‘All we’re saying, Esme, is that you don’t need to know who Burt Reynolds is to be intelligent.’
Their argument temporarily forgotten, Hortense and Brian made noises of agreement. But Esme knew they were just being kind because Warren was always having to explain things a dozen times, and she was always forgetting things he was supposed to have told her and it drove him mad. She gave a small, grateful smile. It was nice that they wanted to be nice to her. She liked this – sitting here with her three new friends. She barely knew them but already she felt easy in their company. But then the phone buzzed in her bag and her hand twitched to reach and pull it out. She resisted, knowing who it was likely to be and what the message was likely to say and not wanting to sour the mood at the table that was currently making her so happy. Instead she listened – at least she tried to – as Brian told an elaborate anecdote from his teaching days, though the persistent pinging of her phone as a new onslaught began kept distracting her.
Then she became aware of Zach studying her in silence. She turned to him.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
‘Me?’ Esme flushed. She looked across the table with a vague sense of panic that the others might have noticed her distraction too. But while she’d zoned out Hortense and Brian had embarked on a deep conversation of their own. ‘Of course,’ she added, forcing a smile.
‘You’re tired? It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?’
Esme was about to reply when her phone pinged again and somehow this one seemed louder than all the others, as if Warren’s frustration was racing, silent and angry and invisible, across continents to reach her. Zach frowned.
‘Is that your phone?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Are you sure? It doesn’t sound like mine. Brian’s is on the table and I don’t think Hortense has one.’
‘I expect it’s something and nothing. It will wait.’
‘You don’t want to check? None of my business, of course, but someone really wants your attention by the sound of things – it’s been going off all night.’
Esme took her phone out and switched the sound off. ‘Oh, it’s a silly notification. I get a lot of them.’
Zach studied her in silence again. Then he nodded.
‘It’s pretty late,’ Esme added, her desire for company evaporating. ‘Maybe I’ll skip dessert and head to my room.’
‘It’s not something I said, is it? I didn’t mean to be nosy about your phone, I only meant—’
‘It’s not that – you’re right; it’s been a long day.’
‘I understand. It’s a shame, though; we’ll miss you being here.’
Esme flushed again. They’d miss her? Would they really? It was such a throwaway comment but it brought a strange kind of pleasure. ‘I expect you’ll see more than enough of me over the next few days. So much you’ll soon be sick of me.’
‘I already know that couldn’t happen.’ He gave one of his easy smiles that already she recognised and almost craved. When he smiled that way, it was like golden hour, like the sun rising and filling the room with light. It made her feel…
She pushed the feeling down, way down, out of harm’s way.
‘So… I’ll be off,’ she said. ‘Goodnight.’
‘See you tomorrow, I hope. I’m looking forward to our first day in Rovaniemi.’
Esme smiled. ‘Me too.’ Her chair scraped the floor as she pushed it from the table and now Hortense and Brian looked up from their conversation, which had been turning into lively debate again. But Zach would have to referee this time, because Esme was exhausted.
‘I’m sorry but I’m going to excuse myself,’ she said in answer to their questioning looks. ‘Long day and all that.’
‘My dear girl, no need to explain,’ Hortense said. ‘Early start tomorrow too. Have you booked onto the snowmobile safari?’
‘Against my better judgement,’ she said with a laugh. ‘I’m sure I’ll end up head first in a snowdrift as soon as we leave the compound.’
‘Not to worry!’ Hortense said briskly. ‘I never pass up the opportunity of a little adventure! We’ve come all this way after all, no point in spending every day sitting in the hotel!’
‘I can’t wait,’ Zach said. ‘And I for one am really glad you’re coming with us.’
Esme flushed and turned her attention to fiddling with the zip of her handbag so it wouldn’t show. Then she dared one more glance at Zach before tearing her gaze away and offering the table as a whole a final apology.
‘I expect I’ll see you all in the morning either way.’
