Nic thinks I have this hard shell around me. She thinks I’m a party girl, going to strip joints and getting laid every night. What would she say if she knew the truth? I go to the strip joints to watch the dancers. I need to be good at my job, learn the dances because if I go on the run, completely on my own, I will need to get a job quickly, that pays in cash and has great tips.
I don’t get laid every night. I haven’t had sex since Michael. I don’t even want sex. I’m afraid I may never want it again. I bullshit my way around men and then find some way to bow out. It’s worked so far, but it pisses me off. The whole world around me is having sex. I’m young damn it, even if I do feel like I’m eighty. I should be having sex. I picture Crusher immediately. Shit.
I take another drink of water. I wonder if Nicole knows I laced it with vodka after we left the concession area. Good thing she’s driving.
“Amante’ Nicole, is that you?”
I look over to see yet another, sexy-off-his-ass man looking at Nicole like he wants to eat her alive. Hell, if I still had an ego, this town would crush it.
“Well fuck me Nic, did you start a freaking harem when we moved?” I ask, when it doesn’t appear the latest Nicole victim is going to move along. Great.
“No, just finding I’m in the wrong place, at the wrong time, way too much since we moved,” Nicole answers, and boy could I give her a high-five on that one.
“Do you people mind? We’re trying to watch a movie here.” Ms. Huffy-phone-woman demands.
“Mamacita, does Dragon know you are in my town?” The man asks Nicole.
I tilt my head to the side to watch him for a minute.
“Your town? Odd, you don’t look like a mayor.”
He looks over at me and flashes a smile. It does nothing for me, but he is pretty.
“Yes well, appearances can be deceiving. Can they not, querida?” he asks. I start to respond, interested. Does he and the people with him have this much power? Could they protect me from Michael? If I’m right and Dragon and Crusher are just as dangerous, could they protect me and Nic? He’s speaking Spanish…could he help me make it to Mexico? I could pay him…I have the money from Michael that I’ve barely touched…
“You want to go?” Nicole asks, grabbing my attention again. I don’t really want to…but hell, I could use another water. Actually it is more vodka than water. Whatever.
“Yeah, sure.”
Before we can leave, the guy fixes it so Nicole can’t get out. I look away, still wondering how to get in with his club. If they could offer Nic and I safety, or better yet, if they could help us get away…Nic doesn’t understand. She hasn’t dealt with men like Michael or Dragon. I have. I need to look out for her.
“Excuse me, I was going to the restroom,” I hear Nicole respond.
“No you weren’t, querida. You were ditching me, but I am not ready to let you escape.”
“Dear Lord Nic, can’t you find any normal men?” I interject, my eyes glued on the movie scree, but in my mind I am making plans.
“Apparently not,” she sighs.
“Skull baby, I thought you and I had a date? The woman who came in with, apparently Skull, whines.
Skull? That sounds mean. Mean enough to kill the Devil? Maybe not, but he seems to have firepower with him. Hell, there’s at least ten with him now. Some giant of a man picks a woman up, lifting her over the top of the seat and into the next aisle. He repeats the action until he clears a whole row for his buddies. I laugh out loud as women go running out of the theater.
I throw popcorn at the man in question. He’s big and apparently doesn’t talk much, but I do notice how careful he was with each woman as he moved them. I may be drunk, but I take this as a good sign.
“What’s your name, big boy?” I ask as the popcorn bounces off his head.
“Why you asking?” He asks and his voice is hoarse like he doesn’t use it much.
“I want to know whose name I’m calling out tonight,” I say only half joking. Maybe if I have sex it will loosen Michael’s hold on me?
“That’s Beast,” Skull says helpfully, while the big guy turns back around ignoring me.
“You’re shitting me? Well fuck my ass and pull my hair, I think I’m going to be his Beauty at least for a night or two. Yo! Beast! Turn back around here and let me see those baby blues.”
“They’re brown.” Some man beside Beast joins in.
“Well hell, I don’t care, can’t see them anyway, I just want to look at him some more.” Beast keeps ignoring me and that kind of ticks me off.
