“How long do you think it will take you to make me come?” She asks barely able to hide her giggle.
“One minute,” I answer, only slightly exaggerating. Over the months we’ve been together, I’ve memorized her. I know the sensitive spots and the ones that bring her the most pleasure by heart. Fuck, I dream of them. I’m pretty sure I could make her detonate in under three minutes. Good thing I’m not that stupid. I love bringing her along slowly, torturing her until her need overwhelms her.
She lets out this big sigh and I hear the laughter in her voice. “It’s not bad enough you short change ‘Junior’. Now you’re trying to become a minute man. I feel it only fair to warn you that women like men that last a long time.”
“I haven’t noticed you complaining,” I tell her pulling her back against me, so I can hold her tight.
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“How thoughtful of you,” I say sarcastically, burying my face in her neck and breathing in her scent.
“I try. You doing okay? Did you get everything squared away?” She asks and I kiss her neck, tasting the slightly salty skin there, wanting more.
“Yeah babe, it was a quick run. Dragon wanted to make sure we were back for the party tomorrow,” I answer. Me, Dragon, Six and Gun all went to Gadsden, Alabama. We needed to personally oversee a shipment of guns that the parent chapter of Savage MC was sending through our state and up to Ohio. We’ve had so much trouble lately that this was one thing we could not have a fuck-up with. That shit is getting embarrassing and makes our club look weak. We can’t afford more and risk the parent chapter wading into our local business. Luckily tonight’s shipment went well, since Dragon was dying to get back. There’s a party tomorrow to celebrate their upcoming wedding and the fact that Nicole is pregnant. Which brings me back to what I want to talk to Dani about.
“I think we need to announce that you and I are a couple tomorrow.”
Her whole body tenses up, “No.”
It’s one word, but hearing it so adamant even after all this time, pisses me off. I mean hell, I’m starting to feel like the dirty secret she’s embarrassed of and hides.
“Dani…”
“No. It’s Dragon and Nicole’s big day. That’s not the right time to tell the club about us, Zander.”
“Half the club already fucking knows. It’d be better if Dragon and Nicole heard it from us, instead of others,” I argue but honestly, it’s the same argument I’ve been using since that day in her kitchen months and months ago. I don’t understand and I’m getting fucking tired. I love this woman, but I’m not sure I want to continue with a woman who can’t even admit to people she wants me.
“Only Gunner and Freak know. Will you let this go? I told you I’m not ready, Zander.”
I shouldn’t have brought this up tonight. I’m tired and worn out and I should have just gone to sleep and let it be. Trouble is, I’ve been away from Dani for two nights. I missed the fucking hell out of her and for some reason I thought us being apart even for two damn days might make her realize that it’s time we make it official. I had myself convinced she would be ready and the fact that she’s not sits bitter in my gut.
“I’m starting to think you’re never going to be ready, Hellcat.”
“I will, it’s just. There’s things I’m dealing with, things I need to make sure are over before I close the door on the past,” she says and her voice is small and hurting. Any other time I would cave, but her words just piss me off all the more.
“Fine, then tell me what the fuck is in your past.”
“I’ve told you…”
“No, you tell me bits and pieces that leave me stumbling around in the dark.”
“I’ve told you more than I’ve ever told anyone,” she defends, her voice full of panic.
“Bullshit! I’ve spent over six months searching for this motherfucker, Michael Smith. I’ve searched in Texas, and any state close to Kentucky. Hell, I’ve searched in fucking Italy because you mentioned your mom had family there. Give me something, Hellcat. Jesus.”
The vibe in the room has changed. If I wasn’t so upset, I would have noticed it. Trouble is my anger is amped up and my frustration is so big that I don’t—until it’s too late.
Dani reaches over and turns the bedside light on. Her face is pale, her eyes haunted and the tears in them aren’t what finally gut-punches me. No, that would be the stark fear that is coming off of her in waves.
