by Liz Fenton
Maybe Ashley had decided she wanted their friendship to be nothing more than nights like the concert or even last night—fueled by liquor and giggling, no serious talk. Lauren hoped not, because she’d come to realize since being here that she really missed her. The Ashley who listened to her cry into her pinot grigio just days before meeting Geoff, sobbing because she was the only one not married out of the three of them. Would she ever meet someone? Ashley had given her a long look and said, You are beautiful and smart and any man would be lucky to have you. It will happen when you least expect it. And the next week Geoff had walked into the coffee shop where she was working, ordered a tall dark-roast coffee, and asked her out.
It was almost as if Ashley and Geoff were now congruent thoughts. When she’d first seen Ashley at LAX, she’d immediately pictured Geoff’s sheet-white face before he clutched his chest and fell over. Lauren had to launch into a story about her bag tumbling down the escalator just to cover her frazzled expression and mask that the hugs she gave both Natalie and Ashley were so stilted. Annie had told her a million times that she had to stop associating Geoff’s death with Ashley, but it was so much easier said than done. Even though her mind was ready to do that, her heart wouldn’t seem to allow it.
Lauren took a deep breath and tried to block out the image of Geoff lying on the marble floor as she clasped his hand, waiting for the paramedics. The instructor began to guide them through Vinyasa. Lauren flowed from Plank to Chaturanga into Upward-Facing Dog and then into Downward-Facing Dog and repeated this several times. She’d tried yoga for the first time a few months ago, at Annie’s insistence. She’d convinced her it was a great outlet to release her emotions. And even though Lauren scoffed and made Annie promise to buy her a bottle of Meiomi pinot noir if she hated the class, Annie turned out to be right. Lauren was surprised by how it took her mind off everything; all she had to do was concentrate on her breath.
The class slowly got harder, and before she knew it Lauren’s face was dripping with sweat. She looked over at Natalie, whose body was shaking as she tried to hold Tree pose. Lauren watched as she furrowed her brow, concentrating hard to not fall over. She met Lauren’s eyes and gave her a look as if to say, You know me. I will get this right. I will not give up. The teacher then contorted her body into Crane, an incredibly challenging pose, and Natalie followed suit, twisting her figure to match the teacher’s. Lauren was impressed.
Just when her mind and body were in an absolute place of Zen—that hallelujah, maybe she could forgive—she heard Ashley squeal. Lauren lost control over her own pose and looked over and saw that Ashley had toppled on top of the man she’d been talking to at the beginning of class. Ashley giggled hard until the teacher shot her a warning look. Lauren tried not to laugh, but she couldn’t hold back. She released a huge cackle and the teacher also gave her a death stare. Lauren’s and Ashley’s eyes met in the mirror and Ashley flashed a smile, which Lauren returned. Maybe forgiveness would be possible and maybe they could be the friends they once were—or maybe even better ones? Different friends. But good friends all the same. Because as easy as it was to say she was sorry and explain herself when she role-played the conversation with Annie, she knew real life was unpredictable. That Ashley was unpredictable. And if Lauren didn’t time the conversation right, it might have a bad outcome. They could end up right back where they’d been a year ago.
After class, Lauren saw Ashley and the man talking outside, the yellow Lab she’d seen earlier now at his feet. She and Natalie walked up.
“Lauren and Nat, this is Marco,” Ashley said, then petted the dog’s head. “And Spencer.”
Lauren ran her fingers through the dog’s soft blond fur. “I met this beauty before class.”
“Nice to meet you,” Marco said to Lauren and Natalie.
“You too,” they chimed.
“So that was pretty funny in there. I thought we were all going to get kicked out,” Ashley said, taking a long drink from her water bottle.
“Lyssa takes her classes very seriously.” Marco rolled his eyes.
“No shit,” Ash said. “I can’t help it if I can’t stay balanced! Isn’t yoga supposed to be about peace? By the way she glared at me, you’d think I’d stolen her firstborn.”
“She gave me the same look—I thought I was going to turn to stone.” Lauren laughed.
