by Gerri Hill
Gina kissed her cheek, not wanting to tell her she wasn’t going chasing after Ashleigh. Not yet, anyway. Right now, she just wanted to get home, back to the coast. She needed time to sort out her feelings.
“I’ll call you,” she promised as she headed out the door.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Present Day
Ashleigh—after much debate with herself on her trip home—decided not to burden Pam and Julie with her exploits during the reunion. Of course, neither Pam nor Julie would consider it a burden. It would be pure entertainment for them. After all, the last they’d spoken, Ashleigh had vowed she hated Gina Granbury and was dreading seeing her at the reunion. To confess she not only enjoyed seeing her again, but that she’d slept with her...well, she just wasn’t ready for that scene yet.
No, she took her two bags and headed up the elevator to her apartment. It was still early, the day sunny and hot. She stripped off her clothes, rummaging in her drawers until she found her favorite pair of biking shorts. The black nylon and spandex hugged her body, yet on a very hot and humid day as today, kept her skin dry. Instead of the equally form-fitting and matching shirt, she pulled on a baggy, sleeveless white T-shirt. She twisted her hair and tied it behind her neck, grabbed her helmet and bike and was out the door in less than ten minutes.
She was on her bike for two reasons. One, she’d been a lazy slug for the past week and needed some exercise. And two, she needed to think. The long drive back to Houston would have been the opportune time to sort out her thoughts, but she hadn’t been ready to hash it all out. Instead, she’d turned the music up loud, losing herself in mindless lyrics, singing along as the miles carried her farther from Calloway.
And farther from Gina.
Which, in reality, was quite the opposite of what she wanted. She nearly laughed at the absurdity of it all. First, she’d kidnapped Gina for a day of fabulous—really, really fabulous—sex. Then she’d panicked and written her that silly, childish note. And then, as if that wasn’t enough to show her immaturity, she ran away.
“Juvenile,” she muttered as she pumped harder on the pedals, her thighs straining as she climbed the lone hill on the trail. She relaxed as she crested, the bike rolling easily down the other side. Not only juvenile, but inconsiderate as well. It was almost as if she’d used Gina for sex, then left without even a thank you. Especially since she’d all but agreed to stay in Calloway for a couple more days. But no, that wasn’t an option. She couldn’t see Gina again, she couldn’t be with her again. That would only lead to complications, to drama. No, she didn’t need that in her life. She was perfectly happy—content—just the way things were.
“Liar.”
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
She sped up, taking a corner a little too fast but keeping control of her bike. Maybe this trying to get her thoughts sorted out wasn’t such a good idea. Because what she knew in her head and what she felt in her heart were two different things. Being the logical person she was now, she decided to go with her head. She’d followed her heart once before where Gina was concerned. Gina had left it broken, shattered. After all this time, it still held the scars.
She squeezed the brakes suddenly, pulling off to the side of the trail. “What an egotistical bitch you are,” she whispered. All this soul searching she was doing was a bit presumptuous, wasn’t it? They’d had sex. Great sex. Gina indicated she’d like to spend more time doing the same. Not once did she mention dating. Never did Gina suggest they see each other again. Her eyes widened.
And you left her that stupid-ass note.
“Great. Now she thinks I’m an idiot.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Present Day
Gina walked alone on the beach, her gaze lingering on the horizon. The morning was surprisingly clear, the water shimmering in the distance as it appeared to be an endless expanse too large for her to comprehend. Seeing the perfectly rounded contours, she found it amazing that long-ago people believed the earth to be flat. Of course, people generally believed what they were told, even if it went against what they thought to be true. It was a trick they used often in their advertising business. If you hear something over and over again, you eventually believe it to be true.
The same could be said for her personal life. However, in Gina’s case, it was mostly her telling herself half-truths, ones she’d come to believe over the years. The breakup with Ashleigh was her fault, that wasn’t a half-truth. While it was hard to overcome her insecurities at the tender age of eighteen—nineteen—she knew she was using them as a crutch, as an excuse. It was easier than living with the possibility of Ashleigh cheating on her, or worse, Ashleigh leaving her for someone else. Ten years after their breakup she still told herself she wasn’t good enough. Not for Ashleigh, not for anyone. So her one-night stands became common practice. No relationship meant no chance of a breakup. Even though she didn’t truly believe she wasn’t good enough, she’d told herself that so often, for so many years, that she believed it.
Even now, twenty years later, it still nagged at her. Insecurity was no longer the reason for her single status. No, that was attributed to her not meeting anyone who could give her the same feelings that Ashleigh had. She was a confident woman now, a successful business owner. She was content in all aspects of her life. All but one. A week ago, she would have said she was content in her personal life as well. But that was before she’d seen Ashleigh again, before they’d slept together...and before all those long-buried feelings surfaced again. At least for her, they surfaced. But Ashleigh’s note conjured up those old insecurities again.
She’d read the note a hundred times. She read the words and she read between the lines. She tried to put herself in Ashleigh’s place, tried to imagine what Ashleigh was thinking as she wrote it. Was she running away as her mother suggested? Did she still harbor feelings for Gina? Or was she simply putting an end to it before it ever got started again? Was she afraid Gina wanted to take a chance on their relationship again? Or perhaps afraid Gina didn’t, and the note was to save face.
