Why don't you ask him? Her lavender eyes were like icicles as she looked from her mother to her brother.
But Olivia was screaming again. Don't believe her! She's lying!
What makes you think so, Mama? Crystal's voice was strangely quiet, and with the gun pointed at them, she seemed to have regained her composure. She wasn't his victim anymore, she was going to kill him for what he'd done, and the thought of it made her feel a whole lot better. Why do you think he wouldn't do it? Why am I always wrong? She started to cry then, but they were tears of rage mixed with tears of sadness. It was so damn painful to admit once and for all that her own mother didn't love her. Remember ' Her hands were trembling as she held her father's rifle, but she kept it pointed alternately at Jared and her mother, and no matter what they did, she wasn't going to let them stop her. Remember ' when I was a little girl, Ma ' you loved me then, didn't you? ' you said I never told you lies, like Jar or Becky ' and I didn't ' I never did ' I loved you then too ' For an instant, she almost faltered. Why do you hate me so much now? Ever since Daddy died, you act like I did something to you ' but I never did ' I never did ' did I? She was asking the room at large, and at first there was no answer. But all the hatred she suspected was in her mother's voice as she growled her answer.
You know what you've done. Sweet-talked your father, didn't you ' singing to him all the time ' riding around with him like a little tramp ' and at the end ' you must have talked him up real sweet' . She looked bitterly at Crystal, who still understood none of her mother's anger and resentment.
What Olivia was saying didn't make any sense. What are you talking about?
You know what I'm talking about, you little conniving tramp. You got what you wanted, didn't you? But you're not going to get anything from me, not as long as I'm alive anyway, and then suddenly, terror filled her eyes as she stared at her daughter. It was obvious that she thought Crystal was going to kill her, as Crystal nervously fingered the rifle. But Crystal bolted for the door, as Jared stared at their mother in confusion, and as he saw Crystal fly past, he ran after her, but she was too quick for him, she had always been faster than he was. He ran after her through the fields, but she was still brandishing the rifle, and she fired in the air, and shouted a warning to stay away from her. He knew something had happened, but he still didn't know what. All he knew was that he had to stop her, before she did something crazy to Tom, or even Becky and the children. She wasn't making sense, and he still didn't understand what had driven her crazy.
Tom heard them coming long before they got to the house, and seeing her flying across the fields with a gun, he pulled his own shotgun from the rack near the door, and he was waiting for her when she got there. She had already fired two shots in the air, and she had four left as Becky came screaming out behind Tom, hysterically grabbing at him. She didn't know what was going on, but she sensed instantly that something terrible was about to happen.
What are you doing? Becky was shaking and terrified as he shoved her roughly behind him and told her to get back in the house and stay with the children. She did as he said, and she was cowering in the living room as Crystal confronted him and aimed the rifle at him with trembling hands, and Jared came up breathless behind her.
Put it down, Sis. He spoke quietly, afraid of what she'd do, but Tom only grinned. He looked drunk, as usual, but his hands looked terrifyingly steady as he pointed the shotgun at Crystal.
Nice to see you again, Crystal. Is this a social call or are you just out hunting with Jared? He looked unperturbed, as Jared stood helplessly beside her.
Tom, put the gun down. Both of you, stop it. Jared looked terrified. They had both obviously gone crazy, and suddenly as he looked at his sister, he knew what had happened to her, and for an instant he wanted to take the gun from her himself and kill his brother-in-law, but there was no wresting the rifle from her hands, as she aimed it at Tom's head, and then lowered it to his crotch with satisfaction.
