I blinked at him. “What do you mean?”
“Love fucking hurts. And it sucks. You said love isn’t always enough.” He stepped back and dragged his hands down his face. “What does that even mean? What more do you want from me, if my love isn’t enough? I swear that I’ll give it to you, whatever it is. I’ll get the fucking moon out of the sky if that’s what it takes to get you back. To prove to you that I can be enough. I’ll do it.”
I took a step toward him but made myself stop. If I touched him, we’d stop talking. And we needed to talk. My heart wrenched at the pain in his voice, in every move he made. “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. Whatever makes you happy, you should have it. What makes you happy, Austin?”
He cupped my face with both of his hands, his fingers trembling as he looked down at me with so much love and pain in his eyes. It echoed my own. “You.”
“Austin…” I closed my eyes. “If that’s what you want…”
“And I’m sorry that I said those things about not liking being saddled down to one woman, and even sorrier that I gave you a reason to think I meant them when I didn’t.” He dropped his forehead to mine and let out a shaky breath. “And I’m even more sorry that I hurt you so many times, in so many ways, but I have no fucking clue what the hell I’m doing here. None.”
I laughed lightly, tears blurring my vision. “Yeah, me neither.”
“All I know is I love you with everything I have inside of me, and then some more. I know I don’t want to live a life where you’re not in it. And I know I don’t deserve you. Not in a million years.” He lowered his face to mine, a breath away from kissing me. “But I also know I’ll never stop trying to. If you let me, I’ll love you forever and ever, and nothing will make me stop. Nothing in this world, the next, or the last. You will be forever tattooed on my heart, and the letters will never fade.”
“I love you too. So much.” I gripped his biceps, digging my fingers in. If I had it my way, I’d never let go of him again. “So freaking much. And you’ve always been enough.”
His fingers tightened on my face. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I’m saying yes.” I tilted my face up, my lips touching his as I said, “Kiss me. Love me. Keep me. Hold me tight, and don’t ever let me go.”
He made a broken sound and kissed me, his lips crashing over mine. The second our mouths met, everything faded away. All the worry, the doubt, the pain.
It was all healed, with one magical kiss.
I TIGHTENED my grip and entwined my tongue with hers, backing her against the wall with a predatory growl. After she’d left with that Luke kid, I’d been prepared to let her go gracefully. Lose with my head held high, in public at least. Been prepared to admit she was better off without me darkening her bright life, continually making her life stormy and tumultuous.
But then she’d come into my house and asked me what I wanted. And I wanted her, damn it. All of her. Forever. This time, I wouldn’t let her go.
This time, I wouldn’t lose her.
Some small voice in the back of my head whispered that she was only kissing me and saying these things because she’d downed a shitload of whiskey, but I told it to shut the hell up. She said she loved me, and I loved her, and we would be okay.
We had to be okay.
But still, I broke off the kiss and rested my forehead on hers. “Are you sure? Are you…are you all in?”
“I’m all in,” she breathed, burying her hands in my hair and tugging on it. “I love you, and you’re enough. You were always enough. Don’t ever doubt that. Whether you’re a singer, a bartender, the President of the United States, or a stay-at-home dad—you’re enough for me. Always have been.”
My heart cracked, broke apart, and melted. I swung her in my arms, letting that damn hat of hers hit the floor. “I love you. I missed you. I need you. I love you,” I whispered, kissing her repeatedly, over and over again, as I carried her into my bedroom.
As soon as I locked the door behind us, I set her on her feet and ravaged her mouth, giving no quarter as I backed her toward the bed, pulling her dress up slowly, inch by inch. When I bared her ass, I cupped her and hauled her against my body. She gripped my belt, undoing it frantically as I smacked her ass gently.
Whimpering, she fell back on the bed, my belt still in her grip, so she dragged me with her. I landed exactly where I wanted to be—in between her legs.
She rolled her hips against me, moaning and running her fingers up my bare back. I broke off the kiss and tugged her dress over her head.
