by Ashlee Price
“I have.”
“And what about your ‘friend’ Ivy? How does that fit into making things better with your wife?”
She had me there, but I didn’t want to talk about that. I didn’t want to admit that in spite of the fact that I hated my father for cheating on my mother and treating women like they were disposable, I’d ended up just like him. It was a hard fact to realize, and it wasn’t one that I wanted her to know about.
“It doesn’t. Ivy keeps me sane. She isn’t the only one, but I see her more than the rest.”
“The rest?”
I sighed to myself and realized that again I’d said too much. What was it about Camilla that made me want to bare my soul to her? She would have my whole life story in an hour if I didn’t pay more attention.
“Well, there are a few more that I see on occasion. I find it hard to stick with one woman.”
“That’s usually taken care of when you get married, Tyler, but I’m not here to judge.”
I could tell that she was doing that very thing by the way she looked at me. It looked to me like she was thinking I was the lowest form of scum on the earth, and I wasn’t sure why that bothered me so much. Why was I so worried about what this doctor thought about me?
“I had to do something. We haven’t had sex in months, and I have needs.”
My need was showing in my face, and the way she looked away, I was sure that Camilla could feel it. She was a very curious woman, but it seemed like she was actually upset with me and my philandering ways.
“Do you have a husband? I didn’t see a ring, but you know how people are nowadays.”
“No, I’m not married.”
“Divorced?”
She shook her head again and smiled. “Never even got close.”
“Why is that? You’re beautiful, Doc, and I can’t see why anyone that was with you wouldn’t want to marry you.”
What the hell was I saying? Marry her? It was something I’d never even thought of, but what I said was true. I couldn’t see any man getting a woman like her and not trying to lock it down for good. She was marriage material.
“I don’t really feel comfortable talking to you about my love life, Tyler. It would be unseemly at best.”
“Come on. I just poured my heart out to you and you won’t give me anything?”
I hadn’t, of course, but I would have said anything to have changed her mind about it. I wanted to know more about her, and as I looked at the clock, I realized that I didn’t have much time left to do it. I also knew then that I was going to be back. It wasn’t because I was trying to placate the women in my life; it was more because I wanted to make Camilla one of them.
“I’m not married.”
“Are you dating anyone?”
It was her turn to look at the clock, and I didn’t like the way she did. It was obvious that this conversation was making her uncomfortable, but I didn’t back down. I was going to wait her out if I had to. It didn’t really matter if she was with someone or not. It didn’t matter to me at all who she had in her life. I was going to have her, one way or another.
“I was dating someone, but I don’t think that I am anymore.”
The buzzer went off, and she silenced it with a touch of a button. “Well, that’s all for today’s session, Tyler. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I told her that it wasn’t, but I didn’t get up to leave. I didn’t want to. I wasn’t finished, and the many meetings that I had to go to didn’t matter. I wanted to stay there with her for a while longer.
“No, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. And that’s because of you.”
She smiled and stood up, signaling that whether I was done or not, she was. The doctor had another client waiting, of course, but I was tempted to offer her a large amount of money to tell him to go away. If she thought that I really needed the help, I knew she would ask me to stay, but Camilla didn’t seem like the type who could be persuaded by money. I kind of liked that about her.
“Well, thank you for seeing me, Doc. It was a lot easier to talk to you than I thought it would be.”
“I’m glad for that. Will I see you again?”
Nodding my head, I told her that she would. There was no mention of how busy I was or anything else. All she had to do was give me a time and I was going to make sure to be there. I wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to see her again.
“Here’s an appointment card. Just give it to Denise in the front and she’ll take care of you.”
I wanted her to take care of me, but it was just Camilla’s nice way of saying it was time to go. It was crazy how badly I wanted to stay. What had the woman done to me?
“Thanks, Doc. I’ll see you next week.”
Going out of the office, I did as she asked, talking to the redhead who’d greeted me when I first came in. She was still pretty, but her painted beauty was nothing to the natural charm of Camilla. I was lost for the first time ever, and it was only when my phone rang that I realized I was just standing outside of the building. Looking at the number that came across it, I groaned inwardly and turned it off. I was not in the mood to speak to my loving wife at the moment. She was just going to have to wait.
