by Emma Tharp
‘Summer Love’ is always smooth and easy. Our instruments harmonize perfectly and the words flow out of me like I was born to sing it.
The woman from the IM team is tapping out the rhythm on the table in front of her and the gray-haired guy bops his head up and down. It’s a good sign that they’re getting into the music.
Unlike last time I was here, I am enjoying this so much more. I’ve always been better when I’m not playing solo. Whether it’s as a duet with Ethan or with our band, The Trees, I get into the music so much more. Hopefully, the team can tell.
We play an older song; it’s fast and highlights the sound of each instrument. Darren pounds out the intro on the keys, his body rocking to the tune. Rachel and I come in next playing our parts on our guitars. The booming, vibrating tones of Ethan’s bass come in next. I love watching him pluck the notes with his fingers and to end his mini solo, he slaps the strings and the instrument makes a cool haunting tone. Last, Tom beats out a sick solo on the drums. He amazes me every time we play. How he can move his arms and legs at the same time like that is beyond me.
All five members of the team seem to be wholeheartedly enjoying themselves. Some are tapping the beat against the table or their bodies, others are swaying along in their seats.
The adrenaline pumps through my veins seeing their reaction to our music.
The last song we’re going to play is “Always Just Us.” I’ve been preparing myself for this moment. Every time I’ve sung it in the past, Ethan and I have been in a good place.
Darren starts us out with the intro and when it’s my turn to sing, it’s as if I’m on autopilot. Turning, I look at Ethan whose eyes are on his instrument. He sings into his microphone and won’t move his head in my direction. It crushes me inside, but nobody will see it on the outside.
I belt out the lyrics about our love, so real and full of trust and how it’ll be always just us. It stirs emotions up deep inside of me that I turn into a powerful range in my voice. Ethan finally looks at me after my last high note and gives me an approving grin. It warms me up even seeing that small gesture.
Every member of the team stands and claps as we finish the song.
“Great job,” Marcus says as he walks toward us. He comes around and shakes all of our hands.
“Bravo,” the woman says and she comes up to me. “I couldn’t believe it when Marcus told me that you insisted that we listen to your band, but after I heard your demo, I was excited to see you perform. Excellent.”
The rest of the team introduces themselves to the band and shake hands. They all finally get to meet Marcus Campbell. Helen Jenkins is the only woman on the team and I’ve gotten nothing but good vibes both times I’ve sung for her. The older gentleman with white hair is David Moore. He’s got a Led Zeppelin t-shirt on and a laidback cool way about him. The last two members are the youngest of the five, both in their middle to late thirties and they have on dress pants and shirts with ties, Scott and Jacob.
It’s hard to think that nothing but good will come from our meeting today. The band couldn’t have played better and Ethan’s voice was on point. I’ve never been good at judging my own performance, but it felt good today.
As we leave the studio and make our way to the parking lot, nobody says anything until we are out of the building.
Tom turns to us and says, “Where’s the closest bar? We kicked ass in there, it’s time to celebrate.”
Darren makes a whooping noise and Rachel and I jump up and down together. We all hug and high-five. Ethan even gives me a bear hug. My senses go into overdrive when I’m swept up in his warm embrace.
“Let’s go to Whitey’s Pub. It’s around the corner,” Rachel says.
“Perfect.” Tom puts his arm around Rachel’s shoulders and she gets an ear to ear smile on her face. “I’ll ride with Caroline and Rachel. You guys take the rental. Follow us.”
We do just that and meet up at Whitey’s Pub.
It’s two o’clock on a Tuesday; there aren’t many people here which is nice. We won’t have to shout to talk to each other.
“What’s everyone having? Drinks on me,” Tom shouts as we come together around the bar.
I know exactly what I want, and it isn’t a drink. It’s the sexy as hell man standing next to me. “Great job today, Ethan.”
