“Why did this room help you decide?” His hand came to her waist again. She turned away but he pulled her back into his chest so that they were fitted together. His nose dropped into her hair.
She cleared her throat. “I’ve been here for so long, just myself and May. If I marry, perhaps I can have a family of my own.”
His hands squeezed her tighter. The longing she experienced whenever she was in his presence returned but so did the quiet comfort he also seemed to provide. How did he do that? For a man who had declared himself a rake, he made her feel so safe.
“You will be the best mother,” he whispered.
“How could you know that?” she asked, leaning deeper into him.
“I see how you are with May,” he responded into her hair.
“Thank you,” she breathed as his breath tickled her ear.
“My friends, they will also be able to help you make a list of prospective bridegrooms.”
His words were like a bucket of cold water being dumped over her. “That will be wonderful,” she responded but even she could hear the flatness in her voice. She didn’t want to think about another man’s arms about her, she wanted his arms around her making her feel safe.
Crossing the room, she toyed with a beautiful porcelain doll her father had given her as a child. It was made by one of the finest toy makers and she had treated it with the utmost care. “My father returned with this doll from a trip to London. Actually he bought the figurine in your study on the same trip. Both reminded him of me. He gave one to me and kept one for himself.” Her voice trembled on the last word. It was a woman’s part in life to leave her home and make a new one with her husband but it filled her with sadness. She didn’t have her parents to come home to. This house was her connection to them. “Perhaps, after I am married, you will allow me to come visit you here. Just from time to time.” Her hands skimmed various objects in the room. Like the tapestry, she used the objects to keep her memories alive.
“I lost my parents too, a long time ago.” His voice was so quiet, she almost didn’t hear it. There was a sadness there in his words that drew her back towards him.
“I’m so sorry. What did you do?”
“I suppose I did the exact opposite of you. I joined the army, left everything behind.”
She had reached his side as he finished his words and he pulled her back into his embrace.
She didn’t resist, though she knew it was a mistake. Though she would never leave May, part of her wished she could have done what he had. Her path had been weighted with responsibility. “Sounds nice.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know. As a woman, what choice did I have but to stay? You have seen the world. But me, I have been here, discussing wolves and pigs and fences--” She bit her lip, a slight flush staining her cheeks. She had revealed something in those words. Her admiration for his strength, strength she would never have.
“Oh Lizzie. Don’t lament staying pure. I told you the first day here, you wouldn’t want a man like me. I am stained from the actions I have done.” He was crushing her body to his, his nose buried in her hair again.
“You want me to believe you’re not good? I won’t. Not many men would be as kind to May as you have been, provide for her.”
“I’ve taken advantage of you. I am your protector, I shouldn’t kiss you.”
“I may be innocent but I am not entirely ignorant to the wrongs of the world. I know there are far worse men who would have done more than kiss me.”
“Don’t paint me as the hero, Lizzie. If you’re smart, you’ll stay far away from me.”
“It would be easier if you didn’t pull me against you at every opportunity.” She smiled into his chest and Lord help her, she heard the rumblings of laughter building in his body. “Is this what you were referring to? Do you try to hold all ladies this way?”
A deep rich chuckle erupted from his chest. “No, love, the women I spend time with know what they want when they step into my embrace and I rarely ever pursue them.”
She believed him. He was the single most attractive man she had ever met. Just thinking of those other women in his arms filled her with jealousy.
He had said that if he ruined her, he would marry her. An idea flashed in her mind. What if he did? He would be Lord Rothenberg and she could stay here forever. But even as she thought it, she dismissed it. As appealing as it was, she did not want an unwilling husband. And what would she do if he went back to his rakish ways after the wedding? It would break her heart. A chill ran down her spine. When had her heart gotten involved?
Panic filled her and she tried to step away but he held her tight. “We’re not finished.” His lips swooped down and took hers. All thoughts of running flitted out of her mind.
* * *
***
* * *
THE RATIONAL SIDE of Chris told him this was a terrible idea. He should leave her be, let her walk back out of this nursery. But he couldn’t.
He was more attracted to Lizzie than he had been to anyone ever. And there had been a fair number of women.
At this moment, though, attraction was only a small piece of what was binding him to her. She had suffered the same losses, shouldered a large number of burdens and she, unlike he, had found a way to anchor herself. Retain her goodness in the face of devastating loss. The army had given him some measure of stability but it had stripped him of all the light. He hid this behind boyish charm and light-skirted women, but suddenly he wanted it back and he thought if he held her tight enough, he would be anchored too and be a better man for it.
His hands slid into her hair. It was a temporary feeling, of course. She couldn’t rewrite his past choices. But he wouldn’t hurt her, wouldn’t do anything that might strip her of the beautiful innocence that surrounded her.
For that reason, he would take this no further, but holding her and kissing her brought a connection that filled him with an undefined emotion. “Whatever you want, I will give it to you,” he murmured against her lips.
She stilled beneath him. Her head tilting back to meet his gaze. “You don’t mean that.”
“Of course, I do.”
“I need a husband.” Her eyebrows lifted.
“And that is why I am helping you to find one.” But his grip loosened. She stepped away from him and he understood that Lizzie had just outmaneuvered him. Hells bells she was smart.
