“You can do even more, Ivan.” Her voice was gentle. “I like a man with ambition.”
He was a fool, Ivan told himself. Laura fit him perfectly. He ought to settle down now and ask the woman to marry him tonight instead of what he’d planned to say.
“See? Here it comes.” Her finger traced the dark horizon where a soft glow of light was bubbling up.
“Is that saying true?” Sudden fear raced through him. What if there was something that happened between a man and a woman who sat under a full moon? He’d never get away from Laura. He’d never get his chance for a farm that was free for the taking…well, almost free anyway.
Laura’s laugh was soft. “You wouldn’t object, would you?”
“Of course not.” His reply was quick. It isn’t a lie, Ivan told himself. He didn’t really object. It was just that other matters were interfering.
“Then let it happen.” Her voice was hushed as the moon rose higher, half of its round globe visible now.
Did the woman actually believe in this? She seemed to, but Laura wasn’t given to such superstitions. This was just her way to show her affection for him. She might also wish to give him a glimpse of the depth of possibility and where she wished their relationship would head. Marriage! Ivan stiffened at the thought.
Laura glanced up at him. “You’re not afraid of the moon?”
He laughed with effort. “No. I like it here with you. It’s a nice moon.”
She leaned tightly against him. “You know, Ivan, I was afraid I was losing you. I don’t know why. Please don’t be angry with me for doubting. You’re the first serious boyfriend I’ve had. And…” Her voice broke as her hand clung to his. “There’s not something wrong is there, Ivan?”
Now was the moment to speak! Ivan tried but the only sound to come out was a croak.
She sighed. “I know how you feel. It must be the jitters of first love. I am your first love, right Ivan?”
“Yah,” he managed to squeak out. “I’ve never really dated before.”
“Not even someone from another community?” Her eyes searched his face in the moonlight.
“You were my first hymn-singing date, Laura. Honest!” He tried to keep the strain out of his voice.
She settled against his shoulder again. “I can’t say that I’ve never dated, but none were like you, Ivan. We’ll make a great couple by the time all is said and done. I know I have a lot to learn, and I can be immature at times. But I’m trying. I want to be everything that any gut husband would want in a frau. I feel so unworthy at times.”
“Someone as beautiful as you will have no problem finding a husband!” The words burst out of Ivan’s mouth.
Laura laughed with joy. “Ivan, when you speak like that, you make me feel so gut.”
“But you know you’re gut looking. Surely you do!” He looked down at her in the gentle light.
A smile played on her face. “But I need to hear it, Ivan. And sometimes outward beauty isn’t enough, you know. Not for a decent man like you.”
Ivan glanced away. He would never get said what needed saying tonight. Not after words like that. And yet he had to. How could he take Miriam home from the next hymn singing if he didn’t terminate his relationship with Laura first?
“You do love me, don’t you, Ivan?” Her fingers traced his chin and paused near his mouth. He’d shaved this morning, but the stubble had grown enough to reveal where a lengthy beard would one day grow—once he had said the marriage vows and no longer used a razor on his chin.
Ivan forced a chuckle as he said, “I love you a lot!” What else could he say? That he could find no love in his heart for this woman? She would see through that. And he would soon kiss her if they didn’t move on. Ivan took up the reins. “We’d best be going, Laura.”
Her laugh was tender. “You don’t have to fear, Ivan. I’m just little ole me.”
She was much more than that, and she knew it, Ivan decided. She also knew about Miriam. He was certain of that now. His gumption was frozen in place. Apparently he’d met his match. Laura wouldn’t let go easily, that much was plain to see. She’d probably planned this moon thing. Maybe that was why she’d been so slow to leave after the hymn singing tonight.
“I know we haven’t known each other for long, Ivan.” Her fingers stroked his face again. “But it feels like we have. Like years, in fact. Like we’ve always known each other.”
It did indeed, he thought, but he kept his thoughts silent. He’d already said way too much.
