Give Me Love

by Kate McCarthy

  “You’re here now.”

  His brow furrowed. “I know...but I can’t stay. We’re in the middle of an investigation, and Casey is going overseas in a couple of days for four months.” His hand caressed my hair gently. “I’ll meet you back at the after party, okay?”

  I nodded and he made to leave. “Wait!” I grabbed his arm as he started to turn. I didn’t know what I wanted to say, only that I wasn’t ready for him to leave, so I stood mutely for a moment. “Do you ah…know where the after party is?”

  He took hold of my hand. “Florence Bar Mac said. That right?”

  I nodded and he let go of my hand and turned to leave again.

  “Um…”

  He stopped, waiting patiently, not for something intelligent I hoped, while I tried to think of something else to say.

  Jared looked faintly amused as he stood patiently. “Baby, you okay?”

  Realising I was being silly, I informed him I was fine, planted a swift kiss on his cheek, and shooed him off with a quick wave.

  The corners of his mouth tilted upwards, and he tapped a finger to my nose. “See you, Evie.”

  He turned and I watched him leave until his tall form disappeared from view, happily unaware that the next forty-eight hours would be the most critical of my entire life. If I had known in that one moment that the next time I saw Jared he’d be looking at me as though I’d crawled out from under a rock, that he would be telling me he wished he’d never met me with the burn of regret in his eyes, I wouldn’t have let him go.

  * * *

  Later that night, I sat in a booth at the bar wondering when Jared would arrive and decided to send him a message.

  E: I miss you.

  I didn’t get a response, and immediately wished there was some way I could retract it. Was it too much? Putting myself out there wasn’t easy, especially considering my past mistakes, and my stomach rolled with uncertainty.

  I tucked my phone back in my bag and turned to watch Mac flirt with the bar manager, Jack, at a nearby table. I grinned at his dazed appearance. I hoped something came of it because I could see myself having fun with that―Jack and Mac. Their celebrity name would be McJack. I got my phone back out and sent a message to Mac, watching her fight a grin as she flicked open the text and read it.

  E: You two would be McJack.

  I watched her type out a response, and my phone buzzed a few seconds later.

  M: You do realise you’re sitting by yourself don’t you, Nigel?

  E: Nigel? Original much? You two together sound like a drive through burger.

  I chuckled to myself and saw Mac give out an embarrassing snort of laughter when she read my reply. My phone buzzed again, and I was surprised because I didn’t see her text a response. My heart quickened when I saw Jared’s name.

  J: Miss you too. Be there in an hour.

  The uncertainty disappeared, replaced with butterflies at the knowledge I would see him soon, and I felt a brilliant smile light my face. I took a sip of my metro just as Ethan slammed down a tray full of shots on the table.

  “What’s with the sexy hot grin, sweetheart, and why are you all on your lonesome?”

  “Nothing,” I replied and waved at the empty booth seat. “And no one wants to sit with me because I’m lame and boring.”

  “Rubbish. Everyone loves you. You must be giving fuck off vibes.”

  I raised a lofty brow. “If I am, they don’t seem to be working on you.”

  “That’s because no one ever tells me to fuck off, sweetheart, so I wouldn’t know that particular vibe if it came up and bit me on the ass.” He grabbed two shots off the tray, handed one over to me, and held one for himself. “Now have a shot because these are for the two of us. We singers have to stick together because no one knows how tough we really have it.”

  “We have it tough?”

  “Of course. We’re stuck up the front. We have the microphone. The pressure is on us to make friends with the crowd, get them on our side, make them want to hear more. Now suck it back,” he ordered.

  I shrugged and did just that, my eyes watering like I’d chomped down on a green chilli. He watched me drink it down with a grin before he did his own.

  “Not trying to kill me off, are you?” I wheezed out and thumped my chest as though that would somehow alleviate the burn. “One more show left to do first.”

  He handed over another shot, and I attempted to delay its burning descent by making conversation. “What’s the go with Matt? I haven’t seen him hook up with anyone during this tour of Oz, and there are so many gorgeous girls at these after parties.”