“So, I’ll see you at Tropical Kiss?” Marco said, and Ashley nodded. “I’ll make you a smoothie bowl that will change your life.” He winked as he unhooked the leash that was connecting his dog to the tree.
Lauren rolled her eyes. This guy seemed like a real player.
“I bet you will.” Ashley tucked a strand of hair that had slipped from her ponytail behind her ear.
“And after, I hope you guys will allow me to show you around Tulum. I know a private beach that’s incredible.”
“That would be amazing,” Ashley said, her eyes shining.
Lauren was curious whether Ashley was just being nice or intended to take him up on his offer. She hoped it was the former. Last night had been fun; they’d fallen into an easy familiarity, laughing about old times as the margaritas kept flowing. Lauren wanted to stay on that path—wanted more of that Ashley. When she woke up this morning, she’d felt her guard go back up, the one that protected her from getting hurt by Ashley again. Because it was so like her to do something like this—attach herself to a random person—her need for attention almost like a drug. And if she brought this man into their vacation, Lauren would lose faith in Ashley again, and she knew that her wall would stay up.
After Marco was out of earshot, Natalie leaned toward Ashley and asked the very question Lauren had been wanting to know. “So—what’s his story? And do you really want to hang out with him?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.
Ashley shrugged. “He was born in Mexico and lived in the States most of his life. Moved to Tulum a little over a year ago and says it’s been the best thing he ever did. Said this is the perfect place to figure things out.”
“So is that the plan? To figure out things with him by your side?” Natalie asked.
Lauren waited expectantly. Please say no, she thought. Please say you were just flirting, but the three of us are going to hang out today like we did last night.
But before Ashley could answer, her phone started ringing. “It’s the girls!” she said. “They’re FaceTiming me—I can’t believe it! I usually have to call them!” She answered, then turned her phone toward Nat and Lauren briefly, and Lauren caught sight of their faces. Hannah’s had thinned, the baby cheeks now gone, her brown eyes framed by long dark lashes. And Abby. She still had the freckles dotting her nose and full pink lips like her mom.
“Hi!” Nat called out to them before Ashley turned the phone back around.
Lauren wanted to say hi too, but she felt awkward. She hadn’t seen Hannah and Abby in almost a year. Did they remember her? She knew that sounded ridiculous—of course they did; they were too old to have completely forgotten. She’d been Aunt Lauren since they were born. And just two years ago she’d spent the summer with them. Ashley had been in a bind, with her nanny backing out at the last minute. She’d called Lauren in a panic—could she help out? Ashley had squealed when Lauren said that she could, Lauren grimacing slightly at the thought of telling Geoff. He wouldn’t like that she’d committed herself to something else for the next two months, but whatever the consequences, it would be worth it to spend the summer with Ashley’s girls, who were seven and nine—such cute ages! Abby was starting to read on her own; Hannah had been obsessed with her American Girl doll. Lauren didn’t have kids of her own, and the thought had brought a familiar twinge. She’d held their hands as they strolled down Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, letting ice cream melt onto their fingers until they became sticky. Of all her regrets from that day in the coat closet, the fact that her anger with Ashley kept her from the girls was the biggest one.
But what had Ashley told them a year ago—when Lauren had all
but disappeared?
Ashley walked toward the beach to talk. Lauren watched her pointing the phone at the ocean, heard her telling Hannah and Abby about how warm it was—and that she planned to go swimming at a private beach later. Then Ashley came over and turned the phone toward Natalie. “Say hi to Aunt Nat!” Lauren listened as Natalie chatted with them about their dance classes. Lauren didn’t know they’d started hip-hop. How had she let it go for so long? How had she not reconciled, if only for the girls? Natalie said goodbye and gave the phone back to Ashley. She heard the girls ask if she wanted to talk to Dad. Lauren didn’t miss the look on Ashley’s face—it was clear she did not. “Sure,” she said, then walked away to where Lauren couldn’t hear her anymore.
“The girls sound good,” Lauren said to Nat while they waited.
