Casey slowly sipped on the water as I watched her intently. She was putting on a brave face, and I both admired and resented it. I wanted my fiancé, my future wife, to feel comfortable opening up to me. As if she was reading my mind, Casey looked up at me and said, “I was so scared. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t come.”
“Shh,” I whispered. I scooted beside her in the bed. “We can’t think like that.” I placed my hand gently on Casey’s stomach and waited. As soon as she rested her hand on top of mine, the baby moved.
Tears fell down Casey’s face. “The baby’s ok,” she said. “That’s all I wanted to know.” Casey squeezed her eyelids shut and rested her head on my shoulder. For nearly half an hour, we laid there in complete silence, Casey somewhere between awake and asleep. I gazed at this beautiful woman I had come to love. While finding her on the floor was terrifying, every alternative seemed far more terrifying.
Despite not having stepped foot in a church in at least three or four years, I bowed my head and prayed. I prayed that Casey would feel better and deliver a healthy baby. I prayed for Casey’s physical and mental well-being. I prayed that nothing would interfere with our happily ever after.
“Alexander.” Casey’s voice shattered the silence, and I immediately jumped up, assuming something was wrong.
“I’m right here,” I said. “What is it, babe? What’s wrong?”
Casey opened her eyes and looked at me groggily. “Nothing’s wrong,” she said. Her lips separated to reveal a semblance of a smile. “I was just wondering what you came by for.”
“What?”
“You know,” Casey nudged. “Your reason for coming over. I’m guessing it was something beyond just wanting to see me, or you would have texted first.”
I drew in a breath. I didn’t think this was the right time to have an important conversation with Casey. She was still fairly weak and fatigued, and Lorraine could be arriving at any moment. “I just had something I wanted to talk to you about. We can talk later,” I said.
Despite my best efforts to keep her where she was, Casey sat up and readjusted herself for a conversation. “What’s up? Tell me!”
“Fine.” I knew better than to upset not only a hormonal pregnant woman, but a cranky, tired, hormonal pregnant woman. “I just wanted to talk to you about the possibility of you moving in with me.”
Without hesitation, Casey let out a resounding, “Yes!”.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “I know this is a big decision, but I think it might be—”
“I already said yes, Alexander,” Casey said. “I’d love to live with you. There’s nothing I want more.”
Casey explained that the timing was perfect, as she had just gotten the paperwork to renew or leave her lease, which ended in early March. We sealed the deal with a kiss. As I mumbled about loving our life together as an effort to segue into my next idea, there was a knock on the door.
I motioned to Casey to stay put and walked over to open the door. “Thanks for coming,” I said to Lorraine.
“Of course,” she said. “Plus, I didn’t really have a choice. You’re my husband’s boss.” Over the five years I’d known Lorraine, she’d made that joke at least a dozen times, but I still found myself feigning a laugh each and every time she made it.
She pushed me to the side and stepped in the apartment with her enormous bags of medical equipment. “I could have helped with that,” I said. “I apologize.”
“Don’t be silly,” Lorraine said with a smile. “That was my exercise for the day.”
I laughed at Lorraine’s second joke in a span of thirty seconds—nothing unusual for her—and led her over to Casey. The two exchanged pleasantries as I not-so-patiently waited to make sure everything was alright with Casey.
Lorraine was thorough. I had to give her that. She asked Casey all of the typical medical history questions, checked her blood pressure three times, listened to her heartbeat, tested her vision, and checked her ears, nose, and throat, just in case. “Everything appears to be perfectly normal,” Lorraine said.
Before I could thank her, Lorraine held up her hand to silence me and put the stethoscope tips back in her ears. She placed the cold metal piece against Casey’s stomach, presumably to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. After a minute or two of listening, Lorraine motioned to me to come closer. Without saying a word, she moved her stethoscope tips to my ears.
Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. There it was—my baby’s heartbeat. I was filled with all sorts of emotions I didn’t know existed. I felt excited, and overwhelmed, and in love with the sound of this heartbeat. “Wow,” I whispered. I locked my eyes with Casey’s as I listened for a few seconds longer.
“The baby’s going to be just fine,” Lorraine said, packing up her medical equipment as she spoke. “And so is the baby’s mother.” She paused. “Are you having a boy or a girl?”
I looked to Casey for an answer, wondering if she had found out our baby’s sex and just not told me yet. “We’re actually going to find out at my next appointment on Thursday,” she said with a big smile.
This was news to me. I knew Casey had an OB/GYN appointment on Thursday, but she hadn’t made any mention of us finding out the gender. I supposed she figured me to be like most of my friends, these big, macho guys who didn’t care what their baby’s sex was. I, on the other hand, was secretly excited to find out. I was hoping for a boy, but I decided I’d be just as fine with a girl, too. This whole scare had made me realize how lucky I was just to have Casey and the baby.
“Well I hope everything goes perfectly for you both,” Lorraine said. She had the sort of demeanor that told you she meant it. I walked Lorraine to the door and thanked her over and over again for coming out of her way to check on Casey.
After saying how wonderful and sweet Lorraine was, Casey laid her head on my shoulder and squeezed me tight. “Well, I think that’s enough excitement for one day,” she said with a giggle.
Something told me I should get the other half of what I’d come there to say over with. “No room for a little more?”
“What?” Casey asked, clearly confused. She tilted her head up to look at me.
“There’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about,” I said. “But it can wait until tomorrow, or even next week, if you want.”
Casey rolled her eyes, a look I knew by now meant, “Yeah, right. You know I have no patience.” I started by telling her how my company had been expanding rapidly, as we’d recently acquired a smaller company. One of my administrative assistants had given notice that she’d be leaving in a month, as her husband had landed a job out in California.
“I don’t understand,” Casey said. “Do you want me to help you find her replacement? Don’t you have an HR person for that?”
I laughed at Casey’s pure obliviousness. “Not exactly.”
“Then what is it?”
“I was thinking maybe you would like to be her replacement,” I said. I studied Casey’s face to gauge her reaction, but she remained stoic. It suddenly crossed my mind that my earlier fear was coming true, that she was viewing this as a handout. I tried my best to backtrack. “I mean, there’s no pressure. I know you like your job at the clinic. I was just thinking that we needed a new administrative assistant, someone I can trust, and you fit the bill. You’re great at what you do. I’ve seen you deal with some of those nasty women at the clinic.”
“Uh huh,” seemed to be the only thing Casey could muster.
“Not to mention,” I added. “Once you move in with me, you’d have a much shorter commute to the office.”
Casey sat up to face me. “Are you serious?” she asked. “About the job, I mean.”
“One hundred percent,” I said. “I know this position isn’t exactly where you want to end up, but I’ve got this all figured out. You could sit in on some marketing meetings, and maybe eventually make your way over to the marketing team. The sky’s the limit, baby!”
“Definitely didn’t see
this one coming,” Casey said softy. Slowly, her eyes brightened and her smile widened. “But it sounds absolutely amazing, Alexander. I’d love to. After the baby comes, of course.”
“Of course.” I placed her hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t want you to feel pressured. I know this has been a whirlwind of a few months. If this isn’t what you want, I completely understand.”
“It’s exactly what I want,” Casey said. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “A new job for a new chapter in my life.”
Chapter 25
Casey
“There’s the heartbeat,” Dr. Ellis said, moving the ultrasound probe around my belly. The cold gel was annoying, to say the least, but I was too excited about seeing my baby to care. Alexander held my hand as we saw our baby on the screen for the first time as an engaged couple.
“Wow,” Alexander said. I could see his eyes getting watery as he tried his best to remain composed.
