Christmas! It’s Christmas! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Scrooge
Good morning! Can you tell me if you’ve sold the large turkey that’s been hanging in your window?
Grocer
The one that’s as big as a small ?
Scrooge
That’s the one!
Grocer
Nope, still here.
Scrooge
Perfect! I’d like to buy it, please. I have the perfect for it.
Scrooge
Hello! I don’t know if you remember me. This is Scrooge from Scrooge & Marley’s. You contacted me the other day about donating to charity.
555-5586
yes, i remember. how r u?
Scrooge
WONDERFUL! AMAZING! I hope you are too!
Did you collect a lot for the poor? What a wonderful thing you were doing.
555-5586
r u SURE this is the same scrooge i spoke to?
Scrooge
my . It’s me!
And I feel so awful for the way I treated you. I hope you’ll still accept my donation for your charity.
555-5586
scrooge! it’s too much. i don’t know what to say!
Scrooge
You don’t need to say anything! Merry Christmas!!
Scrooge has checked into Fred’s .
Scrooge
Fred! You ? I’m right outside your !
Fred
Uncle Scrooge? I can’t believe you’re here!
Scrooge
I was wondering if your generous invitation to Christmas dinner with your was still open. I understand if you don’t want me here, though.
Fred
Of COURSE you’re welcome! Merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge!
Scrooge has checked into Scrooge & Marley’s.
Scrooge
Do you know what time it is, Bob?
Bob Cratchit
I’m so sorry, Mr. Scrooge! I know I’m running late!
Scrooge
Twenty minutes late, to be specific.
Bob Cratchit
It won’t happen again.
It’s just because of yesterday’s festivities.
Scrooge
You’re darn right it won’t happen again.
Bob Cratchit
Scrooge
Because I’m giving you a raise!!
Bob Cratchit
Wh-what?
Scrooge
Merry Christmas, Bob! You deserve this!
And I want to help your as much as I can too!
Bob Cratchit
You’re really going to do that?
Scrooge
I won’t peacefully until we’ve found a cure for your precious Tiny Tim .
Bob Cratchit
Thank you, Mr. Scrooge! Thank you! Merry Christmas!
Scrooge
Merry Christmas, Bob.
Merry Christmas to the whole !
Scrooge
I’ve learned so much recently. About what it means to be rich , but more important what it means to give. Most of all, though, I’ve learned how important friends and are, especially colleagues and nephews and children who still have so much life to experience . Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year and its past, present, and future spirit should be recognized year-round. What a time to be alive!
86 people have liked this.
REPLY
Scrooge
I guess there’s only one more thing to say—as someone once wisely spoke:
God bless us, every one!
110 people have liked this.
REPLY
Fred: We you, Uncle Scrooge!
Bob Cratchit: You’re the greatest of all.
Tiny Tim: Hey, cool!
Ghost of Christmas Past:
Ghost of Christmas Present: That has nada to do w/xmas, GCP!
Ghost of Christmas Past: R U talking 2 urself?
Ghost of Christmas Present: Goooood one. So clever. Better save that one for next year.
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come:
Ghost of Christmas Present: C’mon, GCYC! Lighten up already.
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come:
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: JK! MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!
The 411 for Those Not in the Know
411: Information
AF: As F*ck
BAE: Before Anyone Else (your babe)
FBF: Flashback Friday
FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
GL2U: Good Luck To You
GR8: Great
IDC: I Don’t Care
IDGI: I Don’t Get It
IDK: I Don’t Know
JK: Just Kidding
L8R: Later
NAGL: Not A Good Look
NBD: No Big Deal
NMF: Not My Fault
OMG: Oh My God
OOTD: Outfit Of The Day
OTP: One True Pairing
RN: Right Now
TBH: To Be Honest
TBT: Throwback Thursday
TL;DR: Too Long; Didn’t Read
TT4N: Ta Ta For Now
TTYN: Talk To You Never
TY: Thank You
TYVM: Thank You Very Much
WTF: What The F*ck
Y/Y: Yes/Yes
Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book
Angry
Anguished
Annoyed
Anxious
Confused
Cool
Dead/Dying
Devilish
Devious
Disappointed
Embarrassed
Extremely amused (crying)
Extremely angry (fuming)
Extremely embarrassed
Extremely sad (crying)
Eyeroll
Flirty
Friendly (wink, wink)
Goofy
Happy
Indifferent
Love
Panicked
Sad
Shocked
Shocked and screaming
Sick
Silly
Sleepy
Speechless
Tearing up
Teasing
Unamused
Worried
BRETT WRIGHT has a BFA in creative writing and works full-time as a children’s book editor in New York City. In college, he studied Shakespearean tragedy, which was sadly lacking in emoticons. He loves receiving during the holidays. @brettwright
CHARLES DICKENS was an English writer born in 1812. His best-known works are Oliver Twist, Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, and, of course, A Christmas Carol. He was a popular writer during his lifetime, producing fifteen novels, five novellas, and hundreds of short stories and articles. He is still recognized today as a literary genius.
