'Yeah. One letter. He politely told me he didn't want me to visit. Hurt, I was, Haze, fucking hurt. I've treated that boy like a son.'
Hazel smiled sympathetically, but said nothing. She had been extremely worried about Michelle lately. Her drinking had escalated out of all control like never before. She had always been a pisshead, but recently she had moved on to another level. She no longer went to the gym or seemed to care about her appearance. She chose to sit indoors alone, drinking, morning, noon and night. Knowing today wasn't the right time to broach the subject, Hazel decided to pay her friend a visit tomorrow and tell her some home truths. Chelle needed help and she needed it fast.
* * *
Billie shot the screw a filthy look and placed DJ back into his carry cot. She should never have brought her baby here in the first place. How dare they search his stuff? Did she look like the type of woman that would use her baby as a drug-runner?
Danny felt apprehensive as he sat at the table, awaiting his visitors. He was dying to see his boy, but nervous about seeing Billie. If she looked at him with hatred, he would be unable to deal with it whilst inside. Seeing his family walking towards him brought a lump to his throat.
Billie Jo looked gorgeous. Dressed in a black, three-quarter-length raincoat, she'd topped it off with a corduroy baker boy hat. Most of the other inmates were married to ugly old dogs and Danny felt like a king as Billie made her way towards him. He could see all the other lads staring at her, clocking her beauty.
Danny kissed her gently on the lips and smiled. 'You look beautiful, babe. It's so good to see you.'
Feeling awkward and not knowing what to say, Billie's initial reaction was to focus on the baby. 'Do you wanna hold him?'
DJ cried as he was picked up by his father. He was used to being held by his mum and Jamie and he wasn't sure of the strange man planting kisses all over him. 'I don't think he remembers me,' Danny said, dejectedly.
As she looked at his hurt expression, Billie felt sorry for him. 'Of course he remembers you. He's just tired, Dan. He didn't sleep very well last night and he was awake all of the journey here.'
'Who brought you up here? Did you ring Leroy to give you a lift?'
Billie took her screaming child from his father and tried to soothe him by stroking his head.
'Jamie brought me up here. I would have rung Leroy, but to be honest, I don't really know him that well. When Jamie offered, it was a blessing in disguise.'
Sitting back on his chair, Danny stretched his feet out. 'Has Jimmy the Fish been round home?'
'He popped round once since I moved to make sure I was OK. He sends money every Friday. One of the lads drops it off, or if I'm not in, they stick it through the letter box.'
With DJ now fast asleep, Danny decided it was as good a time as any to mention what he'd done. Stuck in a cell on his own, he'd had a lot of time to think and he knew he'd been a bastard to Billie Jo. Pulling his chair closer, he propped his elbows on the table and ran his fingers through his dark hair.
'Look, Billie, we can't ignore what happened that night. Believe me, I am so, so sorry for the way I treated you. I don't normally touch drugs, apart from puff. That day I attacked you, a geezer in a pub had given me a tablet. I'm not even sure what it was. I suppose it was an E or something. All I know is, whatever it was sent me off me head and I can't apologise enough to you. I love you so much, Bill, and I need you to give me another chance. I know things are gonna take time, but I need to know you'll be there for me when I get out of this dump. I swear on my mother's life, I'll never let you down again.'
Taking in everything he'd said, Billie forced a weak smile. Part of her still loved him, but she wasn't sure if she could ever truly forgive him. He was genuinely sorry, she was sure of that. Not wanting to commit herself, she held his hands. 'I can't give you an answer right now, Dan. My life at the moment is so fucked up and I need some time to get my head together. I've had so much to deal with. My dad getting killed, the shit with my mum, Jade moving. I became a mother at sixteen, and I can't deal with any more stress or upset right now. I just need some time to myself.'
'I understand.' Stroking her hands with his thumbs, Danny looked intently into her eyes. 'I wanna ask you one question, Bill, and I want you to promise to tell me the truth. Can you do that for me?'
Nodding, Billie smiled. 'Fire away.'
'Do you still love me, Billie?'
DJ letting out a piercing scream saved Billie from answering immediately. As she comforted her son, she thought about her answer. 'You're the father of my child, Danny. I have to love you, my son is part of you.'
