by Rebel Carter
“Got it. Blue metal door.” He pressed his hand to the back of my thigh and I bit my lip to keep quiet at the intimate touch. I knew he was doing it to keep me steady as he crossed the street, but damn if it didn’t feel so good to have him touch me like that. Now wasn’t the moment to indulge in that, not when I had an apology to make.
I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I lied to Tiffany about us being engaged. I know why you did it in the shop, but I didn’t have to keep it going.”
For a minute Law didn’t answer me. He just kept walking, his stride even and smooth. I wasn’t sure if he heard me or not but just when I was about to repeat myself, he spoke.
“We’ll talk about it once you’re home.” He said in a way that left no room for arguing and I gave a quick nod before I realized he couldn’t see that.
“Okay.”
We walked the rest of the way in silence and all too soon I was sliding down the front of him and onto my feet. It was when I was on my feet that I realized my predicament.
I was pressed up against Lawson Sokolov’s front for the second time that night, my back to the door. I stood too close to him for just a second too long before I took a deep breath and whirled to face my door, my hands fumbling with the keys that were in my sweater pocket. I tried a key and swore when it wasn’t the right one.
“Sorry, I’m just a little-”
“Drunk? I know.” He didn’t sound happy about that and I bit the inside of my cheek, holding back the retort that might have slipped out. I was a grown woman, a regular big girl, and I didn’t need him brooding about me having one too many drinks that night. He’d even poured me two, a beer and a shot, so I didn’t think he had much room to complain. I slid the right key home and threw open the door.
“Right, thank you for getting me home, Law. I can make it up on my own,” I told him, pointing over my shoulder with my keys.
He leaned past me and looked up the dimly lit stairwell that showed the two flights of stairs leading to my apartment. They were normally no big deal but tonight seemed darker, steeper and generally far sketchier than I remembered them ever being. Law seemed to be of the same opinion because he shook his head at me.
“I’ll walk you up. No trouble.”
“But-”
“You wanna get carried up the stairs too?” He asked me, and I knew he would do it if I pressed the issue.
“Fine, fine,” I sighed, standing back and letting him into the building. It wasn’t like I was opposed to him carrying me, but I knew it would cause quite a stir if my neighbors caught sight of it. Jesus, if Juana saw? I’d never hear the end of it with her. I could already hear her tutting and saying, “I thought it was just a friend, mija? That don’t look like no friend to me.”
That being said, it was far easier to have Law follow me up the stairs than the scene we might attract if he carried me up them. When we arrived at my door I glanced back at him to see he was peering up at the lights and rubbing his chin. He didn’t look like he liked what he was seeing in the slightest.
“What?” I asked, making sure to keep my voice down. I didn’t want to alert Juana that I had gotten home.
“Need brighter lights,” he said, but didn’t go on and instead nodded at my door. “Let’s get you inside, you’re soaked.”
“Not as bad as you,” I countered, but I did as he asked and opened the door.
“Not worried about me. I can handle it.”
I rolled my eyes at him and watched as Lawson’s eyes narrowed at the gesture, but he didn’t say anything, just followed me inside of my place. I swallowed hard and closed the door gently behind us. I was safe with Law, wasn’t I? He’d been nothing but good to me, saving my ass not once but twice in the week we’d met.
I was definitely safe with a man that carried me home in the rain. I had to be safe with one that laughed so big the sound of it lit up the sky for me.
“You’re not.”
His words, not mine, floated back to me through my foggy memory and I fidgeted as I shook out my umbrella and deposited my keys on the kitchen counter. Why had he said that? I glanced his way to see he was looking around my apartment with an assessing sweep. It wasn’t curious, but cataloguing, and I knew he was making a mental note of what he saw. Not because he was nosey but because he might need to use that knowledge later.
What the hell? I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling unsure of what to do around him.
“Thanks for walking me home.”
He nodded, hands going to his hips. “Go get changed into something warmer. I’ll wait here and then we can talk.” He took a seat at my kitchen counter and I blinked in surprise at his order, because that’s what it was. I wasn’t used to hearing anyone speak that directly to me outside of the Cairn. He was all business right now, the laughter I’d earned from him on our way back from the restaurant, the way he’d held me in that night, all of it seemed to be evaporating like steam in the sunlight. There was a wall going up around Law. I could see the bricks of it forming, one-by-one, as they fell into place. The lines of his body were growing hard, shoulders hunched, hands flat on his thighs as he sat looking like an immovable object. The only thing that hadn’t changed was the way he was looking at me. The intensity was there. The focus made me nervous but also had me drinking it up as fast as I could. When Law looked at me like this it made me feel like I had power.
Power was something that had come and gone, slipping through my fingers like grains of sand or rushing water so often that I had become conditioned to its absence. I lived my life in flux, knowing that however much power I had at the moment there would be moments when I had none at all. Lately had been a season of scarcity but all of that came to a screeching halt when Law was looking at me like this.
The man’s stare was like an overflowing floodgate let loose in the desert, and like a fool I reveled in every drop of it.
“You’re not.”
