Melanie held his gaze, feeling the air charge with a current she couldn’t name. Didn’t want to examine. “Come on, Sir Galahad,” she whispered. “Let’s go home.”
He stood, grasping her hand and tucking it in the curve of his elbow. “Galahad had pure thoughts, Melanie. I don’t.”
Laughing, they strolled toward home.
A few minutes later they stood on her porch, the door half-open.
“Do you want to come in for coffee?”
“No, if I come inside, I’ll want more than coffee.” His gaze raked her hotly. “And more than one kiss.”
“I see. Then I guess a nightcap is out of the question, huh?”
“Yes, it is,” he growled, backing her up against the doorjamb. “Because I can barely stand not having you, Melanie, but the next time I make love to you, I want my ring on your finger and vows between us.”
Before she could speak, he kissed her hard, closing his arms around her and pulling her body flush against his so there was no doubt in her mind what he meant, what he wanted.
Then he let her go, spun about and climbed into his car. He drove away, leaving Melanie weak-kneed and wanting, and distrusting her own judgment.
Jack felt the change between them, the strength of the bond that went beyond the child, but he kept it to himself. Melanie was a strong woman, but trusting a man again scared the living daylights out of her. She deserved to be wary, and he still wanted to pulverize the men who’d hurt her.
He glanced at the woman pushing the stroller beside him in the park. Did she realize, as he had, that they’d fallen into a routine with each other? She might sleep alone every night, but she knew he was there. Just as he couldn’t forget what it was like to wake up beside her, to feel her long legs and arms wrapping him.
“That’s not the look of a proud father,” she said softly from beside him.
He smiled at the flush in her cheeks. “No Galahad here,” he murmured, adding a long velvety look over her body. It had become a joke between them, a message only they understood. He’d kiss her or touch her, she’d warn him off and he’d claim not to be Sir Galahad. Jack knew the only thing keeping them apart was her distrust. He was trying to earn her trust, though he hadn’t given her any reason to distrust him. He was paying for some other man’s crime, and while Jack wanted to bide his time, he was running out of it too quickly.
They’d circled the park and were heading back to Melanie’s place when she paused near a bench to adjust the restraining strap of the stroller. An elderly woman sitting there was feeding the ducks that lingered near the small pond.
“Oh, aren’t you a pretty little thing!” she said to Juliana, and leaned out to brush her fingers over the baby’s hair.
Juliana gurgled and made bubbles for the woman.
“Thank you. We think so,” Melanie said.
The woman looked up at Melanie. “She has your husband’s eyes.”
“Oh, we’re not married,” Melanie said without thinking, and instantly cursed her thoughtlessness.
The woman blinked, first glaring at them, then offering the child a look of pure pity that Melanie couldn’t ignore.
“You poor dear,” she cooed. “Raised a bastard because of selfish parents.”
Jack stiffened and pulled the stroller well back from the old woman. “I see that being inexcusably crass has nothing to do with age,” he snapped.
Melanie looked between him and her child, fighting the welling of tears.
The woman sniffed, then huffed out an indignant breath. “Well, it’s your own fault, you know. I won’t be the first—or the last to say it, either, young man. You ought to be thinking of this innocent child and not yourselves. Since you weren’t thinking of her when you made her.”
Melanie gasped, then grabbed the stroller and wheeled it away. Jack clenched his fists at his side and being an officer and a gentleman, refrained from telling the woman exactly what he thought of her.
He went after Melanie.
“Don’t say anything,” Melanie muttered without stopping.
“Melanie, honey, stop.”
“Damn that old bat.” On her front steps, Melanie burst into tears. “How could she say that to my baby!”
Jack swept his arms around her. “Shh.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head and Melanie sobbed. Juliana chimed in. “Come on.” He ushered his women into the house.
Once inside, Melanie sat on the sofa and cuddled the baby. Juliana continued to whimper.
“Melanie, hon, you’re scaring Juliana.”
“I know, I know. Help me, please.” She handed the child to him and went to wash her face. In the bathroom she sobbed with helpless anger, and when she came back, he’d put the baby in her crib.
Melanie went to go check on her, but Jack stopped her. “She’s fine.”
She scowled. “Let me go.”
“You’re upset and she knows it. Come on, relax a little.”
“I don’t want to relax. I want to stay mad.”
“Good, then let’s talk about this.” He urged her toward the sofa.
“We’ve done that.” She plopped into the cushions.
“Have I asked you to marry me again? Have I reminded you that we should do this for her and not us?”
Melanie felt battered by her own words and feelings. “No,” she admitted, “you haven’t.” She snatched up a pillow and plucked at the edges when she wanted to punch that old woman. “But nothing has really changed, has it? We’re not going to see marriage in the same way. You see names on paper and I see lifetimes.”
Jack felt her words sink into him like arrows. “What do you want, Melanie?” When she remained silent, he took the pillow and forced her to look at him. “What do you want?”
“I want a marriage like my parents have, where what they do, they do together. And not just for the kids, but for themselves, because they loved each other first.” She swallowed hard. “I want to be loved because I’m me, Jack, not because I’m Juliana’s mother.”
