Indebted

by Amy A. Bartol

  Thinking he might be about to tell me where we will be moving next, I try to hurry through my shower. It takes me longer than I thought to get the henna off my skin. Faint lines of it remain, but I give up, putting on a silk robe before drying my hair. Feeling tired, I pull on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top I modified to fit my wings.

  Going back to the sitting room, I sit on the settee that faces the chair Brennus is in. “You wanted to talk to me?” I ask when he doesn’t say anything right away.

  “I do,” Brennus says, searching my face. “I jus do na know if I should tell ye dis now.”

  “What is it?” I ask, my heartbeat kicking up in reaction to his serious expression.

  “Do ye remember da note I wrote ta ye? Da one when ye were in China?” he asks.

  “Yes.” I reply.

  “In dat letter, I promised ye someting. I want ta give it ta ye now, but I do na know if ’tis a good ting or a bad ting,” he explains. “I planned for it ta be part of yer birthday present.”

  I search my mind, trying to remember what he promised me. I go over the letter, like a faint echo in my mind: The needs that you hide deep inside of you, I know them all. You want a family above all else. I will provide that family for you. You want other things as well, things you don’t speak of to anyone. Ever. I will find your sire for you, I promise…

  “You found my father,” I state, feeling scared, excited, and ill all at the same time.

  “I did and I did na,” Brennus says. “I believe I know who he is, but I have no idea where he is now.”

  “Who is he?” I ask in a small voice, not able to make eye contact with Brennus.

  “His name is Tau,” Brennus says and my head snaps up.

  “You’re kidding me?” I ask, thinking of my birth certificate. There was only a letter ‘T’ in the spot where the father should be indicated. I always thought that it was a way of not leaving the document blank. It was a name all along. “I have a father,” I breathe. Brennus smiles at me when I look at his face again. “Do you know anything about him?” I ask, leaning towards him and searching his face.

  “I do. He is well-known,” he says.

  Hundreds of questions bounce around in my head, until one hits me like a punch in the stomach. “Is he evil?” I ask before I can stop myself.

  “Depends on who ye talk ta, but, no. He is Divine. Dat is what ye meant, was it na?” Brennus asks. I nod numbly, feeling the kind of relief that only comes when the worst-case scenario that you’ve held in the back of your mind for a long time turns out to be just a scenario.

  “He is Divine,” I whisper. “Do you know what he is like?” I ask, hoping for a glimpse of his character—some small piece of information that I can hold close to me, like a secret treasure.

  Brennus smiles, saying, “He is a Seraph, of course. Some of his exploits are well known. He is elite. Tau is a commander.”

  “Is he brave?” I ask.

  “Let me put it ta ye dis way. When dere is a parley between da Seraphim in Sheol and Paradise, ’tis Tau who goes ta Sheol ta speak with dem. Alone,” Brennus says. Every hair on my body stands up in that instant, imagining the type of courage it would take to walk into Hell alone to speak to the enemy. “Now we know where ye get all of yer courage,” Brennus says.

  I bristle. “Yeah, my mother and my Uncle Jim,” I retort, not knowing where the anger in me is coming from, but feeling it intensely.

  “I know dat dis does na seem like much of a gift ta ye right now, but ’tis someting dat ye crave. ’Twas such a strong need dat ’twas in yer blood,” Brennus says softly. “Ye could na hide it.”

  I pepper Brennus with questions, finding out what he has learned about Tau. All that he can tell me are stories of some of the battles against the Fallen that Tau had led. He can’t tell me anything about why he chose to have a baby with my mother or why he hadn’t stayed to help raise me. He can’t tell me why I was left in the dark about being part angel either.

  “What am I supposed to do now, Brennus?” I ask, feeling lost and desperate. “I don’t know what they want from me. Do you know what they want from me?”

  “It does na matter whah dey want from ye,” he replies, coming to sit next to me. He pulls me to him, letting me rest my head on his chest as he gently strokes my back. “’Tis whah ye are willing ta let dem have dat matters. Ye have our protection. Ye are da queen.” Something in what he just said touches that dark place in me again, making it feel less raw, less sore—less alone.

  “There are times, Brennus, when you seem to say exactly what I need to hear,” I whisper against the skin of his neck.

  His arms tighten around me, and in this moment, I feel safe. “I do na know how I lived wi’out ye for so long, mo chroí,” Brennus replies.