“When was the first time you thought of me as…as…you know what I mean, Ivan. When?” The moonbeams bathed her face now as she looked up at him. “When, Ivan? I’d like to know.”
Her beauty almost choked him, and the charm of her voice pulled his heart in. The ache from earlier had ceased. Ivan let the reins slip from his hands. Why had he even thought to leave this woman for Miriam? Compared to this, Miriam’s suspicious nature packed cold ice around his heart. And Miriam had never spoken to him in this tone of voice.
“Your beauty has charmed me plenty.” He kept his voice low to match hers. “Since the beginning of time, I think.”
She laughed. “I knew you had romance in you, Ivan. All you needed was the moon to bring it out.”
“We can’t live under the moon though.”
Her face filled with concern. “We’ll have each other, Ivan. That will be enough. You know it will.”
“Living on love.” He couldn’t keep the sudden bitterness out of his tone.
Her voice was pleading now. “Ivan, it is possible. And it’s true, you know. I will always love you. Kiss me, Ivan. Kiss me now and see if it isn’t true!”
He shouldn’t do this, Ivan told himself. Never! And yet his resolution had flown away. What did owning a farm free and clear mean anyway? And what if he was mistaken and Miriam didn’t give in? He shouldn’t have made that promise yesterday to Miriam. His confidence had carried him away.
“Ivan…” Laura’s voice was a husky whisper. “Ivan, you love me. I know you do. Don’t do this to us. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it. You’ll never love anyone like you love me.”
How could she know this? he wondered. His silence confirmed that she was right. She held his heart in her hand. Resistance seemed out of the question—even if he wished to. He moved one hand at a time and placed them on each side of her face.
She didn’t hesitate, her gaze uplifted to his eyes.
He touched her lips with his fingertips before he kissed her. The softness of her lips melted something deep inside of him. Still she was keeping her distance, he noticed. She was chaste even while she was kissing him. And it had the effect she probably knew it would. He drank deeply of her essence and only drew back after a long moment.
Her face beamed up at him. “You love me, don’t you?”
“I do.” He bent his head again, and she didn’t resist him.
“That’s enough.” She finally pulled away from him but stayed close enough to lay her head on his shoulder again. He followed her gaze out over the shadowed landscape to where the woods lay in darkness under the round moon. Maybe there was something to this moon thing, after all. Even though she would have had this effect on him seated on her living room couch with a storm outside. Still, Laura hadn’t taken any chances, and she also hadn’t failed. There would be no words from him tonight about terminating their relationship. Not after that. He was a fool, but even he wasn’t that big a fool.
“We should get back,” she said. “Mamm and Daett will wonder what’s become of us.”
She held his arm while he drove. The buggy bounced across the ditch edge and back onto the blacktop. Ivan had noticed there had been no Englisha cars on the street while they’d been parked. Usually there was traffic this time of the evening, even on a Sunday night. Had Laura prayed for and received uninterrupted time alone with him? That wouldn’t surprise him. As if to confirm his suspicions, the headlights of a car behind them bounced on the road ahead of the buggy. The
vehicle soon passed them.
Ivan watched the red taillights fade into the distance. This was just as well. Perhaps his pursuit of money was foolishness, and he’d been saved from it—at least for the time being. Miriam wouldn’t be disappointed if he never showed up again to speak with her. She would soon hear that his relationship with Laura was continuing. That would doom any chance of getting Miriam’s farm, but at the moment he didn’t care. Laura’s kisses had made him reconsider the whole matter. He’d never kissed a woman before, and if this joy continued, he might never kiss anyone other than Laura.
They soon pulled into the Swartz driveway. Laura stayed beside the buggy while he tied his horse, Billy, to the hitching post. Her smile glowed in the full moon when Ivan approached her. He stepped closer.
Her finger came up to trace his cheek. “No more tonight, Ivan, but I do have pie inside. Your favorite—cherry.”
“Gut,” he said, although what he really wanted was to kiss her again. He would always want to. He was certain of that.
