“Well, that’s not my fault.”
“It never is.”
Silence filled the line. “You know what? You’re right. I should’ve tried harder. I apologize.”
Joely sighed. “It’s fine. Is that why you called?”
“No. I mean yes. I called to apologize. I’m sorry for so many things. I’m sorry I ever hurt you. I’m sorry I ever doubted that we would have a great marriage.”
Stunned, she sat down on the bed. These were the words she’d once fantasized she’d hear from Jake. She never expected to hear them now.
His words crept into her ear. “I was a young, cocky, spoiled prick. And you deserved better.”
She nodded her head and saw her reflection in the window nodding too. “I agree.”
“Joely, Joely, Joely. How could I be so blind? You were ‘The One.’ You were always ‘The One.’ I tried to deny it, but I was wrong.”
She didn’t know what to make of this. She remembered telling Kate that Jake was “The One” and that’s why she couldn’t resist him. At the time she and Kate had shared a college dorm room. Kate had been studying for her marriage and family exam and looked up from her textbook. “It’s ridiculous to believe that there’s only one person in the entire world that’s meant for you. There are actually lots of people that you’re compatible with, that if you have good communication skills and similar values, you’d have a happy marriage.” Joely had expected Kate to be more romantic. After all, she planned to devote her career to feelings.
Suddenly, Joely realized something. Like the sun rising in the morning.
Jake had never called her “The One.” They’d been engaged and they’d been lovers. But he’d never singled her out in that way. Like many successful men, he preferred to keep a little bravado going.
Why had he let down his guard? “Are you drunk?”
“Maybe.”
Joely rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Just tell me what it would take for me to win you back.”
“Are you kidding? I don’t think there’s anything you could do.” Pride swelled in her chest. For the first time in her life, she was turning Jake down.
“I love Anna. And when I was out with her tonight, I realized it wasn’t the same without you there. I missed you.”
Her heart raced. She lay back on her pillow, clutching the phone. This reminded her of the old days, talking to Jake late at night in her dorm room. They couldn’t get enough of each other. “Being with you is like jumping out of an airplane, only without a parachute. It’s exhilarating, but the landing is a killer.”
“It won’t be this time. I’ve been with lots of women. . .”
“No need to brag to me.”
“I’m just saying, I used to think that proved something. That I was what every woman wanted. I would have a gorgeous woman on my arm and another woman across the room would be undressing me with her eyes. It was great for my ego.”
“I’m sure it was.”
“But now I see how immature I was. How empty my life was. Every time a woman started to get too close emotionally, I would compare her to you and find a reason to dump her.”
He compared every woman to her? After all of these years? “Jake, I think you’re going to wake up sober in the morning and regret this phone call. So let me save you the trouble. Good night.”
“No, I won’t. Think about what I said. What would it take?”
Click. She held the phone against her chest, her hand shaking.
KATE
Something tickled Kate’s lips. Something warm, pressing, kissing. Her eyes opened and she couldn’t believe it.
Evan was kissing her. What the hell?
She pulled away and sat up. Making a visual sweep of her surroundings, she realized she was on a worn, plaid couch, a tower of shoeboxes near her feet. A glassy-eyed dragon statue stared back at her from the disheveled bookshelf.
That’s right. She was babysitting for Evan.
She scowled at him. “What are you doing?” What time was it? She glanced at her watch. One a.m.!
Still kneeling on the floor, Evan put his elbow on the water-marked coffee table. “I couldn’t resist. I came home, feeling refreshed. Thank you by the way. Bobby is sound asleep in his bed and here you are. A vision of the perfect wife and mother.”
Combing her fingers through her flat hair, Kate struggled to figure out what to do. This wasn’t the first time Evan had tried to kiss her. Had she kissed him back just now? She hadn’t realized it was him. Once she did know, had she pulled away immediately or lingered a moment?
Fury balled inside of her. “Where have you been? It’s the middle of the night! You can’t stay out this late when you have a kid! It’s time to grow up.”
Evan slapped his palms on the coffee table as if he were playing the bongos. “I got this burst of energy and I lost track of time. Sorry.” He reached to touch her knee, trying to make amends. “I don’t wear a watch, you know that. I had no idea it was this late.”
She sprang to her feet. Pressing the wrinkles out of her clothes, she worried how she would look to Mitch. She vaguely recalled telling him she would be home late and not to wait up. Let’s hope he didn’t. Should she confess to him anyway? My God, things were already strained enough. He’d never let her see Evan again.
But she didn’t want her husband to decide that.
She scanned the room for her purse. It was near the door, next to the black motorcycle helmet Evan had left behind when he’d revved up his Kawasaki.
She headed toward the exit without saying goodbye. “Don’t call me ever again.”
He was reckless. His life was a mess and if she let him, he’d take hers down, too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
JOELY
“When are you due?” Joely asked the woman who unlocked the vet’s office front door. Joely had dropped Anna off at school and raced over to get started. She’d even managed to beat Dalton, arriving a few minutes before the clinic officially opened.
