ANNIE. I thought you said you didn't want it hot.
MILLY. I don't want it hot.
ANNIE. Well, that's why I'm saying it's cold.
MILLY. I know that. But if I had wanted it hot. That's all I'm saying. (She sips the milk.) It could be colder.
ANNIE. Do you want a piece of anchovy or a doughnut?
MILLY. I'll have the anchovy. What are you going to have?
ANNIE. I'm going downstairs, to have a doughnut.
MILLY. You can have this one.
ANNIE. No, I've got one downstairs. Yon can have it after the anchovy.
MILLY. Why don't you have the anchovy?
ANNIE. You know what I wouldn't mind? I wouldn't mind a few pilchards.
MILLY. Herring. A nice bit of herring, that's what I could do with.
ANNIE. A few pilchards with a drop of vinegar. And a plate of chocolate mousse to go after it.
MILLY. Chocolate mousse?
ANNIE. Don't you remember when we had chocolate mousse at Clacton?
MILLY. Chocolate mousse wouldn't go with herrings.
ANNIE. I'm not having herrings. I'm having pilchards.
Noise of steps upstairs.
Listen.
ANNIE turns the door-handle, listens.
WALTER knocks on SALLY'S door.
SALLY. Yes?
WALTER. It's me.
SALLY. Just a moment. Come in.
Door opens.
WALTER. How are you?
SALLY. I'm fine.
Door closes.
ANNIE. He's in.
MILLY. What do you mean, he's in?
ANNIE. He's gone in.
MILLY. Gone in where, Annie?
ANNIE. Into her room.
MILLY. His room.
ANNIE. His room.
MILLY. He's gone in?
ANNIE. Yes.
MILLY. Is she in there?
ANNIE. Yes.
MILLY. So he's in there with her.
ANNIE. Yes.
MILLY. Go out and have a listen.
ANNIE goes out of the door and down the landing to SALLY'S door, where she stops
We hear the following dialogue from her point of view.
WALTER. Let's have some of this. I've brought it for you.
SALLY. What is it?
WALTER. Brandy.
SALLY. What is this in aid of?
WALTER. Well, I thought we might as well get to know each other, both living in the same house.
SALLY. Yes, why not?
WALTER. Do you drink?
SALLY. Oh, not really.
WALTER. Just one or two now and again, eh?
SALLY. Very occasionally.
WALTER. But you'll have a drop of this?
SALLY. Just a drop . . . Glasses . . .
WALTER. I've got them.
SALLY. All prepared, eh?
He opens the bottle and pours.
WALTER. Cheers.
SALLY. Good health.
WALTER. I wanted to say . . . I was a bit rude yesterday. I wanted to apologize.
SALLY. You weren't rude.
WALTER. It'll just take a bit of getting used to, that's all, you having my room.
SALLY. Well, look, I've been thinking . . . perhaps we could share the room, in – in a kind of way.
WALTER. Share it?
SALLY. I mean, you could use it when I'm not here, or something.
WALTER. Oh, I don't know about that.
SALLY. It'd be quite easy. I'm at school all day.
WALTER. What about the evenings?
SALLY. Well, I'm out three nights a week, you see.
WALTER. Where do you go?
SALLY. Oh, night school. I'm studying languages. Then I usually go on with a girl friend of mine, a history teacher, to listen to some music.
WALTER. What kind of music?
SALLY. Mozart, Brahms. That kind of stuff.
WALTER. Oh, all that kind of stuff.
SALLY. Yes.
Pause.
WALTER. Well, it's cosy in here. Have another one.
SALLY. Oh, I . . .
WALTER (pouring). Just one.
SALLY. Thanks. Cheers.
Pause.
WALTER. I've never been in this room with a lady before.
SALLY. Oh.
WALTER. The boys used to come here, though. This is where we used to plan our armed robberies.
SALLY. Really?
WALTER. My aunts never told you why I've been inside, have they?
SALLY. No.
WALTER. Well, what it is, you see. I'm a gunman.
SALLY. Oh.
WALTER. Ever met a gunman before?
SALLY. I don't think so.
