by Liz Isaacson
This time, sleep took her quickly, and she dreamt of herself and Hudson. They wore their best clothes, and he danced with her under twinkling lights on the ranch. He laughed and leaned down, his love for her absolutely beautiful in the way he kissed her and held her right against his chest.
The next morning, she woke with light streaming through the windows in the camper shell. She and Hudson had never agreed on a time to get up and get going, but she swung her legs over the side of the bed quickly, not wanting him to be waiting for her.
She got down out of the sleeping quarters and opened her suitcase. She’d changed out of her pajamas and into a pair of shorts and a tank top before her phone rang.
“Adele,” she said instead of hello. “What in the world is going on?”
“So maybe he’s a nice guy,” Adele said, also bypassing the greetings. “And maybe just because he’s rich doesn’t mean he’s a jerk-face.”
Scarlett laughed, the sound filling and bouncing around the camper. “Well, I’m glad. The tension between you two was almost too much to take.”
“Oh, it was not.” Adele scoffed. “Gramps has all the dogs today, by the way. We’ve got three goat yoga sessions, so we’ll be busy all day.”
“Oh, I’m sure you will,” Scarlett teased.
Adele giggled and then said, “So what about you and Hudson? What’s on the agenda for today?”
“No agenda,” Scarlett said.
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I mean, it’s just a weekend.”
“You live by a schedule,” Adele said.
“That’s you, sweetie,” Scarlett said. “Lists and plans and all of that. I can just fly free for a weekend.”
Adele laughed. “Yeah, but it’ll drive you nuts. I mean, it’s almost eight. Have you eaten yet?”
“As a matter of fact, I’m making breakfast now.” She bent to open the mini-fridge and pulled out a container of eggs. “Bagel breakfast sandwiches.”
“Who’s the planner now?” Adele asked playfully.
Scarlett rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Oh, go kiss your new cowboy boyfriend.”
“Cowboy billionaire boyfriend,” Adele corrected. She laughed and said, “All right, I have to go check on the goats before our session. Scarlett, just promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?” She fiddled with the dials on the burners, pleased when one burst to life.
“Promise me you won’t get too far inside your head,” she said.
“I don’t even know what that means,” Scarlett said.
“It means that you worry too much about things that don’t matter.”
“Okay, gotta go,” Scarlett said, and she hung up a moment later. She did not worry too much about things that didn’t matter. If she worried about something, it mattered. It mattered a whole lot—to her.
“Adele’s the one with triple locks on her cabin,” Scarlett muttered to herself as she cracked eggs into the pan and scrambled them into round patties that would fit perfectly on the bagels.
She stuck a plate of ham into the microwave and pulled out the rest of the groceries she needed for the sandwiches. Butter, cream cheese, knives, and a tomato. Item by item, she moved the food out to the picnic table, glancing toward the front of the truck, almost expecting to see Hudson standing there.
He wasn’t, but her heart still fluttered around inside her chest. She was in so deep with him already, and she wanted to take several steps backward for reasons she couldn’t explain.
Then he came walking up the beach, those sexy board shorts falling to his knee and his gray T-shirt stretching across his chest wonderfully. And she wanted to accelerate their relationship. Really slam her foot on the gas pedal and see how far they could go.
Her feelings felt like they were riding a roller coaster, and she had no idea what she was doing with Hudson. She did know how to lay out food and make a bagel breakfast sandwich, so she focused on that.
After all, her relationship with Hudson was new, and she still had time to figure things out with him.
Didn’t she?
She glanced at him, noticing the soft look on his face, and she wondered if she was already in love with him.
Absolute fear hit her hard, but she still managed to say, “Good morning,” as she nudged the plate of tomatoes into place.
Chapter 20
Hudson woke before the sun, the flat light of near-dawn one of his favorite times of the day. Especially at the beach, where the air was always full of sound and life. He hadn’t slept particularly well on the leather seats of the truck, but he could take a nap later.
The camper shell had air conditioning, and he’d find somewhere he could park for an hour or two. Maybe Scarlett would like to go shopping or something while he slept. The point was, they didn’t have a plan and they didn’t need one.
He drew in a deep breath of the early morning air and stretched his arms above his head. Then his back, and finally his legs, before walking down to the water’s edge. He hadn’t heard anything above him during the night, and he hoped Scarlett had slept well.
When he got back from his stroll along the sand, Scarlett had breakfast on the table. She glanced at him, a smile on her pretty face. “Good morning.”
A flood of love filled him, and no matter how he tried to push it away, it wouldn’t go. He took her easily into his arms, smiling at the way she giggled. He kissed her. Kissed her as deeply as he dared out in public and without wanting to scare her away.
“Now it is,” he said when he finally pulled away. He surveyed the spread on the table. “What is all this?”
“Bagels,” she said. “I warmed up some ham and made some eggs, so we can make breakfast sandwiches.” She wore a hint of pride in her voice. “And I was thinking….” She reached for a bagel and spread some cream cheese on it.
He knew he’d made a good move when he’d asked her to plan the food. “What were you thinking?” His mouth watered, and he was thinking he needed to eat quickly so he could get back to kissing her.