“But you are her mother, and that’s not going to change.”
A leaded feeling coated her heart just then. “And she’s the reason you’re still here.”
His features darkened. “Not true.”
“And how would I ever know that for certain?”
“You won’t. You just have to trust me.”
She scoffed and pulled free. Jack felt helpless, watching her close the door again and secret away the key just when he’d managed to find the lock.
“I think your being around is just making this harder on both of us, Jack.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
She looked up, still as glass. His gaze locked with hers for a moment, then he stood and headed to the door.
She rose and rounded the back of the couch. “Where are you going?”
At the door he stopped, his hand on the knob, his gaze clinging there. “I don’t know.” He looked at her, wanting a magic wand to make things perfect and realizing they never would be. “All I know right now is that I want you in my life like there will be no tomorrow. I care about you and I love my daughter. I’m sorry it’s not enough. I was just trying to make things right for our baby.”
“Jack.”
“I’ll see you later.” He stepped out and closed the door.
Melanie stared at the door, a knot working up her throat as she sank slowly into the nearest chair, stunned. What have I done? she thought. What now?
Outside the door Jack stopped, wanting badly to turn around and walk back inside. To take Melanie into his arms and kiss her until she couldn’t argue with him anymore. He left the porch and climbed into his car, driving toward his sister’s place. Every mile he put between him and Melanie didn’t help. But she did have a point. She was the mother of his child and nothing would change that. And Jack had to ask himself if that was all he wanted from Melanie. Their names on a license? What did it mean, in the long run, to marry her for the sake of a name? To keep old women like the one i
n the park quiet? He pulled into Lisa’s driveway and shut off the engine, sighing back into the seat. When had he thought of marriage as just names? When had it come down to that between him and Melanie? Jack knew why he wanted his daughter to have his name, but was he ready to tell Melanie?
He slammed out of the sports car, marching to the door and throwing it open. Inside it was dark, and the loneliness that he’d lived with for years screamed back at him. He’d handled it with a fair amount of ease in the past, but the thought of getting a call that would take him away right now made his stomach clench. He didn’t have a normal job. He didn’t have normal hours, for that matter. It was get a call and go do the job. Up until now he hadn’t been afraid of dying, either. Now he was. Because Juliana needed him. Melanie didn’t. She’d proved she could handle anything on her own. It also meant that when he had to leave, she could handle it all. He snorted to himself. Yeah, you act like you matter, he thought.
If they married, she’d be a Navy wife, and she’d also have a ring on her finger that would keep her from finding someone she could truly love. Oh, God, he thought, dropping his head back against the closed door. The idea gouged his heart. Deeply. Was he asking too much of Melanie to sacrifice her chances for his need to give his daughter his name?
It was actually comforting to know that nothing would stop Jack from being with his daughter. But then, loyalty was one of Jack’s better qualities. He came around when she wasn’t home and left before she arrived. The completed play set in the backyard wasn’t the only reminder that he’d been in the house. He did the laundry, cooked and then, like a magical partner disappeared. Diana had no problem telling her how wonderful Jack was to the baby, but that, too, Melanie didn’t have to hear secondhand. It showed in Juliana, the way she looked around for him.
And Melanie missed him, craved to look into his eyes, to see him here where she could share with him. Oh, hell, she thought. She needed him, she wanted him, and while she struggled with her feelings, it wasn’t until she took her daughter to the doctor for a follow-up appointment that Melanie got another cruel taste of what Jack had been arguing about for the past weeks.
“You’re single?” a nurse, new to the clinic, asked as Melanie settled the bill.
“Yes.”
The nurse glanced at the baby, then at Melanie. “And the father’s name?”
“Lieutenant Jack Singer. It’s all right there in Juliana’s record.”
“You’re not married to the father, so how can she have military TriCare benefits?”
“You’ll have to ask him that.” All Melanie knew was that Jack had arranged it, had been looking out for his daughter the only way she’d allowed him to.
“Illegitimate status might cause a problem, since the child isn’t listed on his service records.”
Illegitimate.
It rang as harshly as bastard. Melanie felt her insides tense and she gripped her daughter a little tighter. “Fine, put the visit on mine.” She handed over her own insurance card.
“Yes, ma’am.” The nurse gave her a testy look, then quite plainly snubbed her child.
Melanie snatched her card back and without waiting for a receipt, she left. Yet for the first time she felt the stares. Not so much on her, but on her child. An innocent baby who had nothing to do with the marital status of her parents. Damn, Melanie thought as she drove home. Damn those people. If it was this bad now, how bad would it be when Juliana was in school? When other kids picked up things from their parents and called Juliana names? By the time Melanie arrived home, she was on the verge of tears. Juliana fussed, sensing her mother’s turmoil. Melanie gave her a bottle and changed her for her nap, but she couldn’t help thinking of what it would be like years down the line. When kids would talk. When people would be cruel.
The decision came easily.
Eight
The knocking was frantic, and when Jack opened the door he didn’t expect to see Melanie. In tears. “My God, Melanie, what—”
“I’ll marry you.”
“What?”
