by Jenna Payne
The third man stands in a doorway leading to the kitchen. He’s large, tall and muscular, wearing an apron and a plaid shirt.
He’s the one who steps forward as I take one brave step inside.
“Can I help you, sweetheart?” he asks. Though he uses the typical Texas ‘sweetheart’ that I’ve become used to, he doesn’t smile and his eyes remain narrowed.
“I’m…I’m looking for Ben?” I say phrasing it as a nervous question. “He said he might not be here, but he told me to come if I needed help.”
Each of these men continues to stare at me. I rifle through my purse and though I’m not looking at them, I can feel the tension in the room mount.
My hand emerges with the small slip of paper bearing Ben’s signature and hold it out to the large man in plaid who spoke to me.
“He told me to show this to you,” I say.
Cautiously, the man in plaid steps forward. He takes the paper out of my hand and looks at it skeptically.
My breath catches in my throat when he moves towards the man in the leather jacket sitting at the bar. He shows the piece of paper to the man who looks at it then glances up at me.
For a moment, I think I’ve made a horrible mistake. Maybe they won’t help me. Maybe they’ll recognize me as the girlfriend of a Raider and accuse me of spying. Maybe they’ll just toss me out into the street with no protection whatsoever.
The man in the leather jacket looks up from the note and nods to the man in plaid. The man in plaid takes the note from the other man, folds it, and walks towards me again. I try to keep my eyes on him as he crosses to me. Though my mind is screaming at me to find the nearest exit.
“What is it you’re running from?” he asks, though I notice his face has softened. The tension in the room seems to have disappeared.
“A guy…my boyfriend,” I tell him.
“What’s this boyfriend like?” he asks.
“It’s…complicated,” I tell him not wanting to go into the details. “I just need a place to lie low for a while.”
The man looks at me and glances back at the man in leather. The man nods again and the man in plaid turns back to me.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“Ali,” I tell him.
“Ok, Ali,” he says. “Ben should be in around five o’clock. You can wait it out here ’til then. I’m Mike, that’s Bill,” he points to the man wearing the leather jacket who nods to me, “and Ryan’s behind the bar. He’ll get you anything you need to eat or drink. No charge. Just make yourself at home.”
With that, Mike turns away and heads back to the kitchen. Bill and Ryan likewise turn their attention back to the bar and away from me.
I’m still feeling slightly awkward. But confident, at least, that I am not going to be either thrown out on the street or beaten within an inch of my life. I look around the bar for a place where I can do as Mike suggested and make myself comfortable.
This bar is only slightly better kept than The Watering Hole. At least, the plaster’s not coming off the walls here. The floor still smells of beer and piss. My shoes stick slightly to the muck on the ground as I make my way over to a corner booth.
It’s covered in red vinyl but not nearly as sticky as the floor. It’s plush and comfortable enough to sit for a while.
I set down my purse, pull out my phone and stay in the booth all afternoon. A few more guys have come and gone. One or two even looked over at me curiously. One young kid eagerly tried to make his way over here. Maybe he was thinking of buying me a drink. But Bill, who stayed at the bar too, held out a hand to stop him and turned him back to the stool where he’d been sitting a moment before. Apparently, Bill is part of the protection Ben promised. Even though I’m sure that kid posed no threat, I’m grateful to have someone looking out for me. I know I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.
I’ve only stood up a handful of times to use the restroom or to ask for water and free pretzels from Ryan at the bar. I know Mike said I could order anything at no charge, but I’ve always felt weird about taking things without paying for them. I guess it feels a little too close to stealing.
Around four o’clock, Ryan convinces me to have a soda at the very least. Reluctantly, I agree. I’m still sipping on it when Ben strolls into the bar at five.
As soon as I see him walk through the door, I stand from my seat at the booth. Almost as soon as he steps in, he sees me and makes his way over.
He doesn’t look surprised to see me here. His expression spells out determination instead. I guess Mike must have told him.
“What happened?” he asks sliding into the booth and sitting across from me. I sit back down and tell him the whole story.
When I get to the part about Jake putting a knife to my throat, I see his hand on top of the table clench into a fist and his face goes red. And when I tell him that Jake wouldn’t let me leave the house except to go to work, he mutters a curse under his breath.
I finally finish and we both fall silent. He stares at me for a good long while. His sharp eyes, normally filled with laughter, are now filled with an expression I’m not sure I should dare to name. If I had to, I would say it was rage.
Eventually, his eyes soften as he gazes at me.
“Did the guys treat you ok when you came here?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I tell him, “they’ve been great, actually.”
“And no one’s bothered you?” he asks. I shake my head no.
“Your friend Bill over there saw to that,” I say. I allow myself a small smile as I cock my head towards the bar where Bill still sits on the stool, beer bottle in hand.
Ben doesn’t return my smile. He simply purses his lips and gives a resigned nod.
“Good,” he says.
“So what happens now?” I ask. I’m very aware that I can’t just live in this bar. But I’m afraid the second I leave, Jake and his cronies will swoop down on me.
