He was studying the clouds as these thoughts ran through her mind. ‘It’s not looking very hopeful.’
Esme looked up at him, recalling their earlier conversation and how much seeing the Lights meant to him. It meant a lot to her too, but she was relaxed about it, for the first time since she’d arrived in Rovaniemi, and she suddenly realised that although she’d done this for her grandma, if she never saw them it didn’t seem to matter anymore. She’d gained so much more from this trip, and perhaps those things were the really important ones to take home. She had a feeling they’d be things her grandma would have approved of.
‘I don’t know,’ she said with a lazy smile. ‘I have a good feeling about tonight.’
‘You do? And this is based on…?’
‘Nothing in particular. Just do.’
‘So you’re psychic now?’
‘I wish.’ Esme laughed. ‘If I was there’s a whole heap of things I wouldn’t have done over the years. Maybe I’m just in a good mood today.’
‘Even though you’ve spent the whole day stuck in with me?’
‘Because I’ve spent the whole day stuck in with you.’
‘That’s not the usual reaction I get.’
‘Maybe you’ve been spending your days with the wrong people then.’
He smiled. ‘I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it. I’ve enjoyed it too.’
‘Now, hang on – don’t get ahead of yourself. Let’s face it – it was sort of your fault we were both too hung-over to do much else even if we wanted to. I think enjoyed is stretching things a bit. I’d say more like not completely awful.’
Zach chuckled and blew into his hands.
‘Where are your gloves?’ Esme asked.
‘I must have dropped them somewhere – can’t find them.’
‘Maybe we ought to go and look because you’re going to get frostbite.’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t want to miss this trip. If there’s the tiniest chance we might see the Lights then I want to be there.’
‘I hope we do too – it would definitely be a highlight. You’re probably sick of hearing me say this, but Grandma would have loved all this. Even if we hadn’t got to see the Northern Lights she would have loved visiting this place. She’d have loved the anticipation and the hope for something magical to happen. She’d have loved the food and the people and the cold and snow – she’d have been asking for recipes and knitwear patterns wherever we went. And she’d have loved having a legitimate excuse to lecture me about wearing thermal underwear.’
Zach smiled down at her. He reached to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, and it was like an instinct, as if he hadn’t even noticed he’d done it. Momentarily, she closed her eyes, the contact sending a faint shiver of pleasure through her, making her wish that it could have been as much of a throwaway gesture for her as it seemed to be for him. But when she opened them again she saw that he’d turned his attention to the bus, now pulling into the car park, its headlights illuminating the snow.
‘Mostly, though,’ Esme said, ‘she would have loved that she’d been able to give all this to me.’
‘She sounds as if she was amazing,’ he said quietly, eyes still trained on the bus.
‘She was. My one sadness is that she can’t be here now.’
He tipped his face to the sky again and he was silent. Esme could almost see the shape of his thoughts, printed on his features. Around them there was a ripple of activity, people gathering travelling companions and belongings ready for their trip. With his gaze still trained upwards, Zach took a breath. Then he began: ‘Esme… there’s something—’
There was a loud clap from the doorway of the bus. Esme looked across to see that the tour guide was ready to check them all on and get moving. She turned back to Zach.
‘Looks like we’re ready to go. We’d better get lined up.’
Hortense hailed them as she hurried from the doorway of the hotel, Brian bringing up the rear, arms outstretched comically, almost like a goalie waiting to catch an errant cross. However, she didn’t look in much danger of one of her infamous tumbles as she rushed to meet them.
‘Talk about last minute,’ Zach said.
Esme grinned. ‘I expect they were snogging behind the sleigh shed.’
‘Honestly, I don’t know what’s worse – Hortense and Brian happily together or Hortense and Brian at loggerheads.’
‘I do – I’d rather have them together and just look away than have the terrible situation we had when they fell out. At least you can be friends with both of them again now.’
‘True. It was a bit awkward.’
‘And it made us fall out too,’ Esme said. ‘That’s the thing about these situations, they drag everyone else in too.’
He looked at her. ‘Sometimes you’re quite wise.’
‘Only sometimes?’ she asked as they walked to meet Brian and Hortense.
‘Yep.’
‘When am I not wise?’
‘Do you really want me to answer that?’
‘Maybe not.’
‘Good, because I would hate to put you in a bad mood before we leave.’
‘Quick, say something nice then or I’ll dwell on it.’
‘That was my nice thing.’
‘Oh, great. That’s it?’
He laughed. ‘OK, I’ll try to think of something else as we travel. Think of it as your Christmas gift.’
At the mention of Christmas gifts, Esme remembered that she actually did have gifts for all of them back in her room. Tonight would have been the perfect time to hand them out, but with everything else going on that day she hadn’t given it a thought. Not that she’d have had the time or privacy to wrap them with Zach around for most of it. She’d have to find another perfect opportunity now, but with their days together numbered, she’d have to find it pretty quickly.
‘Anyway,’ she said, her thoughts returning to the evening to come. ‘What was that you were just about to tell me before the bus arrived?’
He gave a small smile. ‘Nothing,’ he said quietly. ‘It doesn’t really matter.’