WALTER. It's not a bad life, all things considered. Plenty of time off. You know, holidays with pay, you could say. No, there's plenty of worse occupations. You're not frightened of me now you know I'm a gunman, are you?
SALLY. No, I think you're charming.
WALTER. Oh, you're right there. That's why I got on so well in prison, you see. Charm. You know what I was doing in there? I was running the prison library. I was the best librarian they ever had. The day I left the Governor gave me a personal send-off. Saw me all the way to the gate. He told me business at the library had shot up out of all recognition since I'd been in charge.
SALLY. What a wonderful compliment.
WALTER (pouring more drink). He told me that if I'd consider giving up armed robbery he'd recommend me for a job in the British Museum. Looking after rare manuscripts. You know, writing my opinion of them.
SALLY. I should think that's quite a skilled job.
WALTER. Cheers. Skilled? Well, funny enough, I've had a good bit to do with rare manuscripts in my time. I used to know a bloke who ran a business digging them up.
SALLY. Digging what up?
WALTER. Rare manuscripts. Out of tombs. I used to give him a helping hand when I was on the loose. Very well paid it was, too. You see, they were nearly always attached to a corpse, these manuscripts, you had to lift up the pelvis bone with a pair of tweezers. Big tweezers. Can't leave fingerprints on a corpse, you see. Canon law. The biggest shock I ever had was when a skeleton collapsed on top of me and nearly bit my ear off. I had a funny feeling at that moment. I thought I was the skeleton and he was my long-lost uncle come to kiss me good night. You've never been inside a grave, I suppose. I can recommend it, honest, I mean if you want to taste everything life has to offer.
SALLY. Well, I'll be inside one, one day.
WALTER. Oh, I don't know. You might be cremated, or drowned at sea, mightn't you?
ANNIE creeps back down the landing into the AUNTS’ room and gets into bed.
MILLY. Did you listen?
ANNIE. Yes.
MILLY. Well?
ANNIE. I heard them talking.
MILLY. What were they saying?
ANNIE. Don't ask me.
MILLY. Go to the door again. Listen properly.
ANNIE. Why don't you go.
MILLY. I'm in bed.
ANNIE. So am I.
MILLY. But I've been in bed longer than you.
ANNIE mutters and grumbles to herself, gets out of bed and goes back along the landing to the door. The dialogue heard is still from her point of view.
WALTER. You're a Northerner?
SALLY. That's clever of you. I thought I'd . . .
WALTER. I can tell the accent.
SALLY. I thought I'd lost it . . .
WALTER. There's something in your eyes too. You only find it in Lancashire girls.
SALLY. Really? What?
WALTER (moving closer). You seem a bit uncomfortable with me. Why's that?
SALLY. I'm not uncomfortable.
WALTER. Why's that, then? You seem a bit uneasy.
SALLY. I'm not.
WALTER. Let's fill you up, eh? I mean you were different yesterday. You were on top of yourself yesterday.
SALLY. It's you who were different. You're different today.
SALLY. I'm not worried.
Pause.
WALTER. My aunties think you're marvellous. I think they've got us in mind for the marriage stakes.
SALLY. What?
WALTER. Yes, I think they think they've found me a wife.
SALLY. How funny.
WALTER. They've roped you in to take part in a wedding. They've forgotten one thing, though.
SALLY. What's that?
WALTER. I'm married. As a matter of fact, I'm married to three women. I'm a triple bigamist. Do you believe me?
SALLY. I think you're in a very strange mood.
WALTER. It's the look in your eyes that's brought it on.
SALLY. You haven't got such bad eyes yourself.
WALTER. Your eyes, they're Northern eyes. They're full of soot.
SALLY. Thank you.
WALTER (pouring). Top it up. Come on.
SALLY. To our eyes.
WALTER. I thought you didn't drink. You can knock it back all right. Keep in practice in school, I suppose. In the milk break. Keeps you in trim for netball. Or at that night school, eh? I bet you enjoy yourself there. Come on. Tell me what you get up to at that night school.
ANNIE yawns slightly and pads back to her room. She closes door and gets into bed.
