"In Jail," I said.
Though short, my answer dumfounded them. No one asked me anything. Part of the hostile atmosphere confronting me at the beginning cleared, or so I imagined. I was at a loss to interpret the look I'd seen in the Blond's light-colored eyes. Was it perhaps mocking?
I saw him note something with a red pen on the paper before him and lean toward the old chairman to whisper sometning in his left ear, his hearing ear. Then he handed the paper to Stubby.
The chairman addressed me sternly, "We have heard a long speech from you on your talents and abilities. However, we have reports here saying you couldn't perform with a certain woman. This report is unquestionable, since it was submitted by the very woman exposed to this inadequacy. So what do you have to say about it?"
This question took me by surprise. I felt confused. This unwonted episode hadn't happened with just one woman, but with several, and for a variety of reasons. Since the Committee was painstaking in its work, my answer must be specific. But how could it be when I didn't know which woman they meant?
Stubby, motivated by malice, saved me from answering. Unable to control himself, he shouted, "Maybe he's impotent."
But the Blond didn't share that opinion. He leaned over to the chairman's ear and said, "He's probably ..."
I didn't hear the rest of the sentence, but I had no difficulty guessing.
The Blond motioned for me to come forward until I stood before him. Then he ordered me to take off my pants, so I did. I laid them over the back of an empty seat, then stood before the Committee in my boxer shorts, socks, and shoes.
They kept looking at me as though waiting for something. I pointed to my underwear, "These too?"
The Blond nodded. I removed my shorts and put them on top of the trousers. Meanwhile, their eyes settled attentively on my naked parts.
Next the Blond asked me to turn my back. Then he ordered me to bend over. I felt his hand on my naked buttocks. He ordered me to cough. At that moment I felt a finger inside my body.
After he withdrew his finger, I straightened up and faced them again. I saw this blond man look at the chairman and say triumphantly, "Didn't I tell you?"
The old man smiled for the first time. Everyone burst out talking simultaneously. Commotion filled the hall and I couldn't make out anything they said. Finally, the chairman pounded on the table with his fist to cut off the chatter. When the tumult had subsided completely, he turned to me and said, "Whether we consider events major based on their number and magnitude, or based on their future ramifications, we undoubtedly live in the greatest century in history. By which momentous event among the wars, revolutions, or inventions will our century be remembered in the future?"
I welcomed this question, in spite of its difficulty, because I found it an opportunity to demonstrate my knowledge of subjects especially interesting to me.
"This question is well worth asking. I can cite many matters of such gravity."
The Blond interrupted, explaining, "We want only one thing: that it be international and that it embody the notable and timeless concepts of this century's civilization."
I smiled, "This is the difficulty in a nutshell, your honor. We could mention Marilyn Monroe. This American beauty was truly an international cultural phenomenon, but a fleeting one, which ran its course. Under the influence of the gifted, such as Dior and Cardin, the standards of beauty change every day. Human beings themselves are transitory, which characteristic leads us to eschew the soon to be depleted Arab oil. We might also mention the conquest of space, except that it has yet to bring about anything of value. The same standard makes us eliminate many revolutions, although it may occur to us to pause at Vietnam. However, this is not advisable, since it would lead us to unnecessary ideological complications.
"I say all this because you requested a motif by which our century would be remembered in the future. However, to serve as a motif, the phenomenon itself must still be found in the future.
"If we go in another direction, we can find the right road with no trouble. It is, unfortunately, a long, crowded road, like the Cairo airport road, with its billboards displaying in large letters brand names such as Phillips, Toshiba, Gillette, Michelin, Shell, Kodak, Westinghouse, Ford, Nestle, and Marlboro.
"I suspect you agree with me, your honors, that the whole world uses these brand-name products. Just as the giant corporations producing them, in turn, use the world, transforming the workers into machines, the consumers into numbers, and countries into markets. Thus, these products are the alarming results of our century's scientific and technological achievements. Furthermore, they will neither perish nor be exhausted, having been created to last.
"Which do we choose then?"
I paused, keeping them on tenterhooks, and looked at them. Then I answered dramatically, "Not one."
A muttering arose among the members. I ventured to raise my hand and say, "Wait a moment, your honors. I didn't mean I am unable to answer the question this revered Committee has posed, but rather I mean to say that the answer is not among the names I gave you."
I paused a moment, then continued, "In response to your question, your honors, I will say just one word, although some would consider it two: Coca-Cola."
I expected to hear some comments from which I could gauge the effect of my answer, but all were silent, so I went on with my speech.
"We will not find, your honors, among all that I have mentioned, anything that embodies the civilization of this century or its accomplishments, let alone its future, like this svelte little bottle, which is just the right size to fit up anyone's ass."
I smiled, waiting for them to acknowledge my attempt at humor. They continued looking at me blankly, so I went on, "It is found nearly everywhere, both north and south, from Finland and Alaska to Australia and South Africa. Its return to China after a thirty-year absence is one of the headlines which will shape the history of the century. While the words used for God and love and happiness vary from one country to another and from one language to another, `Coca-Cola' means the same thing in all places and all tongues. Furthermore, its ingredients will not run out, for they can be easily cultivated. People won't give up this palate-tickling taste because of its power to create a habit that approaches addiction.