The rest of the visit passed smoothly. Billie rambled on about the new house and Danny chatted happily about prison life and Razor. The bell soon signalled the end of their reunion.
'Will you visit me again, Billie?'
Standing up, Billie urged Danny to hold his son. 'I'm not bringing the baby up here any more, Danny. I will get someone to look after him and pop up on my own.'
'OK. Thanks for coming. I'll ring you tonight.'
As he watched her walk away, Danny smirked at the young lad on the next table to him. 'Whaddya think of her?' he asked.
'Well fit. Is she your bird?'
Danny stood up and winked at his fellow inmate. 'She is, but she's one of many, son.'
Laughing, he made his way back to his cell.
Hazel propped Michelle up against the wall and walked back into Langan's. 'I'm so sorry,' she said to Beppe, as she paid the bill with her credit card.
Michelle standing on her chair singing Chas and Dave songs had started the chaos. The fact she'd taken a tumble whilst chanting 'Rabbit' had been the final nail in the coffin. The posh people on the next table had been horrified as the fat drunken woman had landed in their dinner.
Handing Hazel her card and receipt, Beppe gratefully accepted the fifty-pound tip.
'You welcome back here, but not your friend. She barred for life.'
An embarrassed Hazel nodded and left the building.
As he started up the engine, Jamie turned around to face Billie. 'Well, how did it go?'
'OK.' Billie was completely worn out and didn't feel much like talking. Visiting Danny had unsettled her somewhat and she didn't know whether she was coming or going. Sensing her mood, Jamie turned the music up. He loved a bit of Bob Marley and seeing as they were in Brixton, his choice of CD was more than appropriate.
Pleased she'd sat in the back with the baby, Billie stared out of the window. Having being raised in Essex, multicultural areas fascinated her and she loved the hustle and bustle they created. As she shut her eyes, she pictured Jade and her little brother. Jade was coming down tomorrow morning and they were spending the day together. It would be the first time they'd seen one another since the day she'd given birth to DJ. Jade had finally contacted her after she'd left an answerphone message, informing her that Danny was inside. She hadn't mentioned the rape. She and Danny were getting on far too well on the phone for her to speak about that now. Anyway, she wanted to forget about the past. The future was all that mattered now. Asking why Jade hadn't contacted her before was another subject Billie had avoided. The truth could be a bastard and sometimes it was best not to delve into it.
Jamie being around had been a godsend to Billie. He was funny, helpful and great company. In fact, her loneliness had disappeared since he'd presented himself in her life.
'I wanna love ya and treat you right. I wanna love ya every day and every night.'
The soulful voice of Bob Marley was soothing to Billie and she turned her thoughts back to Danny. 'Is this love – is this love – is this love that I'm feeling?' The words could have been written for her, but she was damned if she knew the answer.
Hazel apologised to the guvnor in Henry's and ushered the girls outside. Four places now they'd been asked to leave and although it was a laugh, she'd had a gutful of it. Chelle and Suzie were absolutely rotten. Julie had been sobbing for the last half-hour over some geezer that ha
d dumped her and Donna and Claire, who had never been out with them before, had left ages ago, horrified. Deciding enough was enough, Hazel tried to hail a cab.
'Don't wanna go home. Wanna go Dover Street wine bar,' Chelle slurred.
Slowing down, the cabbie pulled away immediately on seeing his would-be fare. Comforting Julie, Hazel didn't realise the commotion happening behind her. Chelle had purposely tucked her skirt into her thong. Swinging around the lamp-post as though she was a lap dancer in Spearmint Rhino, Chelle treated every commuter leaving work to a view of her big fat arse. Unfortunately for Chelle, spinning around a lamp-post wasn't the greatest idea she'd ever had. She immediately felt dizzy, collapsed onto the pavement and hit her head. Unable to wake her, Hazel ordered the girls to drag Chelle to a nearby doorway. Hazel rang her eldest boy, Aaron, and ordered him to come and collect them and to get there fast.
* * *
Holding DJ above his head, Jamie watched him smile. He was a cute kid, a proper little boy, and he'd grown to love him as though he was his own. As he handed him back to Billie Jo, he glanced at his watch. 'I suppose I'd better make tracks now, Bill.'