The blond cupped her protruding belly. “Any day now.” She introduced herself as Dalton’s receptionist, Pippa. She had a small frame, despite the pregnancy that dominated her front side all the way up to her ribcage. Joely wondered how she could breathe, let alone walk.
Curiosity got the best of her. “Twins?”
Pippa shook her head as she led them into the clinic. “That’s what everybody asks. I guess I shouldn’t have eaten so many chocolate covered marshmallows.”
When she was pregnant, Joely had craved mashed potatoes. Complex carbohydrates, not sweets.
Pippa looked at Joely’s empty hands. “Where’s your pet?”
“Oh, I don’t have one. Dalton hired me to paint a mural in the waiting room.” She gestured toward the box of supplies she’d left on the counter the night before. “That’s what all of this stuff is for.”
Moving behind the counter, Pippa dropped her purse inside a drawer. “Dr. Taylor didn’t mention anything.”
Dr. Taylor. She’d never heard him addressed that way. It flowed nicely—Dr. Dalton Taylor. He didn’t flaunt his title as if having an advanced degree was more important than being an artist. “It was decided over the weekend. I hope it’s no trouble.” Joely rubbed at one of her tired eyes. She’d had trouble falling asleep after Jake had called, suddenly wanting her back.
A woman walked in led by a large dog that reminded Joely of the old Marmaduke comic strip. Despite the leash hooked on the dog’s collar, it seemed as if he were the one in charge. The fiftyish woman wearing a straw hat smiled. “We’re here for our annual check-up.”
At the computer, Pippa eased up onto a stool in front of the keyboard and asked if the woman’s contact information had changed.
A man walked in carrying a pet carrier with something inside that yelped. Then another woman walked in with a calico cat hissing through the bars of its carrier. They formed a line waiting their turn to talk to Pippa.
Every time s
omeone walked through the door, Joely looked over to see if it was Dalton. Disappointment weighed her down. (She would find out later that he had entered through a back door).
Joely decided to get started, so she rifled through her box. Then she studied her small-scale painting. If she could complete the mural, she hoped it would lead her to other clients and projects.
Doubts bounced around in her mind. It had been five years since she’d done anything this monumental. If she screwed up, her mistake would be on public display. And Dalton would be too kind, too embarrassed to tell her. One question haunted her.
Did she still have the skill to pull this off?
KATE
Kate’s nose burned from the ammonia smell. Instantly she knew what Mitch was up to.
The Dave Matthews Band grew louder as she descended the stairs. She marched into the kitchen where they’d eaten dinner hours ago and saw him sitting at the newspaper-covered table surrounded with the silver and gold pieces of his latest find.
Mitch nodded his head to the beat. Holding a rag in his hand, he wiped off his homemade silver polish. “Come take a look. This is a Howard hunter case key wind pocket watch. Fifteen jewels. Made in 1869.” He held up the octagon-shaped silver case. “The glass crystal looks like it’s been replaced, but otherwise, it’s in original condition.”
A lot of what he said didn’t make sense to her, but she knew the jewels were rubies, diamonds or sapphires placed inside to keep the gears from grinding. The more jewels, the more expensive the watch. Fifteen jewels, he’d said. She came closer and peered at the porcelain dial and its Arabic numerals. “It’s nice. How much did it cost?”
Mitch placed the watch and rag on the newspaper that protected the table. “It was a little pricey, but I don’t have any like it.”
Kate put her hand on her hip. “How much?”
“A few thousand.”
She raised her palms toward the ceiling and then flailed them around as she spoke. “What is wrong with you? You tell me we can’t afford any more fertility treatments then you go and buy yourself this.”
His expression turned dark. “My point is that we keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. That’s what Einstein called insanity.”
“Great. So wanting to have a baby is insane. Thanks a lot.”
“No. I’m looking at the facts and you’re being emotional.”
Anger blurred her vision. “I’m being emotional, huh? Well, you’re being a little too detached.”
“I’ll go along with adopting Dayna, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. Either Lily will change her mind or you will. You’re against adoption, you’re dead set against so many things.”
“I want to continue IVF.”
“Just listen. The fact is artificial insemination is the least expensive, but it also has the lowest success rate. We’ve tried that a bunch of times and could probably afford to do it some more. We tried IVF, which cost $15,000 and offered a higher success rate, yet you still didn’t get pregnant.”
Kate’s entire body stiffened. You still didn’t get pregnant. It was her fault. They both knew that. Nothing was wrong with Mitch’s sperm. Men could have babies until they were old men. But a woman in her forties, well, her eggs were past their prime. Her eggs didn’t even want to come to the party anymore. And when they did, they were what the doctor called “low quality.”
Mitch continued staring at her. “With a donor egg, it’s closer to a fifty percent success rate.”
She knew the numbers, too. They varied according to which website she consulted. “Yes, but it costs even more than IVF. You have to pay the donor, too.”
He nodded. “If that’s what it takes for us to have a baby, it’s time we did it. Otherwise, we’re throwing our money away.”
“I hate statistics!” Her hands fisted at her sides. “How could you rather have another woman’s baby than mine? We won’t know anything about her—what her personality is like, what her talents are, whether mental illness runs in her family.”