Once she lay beneath me in a sheer bra and skimpy matching panties, I ran my thumb over her cheekbones, taking in every detail of her face. “I want to marry you someday, Mac. I just want you to know that.”
Her eyes widened, and she licked those lips of hers I loved so much. “Is that a proposal?”
“Yes and no.” I kissed her gently. “I’ll do it right, and be romantic and all that shit, but for now, know this one thing: I want you to be my wife. My family. My life.”
“Yes,” she breathed, smiling up at me with tears in her eyes.
“I didn’t ask yet…” I teased, kissing her on the tip of the nose. “I know I’m a mess, and I don’t know how to show my feelings all that great, and odds are I’ll fuck up again. But if I do, and I hurt you, please don’t ever doubt my love. You never know what life will throw at you, but you can count on one thing: I’ll never stop loving you. Ever.”
“I’ll never stop loving you, either.” She rested her hand on my heart, smiling. “With all my heart. Forever and always. Don’t you ever doubt that.”
I shook my head, pressing our foreheads together. “I won’t. Not ever again. And when we fight…which we’re going to do…let’s take time to work it through before we call it quits.”
She nodded. “Yes. So much yes. I’m sorry I jumped the gun.”
“We’re both sorry, but we made it through our first big fight.” I grinned down at her, unable to believe she was here, with me, in my arms. And we were talking about forever again. For-fucking-ever. “That’s some kind of milestone, right?”
“I think so.”
I saw her phone on the table, grabbed it, and unlocked it. “I have an idea.”
“What?” she asked. As I opened the camera, she scrunched her face up. “Is this really the best selfie time?”
“Yep.” I flicked it to video and hit record. The second it started, I smiled. “Hey, sweetheart, it’s me. I wanted to make you this little video so that next time we get in a fight, or miss each other, we can remember this moment. See that woman under me?” I panned the camera to her, and she laughed. “That’s you. I love you very much, and I never, ever want another woman to be under me like this. Like we are.”
“Austin…” She looked up at me, instead of the camera, and the love I saw shining in her eyes made my heart skip a beat. The idea that a girl like her could look at me like that, and love me so much, was almost terrifying. “I love you so much. I’ll never want to be with another man like I’m with you, and I’ll never stop being yours. And I want to marry you someday. Any day. Anywhere. Any time.”
My fingers tightened on the phone, and I forced a smile. “See, future Mac and Austin? We love each other, and that will never, ever change. I’m going to make love to you now, so I’m gonna shut this off. But don’t be idiots next time. Talk before acting.”
Shutting off the camera, I tossed the phone to the side. Slipping my hand between her legs, I rubbed my thumb against her clit. She was so wet. So ready for me. And, damn it, I was ready for her.
“Oh my God,” she breathed.
Nibbling on her ear, I bit down a little harder. She moaned and arched her neck for me. “Every time we fight, we’ll watch that video. Deal?”
She nodded frantically. “Deal.”
“Good.”
Without another word, I kissed her, my fingers moving over her in hard sweeps. I dropped kisses down her body as I went.
One on her throat. Another on the gentle curve of her breast. As I kissed her all over, as I’d been dying to do for what felt like my whole fucking life, I undid her bra and tossed it aside.
Her dusky nipples were hard and begging for my touch, so I closed my mouth around one, sucking it in hard. She arched her back and tossed her head back and forth, moaning out my name. I’d never get sick of hearing my name on her lips, all needy and desperate and mine.
Releasing her nipple, I moved even farther down her body, nipping the skin right above her hipbone as I went. She buried her hands in my hair and opened her legs for me. Grabbing hold of the skimpy underwear, I ripped them off her and closed my mouth over her clit, moaning at how good she tasted.
“Oh my God,” she breathed, her lids falling down. “Yes.”