Part 3: Maya
Maya is in a loveless marriage to billionaire playboy Tyler Hudson. They’ve been married for years, and after so long without the attention and affection she needs, Maya is ready to look outside of the marriage. She knows it’s wrong, but there’s nothing else she can do. Instead of waiting in vain for Tyler to realize what he has, Maya finds a man who loves her. She finds what she needs with Dylan.
Dylan James runs a local restaurant. Maya is slow to give him her number when they meet on a train, but once they starting seeing each other, everything changes. Maya starts to think that it wasn’t her who ruined the marriage. She is still desirable, a fact that Dylan is eager to show her. When the moment comes upon them, the moment of truth, Maya has to decide if she’s ready to throw it all away on a chance.
Chapter 1 – Maya
I let the phone ring, waiting for it to go to voice mail, but I was surprised when it instead just stopped ringing. He’d turned the phone off so that I wouldn’t keep calling. It was rather unfair how my husband treated me, but I was used to it. What had started as fate had become pain and eventually indifference. I was getting to the point that instead of fretting about it I turned my phone off as well. There was no point in me feeling guilty. It wasn’t like Tyler cared, anyway.
So I went through the rest of the day and tried my best to pretend that I didn’t care. I felt a little better every time I swiped Tyler’s credit card. I bought myself shoes and enough dresses for every day for a month. Then I went to the lingerie shop and bought something naughty. When I thought about who it was for, it made me feel even worse. Or better, I couldn’t really decide.
“You’re going to clean him out, Maya.”
Candace was always on me about how much I spent, but it didn’t matter. Ever since I’d seen in the news who my husband was with at the time of the shooting, it had been no holds barred for my shopping addiction. I was en route to make us square on all accounts. I just had to get the nerve up to do it.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“I am, I just was thinking about something.”
“Well, you’re the one who invited me out for lunch, so don’t be rude.”
I apologized to her. I was being a crappy friend and I knew it. It was just so hard to focus with everything that was going on. “I know I’m being an ass. You just have to tell me once in a while, that’s all. What are you up to today?”
She gave me a dirty look, and I had a feeling that she’d already told me and I just hadn’t heard her.
“Me and Richard are going out, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Do you have something to wear?”
It was that look again. I could just tell that I was batting a thousand. When was I going to learn that I needed to keep my mouth shut sometimes?
“Well, I was just asking because I feel bad and I have all of these extra pretty dresses. You should pick one out, or we can go somewhere and find you something. It’s all on Tyler, so don’t worry about the cost.”
Shaking her head, she just looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
“What did he do?”
“What do you mean, Candace?”
“I mean, what did he do to make you so upset with him? I know that he has more money than God, but you’re trying your best to spend it all. I remember you telling me before that the only place he hurt was in his wallet. So I have to think that he’s done something to piss you off this badly.”
I wanted to tell her, but at the same time I didn’t want anyone to know. I liked keeping up appearances, and even with all of the turmoil inside that I wanted to unleash, I was more interested in making sure that it looked like everything was okay. It wasn’t, but I didn’t want anyone to know, not even my best friend. Or maybe I just wasn’t ready to admit out loud that my sham marriage was over.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. He just told me to get what I wanted, so I am. He’s working a lot lately, so I guess I’m buying stuff more often now. It just makes me feel better.”
Candace looked skeptical, but I wasn’t going to tell her that she was right or wrong. Instead I took a bite of the salad in front of me and wished again that I’d ordered the fish.
“Is it so bad that you can’t tell me?”
Our eyes met and I just agreed with her. It wasn’t hard to imagine what he’d done. There were only so many things that a man could do, and she knew that Tyler wasn’t the type to ever put his hands on me. He was too gentle for that, but what he did do could be worse. I would rather have had him yelling at me than just ignoring me like I didn’t exist.
“Is he cheating on you?”
That just got a look down at my plate. Was it that obvious? And if it was that obvious, why had it taken so long for me to figure it out? I felt like the ultimate idiot, the one who didn’t know which way was up.
“I knew it. He was just too handsome and too rich. I know that you wanted this life, but I just worried that it would come to this.”
Groaning inwardly, I had to wonder if she realized how she sounded. It was apparent that she didn’t get it at all because she just kept talking about it, like I didn’t know what kind of a man he was and what he’d done to me. I was too aware of it for my own liking. I would have given anything to have the husband that I thought I was marrying. I still didn’t even know why he’d said ‘I do’ to begin with. With Tyler, there was most likely a deal involved.