"Since its advent, Coca-Cola has been linked with the major trends of the age, sometimes sharing to a large extent in their formation. The American pharmacist Pemberton synthesized it in Atlanta, famous as the capital of Georgia, the birthplace of the American president Carter and of the notorious Ku Klux Klan. This was during 1886, the very year in which the famous Statue of Liberty, that symbol of the New World, was completed.
"As for the bottle, it was one product of an American war of liberation.' Having vanquished the Indians, the United States plunged into the Spanish-American War in Cuba, which ended in 1899, with the proclamation of `independence' for Cuba, Puerto Rico, and the Philippines. An American soldier, who, coincidentally, had the same name as the great American philosopher of the preceding century, Benjamin Franklin, saw a bottle of a carbonated beverage made from banana syrup. On returning home, he obtained bottling rights for a new product. The bottle's shape varied until it finally stabilized in the universally recognized form of `a girl with an hourglass figure.'
"It may have been Coca-Cola that first shattered the traditional image of the ad, previously a mere description of a product. Thus it laid the cornerstone of that tower:ng structure, that leading art of the age, namely, advertising. Certainly, it broke the long-standing illusion of a relationship between thirst and heat through the slogan: 'Thirst knows no season.' It was ahead of its time in the use of radio and neon for advertisements. It sponsored television shows, produced films, and backed new international stars and idols such as actors, the Beatles, and the pioneers of rock and roll, the twist, and pop.
"Coca-Cola went through two world wars and emerged from them victorious. It sold five billion bot ties during the seven years of World War II. Then it slipped
into Europe under the wing of the Marshall Plan, which backed the war-weakened European currencies by means of American products and loans.
"It then took its place as a leading consumer product, along with Ford cars, Parker pens, and Ronson lighters, but still kept its finger on the pulse of today's everchanging world. With the advent of the great age of installment plans, and neighbor competing with neighbor for the newest model car with the largest trunk, capable of holding enough groceries to fill the largest fridge, Coca-Cola marketed the family-sized bottle, the `Maxi.'
"When the United States cooperated in a new `war of liberation' in Korea, Coca-Cola created the tin can, in order to parachute Coke to the troops. The image of an American opening a can with his teeth has become a symbol of manhood and bravery. However, the can's importance is not limited to this image or the way in which it displaced the bottle during the subsequent Vietnam War, but is outweighed by something more significant. It inaugurated the age of the `empty': a container to be discarded after its contents have been consumed.
"Without doubt, the success of Coca-Cola goes back primarily to the excellence of the organizational structure it pioneered: the pyramid. The original company comprises the tip, and the independent bottlers and distributors come below it, forming the base. At first, this unique structure enabled it to obtain the necessary financing to saturate the American market. Later, it helped the company avoid Roosevelt's campaign against monopolies and finally allowed Coca-Cola to infiltrate the world. In opening world markets, the company relied on establishing independent franchises headed by well-known local capitalists in every country. This practice produced astounding results. Most strikingly, the American bottle came to symbolize indigenous nationalism.
"Perhaps you have heard the story of the Japanese man who trembled with joy when he was served a bottle of Coca-Cola in a Paris restaurant. He really believed the restaurant's management had especially honored him by flying in his national drink from Tokyo.
"To further illustrate the bottle's significance, let me draw your attention to the article published in the Nov. 2, 1976 issue of the well-known French newspaper Le Monde Diplomatique. It mentioned that the president of Coca-Cola, in cooperation with a number of other presidents of large American corporations, had long been grooming Jimmy Carter as a candidate for president of the United States.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this article, which you have undoubtedly read, says that the presidents of the companies mentioned above created a committee of ten politicians, among them the American president himself and his vice president, Walter Mondale. They represent the American branch of what is called the Trilateral Commission, founded by David Rockefeller in 1973. Professor Zbigniew Brzezinski, national security advisor to the American president, managed it until very recently. It is called the Trilateral Commission because it united North America, Western Europe, and Japan for a specific goal-to confront the third world as well as leftist forces in Western Europe.
"If Coca-Cola has been so influential in the greatest and richest country in the world, you can imagine how dominant it is in third world countries, especially in our poor little country.
"Actually, we are justified in believing what is said about this slender bottle and how it played a decisive role in the choice of our mode of life, the inclinations of our tastes, the presidents and kings of our countries, the wars we participated in, and the treaties we entered into.,,
The stillness hanging over the Committee seemed to deepen. I decided I might be the cause. Carried away by the subject, I had prolonged my speech more than necessary. But I soon got a feeling that I had "stepped on someone's toes," a common expression in the Committee's language, used to show a person he had inadvertently committed an offense or error.
I was still without my trousers and shorts. I felt completely naked before the Committee, not only in the physical sense, but figuratively, too. I was entirely at their mercy.
The strange thing was, in the last few minutes I had gotten a vague feeling that I could strike back at them, or somehow turn the tables on them.