Now, normally I run from men, but whether it’s the alcohol and narcotics in my system, or just the lure of being safe, I don’t know. Before I can question myself any further, I climb down in the man’s lap beside Beast. I would have sat in Beast’s, but he’s making that impossible.
“C’mon give me some attention here. I promise not to bite.”
“That’s too bad.”
His monotone, bored-sounding voice is not encouraging. Still, his eyes…
“I think you’re playing hard to get. Why is that do you suppose?”
“Babe, you looking for dick, you can get it from any man here, why don’t you put your efforts into choosing and leave me the alone.”
Boom. I’m not sure you can get slammed more than that.
“You don’t find me attractive?” I ask and he studies me for a minute. Can he tell that I would totally understand that? I feel like the ugliest person around. Maybe that’s why his words sting.
“Beast here lost his old lady a bit ago, but me and the boys can show you a good time,” the other guy chimes in and despite being on his lap, I ignore him.
I can see pain flash through the Beast’s eyes. He cared about his woman. I grieve with him and find myself jealous of this unknown woman at the same time. She may be gone, but at least she had someone who truly cared about her. My hand goes over to Beast’s and I squeeze it. I thought he would push me away, he doesn’t. He lets me hold his hand and then eventually pulls me onto his lap. There’s nothing sexual in the way we’re sitting. It’s the first time I’ve relaxed in months.
I’m feeling good and even half-way safe around Beast. Skull and his crew might be the answer to my problems. Beast is definitely safer than Crusher or Dragon. I can say that unequivocally. After the movie we are walking with the crew, discussing going to a bar. I don’t really want to. Although, more alcohol might help at this point, I don’t know. That is put to an end when Dragon arrives upset, because Skull is putting the moves on Nicole.
Guns are drawn, knives…Instantly I am transported back into the past. Dragon is no longer Dragon. He is Michael wielding a knife. Michael holding it towards me. Michael grabbing me, threatening to end me. It is Michael stabbing me in the stomach repeatedly. I scream out in terror. I can’t stop the sound or the tears that gather, though I do my best to fight them back. My entire body starts shaking and that’s when Beast covers me. He stands in front of me. Protecting me. He pulls me tight against his back, not letting my hand go. It stops my screams, though the tears refuse to end. I can’t stop the shaking, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Over his shoulder I see Crusher and he’s holding a gun and pointing it in Beast’s direction. In my direction.
I have to get away from Dragon, Crusher and that whole crew. I need to get Nic away. Dragon will turn his anger on her someday. I can’t let what happened to me, happen to Nic. I can’t. I feel like I can’t breathe and the memories try to swallow me. I don’t even notice that the confrontation has ended. I’m lost in the past. That’s when Beast grabs my face and forces my eyes to him.
“You’re okay, little hummingbird. You’re okay.”
I don’t know where the ridiculous nickname comes from, but something about this gruff man who could snap men like twigs being soft, pulls me out of the darkness. I still can’t quit shaking and I feel so cold.
“I…I…can’t stay here.” I gasp, my voice winded, broken, and weak. God, it’s so weak. Beast no
ds and begins to pull me away from the crowd. Crusher puts his hand on my shoulder and stops us. I look up into his dark eyes. I see concern there and I want to believe it’s real. Then I remember how he held a gun on us…on me. I can’t trust him. I can’t trust Dragon. I know their types.
“Don’t do this, darlin’.”
His hand warms me. There’s so much heat coming off of him, through our connection. I want to embrace the warmth, because I feel so cold, but I pull away. Instead, I look at Beast. Who has been nothing but kind and even now is holding onto me. If he wasn’t, I would fall to the ground. Beast protected me. No one ever has before.
“Can…can you get me out of here?” I look up at Beast, begging him silently.
“Let’s go, hummingbird.”
“You’re making the wrong choice, sweetheart,” Crusher says.
“My life is full of them. At least this one isn’t holding a gun on me,” I tell him before I can stop myself, then let Beast lead me away.