  We both looked over to Matt who was near the bar, chatting animatedly to Jake as he waved his drink around.

  Ethan gave me a funny look, sitting his shot back down before drinking it. “He’s into guys, Evie. You knew that, didn’t you?”

  “I…what?”

  “Gay, Evie. Matt’s gay.” He spelled it out as though I was five years old.

  My mouth flew open and I gripped the table in shock. “Oh.” How did I not know this? I peeled my fingers away in order to suck back another shot.

  “I thought you knew this. You two are friends, aren’t you? Yo, Matt!” Ethan hollered.

  Matt glanced up and caught Ethan’s nod to join us.

  “What are you doing, Ethan?” My eyes darted nervously around the room as I felt the urge to flee.

  “Clearing the air.”

  Matt reached our table and picked up a shot. “Shots, huh?” He sucked it back before slamming the glass back on the table with a slight hiss.

  “So, Mattie,” Ethan drawled out. “Our Evie didn’t realise you were batting for the boys.”

  I practically clenched my butt cheeks in embarrassment. I quickly picked up another shot off the tray and sucked it back.

  Matt flushed a little and scratched at the back of his neck, a habit I noticed he did when nervous. “Well, I’m not really out to the whole world.” He shrugged at me as though in apology.

  “Well I don’t go announcing 'Hey, I’m Evie and I like guys,' so there’s no expectation for me to think you should. I was just surprised that’s all because…well…”

  Matt gave me a curious look. “Because why?”

  He tossed back another shot as I answered him. “Well, because I’ve seen a lot of publicity of you with other girls.”

  “Yeah that,” Ethan muttered. “That’s our publicity department for you. Making things never really seem quite what they are because they think we might lose sales. It’s fucked up bullshit.”

  The puzzle pieces clicked into place and nodding, I stood up to visit the bathroom. “Whoa,” I mumbled as I wobbled. I grabbed for the table and Matt grabbed for my arm to hold me steady. “Those shots crept up on me, I think.”

  I stepped forward unsteadily and Matt and Ethan shared a look that seemed to communicate something without saying anything at all.

  “Dance with me,” Matt murmured in my ear, tugging on the arm he hadn’t let go of.

  I readily agreed and he led me out to the dance floor where I wrapped my arms around him tightly like a lifeline because if I didn’t, I was pretty sure I would ass plant on the floor.

  “Evie,” he bent down and whispered in my ear. “Are you all right?”

  I looked up into his midnight eyes and tried to focus, but all I got was blurred vision and unresponsive limbs. “Actually, I’m not so sure I am.”

  He ran an arm gently down my back until his fingers touched mine and he tucked my hand in his. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

  I nodded blankly. “Fresh air.”

  That was the last thing I remembered because it felt like only a minute later I was blinking sore, gritty eyes open in a strange bed in another hotel room. I moaned, holding my head at the movement and frowned as I took in the room. Weren’t we back in Sydney? Why wasn’t I at home?

  I felt a warm, male body stir and roll over at my movement, wrapping an arm around me. A warm, naked male body.
What the hell? I sat up hastily and looked down to see Matt lying there sleeping peacefully. His hand slid down at my sudden movement and gripped my hip possessively.

  I almost shrieked in horror and slapped a hand over my mouth. Quickly, I slid my legs over the side of the bed, wincing at the hideous hammering that pounded my skull. I panicked when I realised I was only wearing my two little black scraps of underwear and my heart sank. I racked my brain but I couldn’t remember a thing. All I knew was that this wasn’t me. I wasn’t the person who went out and drank and just slept with anyone.

  I flew off the bed and raced to the bathroom, throwing up the entire contents of my stomach. Oh God, what had I done? In less than twenty-four hours, I’d lost the one thing that had come to matter more to me than anything. The thought left me empty and weak and sinking into a tight ball on the floor, I pressed my forehead against the cold tiles and sobbed until there was nothing left.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  A warm hand brushed at the skin of my back.