“You…you’ve been searching for…you’ve been trying to find Michael?”
“Of course I have. Do you think I’m going to let that motherfucker live after the hell he put you through. I’m going cut a piece out of him every day for a month before I finally end the motherfucker.”
“I…you…why didn’t you tell me this? Zander, you can’t find Michael.”
“I fucking will. Mark that down, Hellcat. I will find him and drag his ass to Kentucky,” I tell her completely serious.
She jumps out of bed, and the fear coming from her is so large you can almost smell it in the room. She goes to her closet, pulls out a pair of jeans and begins putting them on.
“What the fuck are you doing? Do you know what time it is? Get back in this bed, Dani.”
“I can’t believe you. I let you in. I trusted you and you go behind my back and do this? Do you have any idea what would happen if Michael knew where I was? I barely got away last time! Are you trying to get me killed? To get Nicole killed? Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”
“Fuck no I don’t, because you won’t tell me shit! So tell me so I can end this sorry son of a bitch once and for all and stop my woman living in fear all the time!”
She yanks my shirt off and throws it at me, slides on a blue t-shirt of hers, and then finishes turning, staring at me. Her face is a combination of fear, anger and…fuck I’ve seen that face. I know that face. She’s going to run. Just like Melly, she’ll run and I won’t be able to save her. Only this time it will destroy me. I loved Mel, I did in a sweet and young love kind of way. We would have been happy, but Dani…fuck she owns me.
“I told you shit. I told you it didn’t matter. I told you I got away and asked you to leave it alone. You told me you would. You lied, Zander! I trusted you. I gave myself to you! You’re the first man I’ve ever willingly given myself to and you lied! You have no idea…none. My God! If Michael knows someone is searching for him, it’s just a matter of time. You’ll have killed the only people in the world I care about.”
“Damn it, stop being a drama queen! He’s one fucking man! I got this shit. You just need to trust me.”
“Drama queen? That man you’re trying to bring back to Kentucky, bring back to me is evil.”
“I can be too, especially when a son of a bitch is messing with someone I love!”
She stops and I think, finally. Finally I’ve gotten through to her.
“What you’ve done could kill the only people I’ve ever loved. Nicole and Ray are all I have in the world. You could have killed them. Hell what you did still might.”
Her words slice me open in a way no blade ever could.
“You have me, damn it!”
She looks at me with tears pouring down her face.
“I don’t want you.”
“What the hell, damn it, Dani!”
“Get out!”
“I’m not going…”
“Get the fuck out. I wanted to find out about sex. I wanted no strings. I wanted your dick—not you! That’s why I kept us a secret! I thought we were just having fun. This is not fun anymore. I don’t want you in my life. Get the fuck out!”
I thought we were just having fun. I wanted your dick—not you…
Well hell, I don’t need a brick house to fall on me. Or shit maybe I did, because it sure feels like something has slammed on my chest and is not allowing me to breathe. I leave with a slam of the door. Fuck this, ain’t no pussy worth this shit.
Chapter 25
Dani
It’s just been a few days and I ache for him. I crave him. I’m on day three of hell. Living here at the club and seeing Zander every day, but not talking to him, not touching him or even having his smile when we pass, is destroying me. I regretted the shit I said to him the minute I did it. I just couldn’t stop. The thought that Zander was out there trying to find Michael, chills me to the bone. If Michael knew where I was, he wouldn’t rest until he killed Zander. He wouldn’t stand for any man touching what he deemed his property. Hell he killed the gardener for just smiling at me once. He bragged for a week on how he made it appear the man had accidentally locked himself in the greenhouse and the propane heater had a malfunction causing carbon monoxide to build up. He would torture Zander just to get to me, because he would know it would hurt me.
