by Mikayla Lane
Koda ran a hand through his spectral hair and growled in exasperation.
“Then what am I supposed to do? Fighting isn’t working!”
Emily sighed and smiled up at him.
“Forgive yourself for being a terrified and traumatized child. Remember your contributions that kept your baby brother alive as what they were: the heroic efforts of a child to raise a baby under the most horrific of conditions. From what your mom says, Traze has turned out to be one hell of a man, and that is, in part, because of you,” she said softly, wishing she could hold his hand to comfort him.
“Does she hate me?” Koda asked on a choked whisper.
Emily closed her eyes, trying to keep from crying.
“No, Koda, she has never hated you. She’s always, always loved you and been proud of you.”
Koda looked up at the sky, blinking back his tears until he could gain control of himself. When he felt calmer, he sat back on the porch beside Emily.
“Thanks. I think I really needed to know that,” he whispered, then smiled at her. “Now, since we’re doing that quid pro quo thing, I think it’s your turn. Tell me what happened.”
Emily sighed, wishing she’d never offered that up as an option, but she wouldn’t demean his efforts to open up to her by backing out of the deal. She thought better of him than that, even if he didn’t see it in himself.
“I don’t just see the dead here on this world,” Emily admitted, seeing Koda’s interest perk up immediately. “When I hit a certain level of sleep, it’s like a door opens in my mind that I can’t control, and I go to other places. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“You mean like soul traveling?” Koda asked, trying to figure out what she was talking about. “Are you sure it’s not just really intense dreams?”
Emily snorted and shook her head.
“Do you have really intense dreams where the inhabitants of the other worlds can hurt you in this one?”
“Wait . . . what?” Koda asked, stunned such a thing could be possible.
He knew that after seeing so many hybrids with amazing gifts, nothing should surprise him, but what she was implying was truly incredible.
Emily reached down and showed him the cut on her leg that she’d gotten the last time she’d traveled to that realm on the first night Koda came to her.
“By the gods! That’s how you got hurt?” Koda hissed in fear and anger for her.
He’d known she hadn’t gotten harmed by a splinter on the floor; he’d checked the area where she’d been sleeping. But in his craziest thoughts, he’d have never thought the cause would be that she soul traveled.
Emily nodded her head sadly.
“It’s just that one place where they’re so hostile. The rest aren’t that bad. I don’t understand why, but I haven’t traveled in my sleep since you came. Maybe the door is afraid to open with you around,” she teased, trying to lighten the mood a little.
“Is that where you . . . and Joey harmed someone?” Koda asked.
“No,” Emily shook her head. “When we lived elsewhere, Mom went into town for supplies one day and was raped. After she died, Joey’s dad decided to try and take Joey from me. He came to the cabin and started getting violent.”
Emily sighed and looked at her lap.
“He punched me in the face until I was so dizzy I could barely see clearly, and I remember thinking that if ever anyone deserved to be in that horrible place, it was him,” she admitted, giving him a sad look.
“Then I saw Joey wave her hand, and there was a golden door. As he was reaching down to pull me to my feet, I opened the door and screamed ‘attack.’ I don’t know why. But when I felt the heat and smelled the scorched air, I ran to Joey as they . . . they tore him apart.”
“You could bring them into this world?” Koda asked incredulously, he’d never heard of such a thing being done before.
Emily nodded her head.
“I don’t know how. I don’t know if the door works both ways, but it must. I’d never done anything like that before. I never had a reason to, but he was going to take Joey, and after what he did to my mother, I knew Joey wouldn’t be safe with him. It’s not an excuse for killing him,” she admitted, wiping away the tear that slipped down her cheek.
“Now you’re being stupid,” Koda said with a snort. “You had no idea what opening that door would do. And if the man was capable of rape against your mother and violence against you, then Joey wouldn’t have made it long with him before she did something herself.”
Emily sucked in a sharp breath.
“Joey has no idea what she did or that it killed him! She’s not a killer!”
“She created a door that led to a realm of killers for a reason. That little girl is more powerful than you’re giving her credit for, and she probably knew the realm through her own travels,” Koda suggested.
“No way,” Emily argued, shaking her head. “She doesn’t go to places like that. She’s never woken up hurt in any way.”
“When did you start traveling to these other places in your sleep?” Koda asked, curious how this all began for her.
Emily thought about it for a moment.
“Since I was a child. But that horrible place, that one is kind of new. I’ve only been going there for about two years now,” she admitted, wondering what Koda was getting at.
“So, since your mom was pregnant with Joey?” Koda asked.
“Yeah, she was pregnant. Why? What do you think that means?”
Emily looked at him worriedly, wondering if he was implying that Joey was in danger.
“I think it could mean that it’s one of the places where Joey’s mind lives. Maybe that’s why you started seeing it when your mom was pregnant with her. Joey was trying to teach you one of her worlds the same way you’re trying to teach her this one,” Koda suggested.
It makes about as much sense as anything else going on, he mused.