Dr. Ellis waited a moment before continuing. “Your baby is looking just perfect. Everything is right as it should be.” He paused. “I know you were concerned after that fainting spell of yours, but I promise that the baby looks completely healthy.”
“Thank you,” I said. I could see the gratitude in Alexander’s eyes, as well.
“Would you like to know the baby’s sex?” the doctor asked.
Alexander and I looked at one another. It wasn’t something we’d discussed, but I always figured we’d know ahead of time. Once Alexander gave me a go-ahead nod, I shook my head at the doctor. “Yes,” I said, my voice a soft whisper.
“Congratulations,” the doctor said. Alexander squeezed my hand in anticipation. “You’re going to be having a baby girl!”
I completely lost it. Tears covered my eyes and cheeks as I searched for any response to say aloud. I figured my tears and screeches said it all. I had been hoping for a baby girl, one who I could raise as well as my mother had raised me. I wanted a baby girl who I could take to dance class, or art class, or karate class, or whatever she wanted. I wanted a baby girl whose hair I could braid and whose dates I could give advice on. My life was becoming one dream come true after another.
My gaze turned to Alexander to see his reaction. “A baby girl,” I whispered to him, partly because I wanted to make it feel more real, and partly to gauge his reaction because I knew he’d secretly been hoping for a boy.
“A beautiful baby girl,” Alexander said. I knew everything was going to be alright.
The walk from the parking lot on 6th Street to the clinic seemed a million miles long. This was the moment I’d been anticipating—and dreading—since Alexander had asked me to come work for him at his company. I looked down at my stomach, which protruded past my feet and was evident in my black dress. This was the first time I was stepping foot in the clinic with my baby bump visible, and I was absolutely terrified.
The thought of leaving the life I’d become so accustomed to over the past several years was one that I had mixed feelings about. I was excited to have a new job, new fiancé, and new baby. At the same time, change was scary. I was good at my job at the clinic, and I’d gotten used to all the regular patients. I really liked my co-workers and bosses and hoped they wouldn’t be too upset with me. Most of all, I hoped they didn’t ask too many questions. There was a lingering worry in my mind that they would find out how Alexander and I had met—and conceived—and that there would be some sort of repercussion. However, since I was leaving, and we’d done nothing illegal, I reminded myself over and over that there was nothing they could do to me.
The bells on the front door rang as I opened it. Through the door that separated the waiting room from the back area, I could see Dr. Leonard sitting in the break room, eating breakfast.
“Good morning, Casey,” he called.
“Good morning,” I said. I walked into the break room and tried to ignore the crumbs from Dr. Leonard’s breakfast sandwich that covered the table. “Is Dr. Rodriguez coming in today?”
“He’s at that conference in Savannah. Remember?”
I felt foolish for forgetting about the conference I’d heard so much about. It wasn’t ideal to have this conversation with only one of the doctors here, but I knew it was now or never. I’d already spent the entire car ride giving myself a pep talk. Besides, Dr. Leonard was the doctor I was closest to, anyway, as he was the one who had initially taken a chance on me. “That’s right,” I said. “It must’ve slipped my mind.”
“Casey, is everything alright?” Dr. Leonard asked. “It’s not like you to be so forgetful.”
“There’s something I want to talk to you about,” I said. I joined him at the table and sat in silence, waiting for Dr. Leonard to speak.
He wiped his mouth with a napkin and cleared his throat. “I’m all ears.”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted. I let the words hang there in the air.
“Well, that’s wonderful!” Dr. Leonard exclaimed. I could tell from the smile on his face that he meant it. “How far along are you?” I took off my oversized jacket and removed my scarf to reveal my bump, which was more than just a tad noticeable. “Oh my goodness! Six months? Seven?”
“Seven,” I said.
“Congratulations. I suppose you’ve found an OB/GYN by now?”
