“Well, I didn’t mean for that to happen,” Cole mumbled.
Her heart fell. It slammed into the ground.
With her shoulder throbbing from the claim mark, she wondered if he’d meant it at all. Once they realized they weren’t meant to be together and the mark healed, the claim would go away. The impermanence of it struck her. It drove her further into the ground.
She wanted to run away. Her heart had allowed her to believe all sorts of lies. The beast growled that they weren’t lies. Cole wanted her. In one way or another, they’d proven that he did. Yet, she remembered the way he said he couldn’t control himself around her.
Which meant that might not have wanted any of this. It’d all been a lapse of self-control.
“I’m just going to…” She reached down and gathered her forgotten clothing. “I’m going to go home.”
Without looking back at Cole, Jude rushed back to her cabin. The door slammed shut behind her. While she wanted to slow down and catch her breath, she had to run to the bathroom before the mess between her legs became an even bigger mess.
What was she thinking? Jude was starting to wonder if she’d ruined everything. Buying the cabin might not have been the best idea. Sleeping with the neighbor who might not want her the way she wanted him was an even bigger mistake.
Yet, when she was finished cleaning and stood before the mirror, she caught sight of the claiming mark on her neck. Confusion roiled inside her, but the beast was proud. The beast assured her that it was the start of something good.
Jude wasn’t in the best place to believe her beast just yet, but she touched the wound and felt the waves of pleasure it produced. That couldn’t be wrong. Right?
The dream wrapped around her like water. It filled her lungs and pressed against her chest. Deeper it dragged her, until the light above was nothing more than a memory. Darkness swallowed her. Only two pinpricks of light shone.
Eyes that watched her. Eyes that beckoned her.
Release me, the beast whispered.
Jude fought to find her own beast, but the creature’s voice was silent. There was a gaping hole in her soul where the creature should have been. She would have whimpered if she could make any sound. Everything Jude was had been built around her beast’s strength. Without it, she was only an empty shell, a shade trying to put on a show.
Kicking, she tried to swim toward the lake’s surface. The water refused to let her go. It held her in place. No amount of flinging her legs or grasping at the water allowed her to move.
Deeper she went. Deeper she was dragged.
The beast whispered to her again. Its voice filled her skull until she couldn’t hear her own thoughts, until there was no trace of herself left. There was only the beast in the water. There were only its demands for freedom.
Jude snapped awake, grasping for air. Cold sweat gathered on the back of her neck. The wind blew across it and chilled her to the bone. That was when she realized she was outside. She stood in the water, cold tendrils lapping at her knees. They tried to grab at her and pull her toward the sleeping beast.
She tried to turn back, but her body couldn’t move. It was frozen in place. Jude begged her beast to help her. The creature was there, as she always was, but not even the great beast inside Jude could force her body to move again.
The damn dragon in the water was messing with her. It thought that it could control her mind and command her body. Well, Jude refused to let it scare her. Fragments of the dream clung to her, trying to incite fear but she was in no mood. Nothing could tear her beast from her. She and the gold dragon were one.
And as long as she was a gold dragon, then no one on this plane of existence could command her to do anything. She gritted her teeth and growled, a sound forming low in her throat. This world would not break her. It would not cast her out. She would forever carve her own place in it. She would make room for herself here on this lake shore.
A scream ripped from Jude’s throat. It clawed its way out, leaving her hoarse. Barely a second later, the door of the nearby cabin slammed open. The whole building shuddered. Cole raced toward the water.
Jude still couldn’t move. She drew on her beast’s strength, but the magic of the creature beneath the water pulled her forward. The water rose to her thighs. She wasn’t afraid, though. If she had to, she would go down there and punch the beast in the damn head herself. She was tired of everyone’s expectations of her.
Her parents wanted her to stay far away from Colorado, so Jasper would never see her as a threat. Jasper wanted her to do his bidding, venturing out into the world in his stead because he was chained to his mountains. Jude didn’t want either of those things. She didn’t want to wander the earth anymore.
She wanted a path of ground that she could call her own. She wanted people who were happy to see her.
Arms wrapped around her. They dragged her out of the water and pulled her close. The familiar scent of Cole’s warm body surrounded her. He dropped to the grassy shore and took her with him. Still, she couldn’t move. Her body was trapped, frozen. He cupped her cheek, studying her face with wide eyes.
She couldn’t tell him what was happening. Not while the whispers still thundered in her ears. The dragon in the lake still beckoned her. It called and begged. It waited for her.
Then, Cole’s fingers grazed the claiming mark he’d made earlier that day. It chased away the beast’s hold on her. She gasped, back arching. Fumbling, she reached and grabbed ahold of Cole. Seeing her move, he relaxed.
The mark saved her. It would keep the beast at bay.
Jude should have told him that, but she didn’t want to force Cole into anything he didn’t want. But if he didn’t want her, then why did he rush to her? Probably to keep her from unleashing the beast in the lake. Cole had one job. Jude was actively making it harder for him.
She sighed and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes.
“Are you alright?” Cole asked, breathless.