  “Thank you for my gift, Brennus,” I murmur, feeling small because I have never given him anything. I know that I have been a hostage here, his prisoner, but I’m so confused now about everything. He is seduction in the flesh. He keeps finding all of the things that I crave and giving them to me. That is a powerful drug. It was easy to resist him when he didn’t know me, but now that he does, it’s making things much, much harder. I have to do something to shift that power back to me, because he is taking it away from me.

  “I have a gift for you too, Brennus,” I say, pulling away from him.

  Looking surprised, he asks, “Ye do?”

  “I do. Wait here and I’ll get it,” I say, getting up from the settee. I go to the bathroom in our room. Selecting the larger of the perfume bottles that contain my blood, I walk back out to the sitting room with it in my hand.

  “Whah is dat?” Brennus asks as I extend it to him, waiting for him to take it from me.

  “My insurance policy,” I reply as his cool hand brushes mine, taking the ornate bottle from me. Unstopping it, he brings it to his nose, passing it under slowly. Immediately, his fangs engage with a forceful click.

  “Dis is…ye are giving me yer blood?” he asks with a sultry look I can feel.

  “I’m giving you my trust. That is the blood I planned on drinking in order to stop the craving of being bitten. You can do whatever you want with it—my blood. I just ask that you protect the trust I have given you,” I say, watching his eyes grow dark as he puts the stopper back on the bottle.

  “Do ye know dat no one has given me anyting since I died?” he asks, extending his hand for me to take. I sit next to him again. “Everyting dat I have I have had ta fight for or earn.”

  “You’ve had to earn my trust,” I point out, hearing him laugh.

  “I did and ’twas da hardest ting I’ve ever had ta do, too,” he agrees, smiling. His fangs don’t seem as scary when he’s amused—but they are still scary, just not freakishly so.

  “Now that you have it, what will you do with it?” I ask him tiredly, resting my head against his shoulder.

  “Try na ta lose it,” he murmurs before kissing the top of my head.

  I yawn in exhaustion before saying, “Good.” In my next breath, Brennus picks me up in his arms, walking slowly towards the bedroom with me.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, panicking a little.

  “Putting ye ta bed. Ye look as if ye will fall asleep sitting up in a minute. I had planned on us leaving here tonight, but I will have ta put it off for a few days until ye are better. I forget dat da living are so frail,” he says, teasing me.

  “Are you attempting to make being undead sound appealing?” I tease him back.

  “I am na. I have a new plan now,” he says, brushing his lips against my neck.

  “Oh? And what’s your new plan?” I ask, feeling my heartbeat pick up from his kiss.

  “Da old plan was centered around da time ’twould take before I could make ye undead…one of us,” he admits, lying me down on the huge bed. He pulls the blanket over me, sitting next to me and gazing into my eyes that probably show my fear. “Da new plan is centered around keeping ye from ever having ta become undead.”

  “I
like your new plan,” I whisper. Even when I already knew the old plan, hearing him say it aloud scares me. He brushes his fingers over my cheek.

  “I tought ye might,” he replies ruefully, brushing his lips to mine. He pulls back, getting up from the bed and walking towards the door. “Finn and I will discuss the compact. We’ll brief ye later, after ye rest. Happy Birthday, me sweet aingeal.”

  “Thanks,” I say, feeling sleepy. Hearing the door shut, I snuggle down in the bed.

  In the twilight between sleep and wakefulness, I hear someone whisper to me, “Red.”

  As I open my eyes, I realize right away that I’m looking into Russell’s chocolate brown eyes. “Russell,” I mumble. My eyes bolt to the door to see if anyone is coming. “What are you doing here?” I ask when I am sure no one has been alerted to his presence yet.

  “What are ya doing, Red?” Russell asks, not answering my question. “Ya got another one of those doors from Casimir and ya turn ‘round and give it to the vampires?” he asks, sitting next to me in my bed with a disapproving look as he shakes his head at me.

  “You can’t be here, Russell,” I say, pushing myself up against the pillows.

  Russell gives me a worried frown. “I’m not here, technically. This is just a clone,” he explains. “What’s yer plan? Are ya fixin’ to open that portal thing and let Casimir come to ya?”

  “Probably something like that—I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it yet,” I reply, scrubbing my face, trying to wake up a little.