“They are. I saw them a couple of weeks ago and Hannah was playing me Selena Gomez songs on her phone. And Abbs, well, she is a voracious reader. She just finished the Harry Potter series.”
“Wow,” Lauren said. Her eyes started to water, and she grabbed her towel and wiped them.
“You okay?” Nat asked her.
“Yeah, I just feel bad about not seeing them or your girls for so long. Although I do appreciate your invite to Meg’s band recital.”
“I know,” Natalie said. “I wish there had been more opportunities. I just didn’t know.”
“It’s okay. I also could’ve tried harder.”
“We all could have tried harder. But we’ll figure it out. That’s why Ash brought us here, right?”
“Is it?” Lauren asked, knowing she was moving into uncharted territory. Ashley was usually a subject that they steered clear of when they were alone together. And Lauren couldn’t recall the last time they had been.
Natalie frowned. “Ash definitely wants to make things better between all of us—between you guys. Why are you unsure? Is it because you don’t?”
Ashley walked up before Lauren could answer. “So, you guys ready for some smoothie bowls? I have no idea what they are, but they sound amazing.”
“Hannah and Abby sound so much older all of a sudden,” Lauren said.
Ashley lowered her gaze. “I’m sorry I didn’t have you talk to them. It’s just I didn’t know if it would be awkward since they haven’t seen you in a while. I thought maybe when we got back, you could come over?”
Lauren regarded her to see whether she meant it. Or if she was just saying it to cover herself. “Sure,” she said, wanting to feel hopeful, trying to grasp onto the way she’d felt the night before on the beach. That they could be okay again.
“Good, then it’s a date,” Ashley said, looping her arm through Lauren’s as they all walked to the bike racks.
They pulled up to Tropical Kiss a little while later, their sore legs making the journey back toward the hotel seem much longer, and propped their bikes against the side of the restaurant.
“Ladies, you made it!” Marco said, gesturing toward a group of empty tables. “You can sit wherever you like. We’re not busy—off-season, you know. I’m the only one here—I’ll be serving you.”
Lauren felt bad for him. Off-season or not, business must really be slow if the owner couldn’t afford to have even one employee come in and help. No wonder he’d invited them—he was probably desperate to make some pesos. As he handed them menus, Marco’s shirtsleeve slid up his arm, revealing a nice biceps muscle. Lauren bet he had a six-pack under there too. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to go to that private beach with him, if only to see that body of his?
“Okay, so everyone wants to know—what the hell is a smoothie bowl?” Ashley asked.
Marco smirked. “It’s like a smoothie, but in a bowl with fruit and other delicious toppings.”
“So you don’t drink it, you spoon it?”
“Yep. I’m surprised you guys haven’t heard of them—I think they started in LA?” Marco raised his eyebrows.
“We don’t get out much.” Ashley’s eyes danced. She shot Natalie a look before shutting her menu. “There are just too many choices here. I’m overwhelmed. What do you recommend?”
“Our most popular is the acai berry bowl,” Marco suggested.
“I’ll have that,” Ashley said.
“We can make it with coconut yogurt.” Marco gave her a private look.
“I’ll have the same,” Lauren said, catching his eye and grinning. She had to admit he was handsome. José had been a lot of fun the afternoon before, but she liked the way she could see the outline of Marco’s pectoral muscles under his T-shirt. If Ashley was going to be insistent on keeping him around, Lauren was at least going to get something out of it.
Her sexual appetite had taken a strange turn in the last six months, after the fog began to lift from Geoff’s death. She knew being promiscuous was self-destructive and, in the case of last week, when she’d met a thirty-six-year-old named Randy in a questionable motel in Hollywood, dangerous. But while that might be true, there was no arguing the way these encounters made her feel: alive. For that small amount of time she wasn’t a widow who had blown up her own life and may or may not have been a factor in her husband’s death. She was just a girl wearing great lingerie, being fucked by whomever she chose. For those brief moments she felt something other than grief, guilt, or anger, and concentrated only on what was right in front of her. Or at least that was the theory her stony-faced therapist had voiced, right after he’d concluded that Lauren had a sex addiction.