ANNIE. Still talking.
MILLY. What are they talking about? (Sleepily.)
ANNIE. I can't make it out.
MILLY. I should have gone. You're as deaf as a post.
They settle in bed. Squeaks.
ANNIE. The doughnut's given me heartburn. (Faintly.) Good night.
MILLY snores briefly.
Fade into SALLY'S room.
SALLY. I lead a quiet life, a very quiet life, I don't mix with people.
WALTER. Except me. You're mixing with me.
SALLY. I don't have any kind of social life.
WALTER. I'll have to take you round a few of the clubs I know, show you the sights.
SALLY. No, I don't like that.
WALTER. What do you like?
Pause.
SALLY. Lying here . . . by myself . . .
WALTER. On my bed.
SALLY. Yes.
WALTER. Doing what?
SALLY. Thinking.
WALTER. Think about me last night?
SALLY. You?
WALTER. This offer to share your room, I might consider it.
Pause.
I bet you're thinking about me now.
Pause.
SALLY. Why should I be?
WALTER. I'm thinking about you.
Pause.
I don't know why I made such a fuss about this room. It's just an ordinary room, there's nothing to it. I mean if you weren't here. If you weren't in it, there'd be nothing to it.
Pause.
Why don't you stay in it? It's not true that I'm married. I just said that. I'm not attached. To tell you the truth . . . to tell you the truth, I'm still looking for Miss Right.
SALLY. I think I should move away from here.
WALTER. Where would you go?
Pause.
SALLY. Anywhere.
WALTER. Would you go to the seaside? I could come with you. We could do a bit of fishing . . . on the pier. Yes, we could go together. Or, on the other hand, we could stay here. We could stay where we are.
SALLY. Could we?
WALTER. Sit down.
SALLY. What?
WALTER. Sit down. (Pause.) Cross your legs.
SALLY. Mmmmm?
WALTER. Cross your legs.
Pause.
Uncross them.
Pause.
Stand up.
Pause.
Turn round.
Pause.
Stop.
Pause.
Sit down.
Pause.
Cross your legs.
Pause.
Uncross your legs.
Silence.
Night-club music.
TULLY. No, I tell you, it must be . . . wait a minute, must be round about ten years. The last time was when I was down at Richmond.
SOLTO. Yes, the Donkey Club.
TULLY. The Donkey, sure. I left there three years ago.
SOLTO. How long you been here, then? I haven't been down here for about three years.
TULLY. You must have missed me. I come here three years ago, that's exactly when I come here. (Calls.) Charlie!
TULLY clicks his fingers for the WAITER.
SOLTO. It was a real dive before then, I can tell you.
WAITER. Same again, Mr Tully?
TULLY. Same again. Dive – course it was a dive. They asked me to come here and give it – you know – a bit of class, about three years ago. I gave the boot to about a dozen lowlives from the start, you know, I made my position clear.
SOLTO. Didn't they give you no trouble?
TULLY. With me? Listen, they know if they want to start making trouble they picked the right customer. Don't you remember me at Blackheath?
SOLTO. You're going back a bit.
TULLY. I'm going back a few years before the war.
SOLTO. You're going back to when the game was good.
TULLY. What about you at Blackheath?
SOLTO. Blackheath. It's another story when you start talking about Blackheath.
TULLY. Thanks, Charlie. Here you are, Ambrose. Cheers.
Pause.
No, you can see it's not a dive no more. I got the place moving, I mean, we got a band up there – well, I say a band – a piano and a double bass, but they're very good boys, they're good boys. We got a very nice clientele come in here. You know, you get a lot of musicians . . . er . . . musicians coming down here. They make up a very nice clientele. Of course, you get a certain amount of business executives. I mean, high-class people. I was talking to a few of them only the other night. They come over from Hampton Court, they come, from Twickenham, from Datchet.
SOLTO. All the way from Datchet?
TULLY. Sure, they get in the car, how long's it taken them? They come here for a bit of relaxation. I mean, we got a two-o'clock licence. We got three resident birds. What made you come down here all of a sudden?