Even with as little as I knew about Law, I could tell one thing. The man didn’t lie, or use his words carelessly. He was unlike the other business men I’d waited on as a barista. The kind that came in throwing their money around and flashing their expensive watches at me when they collected their orders. The sort of man that was eager to share about their latest success when they asked for my number. No, those men were a dime a dozen in this city, actually they were probably a dime for two dozen. All of them eager to make a name and claim whatever part of the city they had managed to sink their teeth into.
I was used to those men. I could handle that sort with a practiced hand, but Law? This man was different and I wasn’t so sure I knew how different. This man’s attention came at a price. What that price was? No clue. Which meant I should not be as happy as I was to be on the receiving end. Writing checks my ass couldn’t cash. But I couldn’t help myself.
We stared at one another for a minute before I nodded. “Sure. Be right back.”
My answer had him relaxing, it was just a slight softening of his body but I would take it. Listening was a way to get him to gentle, if even just a bit. I made a note to listen to what he said, but also not to go too far. He was a man in my apartment who had told me I wasn’t safe with him, and it was in the middle of the night and I was still buzzed from dinner. I needed to be cautious, even if I wanted to throw myself at him and see what happened.
I closed my bedroom door and shook my head. “Not smart, not smart at all,” I whispered to myself. Leaping without looking was not the way to spend time with Law, especially when the talk we were about to have was about me lying to my friend about our relationship. I blushed hot, a wave of embarrassment sweeping over me that not even the drinks I’d had could beat back. I went to my closet and snatched a dry hoodie and sweatpants to change into. It wasn’t the sexiest, but it was probably my safest bet if I was going to remember to keep my distance from the man in the next room. I stripped, dressed quickly, and darted over to my mirror to dare a look at myself.
“Oh, fuck,” I
whispered at my reflection. Yes, I was trying to keep my libido in check, but that didn’t mean I wanted to look like this. My hair was damp from the storm, the natural curl released in a way that was wild, not styled like I normally preferred. I tried to smooth it down but it was no use, a quick ponytail was going to have to work for now. The light makeup I’d applied had completely worn off and my mascara had run slightly, smudging sooty circles beneath my eyes and making me wince. Law in all his collected perfection had seen me like this.
No wonder he’d asked how much I’d had to drink and who I was at the restaurant with. He was probably worried that I was going to do something reckless. But then again, he’d pinned me against the wall and touched me like he hadn’t wanted to stop.
“If you were, and you chose to get this drunk, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week.”
Damn that server. Why had she chosen that moment to come into the room? We’d just been getting to the good part. Although...I glanced towards the door and folded my arms over my chest. He was in my apartment now waiting for me, and that had to count for something right?
Yes, he wants to talk to you about the lies you told, my tipsy brain yelled at me. Not spank you, or have sex.
“Right, right,” I whispered, giving my head a gentle rap. How had I already forgotten about that? All it had taken was half a memory of Law touching me and my body was ready to go. I blew out a deep breath and approached the door. I hesitantly put my hand on the knob and took another deep inhale. I could do this. I could talk to a man that I was lusting after, a man that had fueled more than one of my solo fantasies, and keep it together. I would not make a fool of myself and jump him. I would be friendly and courteous and the talk we’d have would be good. Maybe I’d end up with a new friend on top of it.
I plastered a smile on my face and opened the door. It took half a second and one foot outside the room for me to remember one very important fucking thing.
“You’re not.”
He’d said those words. The one that I had to watch was the man sitting at my kitchen counter and watching me like I was his prey. He’d told me I wasn’t safe with him.
“Hey,” I greeted softly and padded slowly into the room. I cleared my throat and gestured at the sofa beside me. “Do you wanna sit here?”
He gave a quick shake of his head. “I’m good here.” His body was back to being rigid again and his eyes were slowly sweeping over my body from head-to-toe, like he was assessing me for damage. Cataloguing everything meticulously in his memory like he had when he’d entered my apartment. I couldn’t think of why he would need that information for later.
“Yeah, okay.” I sat down on the couch and turned my body so that I was facing him. “So, about the lie…” I began, my voice trailing off when I saw that he was frowning. He frowned a lot.
I wish he didn’t.
“Yes, about that,” he said, voice husky. He cleared his throat and leaned forward on the stool slightly, body pitched forward enough that his elbows were resting on his thighs as he spoke. “What does your friend think?”
I blinked at him. “What? My friend?”
“Yes, your friend from dinner. Tiffany? What does she think is going on between us?”
I nodded, licking my lips and feeling stupid because of course, Tiffany. We had just seen her all of twenty minutes ago. How had I forgotten about her already?
“She thinks we’re engaged.”
“And why does she think that?”
“Because I-” I broke off, face going hot because I hated what I was about to admit to this man who was still such a mystery, even if my body screamed that it knew him in all the ways that mattered, “because I told her that.”
“Why did you do that?” He asked. His voice was low, interest unmistakable. Curious.
“I liked it when you said it,” I told him honestly. I bit my lip and looked away because it was embarrassing. But the alcohol I’d drank that night was still buzzing in my blood and I was nothing if not forthcoming when I was drinking.