  “They’re lettin’ ya make decisions now?” he asks me with a skeptical frown.

  “We discuss strategy,” I say vaguely, because for some reason, I feel like I shouldn’t tell him how we operate.

  “You know I used to think you were smart, but yer fixin’ to change my mind, aren’t ya? These things aren’t yer friends, they’re monsters. We are yer family, not them,” he whispers adamantly, pointing at my bedroom door. “Without tall, dark and stinky ‘round, you would be their dinner—or maybe just a snack.”

  My eyebrows draw together at his insult. “I think I’m a better gauge of what I am to them then you are,” I say sullenly, not liking what Russell is saying to me.

  “Maybe yer perception is a little off, ‘cuz it looks like yer becomin’ quite the little queen to me,” he says, watching me. “Do you remember Houghton at all, Red?” he asks me. “He tortured you nearly to death. When I found ya, you could hardly talk. Do ya remember runnin’ for our lives from him?”

  “Do you remember him saving our lives, Russell?” I retort in a harsh whisper, feeling myself flush with anger. “He didn’t let Valentine tear us apart.”

  “I’m not gonna argue with ya ‘bout him. We’re gonna come and get ya outta here. We have one of yer new buddies. Zephyr and Reed caught him and he’s startin’ to look pretty hungry to me. Zee just wants to make sure he’ll bite ya so that ya don’t have to be ‘coma girl’ for very long,” Russell says, watching my reaction.

  “When do you plan on coming to get me?” I ask.

  “Why?” he asks. “Ya fixin’ to tell yer new pals?”

  “No!” I whisper back defensively. “I just…I just don’t know if I can leave yet,” I reply, looking away from his face.

  “Yer completely kiddin’, right?” he asks, running his hand through his hair like he does when he is really upset. “Yer not stayin’ here! We’re comin’ to get ya. We didn’t have to tell ya. This was supposed to be to reassure ya, not to convince ya.”

  “You don’t understand, Russell. If you let me stay, then I can see if I can kill Casimir. He doesn’t know that I know about the portal. He will expect me to be as lame and unsuspecting as I was the last time I opened one,” I explain, trying to make him see reason. “I would rather do this here. The Gancanagh are wicked at strategy. We might be able to take Casimir out.”

  “You know, I’m almost tempted to tell Zee what ya just said ‘bout their strategy, but I enjoy livin’,” Russell retorts, looking stunned. “Red, listen to me carefully. We have been infiltratin’ their security for days. They have huge holes everywhere. They aren’t as fast as us and their magic doesn’t work on the angels. The only thing they have going on is their skin and the fact that we’re watchin’ their backs. Reed and Zee have been takin’ out all of the Fallen who have been sent to watch this nest. They also took out the Fallen who were amassin’ near here, waitin’ for all y’all to move. Reed hardly sleeps. He just works,” Russell says, and my heart drops.

  What is this doing to him? I wonder numbly.

  “If I come back now, Casimir will follow me to you,” I whisper, feeling guilty for wanting to stay and guilty for wanting to go.

  “Good. We’ll be ready for him,” Russell replies without missing a beat.

  “No, Russell, you don’t understand. If you take me back, then we lose this chance to get Casimir. If I’m with the angels, Casimir will assume I know that the compact is a portal because the Powers would warn me. Since I’m with the Gancanagh, he thinks I don’t know and will proceed with his plans. If you take me now, we lose our edge.” I see Russell waver, so I press my advantage. “It’s personal for Casimir. I don’t know why, but I think he will come for me himself. Maybe he knows my father, Tau,” I say, thinking that maybe Casimir knows who he is and has a history with him.

  “That stinky devil found yer dad for ya?” Russell asks for clarification.

  “His name is Tau,” I whisper.

  “Hang on…I’m gonna tell the angels all of this. Wait a sec,” Russell says with a pained expression.

  “They are with you?” I ask, feeling myself blush, because for some reason, I thought this was a conversation between Russell and me. Knowing that Reed is with him makes me curl up and have to retreat inside myself again, like “coma girl.”

  “Ah shoot, Red,” Russell says next to me, seeing that I’m inert again. His clone moves to me, entering my body so we can communicate again.

  I hate that contract, Red, Russell’s voice sounds inside my head.

