“We’ll be in touch,” Cole calls out from behind me.
“Fuck you,” I murmur with a heavy breath.
I crash through the doors into the blinding sunlight, anguished and fearful, like someone under cross-examination. I’m not going to be able to redeem myself, no matter what the fuck I do. I’m the defendant on trial here. I’m getting a taste of my own fucking medicine.
I dither outside the cafe, casting my eyes left and right and then down to my phone. I scroll down my contacts and hit Send. He needs to answer. Fucking answer. He picks up.
“Dad.” I breathe out harshly.
“Son, how are you?
Hearing his strong and confident voice calms my nerves for a moment. My dad has always been able to do that; he’s been the pillar and someone I’ve looked up to all my life. I should’ve come to him a long time ago, not now when shit is hitting the fan.
“Good. Are you in town?” I jog across the street to my office.
“I’m at the office right now, but I’ve got a flight to catch in three hours,” he responds in a rushed voice.
“Do you mind if I swing by for a few minutes?”
It’s very rare that I catch my dad like this, so I have to snatch this opportunity to see him without having Mother around. Dad is nothing like my mother. He’s all business, but down-to-earth and understands the concept of staying out of others’ lives. I guess it must be one of those things where opposites attract. My dad is the successful financial executive, and my mother is…well, my mother.
“Sure, Son. I haven’t seen you since that party, the night your firecracker of a wife dumped some wine on your mother.” He chuckles. “Have I ever told you how much I like Brie?”
Shit. Why did he have to go there?
“All the time, Dad.”
“That’s right. She’s got a fire in her that I’ve never seen before. She reminds me of your mother in some ways.”
Now, he’s lost me. I’d like to know how, but I’m not even going to entertain it because Brie and my mother are like night and day to me.
“I don’t know about all that, Dad.”
“I know. Let’s agree to disagree on that. You’re the lawyer and know how to argue and twist words and make people believe you. Me? I’m a numbers kind of guy.”
“Yeah, let’s do that.”
I definitely know how to twist words.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“See you soon, Son.”
Fifty minutes later, I jump off 495 and meander through the streets of downtown Manhattan before I park on Broadway. I walk into the lobby of the corporate office of Fleming Financial and take in the glass ceiling flooding the space with light and bouncing off the sleek gray marble floors and shiny silver fixtures. I slip off my sunglasses and turn off my phone, lifting my chin to Fred, the head of security. I bypass all the checks and pass through a set of enormous glass doors to the bank of glass elevators.
Staring at my reflection, I look beat, like I haven’t slept in days—which I haven’t—and have been drinking for days—which I have—with bloodshot eyes and more than two weeks of stubble. I brush off my suit jacket, adjust my navy tie, and run my hair through my tousled hair. The doors slide open, and I step into the elevator that allows you a view of the entire lobby below, punch the button for the twelfth floor, and quickly make my ascent.
I eye the activity beneath me, wondering how different life would be if I had taken the job Dad offered me to work as head of his legal department after I graduated from Harvard. I declined it for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to build my career on my own, and two, I didn’t want to come back to Massapequa Park, but I can’t change that now.
The elevator stops, and I step off, making a right to my dad’s office at the end of the hall. The echo of my shoes against the marble floors and my tranquil breathing fill my ears. Seeing my dad always relaxes me.
I turn the knob on the door and push it open and step inside. My dad is at his desk on the phone, running his hand through his short gray hair. When he notices me, his face lights up, and he waves me over. I take a seat in front of his desk. Reaching over, I grab the baseball off his desk and start tossing it in the air as he wraps up his conversation about another merger and hangs up the phone.
“So, what’s the story, Mr. DA? Have you finally come to your senses and plan to work with me?” He asks, leaning back in his chair as he laces his hands behind his head.
“Still on that kick?” My lips tug into a nervous smile as I return the baseball to his desk.