“Oh my God! Why would she live in a place like that? It’s like hell! The air is scorched, and it’s so hot. The creatures . . . whatever they are—are horrible. There’s no way she knows a place like that. She’s too wonderful and sweet,” Emily argued, refusing to believe her beautiful sister could ever be somewhere so ugly.
Koda shrugged and looked intently at Emily.
“Then how did she know what door to create?”
Emily was stumped by that one. No matter how much her mind tried to find another solution, it all came back to Joey.
“Just because her mind may go there doesn’t mean she spends all of her time there,” Koda said, trying to ease her mind, even though the thought of either of them in such a place scared him.
“She’s just a baby . . .” Emily whispered fearfully as she stood and stumbled into the cabin.
She reached Joey’s side and ignored her protests as Emily undressed her completely, checking every inch of her skin for any marks that couldn’t be explained.
“Is she all right?” Koda asked with concern, his back turned to them.
“There isn’t a mark on her. No scars, nothing. How can that be? How can she go there and not be hurt? I’ve been scratched and bruised dozens of times over the years,” Emily asked in wonder as she quickly redressed Joey so she wouldn’t catch a chill.
“Maybe she really is a master of the place,” Elmer suggested suddenly from the fireplace where he stoked the burning logs.
His comment let Koda and Emily both know that he and Tom hadn’t been far away when they’d been talking. As much as they would have liked to be angry that their private moment wasn’t so private, they knew the two men meant well.
“I never thought space men or talking cats were real before this,” Tom said with a chuckle. “I wouldn’t doubt for a second that the little one can do much more than any of us can imagine.”
“These worlds she goes to,” Emily began. “Who takes care of her? Does she have other families or someone to help her?”
Emily looked up at Koda sadly as she stroked Jo
ey’s soft hair.
Koda wished he had answers for her, but so little was known about Tristan and what he really was that he couldn’t help her much.
“I don’t know how it works. I do know that Tristan is a very happy child. Wherever he goes, it doesn’t frighten him. It’s as if the kids know what they’re doing, and they have confidence and power in those places that they don’t have here,” he explained, knowing it wasn’t nearly enough information to ease her mind.
“He’s got to be one powerful kid if he’s the only one who can undo what Joey’s done by tying you guys together,” Elmer suggested.
Emily stood and felt like pulling her hair out.
“Why the hell do I feel like none of us have a freaking clue what’s going on!” she yelled out in frustration.
Gibly suddenly appeared on the porch and walked inside the cabin until he stood in front of Emily. He laid a large paw on her boot and looked into her face.
“I know what’s going on and you are safe. Joey is safe. Koda is safe but sick. It serves no purpose to dwell beyond that until we are beyond that,” Gibly said, displaying a confidence that no one else felt.
Emily kneeled in front of the cat with tears in her eyes.
“I know what you’re trying to tell me, Gibly. I really do. But I’m scared. For all of us.”
She reached out and pet the soft fur on Gibly’s back and smiled as he arched his back and turned into her hand.
Gibly rubbed his head against Emily’s hand and purred softly before he put his paws on her knees and stood to look her in the eyes.
“Fear is a sickness you must beat on your own. I cannot help you with that, but I can keep you safe while you do. Now, I must finish bringing the deer into the clearing,” the cat said with a grin before rubbing against Emily one more time and darting out of the door.
Elmer chuckled and shook his head.
“The talking space cat is pretty damn smart.”
Emily stood as Elmer left the cabin and Tom cleared his throat.
“I think I’ll help them with the deer,” Tom had barely gotten the sentence out before he disappeared.
Koda turned to Emily and gave her a sympathetic smile.
“I understand how you feel; trust me on that. But Gibly is right—we need to concentrate on the here and now. Joey is safe. We all are,” he said.
He wished he could reassure her that everything would be all right, but as the days had turned into weeks, he’d also begun to lose hope that Grai would rescue them in time.
Emily moved to stand in the open door so she could watch Gibly, Elmer, and Tom bring the small deer into the clearing.
“Koda, I wonder sometimes if it’s us that’s making this all so hard,” she said as she turned to look at him. “Our doubts, our fears . . . can that happen? Can you will yourself into a bad situation or make one worse? Can we be doing this to ourselves?” she asked, desperately looking for an explanation for their situation.
Koda shook his head and gathered his energy so he could put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“I honestly don’t know. There’s definitely something to be said for looking on the bright side, but I’m not sure if an extraordinary situation like this qualifies for that. I know that when Grai was faced . . .” Koda began when Emily turned blazing green eyes to his.
“Don’t!” she barked at him, cutting him off. “I don’t want to hear about Grai. What Grai would do, how Grai would act, Grai, Grai, Grai! Shut the fuck up about Grai! I want to know what Koda thinks! Koda, Koda, Koda! You! You’re here, not him!”
Koda ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
“That’s what I’ve been telling you! I don’t know what to do! That’s Grai’s expertise. Not mine!” he growled back at her.
“What a cowardly cop out! I expected better from you,” Emily said, her disappointment clear in her voice.
“How is admitting I’m not good at something a cop out?” he demanded, his hands on his ghostly hips.