I came to thank you for last night. Her voice shook as they each held their guns trained on each other. You're not going to do that to anyone again, are you, Tom? She wanted him to be afraid, to cry, to plead, to beg, as she had done the night before, but he only leered at her, the taste of her still fresh on his lips, like the ugly grin he wore. And then, with no warning, she took a shot between his legs, but it missed him. And without waiting to see if he'd been hit, he let both shots fly at her. One whistled past her ear, and as she turned in startled horror at the sound, she saw Jared fall beside her. He had been shot clean through the head, and he fell dead instantly, the blood splattering everywhere, as Crystal knelt beside him. There was a distant scream from somewhere, and all she could remember later was Tom leering over her, and Becky screaming, as Crystal lay cradling Jared in her lap, sobbing and holding him, but he was gone. And it was her fault. She might as well have shot him herself ' he was dead ' dead ' as Tom quietly walked up and took her father's rifle away from her, and walked back inside to call the sheriff.
The sheriff came half an hour later, and Jared was still lying in the field in Crystal's arms. They led her away, and their questions were all a blur afterward. She remembered the ambulance coming for Jar and her mother screaming hysterically as Becky sobbed and held her. She remembered the children staring at her, and the sheriff telling her she had done a terrible thing, and then trying to explain to him that she hadn't shot Jared. But they knew. And then it all came out, what Tom had done, and they'd gone to the barn to look, and her blood was still there on the barn floor. They had taken her to the hospital then and Boyd and Hiroko had come with her. They signed statements about the condition she'd been in the night before, and photographs were taken of all her bruises. The sheriff let her stay with the Websters instead of putting her in jail, and they went to the inquest with her. She was to be charged with attempted murder, but Tom wanted them to drop the charges against her, because it meant being charged with rape and manslaughter himself. The judge called it an accident (then, and Tom was accused of statutory rape, and in the end all charges were dropped, and Jared's death was declared to be of accidental causes. They all left the courthouse together, and Crystal didn't see Tom or her mother again until Jared's funeral. She sat in the back of the church with Boyd and Hiroko, and by then it was all over the local papers.
All of Jar's friends were there, and the girl he'd been seeing in Calistoga. Everyone cried, including Tom, who looked accusingly at Crystal as he left the church. He was a pallbearer for his brother-in-law, which made Crystal's stomach turn, but Olivia had wanted it that way. In her mind, his death wasn't Tom's fault, but Crystal's, and he was laid to rest in a simple grave beside his father. It was a day Crystal would never forget, and she stood staring blindly at the sky, thinking of them both, and how different life had once been. It was all over now. For all of them. There was nothing left but anger and guilt and lies, and the sorrow of losing her father and her brother. And as Boyd led her away, she stopped for a moment to look at her mother.
Don't come back to the ranch again, Crystal. Your father's not here to defend you now, and I know what you are. We all do. You're a murderess and a tramp and you don't belong here, no matter what you made your Pa believe before he died. Her venom was limitless for her youngest daughter, but Crystal only shook her head, her own rage spent. She would have to live for a lifetime, knowing that her anger had cost her brother's life. And she would have done anything now to change that, even if it meant letting Tom go unpunished. There was no taking back what he'd done anyway, no changing it, no restoring her to what she had been, or bringing Jared back to life. His life was over, and hers was marred forever.
You won't have to fight me, Ma.' She spoke quietly. I don't want to come back. I don't ever want to see the place again. It's all yours. I'm going.
How about putting that in writing for me and your Mama? Tom spoke from just behind her, and the smell of him almost made her retch as she fought to ignore him.
You don't need it in writing. I'm leavi
ng here tomorrow. But there was nothing for her to leave anyway, except a piece of land she had once loved. The people she cared about were gone, the only ones left might as well have been strangers.
See that you don't come back. Tom's voice was a low rumble, as Boyd stepped forward and took her arm.
