A sharp kick stunned him.
The baby.
Jake let his hand fall to his side as he did his damnedest to gather up his self-control. He was past hard—he was rigid and aching with need, but he couldn’t do this. Not now. Lily was his to protect, not to abuse. What had he been thinking?
“I’m sorry,” he said as he stepped back. “I shouldn’t have done that. You didn’t marry me to get attacked the first second we were alone.”
“Attacked?” she repeated, sounding dazed and confused. “I don’t…”
He tried not to wince as her voice trailed off. She didn’t what? Want this? Expect him to jump her like that?
He struggled to steady his breathing. If she looked at him, she would know what he wanted.
“Jake, we’re married,” she said. “If you want us to be intimate, I don’t mind.”
He turned away. Sure. Great. Words every guy longed to hear. That the woman he’d just married didn’t mind if they made love. There was an endorsement.
She cleared her throat. “That came out wrong. Of course I want us to be together.”
He tried to smile. “I can tell.”
She grabbed his arm. “No. I mean it. I think you’re very sexy and appealing. I’d like us to be, um, well, lovers.”
He shook his head. “Don’t sweat it, Lily. You’re pregnant and fooling around probably isn’t a good idea. We’ll talk about this later. After the baby’s born.”
“But that’s three months away. Plus after I give birth I can’t, well, you know, for six weeks.”
“I’ll wait.”
He didn’t have a choice. Besides, he’d already been living in hell. What was another few months of it?
* * *
Lily spent her wedding night alone and upset. The feelings of contentment and happiness she’d experienced earlier in the day had faded to little more than memories. There might be a beautiful diamond ring on her finger, but she was still alone in Jake’s guest room and confused about her future.
Worse, she couldn’t blame anyone but herself for what had happened. Had she really said she didn’t mind if they made love? Didn’t mind, as if it was some giant imposition, but hey she was magnanimous enough to clench her teeth and have at it.
“That’s not what I meant,” she whispered into the darkness as she lay curled up in the bed.
When he’d kissed her and touched her, she’d felt as if she were on fire. His hands had been pure magic. Everything about being near him, touching him, feeling him touch her had made her realize that she’d probably wanted Jake for a really long time. Somehow she’d managed to miss the cues.
She remembered what Jake’s mother had said. That where there was such strong friendship there had to be love. Was that true? Did she love Jake? And if she did, was that the reason she’d blurted out her proposal?
Love. The concept was both thrilling and just a little bit scary. She rolled onto her back and felt the baby move.
“Talk about taking on a lot,” she murmured. “First a wife and then in three months, a baby.” A baby that wasn’t even his.
Why had Jake said yes to marriage? Why hadn’t he run off in the opposite direction?
She didn’t have an answer, nor did she know how to find out. What if he’d done it out of pity? She shivered. That would be too horrible for words.
No, there had to be another reason and she was going to have to figure it out. Which meant there was one more thing on her to-do list.
“I’m a married woman,” she told herself as she lay in the dark. “It’s time to get things in order and start acting like a grown-up.”
She’d let the situation with Rachel and Jenna fester too long. She was going to fix that and figure out what Jake was thinking as well. If he cared about her, even a little, she was going to nurture that feeling into something lasting. While she was busy doing that, she was going to look into her own heart and make sure she was clear on her feelings as well.
“All this, with a full-time job and a baby on the way,” she said as she pulled up the covers. “At least my life isn’t boring.”
CHAPTER 5
Neither she nor Jake had to work the next morning. Lily hadn’t slept much and had been awake since five, so it was easy for her to get up early and start breakfast. She’d just finished whipping eggs for French toast when he walked into the kitchen.
She looked at him and tried to smile, but their last very awkward conversation hung between them. He seemed to feel equally uncomfortable as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. The only sound was the faint ticking of the clock over the stove.
“I made breakfast.”
“I’m heading over to my mom’s.”
They spoke at the same time.
“You first,” she told him.
He shoved his hands into his jeans pocket. “I promised my mom I’d change the oil in her car.”
“This morning?”
He shrugged.
Lily nodded as if it didn’t matter. As if she didn’t mind him ducking out on her the first chance he got. If last night had gone the way she’d wanted, right now they would still be lying in bed together. But it hadn’t. Somehow everything had gone terribly wrong, and now she didn’t know what to say.
“I’m going to go check on the house later,” she said. “If you want to come.”
“I don’t know how long I’ll be.”
Right. Because changing a car’s oil took hours. She drew in a deep breath and tried to be calm.
“Will you be home for dinner?” she asked.
“You don’t have to cook for me.”
“I was cooking before the wedding,” she said as her temper began to slip. “Why would that change?”
“You don’t work for me, Lil. You don’t have to take care of that kind of thing.”
“I want to.”
She tried not to sound plaintive or pathetic. They were married—didn’t he want to spend time with her at all?
“Why does all this have to be different?” she asked. “Why can’t it be like it was?”
“It will be. We need time to adjust.”