10
Ethan
Caroline stands next to me, batting her eyelashes. She’s in a gorgeous cream-colored lace dress and she smells so good. I’ve barely said two words to her since I got here and I don’t like it, but she hurt me. I’m not sure she realizes how much.
My home life has been a shit show. The office still hasn’t recovered since the embezzling incident and to make matters worse, my dad’s health hasn’t been good. He isn’t sleeping well even though he lies and says he’s fine; he’s been wearing bags under his eyes like they’re part of his wardrobe. He’s lost weight and ended up with chest pains. He needs to go in for a physical at the very least, but he’s the most stubborn man I know and won’t take the time to do it. Now, not only am I nervous about the success or failure of the insurance agency, I’m also stressed about Dad’s health.
I want to mend fences with Caroline, but I don’t even know if it’s possible. It’s as if she’s a completely different person than she used to be and I don’t know if I can love the new Caroline like I loved the old one.
She did set up the meeting today with IM Records. I’m grateful to her for that. It must’ve been hard for her to ask them to give us a try when they really only wanted her. But we all brought it today. If they don’t want us, it isn’t for lack of effort on The Trees’ part.
Caroline tells me I did a great job today. “You, too,” I say. But it’s a huge fucking understatement. She sounded better today than I’ve ever heard her sound. Her voice keeps getting better with time. At one point today she gave me goose bumps up and down my arms when she hit a high note during our song “Always Just Us.”
“Thanks,” she says. “I’ve missed you.” She turns into me and she’s so close all I want to do is touch her.
“Here you go.” Darren passes me and Caroline each a pint.
“Cheers,” Rachel calls out and we all clink glasses.
Caroline takes a sip of her beer and her attention is back on me. “Like I was saying. It’s good to see you.” Her eyes scan me expectantly.
“Thanks for doing this. It means a lot to me.” I can tell by her expression that she wants more from me, but I’m not sure I’m ready to give it to her.
Setting my beer down on the bar, I excuse myself. I go outside to make a call to my mother and it also gives me a second to breathe. It looks like I’m not getting out of tonight without a conversation with Caroline and I’m not quite ready for that yet.
I take my phone out and dial Mom’s cell number. She picks up almost immediately. “Ethan, how did it go today?” Her voice is chipper.
“Great, Mom. Really good.”
“Oh, I’m glad to hear that,” she says.
“Thanks, Mom. I’m calling because I wanted to see how everything went at the office today and to check on Dad.” My stomach clenches before I even hear the answer. He worries me and it isn’t easy being away from the office.
She clears her throat and lowers her voice. “Today was fine. Please don’t worry about us.” Right, easier said than done. “Your father seemed to be doing okay. You know he wouldn’t tell me if he wasn’t.”
How she’s been married to the stubborn mule for as long as she has is beyond me. “You’d call immediately if anything happens.”
“Gosh, you think he’s going to drop dead or something?” She laughs into the phone.
I scrub my hand over my face. She’s got a way with words. “Not funny, Mom. I don’t know what to think. I wish he’d go get checked out so I can relax a little.”
“You and me both, kid. Now quit wasting your time talking to me and go mend fences with Caroline. You and that girl belong together.”
It
wouldn’t be a conversation with my mother if she weren’t meddling in my personal life. “Great advice. Thank you.”
“And one more thing. If something comes of this, I’ll make sure that the ship keeps running without you or I’ll insist we finally sell it. You need to start following your dreams, okay?”
I suck in a sharp breath. I’d love nothing more than to do that, but could I really do that? Walk away from my folks. I don’t know. “I’ve got to go, Mom. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I love you, Ethan. And tell Caroline I say hello.”
“Will do. I love you, too.”
I hang up and contemplate her words. Could she really convince Dad to sell? It’d be the best thing for everyone, but he’s just too pigheaded to see it and let it go.
Walking back in to the bar, I make a point to avoid Caroline and lean onto the bar and order a shot of tequila.