Zander thinks he and the club can handle Michael. He has no idea how powerful Michael is. He doesn’t know who Michael has in his back pocket or the shit he has on government officials that assure he’s not going to get caught. He thinks Michael is a fuck-up who gets his rocks off on beating women. If he knew the truth? There would be no controlling Zander on avenging me. Or even worse Michael would do just like he had done with the doctors and the police. He would tell Zander about my hospital stay in Rose Hill and convince him I was insane. He would convince Zander that he was the wronged husband trying to heal the crazy woman. I’ve seen him do it over and over. I couldn’t handle that look in Zander’s eyes. It would destroy me.
Michael can’t be stopped. The fact that he had me admitted into a psychiatric facility so easily, just because I refused to marry him, showed me that. It made me fall in line—well, after being locked up for a month. Had I known the brutal hell that awaited me on the outside, I would have gladly spent the rest of my days behind the gray walls and steel bars of Rose Hill. Besides, everything that Michael has gotten away with since then, shows me he’s invincible. From the murders, to the cops in his back pocket, to the doctors who sided with him along with the lawyers and court judges—with all those on his side, there’s nothing Zander could do to Michael. Trying would either put him behind bars like Dancer, or get him killed. I can’t risk either. I love him.
I need to move. I can’t go back to the house because Carrot Top and Dancer have moved in there. I should go back to Ray and Paul’s. I have a room there, they want me. I can’t bring myself to move away from Zander. At least not yet. The thought of not seeing him every day, at least from a distance brings a panic more intense than any I’ve ever had.
I’m out back of the main Savage MC Compound, where they usually have the parties and bonfires. I’m sitting on an old picnic table thumbing through the rental adds in the local London newspaper. My heart’s not in it. It’s just not. I’m about to highlight a listing that’s downtown next to the restaurant that Nic and I like to eat at a lot, when a large hand swipes the paper away.
“What the fuck is this?”
Zander.
“It’s a newspaper, Captain Obvious.”
“You aren’t fucking leaving, Dani.”
“There’s no reason for me to stay here anymore, Phoenix has been caught.” I tell him, referring to the man who tried to get revenge on Dancer and the rest of the crew. “In fact, all the Savage Brothers’ drama has quieted down. Nicole is growing fat and planning a wedding, Carrie is growing fat and playing house with Dancer. All is right with the world. It’s time I strike out on my own.”
“You don’t think I’m reason enough for you to stay here?”
Yes! My heart cries. I ignore it, for a question I need to know the answer to. “Did you stop looking for Michael, yet?”
Silence.
I nod in response. “Then no, you aren’t enough,” I lie.
“So it’s all your way or no way, Hellcat?”
“On this? Yeah it is.”
“If I agree? If I give up and accept your terms and stay away from searching this Michael out? What do I get?”
“What do you want?” I ask, my heart hammering in my chest.
“You.”
“You had me.”
“Without restrictions. No more sneaking, no more hiding that you’re mine. You take my claim, you wear my jacket and you fucking wear my name.”
Again, my heart screams yes. Then, I remember that Michael is out there and I remember what he could do to Zander and I…panic. I want to. Would it be safe? Michael would never look for me in the midst of a motorcycle club. It wouldn’t ever occur to him that the woman he once knew would do that. Would it be fair to Zander?
“I’m…scared,” I whisper quietly, because ultimately it all boils down to that.
“Have I ever done anything Hellcat, to make you think you should fear me?”
“I need to go slowly, Zander. I have to…”
“I have to have more than we did before.”
My stomach knots up. I understand, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
“I liked what we had before…”
His hand pulls my chin up so my eyes meet his. I will never get over the fact that this man could easily be a Greek god. His dark eyes pull me in and they refuse to let me go.
“Hellcat, give in.”
“Why are you making this all or nothing?”
“Because woman, I love you. Do you not fucking get that?”
It’s the second time he’s said it really. The first time, I didn’t allow myself time to think on it. This time I try to let the words sink in.
“You promise me, Zander. If I tell you more about me…about why I’m this way…you’ll stop seeking out Michael. You’ll help me move forward and give me time?”