They decide not to go to the club after all the excitement. I’m glad. The world is buzzing around me and I can’t seem to grasp it. My stomach is in knots. I keep thinking back to Crusher and our last exchange. What is it about that man that makes me…want? That’s it really. He makes me want and for someone who has never even looked at a man in that way? It’s terrifying.
I go with Beast to Skull’s compound without talking. Right now I need three things. Nicole, safe. Michael, dead. Me, somewhere warm with my toes in the sand, far away from anything and anyone. I doubt Beast can make that happen, but he’s big, he’s warm and he’s looking out for me. That’s more than I’ve ever had.
When we get inside, he leads me back into a small room with a bed and a dresser in it. I look at the room a little lost. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to stop my body from shaking. Tiny comes to the door, but Beast stops him.
“Hey man! I thought we were going to party! The bitch has been begging for it all night. Surely you’re going to share.”
“Go find one of the club girls, I’m flying solo with this one tonight,” he says and I pull myself up to a sitting position on the bed and hug my knees. I thought I wanted sex and I know Beast has been nice to me and all, but I don’t think I can do it. Shit. I don’t have a contingency plan either. I always do, I always have some way to extract myself out of any situation. I didn’t tonight and I have no idea what I’m going to do.
“She’s mine tonight. Now get the fuck out of here, so I can get my cock sucked on for the first time in a year.”
“Hey okay man, I get you dog, you want some privacy for your first time since your old lady. I get it, but tomorrow you’re going to have to share, because that’s some sweet ass in there and I want to tap it.”
Beast closes the door—more like slams it on Tiny and while I’m glad about that, I have no idea what to do here.
“Listen…I know I offered and everything, but I’ve been thinking…”
“Relax Hummingbird, I ain’t about to give you my dick.”
I freeze. I mean that’s good, but still, shit could he at least act like he’s tempted?
“Hummingbird?” I ask putting my head down against my knees wishing the room would stop spinning.
“If there was ever a woman with a broken wing, it’d be you.”
Well, he has me pegged.
“I’m sorry about your family.”
“Life’s fucked up,” he says, staring off into space.
“Amen.”
He turns back around and looks at me.
“Do yourself a favor hummingbird, drink yourself to sleep tonight and then get the hell out of here in the morning. This life ain’t for you.”
“I’ve never really had a life,” I say, taking a bottle of Jack he hands me from his dresser. I take a drink, wincing at the burn and pass it back to him. He sits down and we pass the bottle back and forth for what seems like hours, not talking.
When it’s empty I lay back on a pillow and Beast lays beside me. He makes no move to touch me and as odd as it sounds, this is the best night of my life. Lying in bed with a complete stranger drunk as a skunk is calm, relaxing, and wonderful. Of course maybe I just feel relaxed because I am drunk. Who knows?
“How long were you and your woman together?”
“Not long. Should have never knocked her up, but it happened and I wanted our child more than anything. Annabelle was all that was good in the world. Without her the place is just cold and dark.”
My heart turns over for Beast and the loss he has to have suffered. My hand goes to my stomach and I rub it absently.
“I can never have a child,” I whisper, my words slurring.
“Sorry, hummingbird.”
“The world is fucked up,” I say staring off in the darkness, ignoring the tears sliding silently down my face.
“Amen.” Beast says.
“Can I hide out here for a couple days?” I ask, before I can talk myself out of it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt safe like I do around Beast.
“You can’t run away forever hummingbird,” he says and he doesn’t know he just whispered the words I fear the most.
“I just need to catch my breath,” I whisper.
“Then breathe, I’ll make sure the demons stay away until you can fight them,” he vows, and I suddenly wish with everything I have that he was Crusher. It physically hurts that he isn’t.
In a little while, I hear Beast snore and I know he’s sleeping. I’m close to going there myself, I’m just fighting it. The nightmares are always waiting for me. Michael is always there, I hate sleep. Just as my eyes close, Beast curls into me and hugs me close. I let him and his warmth soothes me. I hope it’s enough to keep the nightmares at bay. I surrender to sleep and it’s not Michael’s face I see first in my dreams. It’s Crusher’s.