“I told you, Son. You’re the best candidate for the job. You know it’s always here for you.” He leans forward and crosses his arms on the desk. Even at sixty-two, my dad is in better shape than some thirty year olds. At six feet tall, broad shoulders, and barely a wrinkle on his face, my dad commands respect for his shrewd business sense.
“Yes, we’ll see what the future holds.”
“What brings you here?” he asks, rising from his desk. He slips his hands into his pockets, gauging me to see why I needed to see him at the last minute. My determination begins to splinter, sitting in front of my dad, who has given me every opportunity in life.
What is he going to think of me when I tell him this?
“I need some advice.”
He turns his head and smiles at me from across his desk. I hold his gaze and clear my throat nervously. “I’ve made a mistake.”
“Mistakes,” He shifts to stare out the window rather than looking at me. “We’re not perfect. Mistakes are okay, Son.”
“No, not this one.”
“What’s the problem?” He comes around his desk and stands in front of me. I can’t meet his gaze. I hang my head and stare at his shiny wingtips. Taking a deep breath, I lift my unsteady head, and with narrowed eyes and a lot of effort, I meet his gaze.
“I cheated on my wife.”
The words slice through the air like ax. Heavy and brutal.
His eyes are unreadable as he rests his hand on my shoulder; his lips turn down into a frown. I want him to say something.
“James.” His face softens.
“What do I do?” I blurt out.
“Does your mother know?”
“No, I won’t tell her.”
“Good. She feeds off this type of shit, especially when it involves you and Brie. She’s got this thing that no one is good enough for you.”
“Yeah, I know that. It’s time for her to just step back and let me live the life I want. I can’t deal with it anymore. “
“I know, Son. Your mother has always been that way. She only wants to the best for you.” He steps away, loosening his tie. “And she doesn’t care about who or what gets in the way.”
“Not even me,” I mutter under my breath, slumping my shoulders in defeat. “Fuck, Dad. I’m sick of it, and I’ve tried to be nice about it, but she doesn’t want to hear it. The best thing for her to do is step away.”
“You’re right...I’ve told her many times, Son. She needs to let you live your life.” He folds his arms across his broad chest. “But enough about your mother. So, this other woman? Does she happen to be that blonde from the party? Lisa, was it?”
“Was it that obvious?”
“She couldn’t take her eyes off you. And Brie. I noticed Brie,” he discloses. “She had her suspicions. Does she know about this?”
My heart pounds hard once and then stops. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I take a deep breath and answer, “She walked in on us.”
His jaw drops slightly. “I don’t know what to say,” he murmurs in disappointment. “High school and college are different, but marriage is a commitment and not something to be taken lightly.”
I shift uncomfortably, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Honestly, Son. I’m disappointed. I didn’t raise you this way. You’re a married man, with a beautiful, passionate wife who adores you. If you weren’t ready to get married, then you shouldn’t have. Brie shouldn’t have been put
through this heartache. She doesn’t deserve it.”
I nod my head in agreement. “I know how you feel about her, and I love her. That’s why I married her. I wanted what she wanted, but then things changed. I changed. The pressure. I couldn’t deal with it all.”
My dad taught me how to stand up for myself, to be the better man, but I threw all his advice out the window for a few torrid minutes with another woman…two other women.
For what? To lose everything. Life is short, but love…love is supposed to last. That’s all she ever wanted, and what I wanted to give her. There’s so much I haven’t told him that if and when it all comes out, I’m not sure what will happen or what he will do. It’s the ultimate betrayal. Dad is all about family. He’s the glue of the family.
“Marriage is tough. I can vouch for that, having to deal with your mother all these years, but we made it work. For better or for worse.” He throws me a sympathetic glance. “You have the world. You had...or I thought you had what you wanted with Brie. An ambitious, strong woman.”
“I know what I have with her,” I say, still speaking in the present tense.
“Was she enough? Could she ever be enough for you?”
“She...I’m not good enough. I don’t know. She won’t talk to me. I haven’t seen or heard from her for three days.”