* * *
They had a different guide tonight. She couldn’t have been more than eighteen or nineteen (at least she looked like that to Esme, who was feeling all of her twenty-eight years tonight as she continued to struggle with the after-effects of her excesses the night before) and spoke English with an accent that suggested she’d learned it in America rather than in England.
‘Good evening everyone!’ she announced over the microphone. ‘My name is Twain and I am very pleased to be your guide today. I am letting you know that we have been working very hard to find the best place to see the Lights tonight and with our detective skills, your driver and I have decided that we will drive to Saariselkä to look.’
‘What’s the name of the place?’ someone shouted.
‘Saariselkä,’ the guide repeated patiently.
‘Where’s that?’
‘Um…’ She turned to the driver and they had a brief conversation in rapid Finnish.
‘Never mind!’ the someone shouted up again. ‘Surprise us!’
‘Oh, we do like a magical mystery tour,’ someone else shouted, and there was a ripple of laughter from that section of the bus. Twain looked as if she was wondering if her passengers were going to be something of a handful and Esme had to agree. Some of them sounded a little tipsy and she’d seen some of them sneak bottles of alcohol onto the bus. Perhaps they were ready to party in the tundra, or perhaps they thought it would help to keep their body temperatures up. Either way, it certainly didn’t promise to be conducive to good behaviour.
‘Do you know where that is?’ Esme asked Zach.
‘How should I know?’
‘Well, you’ve been before.’
‘I know, but I haven’t been to that place before, so not a clue I’m afraid. Hang on though – if I can still get on the hotel Wi-Fi from here I can find out.’
It took a few attempts to look for it on Google b
ecause while the guide had, of course, pronounced it perfectly, spelling it perfectly was a different matter entirely.
‘I feel as if it should have more Ks,’ Esme said, looking over his shoulder.
‘Probably about twenty,’ Zach agreed and Esme giggled.
‘And no vowels,’ she added. ‘What is it with this language and their aversion to vowels?’
‘They probably think we have far too many. Ah… here we go!’ He turned his phone for Esme to see.
‘Oh, it looks pretty.’
‘Doesn’t it?’
‘And a little further away than I’d expected.’
‘I suppose they have to go where the weather will be kind. I don’t mind – it’s not like we’ve got anywhere else to be.’
Esme smiled as the bus engine started and they began to pull out of the hotel car park. ‘I’m so excited to see the Lights. I really hope we do this time.’
‘Me too.’
‘I know it means a lot to you but will you be very disappointed if we don’t see anything tonight?’ Esme’s mind went back to their previous failed attempt to view the Northern Lights, which had left them barely speaking. She didn’t want that to happen again and was determined to take all dangerous variables out of the equation if she possibly could. It really did seem massively important to him too – hadn’t he said he’d go to any lengths he could to achieve the one thing he’d come to Rovaniemi for? And anything that important to him felt important to her. Although it wasn’t helping her to live the moment when, even with her phone on silent, she could still feel it vibrating in her pocket, and two or three good guesses would tell her exactly who was calling.
He closed down the map function on his phone and looked up at her. ‘Will you be disappointed?’
‘A bit. When I first arrived I thought that was the most important part of the trip, the only reason to come that mattered because it was the thing Grandma had wanted to see. But now… I almost think it’s the least important bit. I mean, I want to see them, but I won’t be heartbroken if we don’t. I’ve seen so many other wonderful things and I’ve had just the best time, so it would be OK. Grandma could be happy that her gift had been everything she’d hoped for.’
‘I understand,’ he said, giving her a fond smile that made her want to smile too. ‘It’s helped that I’ve got to share all this with the best people too.’
‘Even she who must not be named?’ Esme arched an eyebrow and lowered her voice. Hortense and Brian were friends again, which meant their interactions were verging on the wrong side of socially acceptable again.
‘I know we’ve been taking the mickey, but I’m actually glad for them. At least they’ve found something good,’ Zach said. ‘I really hope it works out for them.’
‘Beyond this week? Do you think it will carry on when we all get back to England?’
‘I don’t see why not if that’s what they want. They seem pretty into each other, don’t you think?’
‘I suppose so. I guess Hortense wouldn’t have got quite so upset about Brian’s ex-wife if she didn’t care about him.’
‘Exactly. So maybe they’ve got a chance for something long term.’
Esme nudged him. ‘You pretend you don’t care but really you’re a soppy old romantic at heart.’
‘I pretend I don’t care? Is that what you think?’
‘I was just saying—’
‘Esme, I care. I care too much – that’s the problem. If not I’d…’
‘You’d what?’
He let out a slow breath. ‘I’d be able to share my true feelings with someone I’ve grown very fond of over the last few days.’
Esme smiled. ‘Have you arranged to see Niko before you leave? For another night out, I mean?’
‘Niko?’ Zach frowned. ‘Nothing concrete,’ he said uncertainly. ‘I expect we’ll run into one another – he’s often hanging out at the hotel. I think he gets a lot of his bookings from there.’