“Get me one, too,” Tom says and comes up behind me.
“Sure.”
When the bartender delivers our shots, we clink our glasses together and drink down the pale amber liquid. The burn down my throat is exactly what I needed. I’d like to forget about my problems, if only for a little while.
“So what the hell is going on with you and Caroline? She looks sad over there and she keeps staring at you.”
I chance a look in her direction and he’s right. Her eyes and mouth are pointing down as she gapes at me. “We’re going through a rough patch.”
“Oh, yeah? Want to fill me in?” He cocks a dark brow at me.
It’s been a while since Tom and I have gotten together to talk. We’ve always been good friends, but I was hoping to avoid all this shit tonight. “I’d rather not talk about it, but she’s let me down on a couple of things lately and it’s been fucking with my head.”
He nods. “All relationships have their ups and downs. You should consider forgiving her though, after what she did for all of us.”
“It’s crossed my mind.” Of course, I’d love to push all my shit under the rug, but I know if I don’t deal with it I’ll end up tripping over it later and hurting myself.
“Let’s play darts,” Darren butts in.
I’m glad for the distraction. “Sounds like a great idea to me.” Patting Darren on the shoulder, I walk away toward the dartboard.
“Think about what I said. She’s been a mess,” Tom says and walks to the board to put money in.
She and I both.
Darren tells us stories of his baby girl’s teething, sleepless nights, and how amazing she is. A small pang of sadness hits me in the chest. I’m happy for Darren and his wife, their life is everything I thought mine would be, but isn’t. I would’ve thought by now that Caroline and I would be married with at least one child, but yet here I am. I smile and laugh at his stories, but when the talk turns to sports I’m relieved. We play a couple of games of darts. I kill them both times.
We walk to the bar to order another round of beers.
“Excuse me.” Darren clears his throat and we all look to him. “First of all, I want to thank Caroline for making this happen. I personally feel like we kicked ass. Anyone else?”
The guys start whooping and hollering and I cheer along. A cute pink tinges Caroline’s cheeks. She’s simply gorgeous.
Caroline raises her hand and we all quiet down. “Thank you for all coming here and giving it your all. We’ve never sounded better. And I don’t know what this means for the band, but let’s hope big things are ahead for us.”
We’re all clapping now and Rachel and Tom are kissing. When Tom lets go of Rachel, he says, “Let’s get a table here and have an early dinner to celebrate. Tonight we party because we all deserve it after today.”
“Yes. Let me tell the hostess that we’re eating here,” Rachel says.
Caroline makes her way next to me. “Are you hungry? Because I’m not. I’d like to leave. And I want you to come with me.”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. Let’s stay and eat with the band.” I turn to walk away from her, but she grabs my arm.
“If you’re hungry we can grab a pizza on the way to my apartment. The others won’t mind if we take off.” Her tone and her eyes plead with me.
If I say no, I have a feeling she’ll get on the floor and beg me. She’s too hot for her own good and right now she looks vulnerable and desperate.
She tugs on my shirt and gets closer to me. “Please. Don’t say no.”
And before I can say otherwise, “Okay,” flies out of my mouth.
We say goodbye to the others and Tom gives me an approving smirk on our way out.
The ride to her place is mostly quiet and I’m thankful for the peace and time to think before this conversation. It’s clear she wants to mend fences and I don’t want to argue with her either, but I’m also not sure that I can forgive and forget.
We park and go to her apartment and once inside she locks the door behind her and sets her keys on the counter. “Want something to drink? We have beer or wine.”
“I’ll have a beer, thanks.”
She opens the refrigerator and pulls out two bottles, twists off the lids, and hands me one. “I can’t thank you enough for coming with me.” She leads me into the living room.
“You didn’t give me much of a choice.” Taking a seat next to her, I make sure to leave a respectable amount of space between us.
Caroline takes a swallow of her beer and sets it on the coffee table. “I was afraid if I left it up to you, you wouldn’t have come with me. And I’m ready to talk. I gave you a minute and it’s time now.”