Hortense pushed her own chair from the table and toddled round to give Esme a firm hug. ‘Now, do you need one of our gentlemen here to escort you to your room?’
Esme gave a grateful smile. ‘Unless I’m going to run into a polar bear on the landing I expect I’ll be alright.’
Hortense gave an emphatic nod. ‘Righto. Goodnight then, dear girl.’
‘Goodnight.’
Esme left the dining room and she could feel the eyes of the other three on her as she went. It was obvious they all wondered about her, that they guessed she was keeping parts of her life back in England secret. Even she wasn’t sure why – she only wished she could tell them. And she wanted to stay at the dinner table and get to know them all better but how could she, knowing what was happening at home right now?
In the lift she took out her phone and noted the five new messages to add to the ones Warren had sent earlier. She’d have to read them eventually, of course, but not now. Now she wanted to fall into bed and sleep and not think about any of that until the morning.
Twelve
Their guide was Niko – an endlessly enthusiastic and gregarious twenty-something with blond dreads and a nose piercing, a hot accent and eyes as blue as the clear Arctic skies above them. He flirted outrageously with Esme as he showed her the controls of the snowmobile but later when she heard peals of laughter coming from Hortense, she realised that Niko flirted outrageously with everyone.
It had been a short drive on a minibus to get them from their hotel to the snowmobile station. Esme had expected to sit on the bus with Hortense, but as it ploughed through fresh snow to stop in the hotel car park, she could barely restrain a raised eyebrow as Hortense made a beeline for Brian and clung to his arm.
‘You’ll be sitting with me?’ she asked.
Brian looked down at her and gave a bright, warm smile. ‘Of course – I wouldn’t have it any other way.’
‘That’s marvellous. I’m so excited for today. You’ll have to take care of me.’
‘I’ll be your Lancelot, my lady,’ he said.
Esme almost let out a guffaw. Hortense was one woman who did not need taking care of – Lancelot or not.
As Esme stared after them, Zach’s voice spun her around.
‘You missed the entertainment last night,’ he said carelessly.
‘Entertainment?’
‘Hortense and Brian. Getting it on. Slow dancing at the post-meal disco. They were both legless. Then they disappeared together mumbling something about being tired and going to bed. Whose bed is anyone’s guess but I bet that’s one bit of the holiday Brian won’t be photographing to send to the ex.’
Esme stared in amazement at Brian and Hortense. If their tryst had been fuelled by alcohol then they must still have been drunk because Brian had his arm around Hortense now and she didn’t look like she minded a bit. In fact, just to show him how little she minded, Hortense’s hand slid down to Brian’s backside and gave it a cheeky squeeze. Esme turned back to Zach.
‘Oh my God!’
‘My thoughts exactly. Didn’t take them long, did it?’
‘I thought…’
‘That we might be breaking up a fight by the end of the week? Me too. Looks like we might be breaking up something very different at some point.’
‘Is that…? Are we…?’ Esme’s mouth opened and closed again and she didn’t know how to articulate the questions
filling her head. ‘I just don’t understand.’
‘If you worked for a dating agency, you’d never put them together, that’s for sure.’
‘Maybe not.’ Esme laughed. ‘So what did you do?’
‘Last night?’
Esme nodded.
He shrugged. ‘Had another drink, got talking to a couple from Cleveland for a bit and went to bed myself.’
‘Oh. I’m sorry.’
‘What for?’
‘That you got left alone.’
‘It was hardly your fault. Honestly, I’m not bothered. Good luck to Brian and Hortense – if they find romance this week then I’d say that’s a pretty good result. Doesn’t sound like either of them get much of that these days, and doesn’t everyone deserve something good from time to time?’
Esme gave a vague smile. Her thoughts had returned to the barrage of messages from Warren that she’d finally dared to read that morning. The experience had stressed her out so much she’d barely been able to face more than a black coffee at breakfast. Still, she hadn’t replied – they’d mostly been ranting and impossible to reply to – and because of that she knew there’d be more. Zach, as if reading her thoughts (about the food at least), brought it up.