To what? Nothing had changed. Or was she wrong in that? Had getting married changed the rules so much that neither of them knew what to do or how to act?
“I didn’t want to make things bad between us,” she said.
“You didn’t.”
But he spoke the words as he walked out of the kitchen and when the back door slammed behind him, she knew he was wrong.
She’d gained Jake as a husband but lost him as a friend. From her perspective it didn’t seem like much of a trade.
* * *
Lily showered and straightened up Jake’s house, then drove over to her place where she could check out the refinished floor. Various rooms were still roped off so the new finish could dry. Carpeting would come in next, then she was free to move back.
Yesterday Jake had talked about moving in with her. Was that still going to happen?
She put her hand on her stomach. “Whatever is going on with him, I’ll still be here for you,” she promised her baby. “We’re going to be a family.”
She crossed to the window in the living room. The sub flooring creaked as she walked. As she stared out at the front yard, she vowed that somehow she would fix all of this. She hadn’t come this far only to lose Jake now. She was tired of messing up her life, which meant it was time to get things right—and she knew just how to start.
She drew her cell phone out of her purse and scrolled through the numbers. When she reached the one she wanted, she pushed the talk button and waited. The phone was answered on the second ring.
“Rachel?” she said, her stomach jumping into her throat. “It’s Lily.”
* * *
“Why are you keeping an old woman company when you have a beautiful new wife at home?” Nadia asked as Jake checked the dip stick in her car.
“You asked me to change your oil.”
“I see. And you chose this m
orning to do it? The morning after your wedding night?”
He slid the stick back in place. “It’s not like that. She’s pregnant.”
“Oh, and while a woman is pregnant she doesn’t have needs? Or are you saying you don’t find her attractive?”
Jake had been on his own since he was twenty. He had a dangerous job, was a responsible citizen and prided himself on knowing his way around the bedroom. But in less than thirty-seven seconds, his mother had him blushing like a fourteen-year-old.
“I’m not talking about this with you, Mom,” he said firmly.
“Fine. You don’t talk. I’ll talk and you listen.”
He slammed the hood and busied himself with polishing the already gleaming finish. Escape was only a few steps away, but if he tried to duck out, his mother would follow and possibly want to discuss this outside, in front of the neighbors. Dealing with her in the privacy of the garage seemed much more palatable.
“You and Lily—you’re friends for a long time,” his mother said. “You have feelings, she has feelings, but no one talks.”
“You don’t know that she has feelings.”
“I know.”
He risked glancing at his mother and saw affection in her gaze.
“I know, Jake,” she repeated. “Trust your heart. Trust her heart. A marriage isn’t made in a day. It’s not about the ceremony or even sharing a bed. It’s about building a life. You have time. So build that life. Be with her. The sex will take care of itself.”
He winced. “We’re not talking about sex.”
“What? You think I have four babies by reading a book? You think your father wasn’t a passionate man?”
Jake dropped the rag into a bucket and held up both hands in a gesture of surrender. “Gotta go, Mom. Have a nice rest of the day.”
“You should listen to your mother,” she called after him. “I give good advice.”
Jake didn’t doubt that. What she said made sense. Taking things slow meant starting over—pretending the kiss last night had never happened. If he and Lily could go back to being friends, wouldn’t that be better for both of them?
* * *
Lily pulled into the driveway of Jake’s house shortly after five. After spending some time at her place, she’d gone to the mall, then a movie. Finally, with nowhere else to go, she’d driven back here.
She’d half expected Jake’s truck to be gone, but it was parked in the driveway. She frowned as she realized all the windows were open and rock music poured from the house. Was he having a party?
After grabbing her purse, she walked to the back door and entered the kitchen. Here the music was even louder, but that wasn’t what got her attention. Instead her gaze was captured by the mess. Every single pot, bowl and dish Jake owned were stacked on the counters or in the sink and the man who had probably done all that damage stood in the middle of the kitchen swearing at the stove.
He looked amazing, she thought wistfully as she took in the stained T-shirt and mussed hair. Strong and tall and safe. He was the kind of man who would always be there in a storm. He didn’t judge, didn’t demand. Instead he offered shelter.
After banging his fist on the front of the stove, he turned and caught sight of her. His eyes widened slightly, then he pushed a button on the portable stereo and the room fell silent.
“Hi,” she said as she dropped her purse onto a chair. “What’s up?”
He shrugged. “I’m making dinner. Lasagna. My mom’s recipe. It sounded pretty easy when I read the instructions, but things haven’t gone well.” He motioned to the pile of dirty bowls in the sink. “I had to start over a couple of times.”
Lily felt the corners of her mouth twitch. “Mr. I-Can-Only-Make-Chili decided to start cooking with lasagna?”
“Yeah. So?” He sounded faintly defensive.
“Oh, Jake, the individual directions aren’t that tough, but it’s a lot of steps and—” She pointed to the mess on the counter. “A lot of pots and pans.”