“I’m….” She meant to say fine, but the word wouldn’t come out. It wasn’t the truth. She wasn’t fine. She was scared and annoyed and yearning for something she couldn’t have.
And if he wouldn’t have her, the beast in the lake would take her. She didn’t want to think of the outcome in that moment, but it hung over her. It was inescapable. She’d chosen to stay. Yet the cost could be her freedom. Maybe even her life.
For a brief second, she dug her nails into Cole’s shoulder. She wanted to hang on to him and beg him to stay by her side for the rest of the night. That wasn’t what he wanted, and she wasn’t going to force anything. Especially not something he didn’t want.
Jude extracted herself from Cole’s grasp. The cold air swept in and chilled her skin where they’d been touching. A shiver raced up her spine and made her shudder. Cole reached for her, but she waved him off. If she pretended she was fine, he would go back to his cabin and she wouldn’t have to feel the chasm of distance between them while they were barely a foot apart.
“Are you sure you’re fine?” Cole croaked.
She couldn’t decipher the tone of his voice. Not now that she doubted herself. Earlier, Jude thought she was starting to understand him. Now, she second guessed every instinct around him. Every impulse seemed wrong. Her beast tried to tell her she was just scared, but Jude remembered what he’d said.
I didn’t mean for that to happen.
He never meant to sleep with her. He never meant to mark her. She was just an accident, probably one brought on by the loneliness of living out here by himself for ten years.
“Fine,” was all she managed to say in return.
It wasn’t the truth. She was far from fine. She was shaking, both from the cold and from the threat of what lurked fifteen feet away. The waters wanted to take her. Her beast wanted this land as its own. The combination would be the end of her if she wasn’t constantly vigilant. It meant she had an exhausting life ahead of her.
Again, her attention slipped back toward the wa
ter. The threat beneath the dark surface was inescapable. She was a powerful gold dragon, but that probably made her all the more alluring to it. Perhaps her strength would aid in breaking the spell.
She was a damned gold dragon. Jude was meant for great things, even if no one ever wanted her to achieve them.
“There aren’t many gold dragons in our clan,” she said. “Normally, there’s only one born per generation. If another is born, then there’s usually a dominance battle to the death to see which becomes king of our clan. The metallic dragons are all cousins, always loosely related so it isn’t uncommon for a metallic dragon to have a child of a different metal.”
“I take it that means your parents weren’t gold dragons?”
She shook her head. “My dad was a bronze dragon. Mom was a firebrand, the kind with red and orange and yellow. So, my first few years of life were pretty easy. Dad got funds from the bank for being part of the king’s court. My beast hadn’t manifested yet, so I got to play with my cousins.
“Then, when my beast appeared, they thought I was bronze like my father. You saw the patina of my scales. It was an easy mistake. Until I started getting into fights and pushing Jasper around. Don’t tell anyone that his female cousin used to beat his ass. It will ruin his reputation.”
Cole laughed, a huff of air that was too loud in the quiet night. He seemed relaxed beside her, patiently listening to the tale she was weaving for him. Jude did her best to pretend like the life she lived was alright, but someone needed to know.
“Once my parents realized that I was a gold dragon, they wasted no time in shipping me off. They sent me to a human boarding school so Jasper would never be tempted to kill me, and where I could never let my beast out. I came home on holidays, but we never stayed in the mountain. Vacation was to be spent away from Jasper and his family.
“I didn’t see my childhood home until recently, when Jasper took over the clan and invited me back. When I got there, I knew it would never be the place my beast needed. There were too many dragons. The mountain is crawling with them. My beast hated how crowded the town was. Jasper’s first act was to send me away again. I know he did it to save my beast, but damn that hurt.”
Jude pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I don’t blame my beast for what happened. She might be the reason I was kicked out of my home, but it was my family that chose to do it.”
She liked to think she’d found a mate and a home, but both seemed out of grasp. Her body and beast screamed for Cole. Jude herself wanted to know more about him, like the way he preferred his ice-cream. Cole, on the other hand, didn’t seem to feel the same. And the beast in the lake would readily accept her, but only to be used and tossed aside.
Cole sighed. It sounded like his soul slipped free of his body. He slumped beside her, looking out over the same lake with despair twisting his features.
“If it’s truth sharing time, then I guess I’ll let you know why I stayed here when everyone else left.”
“It was to watch the lake. Right?”
“Partly. Someone needed to watch over Alistair’s prison. Any of us could have done it, but I volunteered because I felt responsible for what happened.”
“How was any of that your fault? Your leader turned on you.”
Cole clenched and unclenched his fists. He stared down at them for a long while. She wondered what was going through his mind. There had to have been thoughts swirling inside his head, ones that he would never tell her. Then, his head rolled back, and he groaned.
“Alright. The whole story.” He leveled his gaze at her. He looked afraid. “As you could tell, we were all young and dumb. We were stragglers without families. When Alistair found us, he turned us into a family. We truly thought he could do no wrong. He was like the father none of us had.
“I…” Cole stopped and shook his head. “Alistair was charming. You have to keep that in mind. The way he spoke was convincing. It made people like him. Even other shifters who should have feared him. He could charm the panties off a nun. So, when he started spouting his world domination propaganda, I…I fell for it.”