‘Yes, he is,’ Esme agreed, wondering if there was another reason Niko spent so much time at their hotel. ‘I think he’s very fond of you.’
‘We’re friends. He’s been good to talk to. Understanding.’
‘He’s not bad to look at either,’ Esme said, nudging him again.
‘Well, yes, but…’
Zach gave his head a tiny shake. By now the bus had left the lights of Rovaniemi behind and they were heading out into the countryside where the streetlamps were few and far between. Zach turned to stare out of the window, though all there was to see was blackness. Esme could see his reflection in the glass and it was pensive, sulky almost. She sensed that dip in mood again was imminent.
‘You like Niko?’ she asked.
‘Not as much as you, apparently.’
‘What?’
Once again, he offered no reply, and Esme was left frustrated that she had completely lost control of the conversation. What the hell had she said wrong this time?
* * *
Time passed. Esme was quietly straining to see what was out of the window and wondering what she could say to Zach that wouldn’t cause another misunderstanding. Brian called across the aisle of the bus.
‘Esme… Zach! Do you know how much further this place is on your map?’
‘Not sure.’ Esme glanced at Zach, who simply checked his phone again.
‘I’d say about ten minutes,’ he replied after a brief gap. ‘Why?’
‘Hortense wants—’
‘A pee!’ Hortense leaned across Brian and there was no shame, judging by the volume of her voice. ‘Every bump is agony!’
‘I doubt there’d be public loos out there,’ Esme began, but Hortense gave her head a firm shake.
‘As nature intended will do. There’s nothing wrong with finding a snow bank.’
‘I suppose needs must,’ Esme said with a smile, though she wasn’t sure she’d be so enthusiastic about pulling her trousers down in temperatures of minus twenty.
No sooner had Hortense spoken than there was a loud squeal from further up the bus.
‘I see it! Did you just see it? There! A gap in the clouds… just there!’
Half a dozen people raced to the woman’s seat and craned to get a look out of the window.
‘Oh my God, yes!’ someone else cooed. ‘It’s amazing!’
‘Please!’ the guide said into her microphone. ‘Please sit. We will stop in only a couple of minutes and take a look outside together.’
Reluctantly, the rogue passengers returned to their seats. Zach was sitting nearest to the window on their row and he peered outwards and upwards. Then he turned to Esme with a broad smile.
‘It’s only a little,’ he said, allowing her to lean over and guiding her gaze. ‘There… you see?’
It was only the tiniest pocket of clear sky but Esme saw it: a ripple of vibrant green.
‘Oh God!’ she breathed. She watched as it ebbed and flowed like brilliant waves on a celestial sea. But then the clouds moved in and swallowed the Lights once more. Esme sat back in her seat.
‘They’ve gone already.’
She sounded like a petulant child, but she couldn’t help it. Most people never got to see them once in their lives, and she already had one up on them. But she wanted to see them again. The moment had been so unexpected and fantastical that it was hard to believe it had actually happened at all. Zach sat back in his seat too.
‘At least we can say we’ve seen them, even if that’s all we get.’
He was right, of course, and Esme rallied, particularly when the sentiment had come from him, knowing how he’d longed to see them. ‘I suppose so. Weren’t they beautiful? It’s funny, even though I’ve seen endless photos I never imagined them to look like that in real life.’
Zach smiled, and it seemed an infinite thing that could never fall short of happiness to fuel it. And yet, even in the midst of the joy there was sadness. Though she couldn’t say how, Esme sensed it was there. It was like, over the past few days, she’d become subtly a
ttuned to his moods on some unconscious level. It was strange, something that had never happened with anyone else before. Perhaps that was why she felt such a strong connection to him now, why she felt so desperate to retain some kind of friendship with him when all this was over. She only hoped he felt the same.
The bus slowed and then finally halted.
‘Now we can find a place to stop and get out,’ their guide announced.
A moment later everyone climbed out, eyes immediately heavenwards, apart from Hortense, whose eyes turned towards the nearest broad tree. She made a dash for it, leaning on Brian for support so she wouldn’t fall in the snow, and Esme couldn’t help but giggle at the loud sigh of profound relief that came from their direction. At least she hoped it was relief – surely even Brian and Hortense could control themselves for this particular excursion.
When they emerged they rejoined the tour party, Hortense looking very pleased with herself… Brian not so much. The clouds were patchy, and although there were decent stretches of sky it was now lit only by stars. They were beautiful enough, despite not being what they’d come for, dazzling and multitudinous away from the light pollution of the city. They even caught a shooting star, streaking towards the horizon. Instinctively, Esme glanced at Zach and made a wish. Would they always be friends now? She hoped and wished it, more than anything. She’d never had a friend like Zach and now that she’d found him she couldn’t imagine her life without him. She realised, with a sudden quiet epiphany, that her life had always been poorer for it.
‘Did you see the meteor?’ he asked as they watched the clouds roll and part, only to tumble back across one another again.
‘Yes.’
‘You made a wish, right?’
‘Of course – what do you take me for?’ She grinned. ‘You think I’m going to pass up on the opportunity of a divine favour?’
The Christmas Wish: A heartwarming Christmas romance Page 21