“I’ve got to go talk to Mike about that,” he says. “If what you said is true, then Jake’ll be out to get me as much as you. Maybe more. We’ll both have to find a spot to lay low.”
As Ben gets up from the booth, I move my eyes down to the floor. My heart has sunk in my chest. In all my fear and concern for myself, I didn’t even think about the position I had put Ben in. I’ve put his life in danger every bit as much as my own. At this thought, I feel my face begin to fill with shame.
“Hey,” Ben’s voice causes me to look up at him. For the first time, he smiles at me. I watch carefully as he reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder.
Once again the warmth of his skin, even through the fabric of my shirt, sends shivers down my spine.
“Don’t beat yourself up for coming here,” he says as though he has read my thoughts. “You did the right thing. You’ll be safe with me. I promise.”
With that, he walks away from me and towards the kitchen where he disappears around a corner. I know he must be talking to Mike. Though, I can’t even begin to guess what they might be saying.
When he comes back out, he’s carrying a piece of paper and two sets of keys. I stand up again as he walks back to my booth.
“Do you have your car with you?” he asks.
“I parked it in an alley a couple of blocks away,” I tell him. He nods.
“Probably best to leave it there,” he says. “You don’t want him being able to track you. You can ride with me.”
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“Mike’s got a place just outside of town,” Ben says. “It’s pretty secluded. The guys in the club are the only ones who know about it. He says we can stay there for a few days.”
“Then what?” I ask. Honestly, it’s a question I’ve been asking myself over and over ever since I left Jake.
Even if I do manage to get away from Jake, what happens after that? How am I supposed to start my life all over again?
“We’ll figure that out as we go, I guess,” Ben says.
It’s not really the answer I wa
s looking for. It’s not really an answer at all. To tell the truth, I’m not sure that question even has an answer. All the same, I nod to him.
He moves to my side and takes my hand in his. As we walk towards the exit, I can’t help but focus on the way his hand feels in mine. As though our palms were always meant to be pressed together.
When we arrive at the door, he opens it for me. I jump when his hand moves to the small of my back to usher me through. Every fear leaves me at his touch. The intimacy of his hand pressed against my skin fills me with other thoughts. Thoughts I didn’t imagine would come into my head today of all days.
When his arm remains firmly wrapped around my waist as we walk towards his motorcycle, I suddenly feel as though I will never be afraid again. As long as I’m with Ben, I feel like I’m safe.
*****
Riding on Ben’s motorcycle only increases my fascination with him. I know I should still be afraid of Jake; I should still be worried about what tomorrow will bring, not to mention the next day, and the day after that.
But when my arms are wrapped around Ben’s firm, steady chest; when my body is pressed so closely to his, I can’t seem to think of anything else.
We fly down the road that leads out of town. The lights soon disappear from view and we’re riding carefully down unkempt dirt roads surrounded by dense trees and ivy.
It’s a long while before we reach a small, wooden cabin as dark as the forest around it.
Ben disembarks first and then puts his hands on my waist to help me down. When he does, I look into his eyes and, even though it’s very dark, I can see their brightness by the light of the moon.
His lips are so close to mine; I can feel his warm breath blowing against my skin. Suddenly, despite everything that’s gone on today, despite Jake and everything else, I want to kiss this man.
Before I can act on the urge, Ben turns away and moves towards the cabin door. I follow.
Inside, the cabin is pitch black. Not even moonlight shines through the windows. I suddenly imagine Jake waiting for me in a place like this. I think about him jumping out from behind the open door. I think about him grabbing me and putting that steel blade against my throat.
I jump when I hear a clicking sound from the door. The next moment the lights shine in the room and I turn to see Ben smiling at me.
“I don’t blame you for being jumpy,” he says “You’ve had quite a day.”
“You can say that again,” I answer. Though, my cheeks can’t help but burn just a bit in embarrassment.
I look around the cabin. It’s cleaner and much brighter than I imagined it would be. I imagined a biker club’s cabin to be littered with memorabilia, crushed beer cans and a handful of American flags.
There’s none of that here. It looks as though the house hasn’t been used for a while. Aside from a rather prominent deer head above a dark fireplace, there’s little in the way of decoration. One couch and a coffee table beside the fireplace is the only furniture.
“Mike doesn’t use this much,” Ben says unnecessarily, making his way towards the couch. “He used to come up here to hunt, but he hasn’t done that in years. Now, some of the guys use it to cool off after fights or if they need a place to lay low for a while.”
“Like us,” I say. He doesn’t answer but looks back at me and gives me a small smile. We stop in front of the couch.
“There are two bedrooms down that hall,” Ben says pointing to a still dark corridor, “you can take whichever one you’d like.”
“Thanks,” I say quietly.
We both walk down the corridor and Ben turns on another light. I take the first bedroom on the right. I don’t really have a preference. I’m just happy I’ll have a place to sleep tonight.
Once I set my small pile of clothes down by the bed, I move out of the room. Ben meets me in the corridor.
We stare at each other awkwardly as though neither of us is entirely sure what we should do next.
“Have you eaten yet?” Ben asks finally.