  You’re preaching to the choir, Russell. Try being subject to it, I reply.

  Red, don’t they let ya sleep ‘round here? Russell asks. Yer exhausted and hungry. Ya should eat. How do ya live like this? Order a cheeseburger or somethin’, please!

  I relax immediately, wanting to laugh. I was trying to go to sleep when you came in.

  Yeah, well, order an aspirin while yer at it ‘cuz yer still sore, too, he says with a concerned tone. Hang on—Buns is tellin’ me somethin’. I wait, trying to still the rush of questions that are pulsing in my head so that it doesn’t interfere with him hearing Buns, but it’s hard not to think. All right, Buns said that yer dad is as popular as a rockstar in Paradise—very stellar pedigree ya got there, Red, Russell says.

  Somehow, I’m having a hard time picturing him as a hero, Russell, I reply, feeling anger and pain. He made me ashamed of who I am for so long. He left me to face all of this alone.

  Ah, Red, yer pissed! I thought you’d be happy that he’s not like Alfred, a fallen freak, Russell says.

  I don’t want to talk about him anymore. He’s not here, is he? I ask rhetorically.

  Okay, hang on again. I’m tellin’ Zee and Reed all ‘bout what ya said, ‘bout wantin’ to stay so ya can trap Casimir with the vampires, Russell says absently. Reed just crushed his glass…he’s freakin’ a little…a lot…take it easy, killa, I’m on yer side, Reed…okay, okay! Uhh…Red, Reed said, “no.”

  I can feel the anxiety building in me. This is my mission, Russell, I reply. Talk to Zee. He’ll see my point. I can do this. Stop getting in my way.

  Gettin’ in yer way! Ya did NOT just say that to me! Russell says with disbelief in his tone. The last time I was here, you were beggin’ me to stay—not to leave ya here alone. Reed’s right. He just said, “Ya don’t kick a wasp’s nest and then stand ‘round waitin’ to see what’s gonna happen.”

  I’m getting Casimir, I say angrily in my head as that dark place between my
heart and my soul flares up, overwhelming me with rage. He killed Uncle Jim, who was my REAL father, when he sent Alfred to me. He’s mine and the GANCANAGH are going to help me. Do you understand? I’m tired of these evil, fallen a-holes. They get to walk around and threaten me and kill my family. Am I supposed to hide behind Reed and Zee and take it? What will Casimir send for me next? An army of Ifrits? Don’t even think about coming to get me, Russell, until I do this. Now, get out of my head, I say, before booting Russell’s clone out of me, feeling pissed off and completely exhausted.

  The connection to Russell is broken as his clone disappears from my room. It only takes about a minute for me to feel the massive tidal wave of guilt that hits me. I pull the pillow to me, hugging it tight and trying not to cry again. I’m sick of crying.

  Slowly, I relax and I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know, there are warm arms around me, spooning me as I lie in my bed. Not thinking, I turn over, finding the warm, perfect lips of my angel, and kissing him deeply with all the longing I have had bottled up inside of me. Unfortunately, it isn’t long before I become fully awake and I have to retreat inside myself again as whatever magical power the contract has over me kicks in.

  Reed groans softly, expressing the ecstasy of our shared kiss and the frustration of having it end. He leans his forehead against mine and tightens his grip on me.

  I must be insane, I speculate, thinking about how impossible it seems now to stay away from him even one second longer. “I miss that, Evie…you have no idea how much I crave a response from you—any type of response,” he murmurs, trying to hide the pain in his voice. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to make you come with me now. I had to come here and tell you that I need you to come back to me,” he breathes against my cheek, and the scent of him is doing lovely things to my insides. “I’m just getting by without you. I ache from not being able to hear your voice, to see your smile, to feel your caress.”

  “I understand duty—it is the one thing that makes sense to me. You feel you have to try to kill Casimir for what he did to you. You have forty-eight hours,” Reed whispers, looking into my eyes. “Whatever you plan to do has to be done in that time because that is all I am willing to give up. That is it. I can’t be without you any longer than that. Buns and Zee think that I need to give in a little on this and trust your instincts. That is the only reason I am not taking you out of here now. It was suggested to me that if I hadn’t been overbearing with you, then you would have come back to us instead of going into the church alone,” Reed says with a grim expression on his face, making me swim in guilt for doing this to him.