“I said I’ll marry you. Right now. Today, tomorrow.” She pushed her way inside and he closed the door.
“Wait a second. What’s going on? Is Juliana all right?”
Melanie swiped at her cheeks and nodded. “She’s fine. She’s with Diana.”
Thank God. His heart slipped back from his throat to his chest. “Now sit down and tell me what happened.”
“I got another taste of someone just like that old woman in the park.”
“I see.”
“And it hurt.” She clutched her throat, choking on her tears. “Oh, God, it hurt and I wanted to hit something.”
“I know what you mean.”
She looked at him. “I’ve been selfish. I didn’t see how my single status could affect Juliana, and the last thing I want is to let anyone hurt my child.”
Melanie fell apart again, filled with guilt and anger, and Jack came to her, closing her in his arms. She gripped him and cried.
“It was awful. They looked at her like she was to blame. She’s just a baby!” Melanie moaned low in her throat. “I’m so ashamed of myself.”
“Shh,” he said. “It’s all right.”
“It’s not all right, dammit. It’s unfair.”
“We’ll make it right, for her, not for us.”
Was it all really for the baby? Melanie wondered. Was that all Jack wanted? His name after their baby’s on a birth certificate? “It’s what you’ve been saying all along.”
Her tone was so disheartening Jack asked, “Is marrying me so bad?”
She lifted her face to his. Her gaze slid over his features as she thought of all he’d done, of the man he was. Melanie knew she’d already started the fall into love the instant he walked back into her life. She’d tried to ignore it, but it kept coming. He kept coming. It wasn’t just that he was a great help or that Juliana adored him, but that he was so willing to do right by both of them. All three of them. Melanie knew his honor was at stake, his feelings for their child laying the path. But what about his feelings for her? She understood all too clearly that he wanted her in his bed, but in his life? Really in his life?
It would change so much for both of them, but Melanie couldn’t see the future. She didn’t want to anticipate failure. In the past fifteen months she’d tried to be practical. She’d tried to do what was best for herself and her baby. And what she’d really done since he’d come home was protect herself and fail her child.
Juliana needed her father.
Melanie needed to be loved by him.
Because she was already falling deeply in love with Jack. Was she willing to risk her heart being broken again? Then she thought of her daughter, that one ugly look from the nurse that Melanie would have done anything to shield from Juliana.
“What are you thinking?” he whispered softly. “I can see those gears grinding in your head.”
Her lips curved gently. “No, you can’t.”
“You’re trying to talk yourself out of marrying me.”
“No, I’m trying to figure out why you would want to give up your freedom for us.”
“I love Juliana.”
“Of that I have no doubt. But what about you and me, Jack?”
He sighed. “You know how I feel about you.”
“I know how your libido does, but what about you?”
Jack struggled with his words, with whether or not she was ready to hear what he had to say. And whether he understood it himself. He’d spent half the night trying to gather his feelings into a neat package and failed. “I…I don’t know.”
She stiffened.
“Can you say the same thing?” He felt his breath snag in his lungs.
“No, I can’t. My feelings are jumbled and Lord knows I’ve tried to piece them together since you came back.” She pushed out of his arms and dug in her purse for a tissue, then tossed the handbag on a chair. “I care about you a great deal, Jack.” Well, that was cautious, she thought
. “And I know it’s not because of Juliana, since we’ve been living without you for a while.” She looked at him. “But you haven’t. You came into a ready-made family.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Come on, it’s not that easy.”
“No, it wasn’t. It was a shock. But all I had to do was take one look at my little girl and I was lost. And her mother still does crazy things to me.”
“I’ll never know if you care for me because of her or for myself.”
“You’ll have to trust my word.”
She couldn’t quite bring herself to do that. Not yet. And if he shouted to the heavens that he loved her, she wouldn’t believe him, anyway. There was still a huge part of her that didn’t trust a man to tell the truth and mean it. She’d thought the other men in her past were decent men, good men, up until they betrayed her. Or was she just not seeing them for what they were at the time? Was she blinded by her love? Granted, they hadn’t been in a tough situation like the one she and Jack were in now, and the gloves were off with her and Jack. There were no claims of undying love to sway her.
Oh, but she remembered her heartbreak when she’d learned the truth about each of her fiancés. Keeping herself at arm’s length wasn’t a bad thing, but Jack wouldn’t stand for that. Despite his desire to commit himself to her and their child, was he ready for what Melanie wanted from him?
When she remained silent, staring at him with that odd look in her eyes, Jack’s heart folded over itself. “You have good reason not to trust men, honey. But I haven’t done the things those others have. I’m not leaving and I’m not looking elsewhere, either.”
“And if you did find someone else?” Saying it out loud stung her.
“I don’t want anyone else.”
“Because I’m the mother of your child.”
“No, because you’re the woman I want.”
Melanie felt as if an arrow landed right in her heart. For a moment right then, she believed him. She smiled.
He returned it, then his expression sobered. “I will never betray you, Melanie. Never.”
She stared, wanting to trust his words. Wanting to just believe him.
The SEAL’s Surprise Baby Page 9