“Okay. Go ahead and talk,” I say.
She stares at me with her deep blue eyes and an uneasy silence fills the room. “I’ve missed you. So much and I’m sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted to do that.”
“But you did it anyway.”
Her head sags down. “I was afraid, Ethan.”
“Of what? That I would hurt you? You said before that you were ashamed, but when I saw you working, you didn’t look ashamed. You were standing tall walking around like you owned the place.”
Dragging her hands through the long strands of her blonde hair, she looks at me with a sad expression. “I knew you wouldn’t approve and I wasn’t prepared to lose you again. It was selfish of me, but all I’ve been able to think about is you since I saw you back home and I didn’t think I could lose you again.”
“So you thought the best option was to lie?” My words are harsh and abrasive.
“No. I mean, yes,” she murmurs.
“The old Caroline wouldn’t have done that. She would’ve talked to me. In fact, she wouldn’t be working at a place like that, and she would’ve fought for me from the first moment IM Records approached you,” I bite out.
She grasps her chin like I’ve slapped her with my words. “That’s not fair. You can’t compare me to who I was back then. Too much time has passed. We’re both different people now.”
“I guess you’re right.” I lift my beer and drink half of it, letting the cool liquid calm down my raging thoughts.
She moves closer to me and puts her hand on my leg, and I jerk it away. “I know I fucked up. I should’ve called you as soon as I heard from Mr. Campbell, but he told me you didn’t need to be at the meeting. I thought I’d go and have good news for you. A surprise.”
“And when you didn’t, what then?”
A tear falls down her cheek. I hate seeing it, but I have to know everything. “I kept thinking that I could make it better, that I could rally for you. And when I told Mrs. Armstrong about the offer, she told me that you’d understand.”
As much as I like Mrs. Armstrong, her opinion isn’t always right. “Did you tell her how you told me that you didn’t want to sing without me anymore? Did she know that I needed this?” Real emotion bubbles up in me. I never admitted to myself how deeply it cut when she got offered a deal without me. Sure, I was disappointed, but it’s more than that. We agreed to sing together, we went to open mic
night together, and the offer made it feel like we’d drift apart again. “When you told me about your deal, it was as if you were moving on without me again.”
“That isn’t what I want. When you asked to have a minute, I knew that it was time that I face some facts about myself. When I’ve kept things from you, it isn’t because I want to, it’s because I’m scared to death of losing you like I lost him. What if the truth was too much for you and you’re gone for good? This has been a long time coming, but I’ve been holding onto guilt and fear that finally became too heavy to carry. It was hard, but it helped to think of my dad and what he always taught me. And I wrote some music, too. Then I put my girl pants on and got down to business.” Her hand comes up to my chest and I let it sit here this time, I know she must feel my hammering heart under her fingers. “I’m done being without you. You have to believe me. I never signed a solo contract and when they said they couldn’t market a duet, I checked their website and they represent tons of popular bands. That was my in. I took all my fear and used it as strength to set up the meeting with Mr. Campbell.” Pride fills her eyes now and she should wear it like a badge.
“I know it couldn’t have been easy.” I’m proud of her. She’s starting to make sense now.
“No. I was terrified, but I had to do it. And look how great it went today.” She brings her lips toward mine, brushing her soft skin against me.
It’s too soon. I pull back. “I give you credit for setting it all up and including the band in this. I’m grateful. But where do you see things going with us?” I’ve got to know her expectations. I deserve that.
“I want you and me to be together, more than anything. Don’t you want that?”
Too damn much. I don’t know how to want anything else. “I want to be able to trust you and your choices.”
“I understand.”
Getting up, I move the few steps across the room. “Do you though? You were the one that walked out on me and left me behind. Why should I believe that this time will be any different?” Old wounds fester up to the surface. I’m no longer able to ignore the pain.