I slid my hands under her ass, hauling her even tighter against my mouth. She tugged on my hair, desperation coming off her in ripples. A desperation that grew even stronger when I slapped the side of her ass gently. Her whole body tensed, and she sagged against my hold, a small moan escaping her as she came against my mouth. As I let her fall to the mattress, I positioned myself between her legs and kissed her. I still had my pants on, so I hopped off the bed and took them off. She watched me, her green eyes glowing with pleasure and love. So much fucking love.
She stretched like a cat, her blonde hair splayed across my pillow. I froze, my hands on my belt, and just took it in. All of it. Her. Me. The way she made me feel.
And I never wanted to leave this moment.
She leaned up on an elbow and watched me, her red lips pursed prettily. “You okay?”
“Okay?” I undid my pants and let them hit the floor. Next went my boxers, and I got in the bed with her, slipping between her legs where I belonged. Grabbing her leg, I hauled it up, and she wrapped it around my body securely. “I’m fucking fabulous.”
Without another word, I drove inside her, kissing her as I entered her fully. She wrapped her other leg around me, locking her ankles. I pulled out, my tongue withdrawing from her mouth as I did so. As I thrust back inside, I bit down on her lip gently. Her nails dug into my back and then…
I fucking lost it.
Groaning, I moved hard and fast, needing to feel her convulse around me again. Needing to make her come again. Needing her.
She cried out and moved beneath me restlessly, her pussy getting tighter on my cock with each stroke I made. My balls tightened and tingled, and I knew I’d be there soon. I’d be in heaven, wrapped in my Mac’s arms. “I love you,” I whispered against her lips, lowering my hand between us to press against her. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you…oh my God,” she cried out.
Her walls tightened around me, and I groaned, pumping my hips harder and faster until I came so explosively I saw fireworks in front of my eyes. Fucking fireworks.
Collapsing on the bed next to her, I pulled her into my arms and closed my eyes. She wrapped herself around me, bare skin pressed to bare skin. Roughness to porcelain. So different, and yet so fucking perfect at the same time. I kissed the top of her head and tugged on a long curl. “Can you stay here with me tomorrow?”
She yawned. “The girls are coming in, and we have plans. But I’m all yours tomorrow night.”
I played with a piece of her hair. “So…is it safe to say we’re together again?”
“Yes.” She brushed my hair back off my head. “I think it’s very safe to say.”
“When should we make it public?” I asked, yawning. “And how?”
“We’ll think of something, I’m sure.” She nuzzled her nose against my chest. “Something romantic and shit.”
I snorted. “Using my words back on me again?”
“Totally.”
“Forever?” I asked.
“And always,” she answered, yawning at the end. “Are you going to keep recording, or are you taking a step back?”
I let out a soft breath. “I am taking a step back, but not stopping entirely. I just need to enjoy this last year with Rachel before she goes to college. You know?”
“Yeah, I do. You’re such a good dad.”
I smiled, because she’d called me a dad, not a brother. And that’s what I was to Rachel. I needed to be a good one. One who set a good example of chasing his dreams, within reason. Not one who gave up on them entirely. I could do it all. Have a healthy balance of love, career, and family. And with Mac at my side, I could find it. I could have it all. Smiling, I closed my eyes, tightened my arms around her, and drifted off to sleep, feeling as if I were invincible…
And we were.
THE NEXT night I leaned against the wall, watching Austin perform on Captain Crow’s stage from the backstage area. After spending the night in his arms, I knew more than ever that he loved me, and I would never doubt that again. A promise was a promise, and no matter how many fights we got in, or how many times I wondered if he wanted something more, I wouldn’t let myself act the way I had before.
We’d talk. Watch our video. Love one another.
And most importantly, never give up.
He strummed his guitar; walking up to the mic with that sexy strut only he could pull off. On any other guy, it would look ridiculous. The crowd of girls went wild, and I smiled. I didn’t blame them at all. I was going wild for him too. His biceps flexed as he strummed, his face intent as he sang the last note of his song.