“It is very kind of you to enlist your friends in my aid. If you will excuse me, I have a great deal to do to prepare for their arrival.” And before he knew it, she was gone.
He had attempted to give her a half measure of himself to fill his own need but she had firmly rejected it. She wouldn’t take half and he wasn’t whole.
5
Liz stormed out of the nursery and headed back into the bedroom. This room and another down the hall would accommodate their guests nicely.
She might as well help the staff clean them. Between her pent up energy from being trapped in her room and her annoyance with Chris, attacking the dust would be a welcome change.
If he thought finding another man to stand next to her was giving her whatever she wanted, he was mad. Over and over he had repeated that she should stay away from him but now he wanted to give her everything―provided it wasn’t himself. It made no sense.
Mrs. Fairchild arrived and called several other staff members to prepare the rooms. They worked most of the afternoon. May joined them as well, and like usual, Lizzie found solace in hard work. She had always enjoyed being busy, although the burden of decision making for the estate had often weighed heavy on her.
Just as they were finishing the last room with fresh linens and every nook and cranny had been cleaned, the butler appeared in the doorway. “They’ve arrived.”
Liz let out a small gasp. “But they’re not supposed to be here until tomorrow.” She looked down at herself. She was covered in dust and grime. With a sigh, she brushed her dress. Nothing to do for it now, she
thought as she followed the butler down the hall.
May skipped along behind her. “Having Chris here is such fun.”
“Lord Rothenberg,” Lizzie corrected.
“He said to call him Chris. He’s my guardian too. That’s what he said.”
Lizzie softened. “I’m glad.”
Chris joined them as they approached the main hall. “I am your guardian. I’ve already written to Manly about providing May with both an allowance and a dowry.”
Liz stopped. Where had he been that he had overheard their conversation? She supposed it didn’t matter, grateful as she was that he was providing for May. He really was trying to do right by them. “Thank you for that.”
He gave her a grin and reached for her hair, picking several clumps of cobwebs out of it and casting them to the carpet. “If I’ve only a few more months to be lord here, I’ll make sure you and May are provided for.”
Lizzie nearly melted to the floor. His hands worked the dust out of her locks and she realized he really was giving her all that he could. “Oh, Chris.” Her earlier anger gone, she wondered if he might be able to give more of himself with time. His earlier admission about the loss of his parents and his actions during the war spoke volumes.
Below, someone cleared his throat. Really, it sounded more like a growl. “Are we interrupting?”
“Hello,” May called waving furiously. “You’re just in time. We’ve just finished readying your rooms.”
“How wonderful!” A beautiful redhead called back, giving May a delighted smile. Her accent was refined but not quite British. Her look could not have been warmer or more affectionate. It was not at all what Lizzie would have expected from a woman so stunning.
“Yes.” May nodded. “Lizzie put you in the Master’s room that has the attached nursery. We cleaned all the toys for the children, didn’t we Lizzie? I’m May,” the girl chirped.
Lizzie took Chris’ arm and followed. “May, allow Lord Rothenberg to make the introductions.”
The redhead waved her hand, all four of the guests smiled indulgently. “We need not stand on formality. I’m Piper and this is my husband, Barrett.”
A blonde stepped forward and Liz flinched inwardly. Even on her best day she couldn’t possible compete with them and here she was covered in grime. Her eyes shifted between them trying to decide which of these women was more beautiful. “I’m Rose and this is Alex.”
She gestured toward a devastatingly handsome man who bore a deep scar on his face. He alone held a guarded look; Lizzie knew that he waited for her reaction to his wounds.
She gave them all an open welcoming smile. “A pleasure to meet all of you.” Giving a curtsey, “Welcome to Roselington. I’m Elizabeth.”
Chris embraced his friends and in turn both Piper and Rose gave Lizzie a warm hug. Instantly she liked them both.
The staff moved forward and began gathering cloaks and coats as they were removed. Alex gave her an assessing glance and Chris stepped closer, his hand coming to her back.
“Thank you all for coming.” Chris cleared his throat.
“It sounded dire.” Alex was studying them both.
“Why don’t we show you to your rooms? You can freshen up and we can discuss this further at dinner.” Chris gestured up the stairs.
“You’ve settled into the role,” Barrett grumbled.
“That sounds lovely.” Rose reached for her husband’s hand who took it, with a soft smile, and brought it to his lips.
* * *
AN HOUR and half later they all sat in the dining room, enjoying a lovely meal. For the first time in a long time, Lizzie found herself excited for the Christmastide holiday. As the group laughed and chattered, she was struck by how wonderfully kind these people were.
Barrett turned to her. “I hope you don’t mind me speaking plainly―“
“When do you not?” Chris grumped good-naturedly.
“Hush, Chris.” Piper gave him a wide grin. “It is an improvement that he prefaces these sort of things.”
“I have always been exactly as I am. Unlike Alex, who took up the mantle of brooding aristocrat after he suffered a tiny scratch.” Barrett’s teasing sparkle gave him away.
Alex snorted. “Scratch, please. Children run screaming from my presence.”