  “Evie, I…”

  I weakly pushed up off the floor, feeling like a giant wrecking ball had taken a few aims at my head. I wiped at my face and imagined that Matt was probably thinking he’d somehow stumbled onto the set of a horror movie.

  Wearing nothing but a small hotel towel perched precariously about his hips, he helped me up until I sat on the edge of the bath. I watched him carefully as he ran a washcloth under the tap and began wiping gently at my face. He looked how I felt: pale, red eyes, unsteady, and wincing at every movement.

  “What the hell happened, Matt?” I croaked out.

  He paused to look at me, frowning, confused. “I don’t know.”

  Random snippets flittered through my head: the bar, Ethan, shots, Matt. Matt! Matt was gay!

  He turned back to the sink and I grabbed his arm, stopping his movement. “We couldn’t have done anything, right? I mean, you…you’re gay, I remember our conversation.”

  He cringed. “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?” We both winced at my voice which hit a frequency so high it should have been inaudible to anyone but dogs.

  What I did know was that I needed to find my clothes and my phone because everyone would be frantic and wildly furious. If I wasn’t already wishing the wrecking ball pounding my head had taken me out quickly and quietly, the wrath of Coby and my friends would be enough to have me wishing for a speedy death.

  I stood up and immediately pitched forward. Matt grabbed at me and between the two of us we managed a shuffle back into the bedroom.

  “Where are my clothes?”

  Matt chuckled. “I’m not answering that on the grounds that I don’t want to keep repeating myself. Sit down, I’ll go look.”

  “No,” I pushed away from him. “I’ll look. You go find your own.”

  As I shuffled out to the front room of the suite, Coby and Travis burst through the hotel door. I jumped and the fright had my stomach rolling.

  “Holy shit!” Travis was taken off guard by my involuntary leap, his eyes trailing over my almost naked appearance.

  The relief on Coby’s face was immediate as he did a full body scan for potential injuries. “Evie, thank fuck,” he whispered, his whole body seeming to sag.

  Spying my skirt and top on the floor, I made a grab for them just as Coby seized me, yanking me in for a hug so tight I could feel him trembling.

  “God, honey. I thought we’d lost you. I’ve never been so scared in all my life.”

  He pushed me back to glare into my eyes, and I waited for the wrath of hell to rain down upon me but before he could open his mouth, Matt came out of the bedroom, hair mussed, slipping on his jeans in a scene that made me want to melt into a little puddle of nothing and ooze quietly out under the door.

  Both Travis and Coby looked instantly furious, and I wondered if my day could get any worse.

  “Get the door right now, Travis,” Coby ordered, fists clenching tightly to his sides.

  Travis moved to the front door at the speed of light, but even that wasn’t fast enough to waylay Jared, who a second later burst through it. Besides looking frantic, he also looked completely and utterly exhausted, and the sight had tears stinging my eyes.

  I grasped the edge of the couch as I felt the room tilt, realising that yes, my day could get worse. Just like Coby, Jared’s eyes did a rapid scan of my body for potential injury. Seeing none, the relief vanished from his face when his eyes shifted to Matt who was still in the process of casually buttoning up his jeans. His eyes swivelled back to me in my underwear, then back again to Matt, and I saw comprehension dawn in his eyes.

  “You goddamn motherfucker,” he ground out at Matt.

  If I’d thought Jared was a sight to behold when he last faced off with Matt, it was nothing compared to how he looked now. Now, his eyes were cold and his face was carefully composed and completely blank, the whites of his knuckles the only tell-tale sign of his fury.

  Perhaps Matt was either too jaded or a bit daft because he stopped buttoning his jeans and simply folded his arms with a smirk. I could only conclude he had a death wish.

  In the blink of an eye, Jared rushed him.

  “Jared, no!” I called out in panic.

  Travis grabbed Jared about the waist as Coby moved to stand between him and Matt, and I felt immediate relief that certain violence had been avoided.