SOLTO. Ah, just one of them funny things, Cyril. I heard of a little bird.
TULLY. What, one of the birds here?
SOLTO. Still sharp, eh, Cyril?
TULLY. You heard about the quality we got here, eh? We got some high-class dolls down here, don't worry. They come all the way from finishing school.
Fade out.
Fade in: girls’ dressing-room.
BARBARA. What did he say then?
SALLY. Come over with me one Sunday, he says, come over and have Sunday dinner, meet the wife. Why, I said, what are you going to introduce me as, your sister? No, he says; she's very broad-minded, my wife; she'll be delighted to meet you.
MAVIS. Oh yes, I've heard of that kind of thing before.
SALLY. Yes, that's what I said. Oh yes, I said, I've heard of that kind of thing before. Go on, get off out of it, I said, buzz off before I call a copper.
BARBARA. Which was he, the one with the big nose?
SALLY. Yes.
MANAGER. Come on, girls, move yourselves, we're ready for the off.
BARBARA. Who asked you to come into the ladies’ room?
MANAGER. Don't give me no lip. Get your skates on. (To SALLY.) Cyril wants you at his table right away.
SALLY. I'll kick him in the middle of his paraphernalia one of these days.
BARBARA. Go on, what happened then?
SALLY. Why don't you come on the river with me one of these days? he says. I'll take you for a ride in a punt.
MAVIS. In a what?
BARBARA. A punt.
MAVIS. What's a punt?
SALLY. I said to him, In a punt, with you? You must be mad.
You won't get me in no punt.
BARBARA. I thought you sai
d he attracted you.
SALLY. Oh, he did to start off, that's all. I thought he wasn't bad. But, you know, he came from Australia. He'd got a lot of Australian habits, they didn't go down very well with me.
MANAGER. Come on, come on, I don't want to tell you again. Where do you think you are, on Brighton front? (To SALLY.) Cyril wants you at his table.
SALLY. I'll cut his ears off one of these days.
She goes into the club.
SOLTO. So I thought to myself Tully, Big Johnny Bolsom. She must be all right.
TULLY. Sure she's all right.
SOLTO. So I thought I'd follow it up.
TULLY. You couldn't have done better. Here she is, here she is, come on, darling. This is an old friend of mine, Ambrose Solto.
SOLTO. How do you do?
SALLY. How do you do?
TULLY. Sit down, Ambrose. I want you to meet this girl, Ambrose. This is the cleverest girl we got here. She speaks three languages.
SOLTO. What languages?
TULLY. Tell him.
SALLY. Well, English for a start.
SOLTO. She's witty, too, eh?
TULLY. Witty? She's my favourite girl.
SALLY. Oh, I'm not.
SOLTO. Aren't you going to tell me your name?
SALLY. Katina.
SOLTO. Katina. What a coincidence! My childhood sweetheart was called Katina.
TULLY. No. Go on!
SALLY. Really, Mr Solto?
SOLTO. Yes, when I was a little boy, when I was a little boy in Athens. That's when it was.
Fade out.
Fade in.
WALTER. I just took the train down to Southend, that's all.
ANNIE. Southend? What for?
WALTER. I felt like having a look at the seaside. It wasn't bad down there. I rolled around, that's all. Smelt the old sea, that's all.
Pause.
ANNIE. You've got a secret.
WALTER. Have I?
ANNIE. Oh, come on, Wally, what do you think of her? She's nice, isn't she?
WALTER. Who, the girl upstairs? Yes, she's a very nice girl.
ANNIE. You like her, eh?
WALTER. Who?
ANNIE. Don't you?
WALTER. What, the one that lives upstairs, eh?
ANNIE. All larking aside.
WALTER. Well . . . all larking aside . . . without any larking . . . I'd say she was all right.
ANNIE. You didn't like her, though, the first going off, did you?
WALTER. Ah well, the first going off . . . ain't anything like . . . the second going off, is it? What I mean to say . . . is that the second going off . . . often turns out to be very different . . . from what you thought it was going to be . . . on the first going off. If you see what I'm saying.
Complete Works, Volume II Page 17