“How far are we from Disneyland?”
Hudson almost dropped his bagel. “Disneyland?” He forked up a couple of pieces of ham. “I thought we were relaxing this weekend.”
“We are.” She glanced at him. “You don’t find Disneyland relaxing?”
“On a Saturday in July? Sweetheart, that’s the opposite of relaxing.”
She laughed, finished making her sandwich, and said, “Yeah, you’re right. It was a dumb idea.”
“It’s not a dumb idea,” he said. “It’s just…not what I thought this weekend was going to be.” He could adjust, he supposed, but he was thinking more about riding the Ferris wheel on the pier, and greasy food that didn’t cost an arm and a leg, and parking on the beach, not in a huge lot with Mickey ears on the signs.
She moved around the side of the table and sat with her back to him, facing the ocean as she ate. He joined her, disliking the awkwardness between them. Slowly, it leaked away, and Hudson didn’t know what to say.
He hated feeling like this. When he’d first found out about Jan, he’d felt the exact same way. What to say? What to do? How to react? He had no idea, and he sighed.
“Look, Scarlett, maybe we should just go back to the ranch today.”
“What? Why?”
Hudson was obviously misreading some things from her. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
“You’re not doing anything wrong.” She took a bite of her sandwich, a definite cold vibe coming from her.
“Then what’s going on?”
She finished her breakfast and wiped her hands on a paper towel. “I’m scared.”
“Of what? Me?”
“Us,” she said. “I’m—I don’t—”
Hudson watched the water, his stomach dropping with every moment where she didn’t finish her sentence. Finally, he said, “I shouldn’t have asked you on this trip.” He folded his arms and tried to unclench his jaw. “I’m sorry, Scarlett. It was too soo
n.”
He just felt stalled in their relationship. Stymied.
He’d fallen too fast.
Stupid, he told himself. At some point, he’d convinced himself she was ready for a serious relationship when he’d known she wasn’t. Or he’d told himself he could be patient. Date her until she was ready.
But that obviously wasn’t going to work either—not if he kept kissing her like he just had. And she’d let him. So did she like him or not?
Like is a long way from love, he thought.
“So, why don’t you just tell me what you want?” he asked. “Because I’m getting some mixed signals from you.”
“Mixed signals?”
“You clearly, well, I thought it was clearly. I thought you liked me. I mean, I just kissed you like we’re practically married.” He hooked his thumb over his shoulder, a sliver of fury winding its way through his bloodstream. “I mean, I used to kiss my wife like that before we’d—” He clenched his teeth again, his jaw so tired already.
“But you don’t want to spend much time with me, because you suggested going to Disneyland.” Hudson wanted to leave. Get out of this situation, away from this beach. He stood up, wondering if there was any rectification for what he’d said.
He started cleaning up from breakfast, putting the bagels back in the bag and the lid on the cream cheese. Scarlett sat there while he worked, and Hudson hated that he’d said anything at all. He should’ve just gone to Disneyland. Maybe he shouldn’t have kissed her so passionately. He definitely shouldn’t have asked her on this trip.
He went into the camper shell and put everything away, taking a moment to look up to where she’d slept the night before. His breath caught in his throat, and he was definitely in love with her.
“I think we should go back to the ranch,” she said from behind him, and he spun toward her.
His hopes fell like lead balloons as he crossed to the steps and went down to the asphalt. “All right.”
She lifted her chin and looked him square in the eyes. He liked her fire, her determination. “I like you Hudson. That’s why I kiss you the way I do.”
He nodded, but his ego was taking a beating and his vacation was being cut short. “I more than like you, Scarlett,” he whispered.
“But I’m not ready for—you more than like me?” She felt back a step, absolute horror in her eyes.
“Forget it,” he said. “Let’s go. You want to ride up front with me or in the camper shell?” He wanted to be alone, but he didn’t want to ask her to drive an unfamiliar vehicle in bad traffic.
I’m not ready.
She didn’t need to say anything else. Didn’t need to finish that sentence. Foolishness and fury raced through him. He’d felt like this before too, and it had sent him on the road for thirteen months.
He didn’t want to run away this time. Didn’t want to leave Last Chance Ranch at all. Could he simply go back to working with Scarlett without kissing her? He wasn’t sure.
He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
“I just need more time,” she said.
“That’s fine, Scarlett.” He stepped over to the truck and opened the driver’s side door. “Let’s go.”
They drove back to the ranch in silence, her in the cab with him but clear over on her side of the bench seat. He pulled into her driveway and went around back to get her suitcase out of the shell.
He set it on the sidewalk as she rounded the front of the truck and backed up. “I’m really sorry this didn’t work out.”
She jerked her attention to him. “This? This trip? Or this…what?”
He gestured between the two of them. “This.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“I thought you weren’t ready.” Hudson was so tired, and his brain wasn’t working right.
“I’m not ready, but I don’t think that means we need to break up.”
“Really?” He took a step toward her but immediately rocked back. “I don’t think I can do casual.” He shook his head. “Not with you.”