‘Did you get anything to eat? I didn’t see you have much at breakfast.’
‘I’m not so hungry in the mornings.’
‘There’s a stop about halfway through the day to cook sausages and marshmallows on an open fire. Maybe you’ll be hungry by then.’
‘If it’s more reindeer sausages then I doubt it.’
Zach grinned. ‘I’m glad you decided to come today – I didn’t think you would.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘Nothing in particular. Perhaps I was just preparing myself for disappointment.’
‘Why? Would you have been very disappointed if I hadn’t come?’
‘It would have been manageable, I suppose. You know, like finding the wrong burger in your order after you’ve left the drive-thru.’
Esme laughed. ‘Lucky for you that I did come.’ She angled her head in the direction of Hortense and Brian, who were sneaking kisses behind a spreading fir like a couple who’d just discovered what their mouths were really for. ‘You’d have been a proper gooseberry.’
‘You could be right there.’
Their conversation had been cut short by the tour company representative ushering everyone onto the bus, and Esme had sat next to Zach instead of Hortense, trying to ignore the heat of his leg as it pressed against hers and wishing she could think about something else.
They stood waiting now at the snowmobile station as Niko worked his way through the party to make final safety checks before giving the go ahead to hit the snow. Esme stamped her feet to stave off the biting cold. Even in her borrowed snowsuit and thick gloves it crept into every gap in every line of stitching and her toes were numb. Every time she took a breath it was like ice filling her lungs and her throat ached. Hortense was right when she’d said it was difficult to imagine cold like this until you’d experienced it. Once she was back at home basking in a British winter, she’d never complain she was cold ever again.
‘Wishing you hadn’t come after all?’ Zach leaned in and lowered his voice.
‘How did you know?’
‘Because I’m freezing too,’ he said with a smile. ‘Right now that open fire back at the hotel seems very tempting.’
‘And the hot chocolate.’
‘That too.’
‘Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.’
‘Come on – it’s cold but it’s not that bad. Just like being in an ice bar. A great big outdoor, perpetually freezing ice bar.’
‘I’ve never been in an ice bar.’
‘I have. Many. One of those things that… well, let’s just say I’ve been in a lot.’
‘Doesn’t seem much point to me. Just go to a regular bar and get ice in your drinks.’
‘That’s what I used to say.’
‘You like them now?’
‘Yeah, I like them now. Good memories.’
‘It’s not just the cold,’ Esme said, not wanting to talk about ice bars any more. She had a feeling there was something significant about ice bars and she was scared to ask. ‘I’m nervous too.’
‘About what? This?’
‘Well, driving the snowmobile. The only thing I’ve ever driven is a car.’
‘This is way easier – that’s why they let us take them out with very little instruction.’
‘You’ve been on one before?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Where did you do that?’
‘Here…’
‘Here? In Lapland? So you’ve been before?’
‘Yes.’
Esme waited for more information but none came. It was obvious there was something he didn’t want to tell her. And maybe they hadn’t really known each other long enough for Esme to push it.
‘And you’re still here to tell the tale,’ she said instead, trying to keep the situation light even though she was beginning to see darkness in it.
‘Exactly.’
‘OK. So what if I lose the party? If I go off course I could end up really lost.’
‘You won’t. It’s really hard to get lost.’
‘But what if I do?’
‘Don’t worry. I’ll stick with you, so if you go off course, then so will I. At least we’ll be off course together.’
Esme shook her head. ‘Maybe I should ride with Niko on his snowmobile. He said anyone who felt nervous could.’
‘Or how about you ride on mine with me?’
Esme blinked.
‘Only if you wanted to, of course,’ he added quickly. ‘With me you’d have my full attention but Niko has the whole group to worry about.’
