It forced Chris to look up and see the incredibly smug look on Alex’s face. “Don’t act like you don’t know what it means to doubt. I was there when you courted Rose.”
“Yes, you were. And you could see what I was missing. In retrospect, it was as plain as the scar on my face. Rose loved me and would never hurt me. I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner. But I recognize it now and I can tell you that Liz would never hurt you. She is one of the good ones; beautiful, smart, and smitten with you. You’d be a fool to let her go.”
Chris closed his eyes, he knew all of this. He knew deep in his gut that no woman would ever suit him like Lizzie. But what would he do when his failings broke her heart? “Don’t you think I know that she is perfect? Look at her. She is everything I am not. I don’t deserve a woman like this.”
Alex opened his mouth to answer but the carriage jolted, hitting a rut. It righted itself again but Lizzie’s head lifted up. “Did I fall asleep?” Her warm brown eyes looked up at him, heavy with drowsiness.
He kissed her forehead a few more times and then brushed her cheek with his thumb, cradling her head. “We’re almost home, go back to sleep.”
They sat in silence for several minutes until Alex spoke again. “You hold her as though she were the most precious thing in the world.”
“She is.” Chris’ throaty reply held the torment he was feeling.
“If you don’t make her yours, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Do you really want to watch someone else hold her, love her?”
Chris’ face spasmed in pain. “I’m used to being without. You’re right, I will forever regret not being with her but it’s better than the alternative.”
“What is that?” Alex’s sigh of exasperation bounced off the carriage walls.
“That she regret being with me for the rest of hers.”
* * *
***
* * *
IN HER SLEEP, Liz heard the murmur of their low voices, deep and soothing. She tried to wake, to hear what they talked of, but she couldn’t get her addled brain to function. It was as though Chris had melted her bones and she was nothing but clay for him to mold. Now she was tucked up against him, warm and safe. She belonged here, deep within her, she knew it to be true.
But he had to know it too. If he didn’t, she wouldn’t be happy. How could she love someone that didn’t return her affection?
Love? Did she love him? The thought woke her and she sat up, staring at Chris’ profile. The hard lines of his face looked taut as he glared across the carriage. “Chris?” Her hand came up to touch his neck. “Is everything all right?”
His face softened as his eyes swung toward her. “Of course.”
“Are you sure? You seem―“
“Everything is fine. Alex and I were just discussing this evening.” His tone was gentle.
She sighed with relief, she was worried they had been fighting. “We’ll never see them again. Don’t let it bother you.”
“We have to marry you to someone. For both your sakes.” Alex cut into the conversation.
“True.” Her lips turned down into a frown, her previous thoughts coming back to the forefront of her mind. The man she loved was helping her find another husband.
“Alex, we can discuss it in the morning. Lizzie doesn’t need to think about it tonight.”
Alex ran his fingers through his hair. “I was just telling him that if you don’t find someone else, then Chris should just marry you. He would remain lord, you would remain in your home. It would be ideal. “
She couldn’t help the grin that spread over her face. “It would.” She nodded, looking at Chris. But something was wrong. Despite his arms still being around her, his look was hard again, as though he was angry at Alex for suggesting it. As though he didn’t want to be with her.
And then it occurred to her. Despite his need to touch her, he had never once mentioned this plan himself. “Do you agree, Chris?” She forced the words out of her mouth. Conflict had never come easily to her and they were barely a whisper.
He didn’t look at her, as he answered. “Perhaps.” His lips pursing as he said the words.
That was not at all the answer she had hoped to hear, particularly after what they had just done. She pushed off of his lap, landing on the cold seat. “I see,” she replied.
“Lizzie, come back here, you’ll freeze.” He reached for her but she scooted as far towards the window as she could.
Instead of answering, she stood as best she could and sat on the other seat. After the warmth of his embrace, she shivered in the cold but there was no choice. He didn’t want her and she wouldn’t pretend he did. The intimacy between them had to stop.
Alex gave her the tiniest nod in support of her actions. Chris scrubbed his face with his hands. “Please, Lizzie. This is ridiculous.”
“It isn’t.” She turned towards the window. She wasn’t engaging in this conversation in front of Alex and she wouldn’t return. There was nothing left to do but ignore him.
8
When the carriage pulled up to the house, Liz nearly sighed with relief. The tension within the carriage was palpable.
Alex climbed out and then assisted her. Chris was right behind her, his breath on her neck. He was standing so close, she could feel his heat through her clothes.
Alex moved to help Rose out of the other carriage. Liz made to step away but Chris held her firm. “We need to talk.”
Liz took a breath and then another. She didn’t want tears interfering. “I think you’ve said enough.”
“Not even close.” His hand wrapped around her waist while the other held her gloved hand in his. He began walking her up the steps to the front door. “I need you to know how beautiful you―“
Liz stamped her foot. “I don’t want your platitudes.”
He grinned, despite the situation. “You’re adorable when you’re angry. Kind, gentle, caring, a lady with class and breeding. I could never―“
His words were interrupted as the door swung open. Liz expected to see the butler. Normally, he would have met them but they had arrived much earlier than expected.