Jude stayed quiet. She didn’t know what to make of what Cole was saying. She remembered seeing the scars covering his dragon’s stomach. She thought that had been from fighting against Alistair. If not, then how did he come by them?
“I let Alistair turn me into a horrible person. While I never hurt anyone under his command, I believed in everything he said. It took a death for me to realize where I went wrong. I had turned against my true family. If I’d stood with them, then that person would still be alive. My brethren’s mate wouldn’t have had to die.”
She heard the way his words became choked. He swallowed and turned his gaze toward the lake. Despite thinking he didn’t want her, she still reached across and gripped his hand. She gave it a squeeze to assure him that she didn’t hate him. She didn’t blame him, either.
Like he said, he hadn’t hurt anyone. “If you didn’t kill her, then her death isn’t your fault.”
“That’s not how that works. I was an accomplice. Heath has never forgiven me. He was the first to leave when it was all over. He just took off without a word. No one blamed him. Zane disappeared around the same time, though we never understood why. The rest of us were left to decide who would watch the lake. I took the burden without another thought. No one needed to waste more of their lives. I urged the others to leave and do something with their lives.”
“You’re the one with scars. You must have fought back. You realized you were on the wrong side and chose to stop him.”
“I fought back, yes, but I wasn’t enough to stop him. Alistair nearly killed me.”
Her heart clenched. It was such a sudden and intense reaction that she was caught off guard by it. Her beast growled defiantly. No one would take this dragon man from her. Not as long as she was around. He might not want her the way she wanted him, but she would be there for him. She would be his friend and a part of his clan as long as he would have her.
He shook himself, suddenly coming back to the present. It was like the past released him and shoved him back into his body. He turned toward her, eyes dropping to her hand on his. She thought he might pull away, but he didn’t move. Instead, he turned his hand so he could grip hers in return.
“You’re still here with us,” she reminded him. “Alistair lost. He’s locked in that lake.”
Cole swallowed, eyes on her now. “And how long until he takes everything and frees himself?”
Everything? All it took was one person to break the spell. Jude didn’t exactly think of herself as everything. She was just a lost dragon woman who was trying to make a home for herself. That was all.
Though she wanted so much more from him, Cole made it clear that he wasn’t interested. Once more, she glanced out to the water. It wanted more from her, too. Cole had dedicated himself to making sure that never happened, that no one woke the beast sleeping there. That was why he’d rushed out to her.
He didn’t care for her. Not the way she wanted him to.
If she lingered too much longer in his presence, she’d never be able to leave. She bid him a good night and scurried back to her cabin. With the door shut between them, her beast tried to shove her back through it. The beast demanded that she crawl into Cole’s arms and hold him tight.
That wasn’t her fate. Love had to be mutual.
This weird love triangle that had sprouted up around her caged her in and left her exhausted. She couldn’t escape it. Not while she still yearned for what she couldn’t have.
Before heading back to bed, she stopped at a window and flipped the bird to the lake surface.
16
“You two made too much noise yesterday.” Asher fumbled for a coffee mug. He reached for the carafe. Cole hid his laugh when Asher went to pour, and the container was empty. “Get a fucking room next time.”
“You make enough money that you don’t have to stay here. You could afford to rent a
sparkling apartment in town or fix up your old place. My cabin isn’t your home.”
“No, your girlfriend just bought my old cabin.”
Oh, yeah. He hadn’t told Jude that she was sleeping in Asher’s old home. Asher didn’t seem pleased that Sybil had sold it out from under him. He could have bought it any time. Cole suspected that Asher was only upset because he was feeling nostalgic. He envied Asher for remembering any good times.
Cole could only remember the pain they endured. He remembered Heath’s anguish. He remembered the sting of betrayal when Alistair turned on them. Everything else was overshadowed by that pain.
“Are you still running the tours?” Asher slapped a coffee filter into the machine.
“A man has to make money some way. I don’t use my fists.”
Asher mocked him, mouthing the words with obvious attitude. Cole had the feeling that no one had gotten much sleep the night before. Jude had been summoned by the lake again. For a moment, Cole thought that Alistair had claimed her. Panic nearly tore Cole in half. Alistair hadn’t been his first thought.
No, his first thought was that he’d lost Jude. Only when he touched the mark he’d left on her neck did she come back to herself. The relief he felt in that moment had been life changing. She’d scurried away from him after they had sex, but the way she held onto him made him think there was a chance for them.
“Let me run the tours today. I still remember all the good fishing spots, and I mostly remember how to drive a boat.” Asher cast a sidelong glance at Cole. “That should give you time to make up for what you did yesterday.”
Cole’s brow furrowed. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Asher snorted. “I heard what you said. I didn’t mean for that to happen? You said that right after fucking the hottest dragon woman you’ve ever seen. It was no wonder she ran away from your dumb ass.”
Asher shook his head as Cole digested what he’d said.
“Well, shit.”
“Yes,” Asher agreed. “You are totally in a shit load of trouble.”
Cole Page 10