“As long as you really try, then abso-fucking-lutely, Hellcat.”
“I love you…” I whisper, because I feel like he should know.
“Hellcat,” his voice drops down to a whisper. It’s thick and full of emotion, but I push ahead before I can second guess myself.
“I warned you I am broken, Zander. I can’t give you what you want. At least not right now.”
“What are you gaining by keeping us secret, Hellcat? Tell me.”
I think about his question—really think about it. It might not make sense, but I’m protecting him. If people don’t know, if it’s not common knowledge, then if the devil finds me Zander won’t be a target.
“Safety,” I tell him. He looks confused. He doesn’t get it, I can tell from the look in his eyes.
“This back and forth, push and pull needs to stop between us.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I just stay quiet.
“If I agree to this shit? If I give you a little more time, you’re going to tell me about your past. You’re going to trust me and you are going to accept my claim eventually. Let me hear those words out of that damned mouth of yours.”
Just agreeing to this is causing my heart to stutter and a cold, clammy sweat to pop out over my body. “If you promise to leave Michael alone, then yes,” I qualify.
“And you’ll be in my bed tonight?”
I don’t even have to think about that answer, “Definitely.”
“Then we have a deal, Hellcat.”
Chapter 26
Crusher
I’m lying through my fucking teeth, but if it gets my woman back in my bed, if it gets me the names I need to end the son of a bitch who hurt her and most of all gets her to the point where she will finally accept my claim, then I will lie. Fuck, the truth is, after a few days and nights without her, I’d do almost anything.
“Isn’t it kind of early to go to bed?” She asks as we make it back to my room. I lock the door with a lazy smile.
“If we were going to bed, maybe.”
She turns and looks at me and I can tell she’s nervous, but she’s also excited. She wants this.
“Hellcat, I should warn you, this won’t be my finest hour, because I want you too damn much to make it last,” I say while stripping.
“The fact that you’re saying it will last an hour proves you’re wrong,”
she says taking her clothes off too.
Any other time I’d undress her, but I am dying here. I’ve spent the last two nights without her and fuck me, I need her. When I look up, she’s finishing taking off her panties and bra. She’s beautiful. I’ve always known it, but right now it’s driven home what a lucky bastard I am. Dani and I have so much back and forth arguing, then fucking and then arguing some more, sometimes I give myself whiplash. The truth is I don’t know shit about relationships and Dani’s so messed up from her fucker of an ex that I doubt it could be any different, but even with all the conflict—it’s better than anything I’ve ever had. It’s better than anything I’ve ever imagined.
I take her in my arms and instantly that empty spot that has haunted me the last few nights, is gone. She links her hands behind my neck and pulls my head down to her lips. Her warm skin is pressed against mine, but it’s still not close enough. I don’t think it ever will be.
“I’ve missed you, Zander,” she whispers, her sweet lips grazing my five o’clock shadow, her teeth nibbling the same path.
“God I have you too, baby. Climb up here on the bed and let me love you,” I demand anxious to get inside of her.
“I…I don’t want that,” she says pulling back slightly and disappointment swamps me.
“Hellcat, I know you…”
“Sit down on the bed, Zander,” her quiet plea has me catching my breath. I’ve always been the type to demand what I want in the bedroom, but right now I can think of nothing I’d rather do than obey Dani. I don’t know what she has in mind, but I’m anxious to find out.
I turn so my back is to the bed. I keep one of her hands in mine and my eyes on her, I back up the few steps it takes until my legs hit the mattress. I sit down. Slowly she lowers down in front of me on her knees. I don’t know how it’s possible but two emotions war with each other immediately. First and foremost is the urge to scream yes at the top of my lungs. Then guilt because I know she’s scared of this. I don’t know why, but I do know whatever the story is behind it, will be bad.
Claiming Crusher: Savage Brothers MC Page 17