  Unfortunately, my relief was short-lived because while Travis held Jared back, Coby turned to Matt and slammed a fist in his face. “Stay the hell away from my little sister, you fucking asshole.”

  Oh. My. God.

  During the scuffle and before the situation could deteriorate any further, if that was possible, I quickly slipped my clothes on.

  Jared shoved Travis away in irritation as Matt held a hand to his jaw. Coby stood looking slightly satisfied, and I returned to grasping the edge of the couch like a life preserver.

  “Fuck!” Jared roared and I flinched as he slammed a fist in the wall. Then he stood there, his back to all of us, head tilted to the floor, breathing hard. I wanted to close my eyes but they were stuck watching his body radiate pain as he struggled for control. He turned and pointed a finger at Matt. “You’re not worth it.”

  His body shifted to face me and his gaze was so carefully constructed, and so empty, I couldn’t breathe. “Neither of you are.” He turned and walked out the door.

  Hearing his words, seeing him walk out the door like I was nothing, had me feeling like my life was circling the drain. I wanted to hide, I wanted to cry, and I wanted to yell at him to let me explain. I ran out after him.

  “Wait!” I called out to his retreating back.

  He stopped but didn’t turn around. His shoulders moved up and down as though he was taking deep breaths, and when he did eventually turn, his face was still blank.

  “Jared, I…it’s not what you think.”

  I hadn’t made a joke but he laughed anyway, and I hated how the sarcasm sounded on his lips.

  “Really? It’s not what I think?” He rubbed at his jaw. “Did you find it amusing that I trusted you? Because I never thought I would trust anyone again until I met you. Not once did I ever doubt my feelings for you or the absolute faith I had in putting those feelings in your hands, until now. Christ, Evie.” The hand that was rubbing his jaw now moved over his face, and I stood silently, each word feeling like a poisonous dart as I waited for him to finish. “I can’t remember the last time I slept. I was out, we were out all night looking for you. I thought I was going to lose my mind thinking Jimmy had finally gotten his hands on you but...” he waved his hand towards the suite door “...here you were, sleeping with someone else.”

  “Jared, please,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself as tears climbed my throat.

  He looked at me in disgust, and the last time I could ever remember feeling so low was the day my mum had died.

  “Did I really mean so little?”

  “He, I…Matt. I didn’t…”


  “You didn’t what?” He spread his arms wide. “You didn’t fuck him? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

  I hesitated. “I…” Struggling to remember the events of last night, I couldn’t offer anything. It would have been impossible for anything to have happened, I would've known, and Matt was gay. I needed to tell Jared, and even though it wasn’t my place to share Matt’s private business, in this situation I was sure he would understand.

  “I would have given you the world, done anything for you, but you were always too scared to take that final step.” He sighed and rubbed at the furrow between his brows. “You know what I wish? I wish that I had never fucking met you,” he whispered, raking his gaze over me from top to toe and back up again, making sure I could see the insult in his eyes.

  Before I could say anything, he turned and left. This time I let him go because even though some days I felt like I could move mountains, today was not one of those days.

  Feeling completely drained, I sank down against the wall of the hallway as the look on Jared’s face played on repeat inside my head.

  Travis walked out and took in my pathetic huddle, my head on my knees, my hands wrapped around my ankles. I knew his first instinct was likely to slap me into next week for doing whatever he thought I did to his brother, but as he crouched down to eye level, the concern furrowing his brow must have won out over anger. “Come on, Evie. Let’s get you out of here. Go get your bag, okay?”

  He gently brushed his hand down the side of my head before he stood back up.

  I pushed up off the wall but my limbs struggled to respond. In fact, it felt like I couldn’t breathe, and I slumped uselessly back against the wall, taking shallow breaths as my panicked gaze hit Travis’s.

  “What the hell?” he muttered under his breath and crouched back down in front of me. “Show me your eyes,” he ordered and looked into their red dilated depths. “Oh hell no. Fucking hell! Have you taken anything?”

  “I, drugs? What? No! The hardest thing I’ve ever taken in my life is a Panadol.”