Resigned, he says just above a whisper, “To be honest, I don’t know the first thing about how to deal with this kind of situation. You’re tearing her and your marriage apart, for what?”
I don’t argue. The numbness is weighing down my limbs along with the guilt.
“I know that. I feel it happening already.”
“There still may be a chance.” His tone is off. He’s trying to help me stay positive. “If Brie can forgive you, if she can look past this one mistake, then maybe your marriage has a chance. If she does then…she’s stronger than I thought.”
Alarm pricks at my brain. I can’t tell him about Lily. I’ll wait until I’m one hundred percent sure. One thing at a time. If I tell him that I might be a father, I’m afraid of what he might say—that there’s no chance for me, nothing left to repair, and nothing left to fight for because Brie may have already given up. I can’t hear that from anyone, even though I’ve been thinking it twenty-four seven.
“Why?”
I jerk my eyes back to his. “Wha—”
“No,” he interjects, holding up his hand. “I don’t need to know. You need to figure that out for yourself. Really come clean about the reasons why you chose to break your wife’s heart instead of fighting for it. She wanted you. Life is too short to live without the things you want. What did you want?”
Fuck, I don’t know.
I glance past him out the window and then back at him and nod in understanding before I slowly rise from the chair.
“Son, whatever happens, you can come to me, but I can’t give you the answers you seek. I’ve seen friends and colleagues go through this. Some were able to patch things up, but others went their separate ways. It all comes down to Brie, if she wants to salvage this marriage after the damage you’ve caused. Trust is like paper; once it’s crinkled, it’s no longer perfect.”
“I know.”
Do I really know? No. Shit, as of right now, I have no fucking clue where to begin, but I’m pretty sure how my marriage is going to end.
“Where do you want to go to next?” Ava offers as she opens the door to the cab.
“I thought you said this is where all the eye candy is.”
“It is, but the night is still young. We can always come back.”
“I want to stay here. Did you see that guy’s biceps?” I fan my face, nearly smacking my nose before focusing on one of the three Ava’s and smile. “I wonder if he’s friendly,” I say, my words slurring slightly. I’m drunk, but not too drunk that I can’t think clearly enough, or I think so anyway. As I tug her away from the cab, Ava stumbles into me, and I fall clumsily backwards into the arms of an unsuspecting hottie that happens to be passing by at just the right moment to catch me.
“Whoa.” A deep voice rumbles behind me. “Don’t tell me you lovely ladies are leaving?”
The close proximity of his body makes my body tense, but not a bad tense, though. More like a dangerous uninhibited kind of reaction that a little too much alcohol can elicit. It reminds me of my college days before I met James.
James. James who?
Ever so slowly, I lift my eyes and gaze into the brooding gray eyes of David from the café. His strong, warm hands caress the skin of my exposed lower back, sending shivers spiraling across my entire body.
A flirty smirk curls my lips as I smile up at him when he releases me from his grasp. Standing mere inches from his lean, fit body, words tumble in my head like a game of Scrabble. I can’t seem to rearrange the letters in my head to forms words. Powered by the alcohol, an impulse shoots through me, and I let out a long breath and reorient my mind.
Yes...Yes? Careless. Don’t be carless.
I can’t have anyone seeing me like this. The wife of the distinguished District Attorney James Fleming tripping and falling into the arms of a younger man. This would be more fodder for Barbara Fleming if it ever got back to her. God, how I hate that woman!
Fuck it all. Fuck life. Fuck what’s left of my marriage.
“Brie?” He rakes his eyes over my body barely covered in a pair of black silk shorts and a sheer black cami.
“David, it’s so nice to see you.”
“Girls’ night, I take it.”
“Yes, what about you?” I stroke his bicep, watching his eyebrows shoot up, his body language open for me. The alcohol is making me bold. I hold on to what remains of my sober demeanor, trying hard to keep my hands from touching his rock hard chest. Why am I still struggling between what is good and bad? Being bad is so liberating.
“I’m meeting some friends inside. Wanna come?” He winks.