“I’m not really hungry,” I say. It’s true, even though all I’ve eaten since breakfast is a couple handfuls of pretzels, I’m not sure I could stomach anything more.
“If you like, you can get ready for bed now,” he says, “the bathroom’s down the hall. I know you’ve had a long day.”
I shake my head no.
“Not really tired either,” I say.
“Well…” he says putting his hands in his pockets and glancing this way and that as though searching for another activity. I can’t help but think that it’s kind of adorable how nervous he seems.
“I wouldn’t say no to a drink,” I tell him finally. “That is if there is anything to drink here.”
He looks at me, his eyes widening in surprise.
“I thought, after being at the bar all day, you would have had enough to drink,” he says.
“Not really,” I tell him with a shrug, “I just had water and one soda.”
He gapes at me for a moment then gives a surprised chuckle.
“I know Mike told you to have anything you wanted,” he says. “If you wanted a drink, why didn’t you ask for one?”
I shrug again.
“I guess I have a thing about accepting charity,” I tell him honestly. He looks at me for a moment then breaks out into a smile.
“Yet, here you are, accepting help from me,” he says.
“You’re…different,” I tell him. I feel heat crawl up my face and I look down on the ground. I shouldn’t have said that, even if it is true.
My stomach lurches and my head shoots back up when Ben takes my hand.
“Come on,” he says, that bright smile is still on his face.
He leads me to the couch and opens a cabinet just beside the fireplace.
“Mike always keeps some wine here,” he says searching for a moment before pulling out a bottle and two glasses.
“Funny,” I say, “none of you bikers strike me as wine types.”
He turns back to me with that flirty smile and my stomach performs another flop.
“Well, that’ll teach you not to make assumptions,” he says with a wink.
“I guess it will,” I tell him as he heads over to the couch.
He pours the wine then lights a fire. It’s not really necessary. It’s barely chilly outside. But it sets a nice atmosphere all the same.
We sit on the couch next to each other the rest of the evening. With each glass of red wine, I notice myself moving progressively closer to him.
By the third glass, I’ve leaned my head against his chest and his arm is draped around my shoulders. We continue to sip and talk about inconsequential things: movies, celebrities, the weather, even politics. Always lightly dancing around the elephant in the room.
It’s not until Ben gulps down the last sip of his third glass that he looks down at me seriously. I can tell by the gleam in his eye that he wants to talk about Jake. About what I’ve been through.
At the moment, I discover that I’m just drunk enough not to mind. Nonetheless, I take a deep breath and steel myself before he asks.
“Why now? I mean…why are you just now leaving him? You’ve been together forever, haven’t you?”
“Since high school,” I say.
“And you’ve only just realized that he’s not good for you?”
I take another sip of wine, hoping it will give me the courage to answer as honestly as I can.
“I’ve known for a while,” I say finally. “I just…I don’t know. I guess I was just scared.”
“Scared of what?” he asks turning towards me. He’s looking into my eyes now and I’m looking into his. It would be so easy to just lean forward and kiss him. I know that would stop the whole uncomfortable conversation in its tracks.
But, I also know that wouldn’t help either of us one bit. If I’m going to trust him to protect me, and if he’s going to trust me, I’ve got to be as honest as I can be.
“I…I guess,” I falter turning away fr
om Ben, “Jake and I’ve just been together so long. I was scared that there wouldn’t be anything else out there for me. I was scared that…without him…I wouldn’t have anyone.”
I stare down at my hands, letting my admission fill the air around us. Suddenly, I feel the soft tips of his fingers come up to my chin. He cups my face and moves my eyes to meet his.
“Ali,” he says gently, “there is so much out there for you. Something’s sitting right in front of you. You’ve just got to open your eyes and see it.”
His eyes have brightened and a half smile lines his lips. I shudder inwardly as he opens his hand to rest it against my cheek. I feel the soft skin of his thumb caressing the side of my face. I lean into his touch, unable to take my eyes off his.
The next moment, he’s bringing my lips forward to meet with his. When they do, the kiss is gentle, tentative. As though neither of us is really certain what we’re doing.
In half a second, the uncertainty vanishes and he deepens the kiss, pressing against my lips, forcing my mouth open with his tongue. He moves his hand from my jaw and I feel it tangle in my long hair.
Unable to stand it anymore, I climb into his lap and press myself against him. I move my hand to the front of his white shirt and touch his smooth, tight abs hidden by the thin fabric.
Moving further into him, I feel his member begin to stir beneath his tight jeans. That’s when he pulls back and looks at me once again.
I almost let out a whine of disappointment. I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t want to worry anymore. After so long, I just want…no…I need to feel a man touch me, caress me, love me. And I need that man to be Ben.
“Ali,” he whispers, “Are you…are you sure about this? I mean, you’ve been through a lot-”
“I’m sure,” I cut him off desperately. He still looks slightly uncertain. That’s when the idea comes to me. I give him what I hope to be a seductive grin before slowly moving my hand between us.
I cup his growing member through his jeans and he groans. I smile again as I move to put my lips by his ear.