Or maybe her old insecurities were true this time. Maybe Ashleigh really wasn’t interested. It was a day of sex. Nothing more, nothing less.
She stopped and turned, looking back as the morning sun was now glaring in the sky, heating the summer air around her. The horizon was no longer crisp and clear, the hot, humid air forming the familiar haze that would linger through summer, not lifting until the first cool day of fall. She hoped her own personal haze dissipated much sooner.
“Are you ready to talk about it yet?”
Gina looked up, seeing past the curiosity in Tracy’s eyes to the concern. She’d avoided talking about the reunion at all, but she knew Tracy was wondering at her absence each morning this week. She’d taken to leaving well before dawn, making it to the beach in plenty of time to catch the sunrise, to walk the beach, to try and sort out her feelings.
She put her pencil down, the scribbles on the paper resembling nothing more than doodling. The ad she’d been working on for the last two days had yet to take shape.
“I’ve been a little distant,” she admitted. “Sorry.”
“A little?” Tracy took the stress ball off her desk and tossed it at Gina. It was a habit they’d taken up from the start, tossing the ball back and forth as they tossed around ideas. Over the years, it had become a symbol of their friendship.
Gina caught the ball, squeezed it between her hands, then tossed it back at Tracy. “I slept with her.”
Tracy’s eyebrows shot up. “Her who? Ashleigh?”
“Yes.”
“Wow. I didn’t see that coming.”
“Neither did I,” she said, catching the ball with one hand. “It wasn’t as weird as I thought—seeing her again. In fact, we were able to talk, talk about the breakup, talk about old times.”
“And one thing led to another?”
Gina flipped the ball back and grinned. “The dance led to the elevator kiss, which led to the goodbye kiss, which led t
o the make-out session, which led to Ashleigh taking me away for a day.”
“Which led to sex?”
“When we were in high school, we used to sneak off to her grandparents’ property. They had this secluded pond with this big giant oak tree. We would go there, take a blanket, have sex.” She caught the ball again, then tossed it on her desk, watching it roll to the edge. “We didn’t resort to a blanket in the weeds this time. The house is sort of a vacation place for the family now. We had it to ourselves, as well as the pool.”
“And you made a day of it?”
“It was a wonderful day. I thought for both of us.”
“Oh no.” Tracy leaned forward. “One and done?”
“She left the next morning for Houston. Left a note for her mother to give to me.”
“Oh, Gina. I’m sorry.”
“For what? That she ran out on me?”
“That, yes. I never said anything, but all these years, you’ve just been going through the motions of dating, not ever really putting much into it. Now, you don’t even bother with that anymore. It was because of Ashleigh, wasn’t it? You still had feelings for her when you broke up, didn’t you?”
Gina nodded. “Yes. I was still in love with her.”
“But you were the one who ended things, right? You never really told me why.”
Gina took a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter. That was twenty years ago.” She stood, walking across the office, her hands tucked in the pockets of her shorts. “You’re right. I never got over her. Every woman I dated, I compared to her. And no one could ever chase her from my heart.” She turned. “I still have feelings for her, Tracy. After all this time, I still do. Part of me thinks she does too.” She shrugged. “And part of me thinks she doesn’t.”
“Well, the only way to find out is to ask her.”
“I know. But I’m afraid she’ll say no. Then I’ll—”
“Be crushed,” Tracy finished for her. She got up, coming closer. “Maybe this is for the best, Gina. You need to know one way or the other. If it’s no, then maybe you can finally let go of her. Maybe date again, meet someone.”
Gina nodded. She knew Tracy was right. But even if Ashleigh’s answer was no, Gina would still compare every woman she met, she would still try to recapture that magic she and Ashleigh shared.
And she knew she would fail each and every time.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Present Day
“You’re bordering on pathetic,” Pam said as they walked, not jogged, along the trail.
“So find yourself another workout partner,” Ashleigh said.
“You call this a workout? We haven’t had a workout in three weeks,” Pam complained. “I’ll even get on a damn bike for you. Anything but this mindless walking we’ve been doing.”
“I think better when I walk.”
“It’s obviously not working. You’ve been doing it for three weeks.”
Ashleigh stopped, glaring at her friend. “I want to call her.”
“Then do it already.”
“I’m afraid to. I left that stupid note.”
“Stupid-ass note,” Pam corrected.
“She could call me.”
“You didn’t give her your number.”
Ashleigh rolled her eyes. “Most likely my mother gave her every number I have.”
“Why don’t you ask your mother?”
“Because then she’ll know I want Gina to call.”
“And?”
“And what?”
Pam let out an exasperated breath. “You and your mother have a weird relationship. So what if she knows you want Gina to call you?”
“She’ll tell me I’m being childish and to call her myself.”
“Well you are. And you should.”
Ashleigh sighed. “I don’t have her number.” A lame excuse. She knew all she had to do was call Gina’s Aunt Lou. Or even Crissy. But then, they’d know. They’d all know what an idiot she was. “Besides, I don’t really know that I want to talk to her.”