That had been hard to hear.
“I’m getting the coco bowl with spirulina and dates,” Natalie said.
“Bold choice,” Marco said, nodding.
“She’s tricky, that one.” Ashley picked up a spoon and pointed it at Natalie. “Just when you think she’s going to get a boring plain yogurt with granola, she ups her game.”
Natalie laughed lightly. They watched as Marco started making the order. Ashley held up her phone to capture him, and he blocked his face. “I hate having my picture taken,” he said from behind the bar, then patted his flat stomach. “Don’t you know the camera adds ten pounds?”
Lauren sauntered up to the counter and leaned in seductively. “So what’s the secret to your smoothie bowls?”
Marco looked up from slicing a mango, its juice spilling out on the cutting board. He pointed his knife at it. “The fruit. It must be supple.”
Lauren raised her eyebrows. “Supple fruit, huh?” She lowered her eyes flirtatiously. “And where do you find it?”
Marco frowned, confused. “Oh, we don’t source our own fruit. They deliver it fresh each day.”
Lauren took a slight step back. “Of course. That makes sense.”
Marco slid a bowl toward her. “Would you mind taking that over to Ashley? I’m dying to know what she thinks.”
Lauren tried to mask her disappointment. Of course he only had eyes for Ashley. Why had she expected anything to have changed in the last year? Ashley had always been the brightest star in the group, the friend who breathed fresh air into any room she walked into, the one who always got what she wanted. Lauren felt that familiar pit of insecurity in her stomach—that she’d always be in Ashley’s shadow.
“Sure thing,” she said, grabbing the bowl and setting it down in front of Ashley.
This was going to be a long day.
“Wow,” Ashley said an hour later when they arrived at the secret beach with Marco. She dropped her bag on the sand and walked toward the turquoise water. “I thought the beach just off our hotel was amazing. But this, it’s breathtaking.”
“It’s one of Tulum’s best-kept secrets,” Marco said, tossing a Frisbee toward the ocean, Spencer bounding across the sand to fetch it.
“Well, after the effort it took to get here, I’m shocked there are no other human beings on this beach,” Natalie said sarcastically.
Lauren laughed at Natalie’s comment—the trek in had been ridiculous. She’d also been annoyed that he’d asked them to meet at Tropical Kiss, instead of picking them up at the
hotel. Then even more agitated as they piled into Marco’s old Nissan Sentra, she and Natalie and the dog wedged together in the back. She hadn’t wanted to spend the day with a complete stranger, but she didn’t want to seem like a bitch by bringing it up. So she’d stayed silent as Marco started driving south of their hotel. It had taken about a half hour to reach the nature preserve. Marco paid a few pesos and they parked. But that was just the beginning. They had to hike for what seemed like forever through dense jungle to get to the sand.
“It is pretty, but I probably could’ve done without the bushwhacking,” Lauren said. They’d gotten through the forest using thick sticks to push back the plants and brush. Lauren reached down and scratched her leg, sure she had a million mosquito bites.
Lauren looked at Natalie, who knotted her eyebrows while scratching at her own calf. Their eyes met and it was clear Natalie was just as annoyed as she was. Lauren felt slightly ashamed by the comfort she found in that.
“The water is so calm,” Ashley said, taking off her cover-up before wading in. Lauren watched as Marco tore off his shirt, revealing the well-defined abs and muscular back she’d suspected would be under it, as he dove in confidently. Lauren peeled her dress off and followed, the cool water soothing her hot and itchy skin.
“See over there?” Marco pointed. “There’s a barrier reef made up of over eighty-four species of coral, including brain coral, which can be up to seven meters in diameter. That’s what keeps the water calm and protected.”
“I feel so clearheaded out here,” Ashley said, splashing some water on Natalie, who flinched as she made her way into the ocean.
“Stop it!” she squealed. “I don’t want to get my hair wet!”
Ashley spread her arms out. “But don’t you feel it? It’s like the water is vibrating.”
“Many people feel like they are closest to God in the water,” Marco said serenely.