‘I…’ Esme glanced across at where Niko was high-fiving a teenage boy. Niko was very young – which was a ridiculous thing for her to think considering she herself was probably only a few years older. But his carefree, bohemian manner made him seem too young. And a little too carefree. Niko didn’t look like he’d catch you if you fell, rather sit back and watch with a wry chuckle. But Zach… Zach looked like someone who’d be there no matter what. Maybe she would be safer with Zach. At least physically she’d be safer. Emotionally… she tried again to dismiss that pull when she looked at him. He was a travelling companion, nothing more, and she had Warren waiting at home. Sort of. Though she hadn’t exactly decided how she felt about going back to Warren, she hadn’t exactly finished things with him either. But then she looked up again at Zach and he smiled and her heart melted just a little.
‘OK. As long as I’m not holding you back I’ll ride with you.’
Zach grinned. ‘So, the next question is do you feel confident enough to drive? Or do you want to go piggyback with me?’
‘I’ll let you drive.’
He gave a short nod. ‘I guess you could always have a go coming back. If you feel up to it.’
‘You’d trust me to drive with you riding pillion?’
‘Of course. Why not?’
‘I don’t know. My…’
Esme wanted to say boyfriend but the word wouldn’t come out. Why couldn’t she mention Warren? What was the use in hiding his existence from everyone?
‘I’m not the best driver, that’s all,’ she finished lamely.
‘Even if we did come off – which we won’t – we’d hardly hurt ourselves with all this snow to cushion the landing.’
Esme’s pulse quickened. She waited for the but. There was none. He really did believe she could do this. He looked at her like she was valid, like she had worth.
‘I don’t think so,’ she said, despite this. ‘I think I’d feel better if you drove.’
‘I will, but I bet you change your mind when you see how easy it is.’
She smiled, but she didn’t say anything more because it might commit her to a course of action she wasn’t ready for.
‘I’d bette
r have a word with Niko,’ he said. ‘Let him know the plan.’
Esme watched him go. She tried not to watch him but despite the snow glittering in the pink half-light of a polar noon and the plumes of breath curling like ice sculptures into the cleanest air she’d ever seen, and the infectious excitement and anticipation of her fellow travellers infusing the cold with a subtle warmth, she couldn’t watch anything else.
It’s nothing, she told herself firmly. It’s a silly crush because you’re in a weird emotional state right now and he’s being kind to you and in any other situation you wouldn’t look twice. And she wondered whether the guilt and the desire showed on her face as he made his way back, blowing into his palms to warm them.
‘Niko’s going to get someone to put the spare snowmobile away and he’s cool with us going together.’
Esme caught a wink from Hortense and wondered what to make of it. Then she watched as Hortense straddled her vehicle as if it was a bucking bronco and she’d been a cow wrangler all her life, swatting away any assistance that Brian looked set to offer. She opened the throttle before Niko had even thought about telling everyone to start up. As the sound of her engine cracked the iced air he shot her a look of vague annoyance that looked oddly incongruous on his serene and happy features, and Esme wondered if he’d suddenly realised that his day might have just got that little bit less chilled with Hortense in his charge. Esme would bet a large chunk of money that her new friend wasn’t very good at taking instruction or orders or advice of any kind meant to keep her safe. If someone handed her a live grenade and told her to throw it, Hortense would probably juggle it for a while first as she whistled a jaunty tune, just to see if she could. To see her now, so bold and enthusiastic, made Esme smile, but it made her a little sad at the same time, because she couldn’t help but reflect on how much her grandma would have liked Hortense. She would have liked Brian too, who was now watching Hortense with fondness but also with the ghost of a wry smile. He was probably thinking much the same as Esme – that he didn’t fancy Niko’s chances trying to keep the indomitable Hortense in line. In fact, her grandma would have got along famously with everyone.
‘Ready?’
Zach’s voice brought her back to reality but it also stirred another emotion in her that was hardly helping to steady the ship.
The Christmas Wish: A heartwarming Christmas romance Page 11