“Sure.” I chuckle, ready to go back into the bar when Ava grabs my arm to try to reel me in.
“We were just leaving.” Ava’s eyes dart to me as she motions to the cab. “We’re late meeting some friends.”
“Make up your mind, ladies!” The cabbie yells out from his open window with the radio playing Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved.”
I chuckle to myself.
Really?
“I want to stay here,” I speak rapidly, looking up at David and back at Ava.
“No, we’re going to the Bull. He can meet us later if he wants.” Ava motions with a slight flick of her head toward the cab.
David smirks, and his breath tickles the skin on my cheek.
“I can do that. See you later at the Bull.”
“Make sure you come,” I tease.
He winks and walks backwards toward the building. “I’ll make sure I will.”
I turn away and totter to the cab in my five-inch heels. I take a quick peek back at him, and he gives me another wink as he drags his teeth across his bottom lip before he disappears behind the door.
“Get in, you lush.” Ava snickers, grabbing my hand. She swings open the door of the cab and snatches my arm, making sure I don’t slip away from her supervision and run after David. After sliding in next to me, she slams the door. Her gaze burns through me as I stare at my hands in my lap and start to laugh.
“You’re being a party pooper and raining on my parade. Do you know that?” I brush my hair off my shoulder.
“No, I just don’t want you to be front page news, is all.”
“This was your idea, for fuck’s sake!” I bump my shoulder against hers and giggle when I catch the cabbie’s eyes in the rearview mirror.
“I know, but I’m just taking precautions. I don’t want you to blame me.” Ava’s mouth flattens in mock protest as she pulls out her lipstick and quickly reapplies it as she stretches her lips to get a layer of glossy red over them.
“Fine. But I don’t want to go home. I still need this night.”
Home. Homeless. Wher
e is home?
“You said the Bull, right?”
She smiles brightly and answers, “Yes. Yes, I did.” Ava caps her lipstick and throws it inside her clutch.
“Good. Because I think my buzz is wearing off.” I snigger, but it holds no mirth.
“Hey, are you okay?” Ava’s warm hand falls on my forearm.
“What?” I look over at her.
“Brie, we don’t have to go.”
“No. No, the night is young, and so are we. Besides, you said it. I needed this.”
“Okay. Whenever you’ve had enough, we can leave.”
“Yes, boss.”
Rolling down the window, I close my eyes, allowing the breeze to cool my heated skin when my heart seizes. This is no way to live, but am I ready to put my broken marriage to rest? Am I going to give up over not one, but two mistakes? This is my life and no one else’s. I open my eyes, drawing in a long inhale of breath as reality sets in.
Somehow I have to pull my shattered dignity up from around my feet and move on. Make James see that I don’t need him as much as he believes I do. Some sliver of me believes my husband needs me more than I need him, but for right now, I need this. Whatever I’m doing. I don’t want to care anymore. I don’t want to fight.
The parking lot of the Bull and Bear is overflowing, and Creed’s “Rain” is flowing out of the opened front door. Electricity is in the air, and the tension drains from my body as we enter. My first memory of this place was when I was with Mason. I consider calling him, so we can both drown away our sorrows, but I was so dangerously close last time to doing something immoral.
Before I can take another step into the bar, Ava grabs me by both hands and pulls me aside.
“Listen, I’m doing this for you because I want you to forget for a little while. I don’t want you to think this is your opportunity to do something you’ll regret later.”
I wobble slightly in my heels and clear my throat. “I know you’re only looking out for me,” I reply, leaning back against the wall for support. “I won’t do anything to embarrass you or me.”
“It’s not about embarrassing me.” Ava rests a hand on her hip and laughs a little. “I’m just saying this is not a night where you grind on every Tom, Dick, or Harry, but a little male attention will be good for your self-esteem; just don’t go home with anyone. This is a night where Brie and Ava enjoy each other’s company, have a few drinks, and then go home...together. Get your mind off everything. Live a little. Understand?”
Love Is Louder Page 32