“I’m actually seeing a doctor who’s a friend of my fiancé’s.” Ok, so that was a lie, but I knew that Drs. Leonard and Rodriguez would have insisted on caring for me themselves, despite the fact that my pregnancy didn’t really fall under the umbrella of fertility clinic cases. The truth was, I hadn’t wanted to tell the doctors here about my pregnancy too early on. More than that, I didn’t want these doctors I’d worked beside day after day for years getting a straight shot of my vagina. It just felt too weird. “Dr. Ellis. Are you familiar with him?”
Dr. Leonard chuckled. “Familiar with him? He worked with me here before Dr. Rodriguez came on board about fifteen years back. Fantastic doctor. You’re in good hands.”
I felt guilty taking in all this knowledge from Dr. Leonard when I was about to deliver some news I was sure he’d take hard. “Thank you,” I said, my voice softer than before. “There’s something else.”
“What is it, dear?” For a moment, I looked at Dr. Leonard more as a father or grandfather figure than a boss. He was so concerned for my well-being, and I felt horrible to leave him without a daytime admin assistant. I told myself that at least I was giving him a month’s notice.
“I have to resign from this position,” I said. I tried to read Dr. Leonard’s facial expressions, but he was a poker player. He knew better than to show his hand. “I’m so grateful for the opportunity you’ve given me here, and it was a really difficult decision to make. I just…” My voice trailed off as I failed to remember the rest of my rehearsed speech.
Dr. Leonard shook his head. “No need to be sorry, Casey,” he said. “We love having you here, but I think, deep down, we all knew this was temporary for you. You’re destined for greater things than sitting behind the desk here.”
“That’s so kind of you to say,” I said, wanting not to hold back for once in this conversation. “It really has been great working here, and I’m more than happy to help you find my replacement, or train them, or whatever you need to make the transition easier.”
“I appreciate that. You just focus on keeping that baby of yours healthy, and I’ll let you know if I need anything else from you,” Dr. Leonard said. The five-person office was too small to have any designated human resources coordinator, so I drew up my own paperwork and let Dr. Leonard know when my last day would be. I promised to make a guidebook to my job at the front desk to make training my replacement easier, telling him that my workload differed greatly from the evening admin assistant’s, and he seemed to be surprisingly grateful.
Seeing how gracefully Dr. Leonard had taken my resignation made leaving that much more difficult. This had been my first real job. I was getting married, and I was having a baby, and I was leaving
my first job in the real world. It was starting to hit me that I was growing up.
I went through my regular daily motions, but for the first time without some sort of clothing covering my baby bump. I was surprised how differently people treated me, and how my own perspective changed with my due date creeping closer. Even the snooty women who usually brushed me off were kinder, asking me about my baby. The only question I had trouble answering, which I was asked twice, was what I was naming the baby. I hadn’t really given it much thought. I had a few names in the back of my mind, but I wanted to wait until I actually saw the baby before making any final decisions. I’d known far too many women in my life who said they’d wished they waited before naming their children.
There was a patient at the clinic a few years back who had been trying for nearly a decade to get pregnant. Her miracle child finally came, and the patient gave her daughter the name she had been set on for years. Evelyn. Not only was the name completely outdated by the time she had her baby, but, from the pictures she sent to the doctors, she didn’t look remotely like an Evelyn. I wanted to avoid the Evelyn curse, so, while I’d read some baby name books to get ideas, I didn’t want to get too attached to any name yet.
Shortly after my lunch break, a patient came in with her husband to meet with Dr. Leonard about in vitro fertilization. She’d been into the clinic three or four times before, but the child in her arms caught me off guard. I hadn’t known her to have any children. After all, that’s why they were here. She walked up to the counter with the child, no more than eighteen months or so, and tried to balance him while she signed in. “Hi, sweetie,” I said in my baby voice. “What’s your name?”
“This is Vincent,” the woman said, smiling. It was clear that she could tell I was wondering where this mystery child had come from. “We’re fostering him for the time being. He’s been with us for almost four months now.”
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