Instead, Mr. Bernard Sinclair, or Cousin Bernie as he insisted they call him, stood in the doorway. A ripple of dislike passed through her body. He had come on more than one occasion while her father was ill. He would spend hours in her father’s room, whispering to the sick man. At first Lizzie thought it helpful that he kept her father company but he always stopped when she entered. Once or twice, she had caught him whispering about becoming lord. It was why she had been so worried, he would inherit. Liz had been beyond relieved when Chris had inherited rather than Bernard. “No,” she murmured.
Chris must have felt or seen her body’s reaction because his grip tightened. “Who is he?” he mumbled low enough only she could hear.
“Cousin Bernie.” The name was bitter in her mouth. At some point he had stopped whispering to her father and began following her around the estate. Always insisting they would make an ideal match. That she needed a man to care for her when her father was gone. The words had always been just right but the feeling was all wrong. He made her itch to move away rather than drawing her closer.
“I see.” Chris let out a breath. He seemed to understand her dislike.
Continuing her ascent up the stairs, Liz gave a small curtsey when she reached the top. “Mr. Sinclair.”
“I’ve told you Lizzie, call me Bernie.” His voice chilled her even more than she already was.
Giving a nod, she turned to Chris, her hand in his, his other arm around her waist still. “May I introduce you to Lord Rothenberg.”
Bernard frowned. “My lord.” His face scrunched up as though he had smelled something awful.
Perhaps Liz hadn’t been the only one surprised by the fact that Chris was the heir?
“Mr. Sinclair, always a pleasure to have uninvited guests arrive at my home.” Chris gave the other man a dark look.
Clearing his throat, Be
rnard waved his hand. “Forgive my impertinence. I have come to think of Liz and May as family since I visited my dear cousin, the former Lord Rothenberg, so often.”
Liz kept her face neutral but she knew the other man was not asking forgiveness. He looked down his nose at Chris, even as he had to tilt his head back due to Chris’ height. Bernard’s lip curled with dislike.
“Forgive my impertinence, but how close a relation can you be if I have inherited?” Chris moved them closer to Bernard, stepping up another step. Even though he was still one stair below, his eyes were above the other man’s.
Annoyance flitted over Bernard’s features. “Of course you are correct. My mother was a second cousin to the late earl. My tie is more emotional than familial, I suppose. I would be free, for example, to marry Lady Elizabeth.”
Chris’ hand on her waist tightened further to an almost painful grip. Still, she would not have him let her go now. Bernard always made her unsettled; today was no exception. Even now, he blocked the door, not allowing them entrance to their own home as if he were staking claim to it. His actions always bellied his words. Chris was lord of the manor, it was her lifelong home and yet he stood blocking their path.
Such it had been with his proposals. When he had asked for the third time, Lizzie had again declined. “You’ll marry me,” he had said. “You’re not strong enough to resist.”
Lizzie had shivered in fear. She prayed he was wrong but feared him right.
The rest of their party had joined them on the steps. Chris pushed them past Bernard and entered the house bellowing for the butler. In one swift motion he had done what she never could. Dismiss Bernard Sinclair.
Barrett followed just behind them. Liz heard him as he passed Bernard, “Mr. Sinclair?”
“That is correct,” Bernard’s voice snapped.
As the group filed inside, Chris made the introductions, Bernard’s face tightening with each title that was announced. But he held his position by the door and when Chris was finished, Bernard gave a long look at the way Chris still held her. Another shiver passed down her skin.
“I would like to speak with you privately, my lord,” Bernard requested.
“Not tonight. It has been a trying evening and we’ve yet to sup. Perhaps tomorrow.”
Liz relaxed at those words. However upset with Chris she might be, she knew he could be trusted to keep her and May safe.
* * *
AFTER A QUICK MEAL, Liz readied herself for bed, sighing with relief that this day was over. Her body still tingled from the way Chris had touched her. Would she ever feel like that again?
Memories assaulted her as she climbed between the bed linens. Even she had to admit, what Chris had done to her body had been delicious. She was angry at him, of course she was, but still…
Despite her nap in the carriage, she was worn out and her eyes drifted closed as her mind replayed his every touch. Her limbs grew heavy and an exhale had her drifting off to sleep.
A noise from the hall roused her but her eyes flickered open slowly. She heard a voice, sharp and angry. “I knew you would be sniffing around.” Bernard’s nasal tones assaulted her relaxed mind.
Chris’ baritone followed. “On the contrary, I only came to see if you’d be here.” It was slow and calm but held a note of danger that caused her to wake more fully.
“I saw the way you were holding her. If you’ve compromised her―“ Bernard cried.
“I am her guardian, you hold no sway here. Tomorrow, I expect you’ll take your leave,” Chris steadily replied.
“And I expect, one way or the other, you’ll take yours,” Bernard hissed.
“Are you threatening me?” Chris growled back.
“Simply stating what I know will happen.” Bernard voice grew further away with every word. He must be retreating. It was so like him to avoid open conflict and instead deliver cryptic messages.
It quieted again but Liz sat up, her ears trained towards the door to see if she could hear anything at all. Several seconds passed and then a soft knock sounded at the door.