Chapter Twenty
On Wednesday evening Shirley paced the floor of her upstairs bedroom. She’d changed clothes an hour ago, and Jonas was due at any moment. She wanted as perfect a “last time together” as possible now that the trip to Oklahoma was all planned. A call had been made from the phone shack to Aunt Fannie in Oklahoma. No one had answered, so Mamm had left a message stating the time when she’d be back at the phone on Monday evening. Aunt Fannie returned the call as planned, and Mamm came back from the phone shack sober-faced but with the plans lined up.
“Fannie was thrilled,” Mamm had announced. Clearly Mamm wasn’t, but that was to be expected.
As for tonight, Shirley was determined that there would be no tears. Yah, her heart had grown close to Jonas, yet there had been an inevitability about the eventual outcome of their relationship from the first and, certainly, since the evening they’d spent together under the stars. That special night their hearts had met and parted ways. Jonas was a wunderbah man, but they were worlds apart in ways Shirley couldn’t even figure, beginning with their faith, their parents, and their financial statuses. For once she felt practical about it. She glanced out the bedroom window. There was no sign of Jonas yet, but she knew she’d hear his Porsche pull in soon. Since her younger siblings now knew about Jonas, she could go out and wait for him on the front porch—but tonight she didn’t feel like it. Perhaps she wanted to act like a true girlfriend who had a real future with her boyfriend. Such a girl could afford to stay inside—and perhaps even cause him to have a short wait before she went down the stairs.
Both Mamm and Miriam had been worried when she told them she planned to spend her last evening in Possum Valley with Jonas. They probably thought he would persuade her to stay, but then they didn’t really know Jonas. He understood her as she understood him. Hadn’t the stars spoken to both of them? But neither Mamm nor Miriam would understand that either. She was too young, they’d say. Stars spoke what young people imagined them to speak. Well, she knew what they’d said, and that was that.
There was only one thing Shirley disapproved of about this trip to Oklahoma: Miriam’s intention to leave Ivan. Miriam shouldn’t do such a thing. She should trust Ivan even if he might have been influenced by the farm in his desire to renew their relationship. What was wrong with that reasoning? Hadn’t Shirley first been attracted to Jonas because of his fancy convertible and the knowledge of how rich his family was?
The truth was that Mamm and Miriam still hadn’t gotten over their shock that she’d so easily agreed to go on the trip to Oklahoma. No doubt they expected she had something up her sleeve—like an elopement. Shirley laughed at the thought. Jonas hadn’t asked to marry her, and he wouldn’t. Nor would she agree to it if he did. Yah, they did love each other, but didn’t she have some sense? And what about her desire to live a decent life among the people of the faith? That hadn’t changed. Didn’t her intentions count for something?
At least Daett still trusted her. “Let Shirley go out with the boy,” he’d said. As if Daett could have prevented her from going anyway. But it was gut to feel trusted by Daett and not to have a fuss with her family the last night before she left Possum Valley for a long time. She was happy tonight, and that was what mattered. Later there might be sorrow, but not tonight.
Shirley peeked out of the bedroom window as the sound of a car pulling into the driveway reached her. Shirley gave out a little squeal and dashed down the stairs. Now that he was here, she wanted to see him. So what if he would notice her eagerness and be pleased with his power of attraction. Right now she didn’t care.
“Please be careful and act decent,” Mamm told her from the kitchen doorway.
“Yah, I will,” Shirley promised as she dashed out the door.
“Hi,” Jonas greeted her as he got out and walked around to open the car door for her.
“Hi, yourself!” Shirley said as she climbed in.
Jonas got back into the driver’s seat and shut his door.
Even as they pulled away from the house, Shirley began to remove her kapp.
Jonas drove out of the lane and sped off, his face beaming.
The joy of the moment was strong even though they both knew this was their last night together for a long time. How alike they were, and yet so far apart.
“Isn’t this trip of yours kind of sudden?” Jonas asked, glancing at Shirley.
“Yah.” She hesitated, and he seemed to understand.
“Is it because of me?”