'Don't go, Jamie. You've been a star today, driving me all the way to Brixton. Let me cook you dinner as a thank-you.'
Jamie didn't need much persuading. Smiling, he snatched the baby back and sank onto the sofa. The last few months, being around Billie and the boy had made him the happiest he'd ever been. He'd accepted ages ago that friendship was all that there was between him and Bill. Once she'd had Danny's baby, any hopes he'd had of a romance had been well and truly forgotten. He could honestly say that he loved Billie, but he didn't look at her in a sexual way, just as a friend. DJ was the bollocks and Jamie couldn't wait till he met the right girl himself and had kiddies of his own.
Jamie's hearty laugh caused Billie to poke her head around the door. DJ was lying on the floor, giggling away at his tormentor. Ducking out of sight, Billie carried on watching. Her son loved Jamie and was at his happiest when he was around. As she heard the sound of the potatoes boiling over, she dashed back to the stove. Spending time with Jamie had shown her what family life should be like. Togetherness, fun and laughter.
Danny was a different breed to Jamie. Could he ever become the perfect family man? Billie only wished she knew the answer.
TWENTY-FOUR
January 2004
Billie Jo sat on the park bench, watching Danny Junior excitedly feeding the ducks with the loaf of bread she'd given him.
'Now be careful, Danny, don't go too close to the water, there's a good boy.'
Chucking the last of the bread at the head of some poor unsuspecting Canada goose, Danny ran back to where his mum was sitting and climbed onto the bench next to her. 'Want McDonald's.'
'Of course, darling,' Billie said, zipping his coat up tightly. Although the winter sun was shining, it was still quite nippy. At McDonald's, Danny tucked into his Happy Meal with a big smile on his face. Billie watched him affectionately and almost burst with pride when some people sitting at the next table commented on what a beautiful little boy he was. Billie popped to Sainsbury's to get some food shopping and was worn out by the time she arrived home.
Billie put Danny on one side of her double bed, she clambered in the other side and read him a story. His eyes shut almost immediately. Billie crept out of the room so she didn't wake him and poured herself a glass of chilled wine. Armed with her Hello! and Heat magazines, she quietly returned to the bedroom. Flicking through the pages, Billie quickly gave up. She had far too much on her mind to be able to concentrate on celebrity gossip.
There had been so many events and changes in Billie's life over the last couple of years, that lately she often felt the need to sit down in silence, and try to think things through. She'd been happy recently, living on her own, just her and the child. The two of them had developed a wonderful understanding and a happy routine.
Danny Junior had grown into a handsome, lovable, intelligent little boy and Billie Jo idolised every bone in his body. With his dark spiky hair, his big blue eyes, his cheeky smile and humorous nature, Danny Junior was a natural at winning people over. In minutes of meeting people, even at twenty-seven months old, he had them eating out of the palm of his chubby hand. Billie Jo kept him immaculate. Young as he was, DJ had a designer wardrobe, including Dolce and Gabanna, Timberland, Nike and Baby Gap. Not a week went by when DJ didn't have a new pair of trainers, jeans, trackie bottoms or trendy jacket.
Money hadn't been a problem for Billie Jo. Firstly, she had the money her dad had invested for her, which she'd received on her eighteenth birthday. Secondly, Davey Mullins had turned up round about the same time and handed her an envelope with five grand in it. He said it had been her dad's and he wanted to give it to her and DJ. Billie had been over the moon to see him, as he was now living in Spain.
He'd come in for an hour or so and the pair of them had spent that time laughing and crying over old times, with Dave telling her all sorts of funny stories about her dad. Dave had hugged her as he left and given her his new phone number, telling her if she ever needed money or help with anything, he was there for her. Billie had stood at the door and waved him goodbye, tears flowing down her face at his kindness. She hadn't wanted to take his money since Jimmy the Fish sorted her out on a regular basis. 'It's what your dad would have wanted,' Dave had insisted as he left.