Stubby cleared his throat. I was beginning to loathe him as much as he loathed me. After seeking permission from the old man, he addressed me in an affected manner, "Your answer reveals the range of your knowledge of current events. We hope you have equal competence regarding historical questions."
The Blond's light-colored eyes gleamed. He said to his colleague Stubby, "If you would permit me ..."
Then to me, "We will test this point without delay. In view of the importance you gave the pyramidal structure in your speech, let the Great Pyramid be our topic. I don't doubt that you hope to be ensconced at its apex. However, you are absolutely free to start from any point."
At first, I was elated. This was a subject I knew well simply by being Egyptian. I knew it like the back of my hand. However, I had a sneaking suspicion there was a trap here somewhere. I prayed for God to inspire me so I could steer clear of it while also sweeping away any bad impressions caused by my previous speech. He soon answered my prayers. With a flash of insight, I began to speak confidently and calmly.
"The architectural complex of the three pyramids and the Sphinx, erected some five thousand years ago, testifies to the genius of its builders, but is still one of the mysteries that defy human intelligence.
"No doubt, we all followed the American scholar's recent attempt to unravel this mystery by using advanced electronic equipment. It revealed nothing.
"Members of the learned community differ as to how and why the pyramids were built. Among them are those who believe they were built as observatories to record and predict astronomical events. However, Davidson says that the exterior surfaces of the Great Pyramid were designed to reflect light, as would a sundial, and so function as a calendar indicating the dates to sow and reap.
"Of course, most probably, they were intended to immortalize the names of pharaohs and preserve their bodies. Undoubtedly, the obvious goal in building the pyramids was to provide eternal tombs. Even though Cheops, more than any other king in history, succeeded in immortalizing his name, the basic goal of preserving the body was not fulfilled. His body disappeared in spite of the ingenious network of passages and chambers deliberately concealed during construction.
"From Herodotus, we know that the stones used to build the Great Pyramid were moved on the Nile River, then along a causeway built by one hundred thousand workers over a ten-year period. After that, they were raised level by level by means of hoists made of short poles.
"There is no evidence that the Egyptians used mechanical tools more advanced than the hoist and pulley and the incline during any period of their history. Because of this, most scholars tend to believe the size of the building and its precision prove that secret mechanical tools, now lost forever, were used in its construction. Perhaps this was the source of the conflict which arose over the Israelites' role in the construction. Some say that in reality Cheops was an Israelite king, although he concealed the fact in accordance with the customs of that people. Having been unceasingly oppressed since the dawn of history, they maintained complete secrecy in all their dealings in order to protect themselves. Others say that Cheops was only an Egyptian pharaoh, but that he made use of Hebrew genius to solve the knotty problems generated in building this architectural marvel.
"The engineering characteristics of the Great Pyramid prove a thorough knowledge of the science of engineering and a well-developed creativity and originality. These traits were not common in Egypt. Because of this, it is likely that Israelite technical expertise was sought. Some assert that the Israelites were slaves of Cheops and were forced to build the pyramids. This argument is disputed, although it is difficult to deny the despotism of the Egyptian pharaohs through history. However, it is hard to imagine how a structure of such magnitude and precision could result from forced labor. It was more likely the product of a deep faith in a religion which made the pharaohs god-kings.
"Therefore we prefer the theory that Cheo
ps was the secret king of the Israelites. Especially since we know that the engineer who supervised building the pyramid, Ham-Ainu, was Cheops's cousin.
"In any case, this monumental building, composed of 2,300,000 pieces of stone, attests to the genius of its builder. There is some indication that copper saws, each nine feet long, were used to cut large stone blocks. If these blocks were cut into small sections, each one foot long, and placed side by side, they would reach onethird of the way around the earth at the equator.
"It is also certain that cylindrical drills were used to section the stone blocks. In fact, modern drills cannot approach the precision and perfection produced by those of the great builders five thousand years ago. This alone is a true miracle."
I felt the tension clouding the room lift and the hostile atmosphere ease. The Committee members had listened to me with intense interest; even the fat man sitting at one side lowered his eyes from the ceiling for the first time and fixed them on me. When I finished, one of the officers looked at me with approval, which cheered me up. The members stirred and consulted in whispers. Then I noticed I was still naked from the waist down. Tentatively, I reached for my shorts. Since nobody stopped me, I quickly put on both my shorts and trousers.
It seemed that they had finally settled on the opinion the pa_e man had whispered in the chairman's good ear. Indicating the papers I had given them, he said, "You may take these things now. We have no questions. When we reach a decision, we'll let you know."
I picked them up, trying to appear confident of the decision they would issue, but I had butterflies in my stomach. Drained of all feeling, I moved mechanically. I stuffed the papers into my briefcase, closed it, and took it in my left hand, bearing in mind what had happened to me at the beginning of the interview. I bowed silently to the Committee and headed for the door. I grasped its handle with my right hand and was delighted when it opened easily. I left the hall, not forgetting to close the door behind me, set my briefcase on the floor, and eagerly lit up a cigarette.
The Committee (Middle East Literature in Translation) Page 2