- Volume 1 -
Mr. Bennet
REPLY
Lady Lucas: Duh, everyone knows that!
Mr. Bingley has checked into Netherfield Park.
Mrs. Bennet, Lady Lucas, and 20 others like this.
Mrs. Bennet
OMG, babe, guess who just bought Netherfield Park!
Charles Bingley
Mr. Bennet
Single or married?
Mrs. Bennet
SINGLE!! Will you go see him?
Mr. Bennet
Mrs. Bennet
What?! Why not?!?!
Mr. Bennet
Go without me. My fingers are crossed for Lizzy!
Mrs. Bennet
Lizzy?! But Jane’s the prettiest! And Lydia’s the most fun! I don’t know why you Lizzy the most….
Mr. Bennet
Mrs. Bennet took a quiz.
Using one emoji, describe your daughters.
Jane:
Lizzy:
Mary:
Kitty:
Lydia:
Kitty likes this.
REPLY
Mrs. Bennet
I’m so over Bingley!! He just moved in & it’s all anyone talks
about anymore!!
Mr. Bennet
If I knew you were of him, I wouldn’t have gone over there this morning.
Mrs. Bennet
WHAT?! OMG! Best husband everrr!!!
Mrs. Bennet
Lady Lucas, what did your husband say about Mr. Bingley?!?! I need details!!
Lady Lucas
Young! Handsome! Charming! #AllTheThings
And that he’ll be GOING TO OUR BALL.
Mrs. Bennet
OMG!!! We’ll be there!
Dancer
Charles Bingley asks Charlotte Lucas to dance.
Charlotte Lucas accepts. #SwipesRight
Charles Bingley asks Jane Bennet to dance.
Jane Bennet accepts. #SwipesRight
Charles Bingley asks Jane Bennet to dance again.
Jane Bennet accepts. #SwipesRight
Charles Bingley suggests Fitzwilliam Darcy ask Elizabeth Bennet to dance.
Fitzwilliam Darcy declines. #SwipesLeft
Bingley: Darcy, c’mon! Ur really not going to dance with anyone?
Darcy: Your sisters are all taken. None of these other girls are good enough 4 me. You got the prettiest 1.
Bingley: I know, right? #SorryNotSorry
Bingley: But her sister Lizzy seems cool.
Darcy: Meh. Not hot. Besides, if no1 else wants her, why should I?
Bingley: You are the WORST wingman.
Jane
Lizzy, dance w/ that hot guy Darcy!
Lizzy
Look at your Dancer feed. He’s a jerk.
Jane
Maybe it was an accidental swipe left?!
Lizzy
Whatevs. I won’t let a guy like that ruin my night.
Mrs. Bennet
OMG such a fun night! Bingley and Jane danced twice! Not the first dance (damn you, Charlotte Lucas! Lol jk jk). But still, TWICE! OH!!! And this other guy, Darcy, was a complete to everyone all night long. He didn’t even dance with Lizzy!!! Lame!
REPLY
Mr. Bennet: Everyone please disregard the above. There’s nothing to here….
Jane
Lizzy, I think I’m in love <3 <3 <3
I can’t believe Bingley asked me to dance—twice!
Lizzy
I can. Do you have any idea how pretty you are? Hint:
Bingley’s sisters, though…
Jane
Mrs. Hurst & Miss Bingley?
Lizzy
Yeah…#Yikes They think they’re hot sh*t, huh?
Jane
Maybe they’re not so bad once you get 2 know them.
Lizzy
Hopefully I’ll never have to!
Group text: Jane, Charlotte, Lizzy
Jane
Charlotte, Bingley danced with you first!
Charlotte
But he danced with you twice!
Darcy really should have danced with Lizzy.
Lizzy
He had me on his Not Hot list, that’s for sure. I needed an extra shawl for all that #Shade.
Charlotte
SMH. Ya, he’s stuck up. But let’s be real…he has reason 2 b, with his and everything else going for him.
Lizzy
I’d be cool with his pride if he didn’t trample on mine. #HatersGonnaHate
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Scrooge #worstgiftever Page 4