Hearing DJ stir and whimper, Billie leant over to check he was OK. He was still sound asleep, but must be having a bad dream. Kissing him on his forehead, she went into the kitchen to refill her glass. She rarely drank in front of her child and usually only indulged in a glass when he was in bed, whether it be afternoon or evening. Sometimes she worried that she'd end up like her mother, but deep down she knew that would never happen. She'd only been drinking more recently because Danny was due to be released shortly. Part of her relished the thought of them becoming a family again and part of her dreaded it. She hadn't told Danny of her decision yet. She'd kept him waiting.
Billie sipped her drink and thought about all the nice things that Danny had said and promised her. She really hoped he was genuine and when he was released they'd become a proper family and live happily ever after.
Tonight, she would tell him that she was giving him one more chance. She wasn't thinking of herself when she had made her mind up, she was thinking of her son. DJ deserved to have his daddy around him. He also deserved to live in a nice house and have nice things. Making her relationship work with Danny was a small price to pay if it meant keeping her son in the style he'd become so accustomed to.
'You got a spare fag I can have, Dan?' Fishing about under his mattress, Danny pulled out an unopened box of Superkings and chucked them at his cellmate.
'You can have the whole box. I've got plenty to see me through the next couple of days and I ain't going to need them after that, am I?'
Carl Smith accepted the box gratefully. 'Cheers, Dan, you're a top man. I'm gonna miss you when you go, mate. I wonder who I'll be sharing with next.'
'Dunno,' said Danny. All he was bothered about was getting out of this shithole. Just two days, two more fucking days and he was a free man. He couldn't bloody wait.
Danny couldn't wait to see the back of Carl Smith. Life inside had been an easy ride until he'd been convicted. The actual court case had been over in days. Jimmy's top-class brief had laughed the Old Bill's theories and accusations straight out of court.
Danny's confession had therefore stood up. Once convicted, he'd been forced to share his living quarters with a complete dickhead. He'd got a three stretch in the end, but had ended up doing eighteen months. Jimmy had sorted him out with a top solicitor. It'd been a different one to Jimmy's own, as his brief wasn't allowed to represent more than one person on the same case.
Personal use, the cocaine had gone down as. Danny had admitted to having a habit and seeing as the gear was in one big lump, had thankfully got away with it. It could have swung either way, and had they done him w
ith intent to supply, Danny would have been looking at a five stretch, at least.
Telling Carl to 'Shut the fuck up', Danny lay back on his bunk and pictured his homecoming. He had always been confident that Billie would take him back, but nevertheless, he was elated when she'd actually given him the green light. He was one of the lucky ones, who had a family to go home to. Some of these geezers on the inside would give their right arm to be in his position.
Thinking of his time inside, Danny thought of Razor. He'd looked after him from day one and Danny had arranged to keep in touch with him on the outside. Razor was on a long stretch, so seeing one another in the near future was totally out of the question. 'I reckon the Fish'll throw a big bash for ya,' Razor had told him only this morning. Danny didn't expect a mass celebration, but he did wonder exactly what Jimmy would do for him. A decent business proposition was what Danny hoped for. He'd earned it, he deserved it and surely now he was destined to reap his rewards.
Jimmy the Fish knocked on the grubby-looking door of the run-down council house and was shocked to see it opened by two little coloured kids. 'Er, I dunno if I've got the right flat,' he said, thrown by their appearance. 'I'm a friend of Danny's. I'm looking for Mrs O'Leary. Does she live here?'
Jermain O'Leary eyed Jimmy suspiciously. Brandon, the younger of the two, stood behind his brother, picking his nose.
'Who is it?' Brenda O'Leary marched to the door and shoved the kids out of the way. 'Get inside, you nosy little bastards. Who are you?'
'I'm Jimmy the Fish. Are you Mrs O'Leary?'
'Yes, I am. You're Danny's friend, aren't you? He's spoken highly of you, he has. Come on in, I'll make you a nice cup of tea.'
The musty, pissy smell hit Jimmy's nostrils as soon as he got in the hallway and he decided against the cuppa. 'I can't stop, love. I just popped round to let you know I've organised a surprise party for Danny on Saturday and I want all his family and friends to be there. It's being held in the hall at the back of the Cross Keys pub. The drinks are free, there'll be plenty of grub and kids are welcome as well.'
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