“I’ll clean it up.” He glanced at the stove then back at her. “I didn’t want you to have to be responsible for all the domestic stuff. That’s not why I married you.”
She sucked in a breath. “Why did you marry me?”
His dark eyes flashed with an emotion she couldn’t read and then it was gone. Silence stretched between them until she was sure he wasn’t going to answer. Then he spoke very quietly.
“Because I care about you. I’ve always cared.”
Caring. It wasn’t love, but it was so close. She took a tentative step toward him.
“I care, too,” she said. “You’re the most important person in my life. I don’t want to ruin what we had.”
“You didn’t. Last night…” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and let them dangle at his sides. “You’re pregnant, Lil. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or the baby.”
Pain cut through her. Was that the truth or did he simply find her too cow-like?
Don’t go there, she told herself. Stick to the important stuff—like their friendship and what they were going to do now.
“No matter what, I want us to stay friends,” she said.
“Me, too. So let’s start over and go slowly. We have a strong relationship already. We can build on that.”
She liked the sound of that. “Good idea.”
He crossed the room and stopped in front of her. “I’m sorry,” he murmured as he tucked her hair behind her ears, then kissed her cheek. “About being a jerk.”
“You’re not a jerk. I was a jerkette.”
He smiled. “You’re entitled.”
“So are you.”
“Where did you go?” he asked. “I was getting worried.”
“I went by the house. The hardwood is all refinished. I think it’s dry but they still have tape up. I’m guessing the carpet will go in Monday or Tuesday, then we can move back in. If you still want to.”
“Of course I do. I have a real estate agent coming here next week to look at this place.”
She swallowed. “You’re really going to sell the house?”
“Isn’t that what we talked about?”
“Sure, but after what happened…”
He stared into her eyes. “You think I’m going to disappear from your life after one fight? You should know me better than that.”
She knew him better than anyone, but the rules had changed. She flung herself into his arms.
“I don’t want to lose you. Not ever.”
“You can’t, Lil. You’re stuck with me.”
She hoped that was true. She needed him desperately. She also wanted him and her body reminded her of the fact as he tightened his hold on her. She could feel the heat of his body, the pressure of each finger on her back.
But she’d already been down that path and she wasn’t going to risk it again.
“Why were you banging on the stove?” she asked when he’d stepped back.
“It wasn’t getting hot very fast. How is the lasagna supposed to cook in an hour if it takes fifteen minutes for the stove to heat up?”
She sighed. “Did you preheat the oven?”
“What?”
“You know—turn it on a few minutes early so it has time to come to temperature.”
He turned to the stove and sighed. “Well, hell.”
She giggled. “We’ll just add a few minutes to the cooking time.”
“My mom could have written that on the recipe card.”
“She probably figured anyone using it would know.”
“She was wrong.”
Lily patted his arm. “I won’t say a word.”
He returned his attention to her and pretended to frown. “You’d better not. And while we’re making up rules, don’t you dare tell her that I was cooking. I have a reputation to think of.”
“Mr. Macho?”
“Something like that.”
Then they were laughing and Lily felt her pain and tension drain away. If they could just stay like
this, she thought wistfully, it would be enough.
* * *
“I called Rachel,” Lily said as she speared a piece of lettuce from her salad.
Talk about a surprise, Jake thought. “What brought that on?”
“I was at the other house and thinking about my life. Rachel and Jenna were my friends for years. Suddenly not talking to them seemed incredibly silly so I called.” She smiled at him. “She was happy to hear from me and we talked for a long time. It took her a few more treatments than me, but now she’s pregnant, too.”
“Are you going to get together?”
“Uh-huh. We’re having lunch next week. On Friday. I’m really excited. Once we get things settled between us, we’re going to call Jenna together and try and mend that fence.”
“I’m happy for you. I know you’ve missed her.”
Lily’s expression turned sad. “We haven’t talked in forever. As soon as I heard her voice, I realized I’d been completely stupid avoiding her.” She glanced at him from under her lashes. “Something you’ve been trying to tell me for months.”
“I might have mentioned it a time or two.”
She sighed. “You were great. As always.”
He chewed a mouthful of lasagna and swallowed. “It’s tough being perfect, but I do my best.”
His teasing was rewarded by a smile. “You’re not perfect. Trust me. I know this for a fact.”
“I’m close.”
“You’re okay.”
She leaned toward him and rested her hand on his. The light contact was meant to be friendly, to provide connection. It wasn’t Lily’s fault that it made him instantly want her. Kissing her, touching her, being close to her had only made the problem more intense. Still, as nothing was going to happen for many months, if ever, he had to get his feelings under control.
“So what do you want to do tonight?” she asked.
Sex or a cold shower, he thought grimly. “We could take a walk. Or go bowling.” Anything to get out of the house and away from temptation.
She laughed. “I think the bowling ball would be just enough weight to make me topple over. I vote for the walk.” She picked up her plate.
“I made the mess. I’ll clean it,” he said. “Come on. Let’s take that walk and I’ll deal with this later.”
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