“Okay, just for the record, you’re driving me crazy with all this. You just said you wanted to call her.”
“No.” Ashleigh shrugged. “I need to just let it go. I know that. We had a day together, that’s all. It was brought on by old memories, being back there, talking about things. But I know we can’t go back, Pam. I know that. But still...”
“Look, I can’t help you work through this. If it was just sex, then let it go. If it’s more, if you still have feelings, then you need to call her.”
“No. I will not. First of all, my stupid-ass note indicated that it was just fun and sex, nothing else. I’m not going to make a complete fool of myself by calling her.” She shrugged. “And secondly, if she still had feelings, then she would have called already.”
“Okay, so you’ve answered my question.”
“What question?”
“Whether it was just sex or whether you still had feelings. And yes, you’re being an idiot. I thought making up a girlfriend named Faith was absurd, but this is ridiculous. You still have feelings for her. You’ve always had feelings for her. Why do you think you’re still single? Why do you think you don’t date?”
“I told you, there’s never been a spark with—”
“Because she’s your spark, Ashleigh. That’s why you can’t find it with anyone else. She’s your spark.”
It was the truth. There was no need for Ashleigh to pretend it wasn’t. “I’m afraid. She shattered my heart, shattered my world. It was so intense with us. I was a kid. I survived. But now, I’m not sure I could.”
Pam nodded, apparently understanding. She motioned with her head. “Come on, let’s finish our walk.”
Ashleigh fell into step beside her, her mind as full of Gina today as it had been three weeks ago. But she wouldn’t contact her. She couldn’t take a chance. It was better just to let it go and tuck the most recent memories in with the others, only pulling them out on lonely nights...and wondering what could have been.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Twenty-one years earlier
“Shhh,” Ashleigh whispered as the stairs creaked beneath their weight. “They’ll hear.”
Gina pulled her closer and whispered in her ear. “Hurry. The sun’s coming up.”
Ashleigh closed her eyes for a moment, the smell of sex still surrounding them. She tightened her grip on Gina’s hand, for a second wanting to ditch the sunrise and take her back to bed and make love all over again. But the dawn was approaching, her parents would be up soon, wanting to pack, wanting to get on the road. So she nodded, leading them down the stairs of the rented beach house, careful not to bang the screen door as they hurried out to the deck. She still held on to Gina’s hand, pulling her along the trail between the dunes to the beach, slowing finally when they reached the sand. She squeezed Gina’s hand hard, pulling her closer now that they were out of sight of the house.
“I hate that we have to leave today.”
“I know. And summer will be over before you know it. Then back at school.”
“But our senior year.” Ashleigh gazed out over the water, the sky still holding on to the night, only a dim flicker of light shown to the east. “One more year, then college. It happened so fast.”
Gina led her a little farther down the beach, up against the sand dunes, where they laid out the large beach towel. They sat close together, arms tangled together, the early morning breeze chilling their bare skin.
“Where do you want to live when we get out of college?”
Ashleigh smiled with contentment. She loved it when Gina asked questions like that. It meant they’d be together. It meant Gina wanted them to be together. She leaned her head on Gina’s shoulder, letting her eyes slip closed as she imagined them older, both dashing off to work after one last hug and kiss, then coming home from work, sharing cooking and dinner, cuddling on the sofa, then in bed, making love, holding each other while they slept.
“Remember last year when
I said I wanted to live in a big city?”
“Yes.”
“I think I’ve changed my mind,” Ashleigh said. “Nothing small like Calloway though. But I don’t think I’d like a big city like Dallas or Houston.”
“Austin?”
“Maybe. What do you want?”
“I’d live anywhere with you,” Gina said.
“But if you had your choice, where would you pick?”
“I don’t know. I kinda like it down here.” Gina kissed her forehead, pulling her closer. “The beach, the sand, the surf—it’ll always remind me of you, of us. I think even when I’m old, like forty or fifty, it’ll still remind me of you and these summers we spent here. It’s where we fell in love.”
Ashleigh nodded, turning, finding Gina’s mouth, their lips moving gently together. “Even if we can’t live down here, we should plan to come once a year, just to sit like this, if nothing else.”
Gina grinned. “Yeah. Maybe we can still share a house with your parents.”
“Funny. No, I want our own place.”
“Why? So we don’t have to be so quiet in the bedroom?”
“Yes.” Ashleigh pulled away, trying to find Gina’s eyes in the shadows. “I want to tell them.”
“Your parents? Tell them about us?”
“Yes. What do you think?”
“Oh, Ashleigh, I don’t know. I mean, they’re going to freak out. Your mother is going to freak out. She’s still mad that you quit cheerleading. There’s the prom coming up. She’ll—”
“You don’t want me to?”
“I think it could make our last year at school miserable,” Gina said.
Ashleigh sighed. “You’re probably right. I’m just so tired of sneaking around.” And tired of hiding this. She loved Gina. Gina loved her. They shouldn’t have to hide it.
“When we get to college, we won’t have to. Then we can tell them.”