Come on, Crystal. Let's go now. He held her arm firmly and led her away, and as they drove away, tears slid silently down her cheeks and Hiroko gently patted her hand, as she looked out the window. There was nothing anyone could say. The course of life had been irreversibly altered, and Jared's had been ended. He'd been barely more than a boy, and he was gone. Crystal didn't say a word all the way back to the Websters', and when they got there, she left them and went for a long walk alone. She walked through the tall weeds behind their house, and for miles, following the creek, singing softly to herself ' the songs her father and brother had once loved, and as she sang Amazing Grace, their memories seemed to engulf her. There was no one to hear her now, no one to care, and worse still, no one to love her. And as she walked back to Boyd and Hiroko's house, she knew a loneliness she had never felt before, a loneliness so powerful she wondered for a moment if she would even survive it. But she knew she had to go on. She had to do what she had promised her father and herself years before. She had to go on now, to other worlds, other places. Alone. But with their memories always close beside her. And with the memory of Jar was the guilt she knew she would carry for a lifetime. If she hadn't gone after Tom with her father's rifle, he would never have died. In a way, it was as though she had killed him herself, and she knew now that she would have to live with that knowledge forever. Nothing would ever change it, or make the hurt any better. Nothing would ever make her less guilty of it, no matter what happened in her life, in her mind she had killed her brother, as though she had squeezed the trigger herself.
And as she wandered back slowly through the tall grass, she sang the songs they had sung together as children, as the tears coursed down her cheeks, and she looked up at the sky in lonely sorrow.
Good-bye, Jar ' She whispered the words she hadn't said to him in so long.' I love you' .
Crystal stayed with Boyd and Hiroko for a few days. She had meant to leave the day after the funeral, but she was so overwhelmed with guilt and grief that she couldn't. She needed a few days just to catch her breath. She played with Jane, and went for long walks alone, and Hiroko let her be. She knew exactly what she needed.
Crystal had gone home briefly before the funeral to collect her things, and she had retrieved her small cache of money from the mattress. Boyd and Hiroko had tried to talk her into staying long enough to finish school, but she knew that she couldn't. She couldn't have faced anyone there, overnight she had outgrown them. She was due to graduate in six weeks, but it no longer seemed to matter. She had to leave now and she knew it.
But where will you go? Hiroko looked deeply worried as they finished dinner two days after she got there.
San Francisco. She had already made her mind up. She had five hundred dollars. It would get her a room, and she was determined to get a job somewhere as a waitress. For long enough to make somes more money, and then she was going to Hollywood. She had nothing to lose now and she knew she had to try it.
You're too young to move to the city alone. Boyd looked at her worriedly and there were tears in Hiroko's eyes too, but Crystal knew that she could handle anything, the child in her had been killed, as surely as Tom's bullet had killed Jared.
How old were you when you were drafted?
Eighteen.
She smiled sadly at him. That must have been a lot rougher than moving to San Francisco.
That's not the point. I had no choice.
Neither do.I. She said it quietly. Her hair was pulled back from her face in a long braid, and he could already see that the bruises were starting to heal, although she still had a hell of a shiner. But even with her bruises, she was beautiful. And there was a quiet strength about her now that there was no denying. It was time for her to move on, and she knew it better than anyone. Her days in the valley were over forever.
Boyd drove her to the bus depot the day she left, and they waited for the bus together. She promised to let him know where she was and to write, and for a long moment they both had to fight back tears as he hugged her. She had said good-bye to Hiroko at the house and that had been even harder.
Take care of yourself, kid, Boyd said. She was like a sister to him, and he and Hiroko were all she had left now. They were the only family she cared about, the only family she had anywhere, and it was agonizing to leave them, but there was a whole world waiting for her, a world full of new hope and promise. And she was young enough to make a new life for herself somewhere, a life without people like Tom Parker.
She waved good-bye to Boyd as she boarded the bus, and blew him a kiss, as the men on the bus watched with envy. And then, in silence, she watched the valley slip away, and in spite of the painful memories she carried with her, she felt a stirring of excitement.
The world was full of exciting places she wanted to see, and San Francisco was only the first stop, and after that, who knew where the winds of fortune would take her.