“In the coffee shop?”
“Yes, I liked it then.” I dipped my chin and looked away from him. “I didn’t want to tell her the truth when she asked me about it.”
“How does she not know you aren’t engaged to me? You work together.” I knew he really meant How could she not know you had a fiancée? How could she believe it was him?
I lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “I’m a private person,” I told him. “Plus, I move around a lot for work.”
His brow furrowed. “For making coffee? You don’t work at A Different Brew?”
I shook my head. “No, I just sort of moonlight, I guess. I have an app on my phone I use to get shifts. It’s like, you know one of those dating apps, but for work.”
He sucked on his teeth and I could see he was thinking about something, but I couldn’t tell what. The wall he’d built around himself was too damn high for me to get a clear look over. Watching Law was like trying to get a glimpse of a big tree over a privacy fence, you could see the tops of the strong and beautiful tree, but all of the limbs, the foliage and any fruit it might bear was lost to you. Hidden away from view on purpose.
Why did he feel like he had to hide from me? And what was he hiding?
“Do you like the work?” He asked once it seemed like he had settled on something.
“Yes, I like moving around. Been doing it all my life,” I told him. Outside a lightning strike flashed and the room was illuminated which was helpful given the faint light in my apartment was at Law’s back and his face was almost all shadows. If it were any other man I’d be afraid, but I wasn’t with him. Stupid really, given that he had told me I probably should be.
“So you’ve moved a lot then? Not from New York?” He asked.
I gave a quick shake of my head, wet ponytail sticking to my neck in a way that had me sighing and undoing it to pull it into a high bun. So what if I looked raggedy right now? It was late and I hated wet hair sticking to me. If I was going to be trying to figure this man out I wanted to be comfortable while I did it.
“I’m from South Texas,” I told him, “but I moved out here about a decade ago and I love it. You can go every single day without seeing the same person twice, if you really wanted.”
“And yet we’ve seen each other twice in a week,” he said, clasping his hands in front of him. “Funny isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess it is,” I said, hesitantly, because I didn’t know what else to say. Did he think this was happening on purpose? I hoped not. What if that was what he was thinking right now? That I was some crazy stalker that got in at a shop he frequented and was running around lying about being his fiancée to anyone that would listen. Fuck, I hoped he didn’t think that.
“I’m sorry about lying,” I blurted out. “I just, it got away from me when she asked and I didn’t really know how to tell her it wasn’t true. I forgot about it, and then we had dinner tonight and she just...she ran with it.”
He held up a hand and I stopped talking. “I just have a question,” he said.
“What?”
“When you lied about us being engaged, did you just tell your friend or have you been telling everyone?” His voice was almost emotionless, monotone, each word succinctly spoken so there would be no misunderstanding his meaning.
“I haven’t told anyone but her,” I said. “And technically, I didn't tell her, you did.”
He nodded. “That’s true,” he paused and then continued on, “did you let her think that because you liked the power?”
I blinked in surprise, my resolve to make it through Law’s interrogation broken before I’d really gotten started. “The power?” I asked, unsure if I’d heard right. “I don’t understand what you mean…”
“The power that would come with someone looking at you and knowing you belonged to me.”
A tendril of warmth bloomed in my belly at his words, but it had nothing to do with talk of power, and everything to do with Law saying I belonged t
o him. My body had liked that a whole fucking lot.
I shook my head. “No, I—power, or clout isn’t why I let her think I was-,” the warmth grew in my body until I felt it tingle in my fingers and toes, “why I let her think I was yours.”
Law’s body gave a slight jerk and he stood from the stool. “Then why did you do it, Honey?” He had his hands in his pockets now and was standing beside my kitchen table, body angled towards the windows and I sucked in a breath when a lightning flash illuminated his features. He was just as beautiful as ever.
“Because I liked that someone thought I was yours,” I said, standing and walking towards him. My feet sounded soft on the hardwood, imperceptible in the almost deafening sound of the rainstorm. It sounded like it was coming down harder now, the dull roar of it blessedly filling the silence that had descended between Law and I. I walked towards him, acutely aware that Law was backing away even as I closed the space between us.
“I wanted it to be true, even if it was just for a little while.”
“You shouldn’t want something like that. I’m not a good man.”
“I’ve got no use for a good man.”
Law’s jaw clenched, his eyes were moving over my face, then down to the sweater and sweats I’d put on. I was suddenly wishing I’d chosen something, anything else, than the zero sex appeal outfit I’d gone for. Why the hell hadn’t I wanted him to touch me? I didn’t care if I wasn’t safe with him-- because I didn’t want to be safe from Law. He moved then, a hand reaching towards me, and I took it without even thinking.
“Get on the table.”
I stumbled at his order. “What?”
He jerked his chin towards my dining table. “Ass on the table.”
“But-what are you-”
“If you want this, you’ll do it now, Honey.” That was all I needed to hear. I hustled towards the table and like Law asked, got my ass on the table in record time. We stared at each other for a beat before Law sighed and came to stand in front of me. “If I was smarter, I’d stay away from you.”
“Me too,” I said quickly, “I mean probably, right?’