Emily looked at him in exasperation, stunned he still wasn’t getting it.
“Really? It’s an excuse to not try! I don’t give a crap if we try and fail at something every day or a dozen times a day as long as we’re trying something!”
“Says the woman so crippled by fear she’s hiding out a million miles from another human! You use the ghosts as an excuse to stay hidden away and think I’m not trying? You gave up long before I got here, so don’t expect me to do what you refuse to do yourself!” Koda accused, then immediately regretted his words when Emily looked as if she’d been slapped.
“Emily . . . I’m sorry,” Koda said softly, reaching a hand out to her.
Emily shook her head with tears in her eyes and walked out of the cabin and into the woods.
Koda stood on the porch and felt like kicking himself. If the last three weeks with her had taught him anything, it was that she tried her heart out every day to care for her sister and his body.
I’m the one who should be strong where she’s weak, he thought with a disgusted shake of his head.
It didn’t help that he knew she was right. He hadn’t made any effort to come up with ideas to keep them fighting, to keep them alive. He’d allowed everyone else to think of a way out while he waited for Grai.
Gibly had thought of the herbs, Elmer and Tom the basic chores, Emily the antibiotics and feeding everyone. Even Joey had taken the initiative to tie their life force together. He’d done nothing but act as support, moving the chair out of the way or putting water on to boil.
“You don’t fix what you just did, and I’m going to kick you from here back to that pod you came from,” Elmer threatened from beside him.
Koda saw the disappointment and anger on Elmer’s face mirrored in Tom and Gibly’s, and he sighed as he headed off into the forest to talk to Emily. He didn’t have far to go before he found her hunched over, catching her breath. The sight did nothing to ease the guilt he felt over his words, knowing he was the cause of her weakness as well.
“Emily . . . you’re right. I’ve been a coward. I should have been helping more, trying harder . . . something . . . anything to help. I’ve spent my life relying on my brother instead of myself, scared to make another bad decision that would lead to someone getting hurt. No matter how much I want to step up and be that guy you need right now, I don’t think I can. But I really want to try. Will you help me?”
Emily looked at Koda in shock, unable to believe he’d not only admitted she was right but that he was going to try. She couldn’t help but smile broadly through her tears at his attempts to make things right between them.
“Koda, I think we need each other for this. We need to try together, bounce ideas off each other . . . maybe the answer doesn’t lie separately in our heads but together,” she admitted. “What other reason could there possibly be for us to be thrown together like this?”
Koda’s smile slipped a little before he recovered it quickly.
What reason indeed? he thought.
It wasn’t the first time he’d considered that his being there with her wasn’t part of his hell. It also wasn’t the first time that he recognized that she was his mate. He’d spent the last few weeks pushing that realization from his mind, trying not to think about the fact that he’d never know a life with her or even her touch.
He thought putting him there with a mate he could never have was the cruelest punishment the gods could give him.
But maybe I’ve been thinking about this all wrong, he considered.
Koda thought closely about his mother being there, his mate who could see the dead and had found him against all odds, the small child who’d joined their life force without a thought, Gibly, Tom, and Elmer.
He looked into the beautiful green eyes of his mate and smiled.
“I think it’s time I explained what mates are. I also have an idea I want to run by you,” he said.
Chapter Eleven
Emily held her head in her hands as she sat on the po
rch. She and Koda had talked for a long time about mates, beasts, and ideas to help themselves out of the situation they were in. As hard as it had been to believe what he’d said, it was harder to believe he was lying about it all.
Figures—I actually do meet the man of my dreams, my soulmate, and he really is dead, she thought with a snort.
Emily stood and headed into the darkening woods to a small spot not far from the cabin. She hadn’t been lying when she’d asked for some time alone, and she had no intentions of going too far away.
She reached the spot and sat down in the crumpled, dead grass, crossed her legs, and looked around for a moment. When she was satisfied she was safe, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, wondering if it would work after so many years.
She gasped in surprise when she centered herself and opened her eyes to see the familiar buildings and streets she’d seen so many times before. Afraid to move and lose the vision, she stood rooted to the street, looking around for Indrid.
Emily heard a soft noise above her and looked up in time to see a head peek behind some curtains on the second floor of the building in front of her. Thinking it might be Indrid, she waited for him to come down to her, looking up periodically to try and see him.
She was only a little shaken when a rabbit ran through her spectral form, but it drew her attention to another noise above her, and she wondered if someone was still watching her.
Emily trained her eyes on the balcony window, wondering who was there. She’d assumed that the angels who couldn’t see her weren’t meant to help her, but this one obviously could see her, so she didn’t understand what was taking him or her so long to come greet her.
Finally, she saw someone walking towards her and somehow knew he was the one who’d been staring down at her.
“I wondered if you would come down,” she said, her voice clear and strong.
Emily wondered why he stopped when she spoke.
“What are you?” he whispered.
Emily laughed at the question, not sure what to say.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to frighten you. I won’t hurt you. I can’t . . . I don’t think,” she said, her brows drawn together in thought. “Even if I could, I wouldn’t though,” she rushed to assure him.