The bus stopped at Third and Townsend and she got out and looked around. Everything looked busy, and exciting, and dirty. She had only been to San Francisco twice, once with her father when she was a child, and once with Hiroko and Boyd when they christened the baby. But this was a different part of town, and it was seedy and ugly. There were drunks lying on the street, cars rushing by, there was a smell of beer and wine and unwashed bodies, but still she felt a sense of adventure. She bought a map at the bus station and a newspaper and sat down to study them, as passersby glanced at her. She was simply dressed, with her old suitcase in her hand, but she was still very striking. And she knew she had to find a room before nightfall. The question was where, and she had absolutely no idea where to start looking. There were several rooms advertised, and boarding rooms in Chinatown, but she wasn't sure where to start. She just had to take a chance and start somewhere. She picked out two addresses and went outside to hail a cab, and she asked the driver which of the two neighborhoods was safer. He recognized instantly that she was from out of town, and he stared at her in her blue dress, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She looked young, but he had never seen anyone as pretty as she was. He wondered what she was doing in San Francisco all alone, he had a granddaughter her age, and he wouldn't have liked her hanging out at Third and Townsend.
He looked at the paper for her, and suggested a listing Crystal hadn't even noticed. It was in an Italian district near Telegraph Hill, somewhere in North Beach.
Let's try this one first. It sounds better than the other two, and it shouldn't be too expensive. She didn't notice that he never threw the flag. He could afford to give a little gift to a kid like her. He wasn't going to charge her a dime, she was so young and pretty he wanted to help her. You here to visit friends? He suddenly wondered if she was a runaway, but she didn't look as though she was hiding from anyone. She just looked like a young kid in the big city for the first time, as he glanced at her again in the mirror. She told him she wasn't visiting anyone, with a cautious look in his direction, and she tried to look confident as they chatted. She didn't want him to know how green she was. Where you from?
The Alexander Valley. North of Napa. She felt sad as she said the words. It seemed days instead of hours since she'd left it.
Just visiting?
No, she said quietly, looking out the window. I'm going to live here. For a while. And then who knew? The world was waiting to open its doors to her, just as her father had promised. And yet the pain of leaving the old world was still fresh as they drove toward North Beach.
They crossed Market Street and looked east. He drove her past the piers on the Embarcadero, and then back up through Chinatown, and beyond it to North Beach, where the address was. It was a small, simple house with clean curtains in the windows, and two old women were sitting on
the stoop, talking animatedly, their hair pulled tightly back in buns, wearing aprons over their black dresses. They reminded her for an instant of Grandma Minerva, and then she forced the thought from her mind. Her days in the valley, and all its memories and people were behind her. She thanked the driver, and asked him how much she owed him.
Nothing ' it's all right' . He sounded gruff and he looked embarrassed, but he wouldn't let her pay him. She was just a kid after all, and so pretty and so young, it had been nice just looking at her. She thanked him and he watched as she approached the two old ladies, carrying her suitcase. And then he drove away, whistling to himself, hoping she'd be okay. She was young, but she was a real beauty, and she looked like she could take care of herself. The two old women noticed it too as she asked them about the room for rent. They stared at her for a minute before answering her, and said something to each other in Italian.
Excuse me? She looked suddenly even younger as she set her suitcase down, and a halo of pale hair seemed to frame her face. The two women were staring at her and she wondered what they were thinking. The room? ' do you know anything about it?
How come you not in school? The older of the two eyed her suspiciously, fingering her apron. She had big black eyes, and a face covered with wrinkles.
I graduated last year, she lied, and the women continued to look her over. Could I see the room? She wasn't going to let them intimidate her.
Maybe. You got a job? She sat back against the steps and Crystal smiled, trying to show a Confidence she didn't quite feel yet. What if she needed a job to get a room, what would she do then? She was beginning to panic, but decided to tell the truth, at least part of it. She had to.
Not yet. I just got here this afternoon. I'm going to start looking for a job as soon as I find a room.
Where you from?
A few hours north of here.
Your mama and papa know you're here? Like the cabdriver, she wondered if Crystal had run away from them, but Crystal shook her head with eyes that told the old woman nothing.
Star (1989) Page 13