“Not with me?” she challenged. “What does that mean?”
“I already told you what it meant.” He turned and walked away. “I’m going to grab Hound, and we’ll be back on Monday.”
“You’re leaving again?” she called after him.
At the corner of the house, he looked back. Even from a distance, he saw the distress on her face. He didn’t want to be the cause of it. But she wasn’t ready. He couldn’t do casual. It felt like an impasse they couldn’t reconcile right now.
“I need a vacation,” he said, moving again. He just had to get to Gramps’s house and get his dog. Then he could hit the road again. It wasn’t even noon yet, and he still had plenty of time to get the rest and relaxation he needed.
Sure, he’d have to do it alone, but he’d spent months and months by himself recently. He could do it again.
He couldn’t believe he was lying to himself again, trying to convince himself of something he knew to be false.
But it was better than admitting the truth—that he didn’t want to be alone again, not after finding Scarlett. Kissing Scarlett. Falling in love with Scarlett.
“Where do you want me to go?” he asked the empty cab as he drove away from the ranch, Hound in the front seat with him. He’d felt like God had led him to Last Chance Ranch, but Hudson couldn’t stay right now. So where did God want him?
He didn’t want to go back to the beach, as it now held some bad memories for him. He couldn’t stay at the ranch.
He’d been thinking about going to visit his parents, and as the thought came to him again, he wondered if the Lord was leading him in that direction. Problem was, Hudson would almost rather go back and face Scarlett than show up at his parents’ doorstep after all this time.
He drove around a bit, the pull west growing stronger and stronger as the day wore on. He stopped for lunch only ten minutes from the ranch, and when he got back in the truck with Hound, he made the inevitable turns that would take him toward the horse boarding stables in the Glendora foothills.
He knew the turns by heart, and he made them almost subconsciously. As he pulled under the familiar archway that said Thousand Oaks, his anxiety skyrocketed. The roads all looked the same. The office building that welcomed people to the stable needed to be repainted, and as he eased past the stables and barns and fields to the homestead way at the back of the property, he noticed how much older everything looked.
Or maybe he was the older one now. Maybe his memory wasn’t as sharp as it once had been. Or maybe Hudson couldn’t see anything in a positive light now that he didn’t have Scarlett to kiss goodnight.
He pushed her from his mind, but she didn’t go far. Far enough for him to pull into the driveway and face the house where he’d grown up. “All right, Hound,” he said. “This is it.”
He didn’t get out though. Just sat in the truck and watched the front door until his father came out onto the porch. He wore the same thing Hudson had always seen him wear: jeans and a T-shirt. Cowboy hat. Cowboy boots.
His father leaned against the pillar at the top of the porch and folded his arms. Hudson got out of the truck slowly and waited for his dog to jump down after him. “Hey, Dad,” he said as he shuffled up the front walk toward his father.
“Nessa,” his dad called over his shoulder. “Your son came to visit.” Then he turned and walked back into the house, never looking back.
Chapter 21
Scarlett looked at herself in the mirror, just to be sure all evidence of her afternoon of sobbing had been erased in the shower. And she hadn’t spent a colossal amount of money on professional makeup in the city so everyone would be able to see her distress.
She wasn’t sure she’d be able to pull anything over on Adele, but she had a new boyfriend so it was possible she’d be distracted enough to believe Scarlett had gotten sunburned and come home early because of it.
They’d been going to church together on Sundays, but since she a
nd Hudson were supposed to be gone tomorrow, perhaps Adele would just let Scarlett sleep. Or cry. Or half-sleep while she cried.
But now, she drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She liked the way this black tank top with the thick straps made her shoulders look smaller, and she wanted to take a yoga class in the hopes she’d find her center. Find what plagued her and pluck it out. Figure out what she needed to do to be ready to take another step with Hudson.
Because it was clear he was ready to take the step. She could hardly believe it, after only a couple of months, but he’d whispered things to her that she couldn’t unhear.
Didn’t want to unhear.
I already told you what it meant.
She’d been thinking about that sentence from him all day. It ran through her mind while she tried to sing lyrics to her favorite songs to drive the thought away. She’d asked him what it meant that he couldn’t “do casual” with her, and he’d said, “I already told you what it meant.”
I more than like you.
That was what it meant. He’d meant he was in love with her, and he couldn’t just have a casual relationship with her while she figured out if she was ready to fall in love with him.
Pain radiated through her core, but she turned away from her reflection, her ponytail perfectly high on the top of her head. Her makeup was flawless. She’d put on her most flattering workout clothes.
She was ready for a baby goat to jump on her back while she tried to fold her body into complex yoga poses.
Adele had told her the sessions were full, especially on the weekends, but Scarlett wouldn’t be turned away on her own ranch. She left the house and crossed the road, glancing at the dairy cows that grazed in the pasture between the homestead and the Goat Grounds.
The lot was filling with cars as she walked along the dirt road, and she caught a glimpse of Carson and his big, black cowboy hat as he checked people into the class. He wore cowboy boots, and jeans, and a T-shirt the color of grape jelly, and Scarlett wondered if Hudson had spoken to him at all.