As he finished, the crowd cheered, smiles on their faces as they yelled out how much they loved him. He grinned at the crowd, then turned and looked at me. I smiled and nodded, and his grin widened even more. Somewhere out in the crowd were Cassie and Quinn. I’d told them to come to the bar, and they’d been confused.
But they’d come…and they were about to see why.
Austin mouthed I love you to me, and I mouthed it back, my heart warming even more. How had I ever thought he didn’t want me? Love me? Love like this didn’t die.
It couldn’t. We wouldn’t let it.
He stepped up to the mic and leaned down. “So…I’m sure a lot of you have heard stories of me and Mackenzie Forbes breaking up.”
The crowd stilled, nodding.
“Well, we did. And it sucked. It sucked enough that we realized…” He glanced over at me, and the crowd followed the line of his vision. He held his hand out to me, smiling. “We didn’t want to be broken up anymore. And she’s here with me tonight.”
The crowd cheered, and I walked out, wearing my cowboy hat, my acoustic guitar, and a pink dress that hit right above my knees. Waving, I smiled at the crowd, walked right up to Austin, and kissed him in front of everyone.
Flashes erupted, and we both smiled against one another’s lips.
“Was that romantic enough…?” he asked.
“And shit?” Grinning, I patted his cheek and stepped back. “Yep.”
We settled into our stools, guitars in hand, and stared at each other. The last time we’d sung this came to mind, and the pain hit me all over again. We’d been so lost without one another. He reached out and squeezed my knee. The remembered pain was in his dark blue eyes, too, calling out to my own. But buried with that pain was hope and love. “Hey. It’s me and you. Forever,” he whispered in my ear.
I nodded once, pressing my cheek against him for a second. “And always.”
“I love you.” Clearing his throat, his turned back to the crowd and raised his voice. “We’re going to sing you our new song that will be on both our upcoming albums. We hope you like it as much as we do.”
Settling into his stool, he nodded at me, and I started the chords that made up our song, “All In.” As we sang, we locked onto each other the whole time, not looking away. It was a promise of sorts, as we sang to one another, ignoring the crowd. Ignoring everything but this…and us. Our vow to love one another and never let go again.
Never give up.
I didn’t even notice until we finished, but tears streamed down my face again. This time it wasn’t from pain or loss. It was f
rom happiness, love, and hope. The second we finished, we sat there, breathing heavily, staring at one another. The crowd remained completely silent, no one moving, and I knew they’d experienced an intimate moment none of our other shows had ever felt. Or seen. They’d been here with us as we made vows. Vows that were more important than any other ones would be.
And I’d meant every word.
He swallowed so hard I saw his Adam’s apple bob, and then opened his mouth, closed it, and said, “Marry me.”
The collective crowd gasped.
Standing up, he set his guitar aside, knelt down on one knee at my feet, and held a ring out. He looked a little pale, and maybe a little green, but he’d never looked so beautiful to me. “Marry me, Mac. Be mine forever.”
I tightened my grip on my guitar, unable to look away. Unable to talk, or move, because this was it. The one defining moment of my life where the answer would change everything. I knew what my answer was, obviously, but I also knew how big this was.
How huge.
His fingers twitched on the ring. “Mac?”
Tossing my guitar aside, I sank to the floor with him and nodded, throwing my arms around his neck. “Yes. So much yes.”
The crowd erupted into cheers, and I heard Quinn’s and Cassie’s voices above them all. Cheering us on. Being happy for me. And I wanted to hug them so hard.
Austin kissed me, our tongues entwining. When he pulled back, tears swam in his eyes too. “Fuck, I love you, Mac. When we get home, I’m going to make love to you all night. Kiss every square inch of your body until you beg for mercy. And then I’ll do it all over again.”
He’d whispered it to me, so no one else heard it. Those words were just for me. My cheeks heated, and I leaned in close to his ear. “I’m all in,” I whispered. “All freaking in.”
Losing Us Page 12