Chapter 4
Crusher
It’s her damned doe-like, deep brown, eyes. They haunt me. Something about Dani calls to me. Even when I know she’s going to shoot me down, I can’t stay away. I don’t understand it. Women usually eat out of the palm of my hand and this one…Motherfucker! This one runs from me.
I’m pissed off about how the situation unraveled outside the theater. There was only one way to handle things, because at that point no one could control Dragon. You’d have to be a damned fool not to see how hung up he is on Nicole. She has his balls tied in a fucking bow. All us brothers could do when he went off was make sure we protected his ass. So I did. What did it get me?
At least this one isn’t pointing a gun at me.
Her words wound me. I have never hurt a woman, and this one well, you’d have to be a fool not to see the pain in her eyes, or to miss the fear that came off of her in waves tonight. She’s broken. Some fucker shattered her and left her bleeding. When I see her, I’m reminded of another girl. Melly. A girl I loved with all my heart. A girl I wasn’t able to save…a girl, I failed. Losing her has always hurt me. It changed me, but Melly is not why I am drawn to Dani.
No, if it was just Melly and their similarities, I wouldn’t be lying here in bed with my dick semi-hard thinking about Dani. I wouldn’t be jealous that she went off with some overgrown, over-haired, half-wit… Beast? I mean c’mon, I’ve heard some fucked up road names in my life, but Beast? The fact that his dick is probably where I want mine to be right now—fucking pisses me off.
I think back to Melly. It was such a long time ago. Another lifetime really, before I grew up, before I met my brothers, before the army…all of it. We were kids, just trying to figure out life. Melly was innocent and pure and I had never been exposed to that in life. Her laugh could fill in any dark space in the world. She was full of life—until her mom remarried. I grew up hard, mostly on the streets, in and out of different foster homes, so I saw the signs quickly. The bruises Melly would come to school sporting, the circles gathering under her eyes, the broken bones. I knew it was happening, but fuck I was little more than a kid myself. Melly didn’t trust me to be able to take care of
her. How many times did I beg and plead for her to let me take her away? How many times did I lay down at night worried, wondering what was happening to her? Maybe Melly was right not to believe I could save her? I tried once and ended up in the hospital. A kid is no match for a grown ass man. Still, if she had gone away with me, I could have kept her safe, I know I could have.
This shit is going to get me in trouble. When my memories are this close to the surface, I don’t rest. The pictures haunt me. You don’t see the things I saw that night and remain unscathed. I need to shut them down and lock the door, but seeing how bad Jess had been beat, together with Dani and that mess. I can’t.
I thought about searching Bambi out, but the truth was she was a disappointment, a pale substitute for what I really want. What I really want is a county over getting fucked in another club, by another man. That shit burns my gut more than the bottle of whiskey I’m drinking. I want to go get her and drag her ass back here, but I can’t. She made her decision. I need to forget her.
At least this one isn’t pointing a gun at me.
Fuck, am I the reason she chose another club? Should I have grabbed her and then covered my boy? Did I choose wrong? Did I fuck up, when the decision mattered the most?
“Hey man, you busy?” Freak asks knocking on my door.
“Nah man, c’mon in. What’s up?”
Freak opens the door and pulls in his latest bitch, Nikki something-another. She’s damn pretty, her hair a mixture of colors ranging from a chestnut pony to warm sunlight. Her eyes are green and sparkle, but I instantly miss the dark color of Dani’s and the secrets swimming in them. I take another drink.
“My woman here wants to play a little. I ain’t about to let those other motherfuckers around her. You game?”
Freak and I have shared women a lot through the years. We both enjoy it and we work well together. When you do this, you need trust or shit can go wrong, real quick. I’m not really in the mood, not for Nikki anyways. This bitch means something to my brother. He just met her a couple days ago, but he’s already pushed Bambi away and been keeping his shit under wraps, except for Nikki. Still Freak likes to share, so I expected this. Me? I ever find a bitch I want to claim, she’s only getting my dick. That’s just the truth, I may like to play, but I’m a possessive motherfucker.
Claiming Crusher: Savage Brothers MC Page 5
