around Karina, even more so since she’s lying right next to me. I’m thinking maybe I should buy her a gift of some kind, since she offered me the photo, signed, “In Liebe, Karina.” Yes, it does sound a lot better that way, much better than “sincerely.” I could buy her some jewelry. Women love that, right? A necklace, ring, a bracelet, or even earrings, possibly. I wonder if Karina likes gold better or silver better. I have a feeling that if I do buy her something, anything, she’ll just tell me I shouldn’t have. Perhaps she’d be right. I should wait. Maybe a few more weeks, then I could give her something. I should heed my own warnings. “Don’t move too fast,” I keep saying in my head.
I think I’m finally beginning to get tired, but as I am about to fall asleep, Karina speaks to me. I thought she was asleep this whole time.
“Luke?” she says.
“Yes?” I answer, opening my eyes once again.
“Buenas noches,” she says along with a girly laugh. I laugh along with her. She was telling me “goodnight” in Spanish. I was going to repeat it back to her when she asks, “How do you say goodnight in French?”
“Bonne nuit,” I tell her.
“Oh,” she says. “Bonne nuit.” She tries to say it with her best accent so not to sound like she was making fun. I repeat it back to her and we once again attempt to fall asleep. I recall the events of today and what a success it has all been.
Bonne nuit, indeed.
Chapter 12
It’s been almost two months now, and Karina and I are still happy together. Today is the Fourth of July, so we decided to go to a fireworks show that’s taking place near the mall. Earlier in the afternoon, Karina and I went to a barbeque at her friend’s house. Her friend was this woman she’d known since she moved here. The women would all talk together, while the guys would talk about what sports teams were doing well, a conversation I didn’
t feel the need to indulge in. I had met a few of Karina’s friends back when we were first starting off. Her friends seemed to like me, since Karina has described this has her best relationship.
Karina and I don’t spend every waking minute with each other like we used to, sometimes now we don’t see each other for a whole day. On those days, we at least call or text each other, just to see how the other is doing. Not a day goes by since we first met that I haven’t heard her voice.
I’ve brought up the idea of starting a photography business to Karina. I think she was interested, even jokingly adding that she could be my first model. She already was, that day we took photos at the park. I still remember it like it just happened. Both of us agree that I should wait until I’m completely finished with school before embarking on a business endeavor. I don’t want to drop out, only to have my business fail. I don’t mean to be pessimistic, but I like to enter certain undertakings with the best likelihood that everything will have a brilliant outcome.
However, there still is a certain thing that has gone unmentioned for the past couple of months. Karina still does not know, and I’ve yet to make a final decision whether or not to tell her. By now, it must seem pretty obvious that I won’t tell her, since things are going perfectly well for both of us. After we began dating, I started getting calls and knocks at the door from people wanting to buy from me. I had no choice to tell them I was no longer in business. I told them never to come knocking at my door again. Most were understanding, since I’m not the only drug dealer in town. In this town, they’re about as easy to find as bums. One person made a scene in the hallway right outside my door. I thank God Karina wasn’t with me when that happened. I had to escort the man all the way out of the building, with the argument that the staff should quit letting bums inside the building.
As a result, I got a new cell phone and number. Karina even helped me to pick it out. I gave her the excuse that I just wanted a phone upgrade. Truthfully, I really needed one anyway. Everybody nowadays has a smart phone with a touch-screen and everything. My old one was just a regular old flip phone that, in looking back, was like owning a dinosaur. I was paying more attention to my new phone than to Karina for the first few hours I had it, mainly just trying to get adjusted to it. It’s pretty fun, with games and apps and whatnot.
So for the most part, my past life is behind me. That’s why it’s been taking me so long to decide whether to tell Karina the truth. At this point, it really doesn’t feel all that necessary. I don’t think anyone will be bothering me anymore, so why can’t I just forget about it. I may be carrying too much guilt, like I’m not being fair to Karina. We promised each other we wouldn’t lie, and to always be honest. She says trust and communication can save relationships, which I believe as well, but I can never have a free conscience unless all of the truth is out in the open. Hopefully, one day, if I keep telling myself that it doesn’t matter, or convince myself it never happened, I can start to believe it. I can just pretend everything in my past was fine, and maybe I’ll forget the truth, creating a new one in the process. To be honest, I don’t think that will ever work. I’m just making excuses for myself now.