“That’s not true. I’m sure they screen donors for mental illness. Besides, I figured with your family history, you would rather know that your baby would be healthy. With no chance of inheriting lupus.”
“Of course I want my baby to be healthy! But everyone has something in his or her family that they’d rather not pass on. The odds of lupus aren’t that great. It’s a combination of genetics and environment, remember?” It had taken her a long time to forgive herself for her bad genes. It had taken even longer to convince herself that she deserved to have a baby. She hated him now for making her feel selfish.
He shook his head and looked back at his antique watch. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’ve done the research and I know what we need to do.”
“What do you mean you don’t want to talk about this anymore? You think you can spend thousands on a watch, but we can’t talk about what I want?”
“We’ve talked about what you want. For years we’ve talked about it. And I supported you. But now, it’s time to move forward.”
“Maybe you don’t want us to have a baby. Maybe you should keep buying yourself antique watches and see if those keep you company in your old age.”
“What are you saying?”
“Figure it out.”
The phone rang. Upstairs Dayna let out a wail.
JOELY
Joely heard her sister say “Hello?” in the other room just as the phone stopped ringing. Then all she could hear was Dayna’s crying across the hall and Lily saying “Shut up.”
Kate had said you had to fight for what’s important. It was time that she did. For Anna’s sake. Joely searched for her sister and found her in the master bedroom putting away laundry and slamming drawers. The phone rested in its cradle. Joely steeled herself. “I need to talk to you.”
Kate tossed a haphazardly folded shirt into her walnut chest of drawers. “Now what?”
Joely paused, wondering what was wrong. But she didn’t have time to slow down and focus on Kate right now. “You need to accept that Jake is a part of our lives now.”
“No, I don’t.”
Normally, Joely would’ve helped her fold clothes, but she remained standing. “You don’t have to invite Jake over for Sunday dinner or anything, but you can’t keep hanging up on him when he calls.”
Matching up a pair of navy socks, Kate thrust her thumb into them, forcing the elastic around to create a union. She reached for two brown socks that belonged together. “Joely, he’s an asshole. All men are.”
That statement derailed her for a moment. Kate rarely cursed and she certainly never called Mitch names. Joely inhaled deeply. “Jake calls here to talk to Anna, his daughter, and I’ve decided that’s a good thing. It’s not fair for you to keep Anna from her father.”
“Everybody has rights but me. Jake has the right to be a parent whenever he feels like it. Mitch has the right to decide when it’s time to give up on me as the mother of his children. Everybody gets to be happy but me.”
Joely’s mouth gaped open. Sympathy surged through her, but Anna needed her sympathy more. “Kate, please promise me that you will let Jake’s calls through. That’s all I’m asking.”
Kate ran her fingers through her honey-blond hair, stopping to squeeze her skull. She stood there like that, massaging her scalp.
A moment later, she picked up a balled pair of socks and threw them at the vanity mirror. Then she grabbed another pair and threw them. She continued hurling until the wicker laundry basket sat on her bed empty. When she reached in and realized she’d tossed them all, she looked disappointed.
Joely leaned over and gathered up the socks scattered across the floor. She handed one balled pair to Kate. “Don’t stop. If it makes you feel better, I say do it.”
Kate stared at the sock peace offering. She took it and grimaced. Then she pushed the laundry basket onto the floor where it toppled over to form a cage. Her cat, Monte, ran out of the
room, the bell on his collar jingling as he went.
Kate plopped onto the damask bedspread, the one Joely knew she’d wasted $900 on years ago. Joely lay next to her, staring at the ceiling. It reminded Joely of when they were adolescent girls, sharing a room at their Aunt Suzy’s house. After school one day, when Kate had failed to earn a ribbon in the science fair for her experiment in what traits lead to popularity, they’d lain like this. Kate complained how the “social sciences” never received the respect they deserved. Joely had added how the school counselor said colleges wouldn’t care that she earned A’s in art if she earned C’s in math.
Joely raised her knees to form triangles, hoping to ease the ache in her back. Getting all worked up didn’t help. She hated fighting with her sister—it hurt her emotionally and physically.
She thought about Kate’s pitching practice with the socks. “Bad day?”
Kate burst out laughing first, then Joely joined her. Kate laced her fingers behind her head. “Too bad we don’t have a skylight. We could see the stars.”
She imagined that she could see Anna’s favorite constellation, Pegasus. “If you’re putting in skylights, would you put one in my room, too?”
Kate laughed halfheartedly this time. “No. But I do suppose I could let Anna talk to Jake once in a while. On the phone. Not in my house.”
Her house. Joely tensed. Kate was so unreasonable when it came to Jake. “That’s a start anyway.” Joely really needed a place of her own. “Now, you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
“Oh, the same old, same old.”
Joely nodded. Babies. For months now, she’d noticed a growing coolness between Kate and Mitch. Hard to believe that in the beginning, Kate had to convince him they should have a child of their own. He’d retreated from the pressure, but missed his wife so much, they’d reconciled after a few weeks. He’d agreed to start a family if that’s what she wanted, but now he wanted a kid as badly as Kate did.
What Happiness Looks Like (Promises) Page 16