Before she could answer, he said, “Never mind. I don’t think I really want to know the answer.”
How like Jonas, Shirley thought. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable answering that question. Maybe later in the evening she would broach the tender subject. But if further words on the matter were left unsaid, she would be just as happy.
Jonas glanced at her again, his gaze a tease now.
Shirley laughed and raced her fingers through her hair, knowing it would be a long time before she’d take her hair down in front of a man again. She’d not do it again until she said her marriage vows with a good Amish man. With Jonas the rules seemed different. And this was as it should be, Shirley decided.
Jonas watched as she continued combing her fingers through her hair. “Beautiful,” he said as he reached for her hand and squeezed her fingers before he let go to make a tight curve on the road. “Where to?” he asked once he could take his eyes off the road.
“Anywhere is fine with me.” She gave him a warm smile.
“Come on now,” he teased. “Surely you have some preference?”
“I really don’t, Jonas. Remember, I don’t know much about your world.”
“Well, then, how about dinner some place close? Like the Good House?”
“Sounds good to me.” Anything sounded good to her right now as long as Jonas was with her.
Jonas looked Shirley’s way as he took another curve in the road. “So you’re really going to leave Possum Valley? Just like that?”
She nodded. Somehow talk about stars sounded foolish right now, what with his presence so close to her.
“Will I get to see you once in a while?”
Shirley sat up straight. Should she say what she wanted to say? If you come visit me in Oklahoma. But, nee, that wouldn’t be right. She didn’t want Jonas out in Oklahoma. She let her silence speak for her and eventually said, “Let’s not spoil our last night together. I’ve really enjoyed being with you, Jonas. I wish this would never end, but it has to. And there’s nothing either of us can do about it.”
“Agreed.” Jonas was smiling a bit ruefully. He took his convertible around a few more curves before pulling into a full parking lot. “Looks like we have plenty of company tonight.”
“But I have you,” she said. “You’re all the company I care about.”
Jonas grinned as he got out, walked around, and opened her car door. He took her hand and helped her out. They held hands and walked into the restaurant.
After a brief glance at Jonas, a smartly dressed man ushered them to an open table. “Your server will be right with you.”
“Does he know you?” Shirley asked when the man left.
“Maybe.” Jonas shrugged. “I come here often. They have the best crab cakes in the area.”
It must be nice to have people know you, Shirley thought. But that was what happened when one’s daett had lots of money. Not wanting to follow that line of thought, she changed the subject. “So, what have you been doing with yourself?”
Jonas shrugged. “The usual. Working at Dad’s place. I help him out where I can. I grew up around the business, so it’s not really that hard. Dad has me doing different jobs to learn the business.”
Shirley smiled. “I’ve done mostly housework. I’ve never done outside work like Miriam did taking care of Mr. Bland. That job seemed boring at first, but it turned out more exciting at the end when Mr. Bland left Miriam his farm.”
Jonas’s eyes twinkled. “Are you sure that’s all Mr. Bland left your sister?”
Shirley glanced at him. “You’re teasing, of course.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. I’m not sure. Dad has heard rumors, that’s all.”
“Rumors about what?” Now Shirley stared at him.
Jonas looked away. “This could be wrong, of course, but Dad sits on the board of the bank Mr. Bland used, and rumor has it that a fairly large sum of money was also left to your sister.”
Shirley laughed. “Miriam’s not said a word about anything but the farm, and she’d be the last person to have secrets. Miriam’s like ‘Miss Upright’ herself. She would have said something. And believe me, the farm is more than anything we’d ever dream of hoping for. The Yoder family is poor, Jonas. Like really, really poor. And Daett seemed to like it that way.”
“Sorry.” He reached over to touch her hand. “I didn’t mean to stir up anything, Shirley.”
“Oh, I’m okay.” Shirley took a deep breath.
Their waitress appeared. “Good evening, Mr. Beachy. Glad to see you again.”
Jonas smiled up at her and gave her his order.
Miriam's Secret Page 13