In the past few months, Karina and I have gotten to know each other very well. I mean, of course we have, we are a couple after all. I found out that her mother had her when she was nineteen years old, that’s only a year older than when my mother had me. My mother was eighteen and had just started her first year in college. My father was an upperclassman at the time, almost about to graduate. He was twenty-two. They decided to date after finding out my mother was pregnant, then eventually got married, at least that’s the story they’ve told me since I was a kid.
I know virtually all there is to know about Karina now, including her favorite color, the kind of music she likes, what she was like as a child, and even her life back in Austin where she grew up. Likewise, she knows a lot about me too, like all of my favorite things. Minus one detail she has yet to know. Best not to think about it.
On the days that we hung out together, we would go to movies and eat out. Once, we had a picnic in Northwest Park. That was a nice afternoon. We made sandwiches and ate atop a blanket over the grass. That was the first time I ever went on a picnic with a girl. I used to think they were so outdated or cliché, but while we were on our date, everything just felt perfect. On that day, Karina wore a yellow sundress. I remember that because of how beautiful she looked in it. I mean, she looks beautiful all the time, but there was just something about that day, maybe it was because I was in an extra good mood.
Another thing, I don’t get nervous anymore when Karina makes comments regarding our future. For instance, when she talks about things we could be doing far down the road together, those thoughts come pleasantly now. Now, I am more willing to accept her as part of my future, or should I say, our future. I’ve gotten more used to it, even saying phrases like that myself. So all in all, things are going very well, but that’s not to say that every day has gone by full of nothing but romance and cute phrases. We have had our trouble just like every other couple has.
Our first argument was over what brands of food to buy. On one weekend, we decided to go grocery shopping together, even though we aren’t really living together officially. However, it seemed appropriate, since she was always staying at my place, or I was staying at hers. So we might has well been living together. I sort of thought of it as us being a couple who own two different apartments, you know, like how some people own two different houses.
The first thing we argued about was the eggs. I wanted one brand and she wanted another. She won. Next was the bread. Same kind of situation. I wanted white bread, she wanted wheat. She won. That scenario just kept repeating itself over and over again, until it started becoming unbearable. She even told me the kind of deodorant I was using wasn’t any good. She tried to get me to use a different one, but ultimately, she gave up and went on. If I ever won an argument, she would make damn sure to let me know she wasn’t happy about it.
I can recall the first time she gave me the silent treatment. I, to this day, still have no idea what did to upset her. I suppose women will get mad about something even if they didn’t have anything to get mad about. And she was good at it too, not even giving so much as a smirk when I tried to tell her something funny. She had kept a straight face all day, making me feel like I was nothing more than the wind. In an even bigger attempt to make her notice me, I even tried to pretend to hurt myself by slipping and falling on the floor, banging my head on the ground. Still nothing. She just kept on reading whatever book or magazine she held in her hands. After a while, I would get upset myself, to the satisfaction of Karina.
The way she would end the silent treatment was wait until we went to sleep. More specifically, wait until I went to sleep. She rested on her couch in the other room, while I was resting in her bedroom. I wasn’t going to leave, because I didn’t want her to think I’d given up. So I crawled into her bed and fell asleep on my usual side. Once I fell asleep, she goes into bed with me. I was lying on my side, facing the door. She would lean over and kiss me on my ear, gently waking me up. I didn’t make a sound, nor did I let her know that I was awake. She did the same thing to me as I did to her the first time I slept at her place. She ran her hand down the entire length of my arm until she reached my hand, which she then held until she fell asleep.
The following day, I would ask her why she was giving me the silent treatment. I vaguely remember, but I think it was because I forget something. I know for sure it wasn’t her birthday, because I wouldn’t forget that. It was something else, but I don’t really remember. Anyway, needless to say, we haven’t done much grocery shopping together since then.
I’m not sure if arguing is a healthy part of dating, but it’s certainly normal. No couple can be blissfully happy every second of every day. I guess arguing can help couples find out more about themselves, but so many people want the win an argument, they don’t care if the relationship ends because of
it. Arguing can force couples to resolve conflicts in a more civilized way, that way they can work together and decrease the chances of a real big argument later on.
Karina and I have never had a huge argument, at least not to the point where I thought the relationship was threatened. I would never do anything that would make Karina cry, which is something I haven’t seen yet by the way. But if arguing does do one good thing, it makes couples stronger. If a couple is still together after an argument, I think that means something. At least to me it does, so long as they still love each other.