Clucking her tongue, Rose turned to Lizzie. “Lady Elizabeth―“
“Please, call me Lizzie.” She gave them an affectionate grin. Never had she been more comfortable with a group of people.
“Lizzie, tell Alex that his scar does nothing to diminish his looks. I’ve told him so often, he’s stopped believing me.”
“On the contrary,” Lizzie offered helpfully. “It adds an air of mystery. Quite handsome.”
Chris coughed loudly. “It’s not that handsome.”
Barrett rolled his eyes. “As I was about to say, we are well aware that you are hoping to wed in the next year.”
A little of the joy Lizzie was feeling fizzled but she forced her smile to stay. “I am. Well, in the next six months, actually.”
“I have acquaintances not too far from here and they have invited us for dinner. Lord and Lady Carteret, first Earl of Carteret. It is part of the reason we rushed to come as soon as we did. They have two eligible sons.”
Liz gave a nod. “That is most kind of you to facilitate.” Her glance slid to Chris, his look had turned positively black.
Barrett, in response, was grinning most happily. It did not look as though he did that often, his face looked unnaturally stretched. “The elder, will inherit of course. A good match.”
Looking down at her lap she attempted to hide her dismay. An image of Chris holding her, hands in her hair, danced in her mind. What might it be like to have another man touch her in such a way? The very thought made her uncomfortable.
The rest of the evening passed without incident and while Liz enjoyed their company immensely, her fun was dampened by the thought of meeting perspective suitors. Chris was also more reserved than he had been earlier in the evening.
* * *
THE NEXT AFTERNOON they set off in two carriages for the hour and a half journey to Lord Carteret’s Estate. Barrett and Piper rode with their children, May joining them while Alex, Rose, Chris, and Liz took another.
Alex had immediately taken the seat next to his wife, leaving Liz no choice but to sit next to Chris. The seat was small and despite pushing next to the window, his leg pressed against hers. The contact caused her to grow warm in a most pleasant way and her glance kept slipping to him.
For his part, he leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes but his leg stayed pressed against hers. Glancing over at Rose and Alex, Rose gave her a wink. Liz attempted to enjoy the scenery as they rode, though without snow the landscape was bare. It was chilled as well and she pressed her hands deeper into her muff, shivering from the cold. Alex and Rose were snuggled close together, whispering sweetly, though their words could not be understood their tone made it clear they were in love.
Shivering again, she hunched forward when suddenly Chris’ arm was around her, his heat pressing into her. “Lean into me,” he ordered softly. She complied without a second thought, snuggling into him, as he spread a blanket over them.
Warmth seeped into her limbs. Resting her cheek on his chest she snuggled closer, everything now warmer and friendlier. “Thank you,” she whispered.
His hand rubbed along her arm. “Better?”
“Mmhmm.” Lashes fluttering closed, she drank in his smell, his warmth, the feel of his muscles’ occasional flex under hers.
His fingers slipped into the hair at her nape while his cheek dropped to her crown rubbing against the top of her hair. “So soft.”
“You’ll muss my hair.” But she snuggled closer, her actions belying her words. He had wrapped her in a cocoon of warmth. She never wanted to leave it.
His soft chuckle reverberated under her cheek. “I’ve come to believe it is impossible for your hair to look bad. No matter what I do to
it, it always looks beautiful.”
Her lips curved into a smile, her hand coming out of her muff to rest on his chest. His heart beat under her hand, the solid thump of it a great comfort. “You should see it in the morning. It’s a wild mess.” The implication of those words hadn’t occurred to her until after she said them.
His body stilled under hers, every muscle hardening while his heart began beating rapidly. “Lizzie,” he gritted out.
“I didn’t mean―“ Using the hand on his chest, she made to push off of him. Retreat to her spot by the window, but his arms tightened.
“You’re chilled to the bone. Stay.” He nestled her tighter.
Liz gave a little nod. Truth be told, it had been so long since someone had looked after her comfort, she never wanted it to end. Glancing up, she saw Alex assessing them again, his sharp eyes taking in every detail.
All too soon they arrived at Lord and Lady Carteret’s. Giving the top of Liz’s head a light kiss, Chris straightened them both, shifting the blanket so that it was only on Liz. She glanced out the window to find the family and servants assembling to greet them.
Lord Carteret was the largest man she had ever encountered, not in height but girth. His waist appeared to be nearly as big around as he was tall. His wife, by contrast, was thin and straight. Each son looked exactly like one of his parents, one tall and very thin while the other was short and round. A brief glance at Chris’ broad shoulders and her lips drew in a straight line. It wasn’t that her husband had to be as devastatingly handsome as her guardian but some measure of attractiveness would be helpful.
The situation only got worse as she stepped out of the carriage. While two brothers had never looked more different, both had matching large, hooked, sniveling noses, and small beady eyes.
Liz put a gracious smile on her face. She knew she was pretty enough but she preferred books over balls and was better able to converse about how to keep pigs safe rather than ton gossip. For May’s sake, she had to try. Even if she wasn’t attracted to these men perhaps she could feel some affection toward one of them. She didn’t know how many opportunities she might have.
Taming a Rake into a Lord: Taming the Heart Series Page 4