“Lizzie, open up, it’s me,” Chris called with a rough whisper.
Quickly she slipped out of bed and crossed to the door, opening it. “What’s happening?”
Crossing the threshold, he quietly clicked the door closed and then gathered her in his arms. “Do you have a lock on your door?”
“No, of course not.” She leaned back to look at him, his hand coming to her cheek. “Are you afraid of Bernard?”
“Me personally, no. But his plans for you…” His eyes searched her face. “In the morning I want you to tell me all about Bernard and his contact with you.”
She nodded. “It won’t matter though will it? You told him he needed to leave.”
“All the same.” He paused, his eyes trained on the far wall. Then he looked back at her, there was a glint in his eyes as his lips dipped down to hers.
She turned her head away so his lips landed on her cheek. “We can’t.”
His lips moved towards her ear, kissing a trail across her cheek. Then, nibbling on her lobe, he whispered in her ear. “We could take the choice away. Just let me kiss you until neither of us can think. In the morning, we’ll face the consequences.”
Liz bit her lip. It was tempting. She could stay here forever with Chris and May, be married to a man she was growing to love. But something was wrong. It didn’t feel quite right. “I don’t want to be a consequence.”
“That isn’t what I meant. I--” he started, but she stopped him.
“I know what you meant but the choosing, it’s important.” She stepped out of his arms. “When you leave, I’ll put a chair under the doorknob.”
His mouth turned down but he said nothing as he turned towards the door and walked out of the room. Liz slipped a chair under the knob and then sat on her bed and cried. Chris would never be hers.
* * *
***
* * *
BACK DOWNSTAIRS, Chris was cursing himself. What had he just done? Lizzie’s response was exactly why he wasn’t good enough for her. Of course, she deserved a man who declared his undying love and then proposed in some wildly romantic way.
Pouring himself a scotch, he collapsed into a chair. His door banged open and Barrett entered followed by Alex. Without being invited, each man poured himself a drink and took a chair.
“What do you want?” Chris barked.
“We have some things we need to discuss with you.” Alex eyed him over the rim of his glass.
“About what,” he grimaced. He wanted to wallow in self-pity, not defend against the ducal onslaught that was coming his way.
“Lizzie, of course.” Alex gave him a long look.
Chris sighed. “Honestly Alex, when did you become my father? I don’t remember meddling half as much when you were courting Rose.”
“I didn’t need near as much lecturing but at least you are admitting that courting is what you are doing. We are making progress.”
Barrett chuckled. “I sympathize, my friend. It took me a long time to see the value of marriage with Piper. Women like Piper and Lizzie do not stay unmarried, therefore it’s time for you to come around. You’re at risk of losing her to one of the imbeciles sniffing around her skirts.”
“I understand perfectly well the benefits of marrying Lizzie and what attributes she brings. It is my own value that I question.” He downed the rest of his drink in a swallow in an attempt to numb the pain.
“Ahhh…” Alex gave him a long look. “I begin to understand.”
“No you don’t. You’ve always been a member of the peerage. I am nothing but a trussed up soldier who has done truly awful things in the name of--” He stopped. The alcohol must be going to his head because he was revealing too much.
Barrett gave him a long look. “We never deserve them. If you are marrying the right woman, she is better than you thought you could ever possibly get.”
Chris blinked. Alex and Barrett were dukes. They couldn’t h
ave had the same feeling of inadequacy that he did.
“But what you need to understand is that it has to be that way. Liz needs a man who can protect her, keep her safe from the ugliness of the world, keep her pure in ways we will never be. And in preserving them, we make ourselves better. Do you understand? We become more whole, healed.”
Chris knew his mouth was hanging open. That was the most he had ever heard Barrett speak and it wasn’t surprising that the only topic the man would pontificate on was his wife, or by extension, marriage. Clearly Piper did bring out the best in her husband. Was Barrett right? Would Liz bring out the goodness in him? The truth of the words settled over him.
“I just asked her and she said no.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“Wait, what? In the carriage…” Alex began and then he stopped. “How exactly did you ask? Women like to hear that you were wrong. Did you tell her so?”
For the first time in years, Chris blushed. It took him by surprise. “Not exactly. Actually, I didn’t really ask, I more offered to ruin her and―“
“Don’t be an egit.” Barrett cut his hand through the air. “You’re going to have to beg now. Tell her you can’t live without her. In fact, tell her she is the light of your world, that no woman could be more perfect―“
“I had no idea you had it in you.” Alex grinned at Barrett.
Barrett gave Alex the darkest look Chris had ever seen. “I thought I was clear. I didn’t deserve Piper’s love and therefore daily groveling is in order.”
A lightness filled Chris’ chest. Daily groveling was indeed in order.
9
The next morning, Chris was up early for breakfast. They would begin preparing for Christmastide today and he would begin convincing Liz that he would be the man she deserved. To his surprise, Barrett and Alex also joined him for the early morning breakfast. “You’re up early.”
Alex gave him a grin. “We thought you needed all the help you could get.”
Taming a Rake into a Lord: Taming the Heart Series Page 6