“He was my decision, and I’m just going to have to deal with it.”
Candace looked like I felt. She told me what any good friend would tell me, that I was better than this and that I deserved a man who really loved me. It was all true, but it didn’t have as much weight when I thought about how unclean my own hands were. After all of this time, almost five years come next weekend, I was ready to live again. If that meant without my husband or behind his back, so be it.
“Don’t feel bad for me, Candace. I’ll get what I need.”
I left it at that and left her to read between the lines. I was a big girl and I wasn’t going to let it get me down anymore. I was going to do what I wanted and get what I deserved. It was just that simple. Tyler had taught me many things, and if nothing else, I’d learned to endure and be more determined than I ever was before.
“Just be careful, Maya. You’re playing with fire.”
“I’ve already been burned, so I guess I’m just not as cautious anymore.”
“I mean, don’t do anything that you’re going to regret to get back at him. You’re the one who’s going to have to live with yourself and look at yourself in the mirror every day. That’s all I’m saying.”
All she was saying… that was a whole lot. It made me think about Dylan and the date that he’d asked me out on. It was the reason that I was buying a dress – or, as it turned out, dresses – and even though it pained me, I knew that she was right. Was I going to be able to look myself in the eye the next morning if I went through with it? Was that where my real happiness was going to be found?
Chapter 2 – Maya
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and my friend’s words came back to haunt me. They always did, but I hated that I felt the tiniest bit bad about it. I shouldn’t. He’d done the same thing to me, and it was only fair that I got a little happiness out of it. For too long I had sat back and said nothing. That’s what I told myself, but I could see the doubt in my hazel eyes.
When I’d gotten married, it was supposed to be for life. I had the vision of children and the family that every little girl wanted. I guess I’d wanted the fairytale, and for the longest time, that was Tyler. He’d been a doting husband, perfect in every way. But then things had changed and he didn’t want to be around me as much. We stopped making love as much. Everything just kind of wound down to what it was now.
I shook the thoughts and the rush of emotions. I didn’t feel bad about it. I didn’t feel bad that I was going to see Dylan, I was sad that my marriage really was over. It wasn’t going to get better. If anything it was steadily getting worse. I saw Tyler less and less, and when he was home, he didn’t even eat dinner with me, instead sneaking off to his study to do God only knows what.
Getting back to my makeup, I almost jumped when the phone next to me rang. It was Tyler, and there was a moment when I didn’t want to answer. It wasn’t only because he hadn’t answered for me, but also because I didn’t want him to ruin the plans that I had. I wanted to go see Dylan and live out the fantasy that I had in my head.
But I had to answer, so I did. “Hey, honey.”
“You called earlier and I was just calling you back.”
His voice was gruff. A long time ago, that would have brought tears to my eyes. Now I felt nothing.
“I was making dinner and I wanted to know if you were going to be around for it.”
“No, I have a couple of extra meetings that I still have to go to. I wouldn’t worry about cooking anything for me. Why don’t you go out with one of your friends and order something nice?”
It was code to tell me that he wasn’t coming home. If he did, it would be at three or four in the morning and he would slide into bed gently so that I didn’t wake up. “I think that’s a good idea, Tyler. Candace was asking me earlier if I would go out with her, but I was hoping that it would be just us.”
“Now, Maya, you know that I have to work. As fast as you’re spending my money, I’m going to have to work even more.”
It was always his excuse. The words were on my lips to ask him about Ivy. I knew who she was and what she was to my husband, but until then I hadn’t dared to say anything. Now I wanted to, more than anything else in the world. I wanted to hear what he’d to say, but tonight was not the night. Tonight was the night that I was going to get what I wanted too.
“Of course, dear. You have a good night. I guess I’ll see you when I see you.”
“I love you, Maya.”
“I love you too.” As he hung up, the words were still in the air. He didn’t love me and I didn’t love him, but like everything else in our sham marriage, we pretended that what we said was true.
“What are you doing, Maya?”
My reflection didn’t answer, because I didn’t have an answer to such a question. What was I doing?
At the moment I was getting ready. When the phone rang again, I was sure it was Tyler.
“What, dear?” My voice was not loving, more a bark than anything else. I didn’t want him to ruin this for me, and every time we talked, the tension inside of me grew.
“Maya? Are you okay?”
It was Dylan. Of course it was. He was supposed to meet me at his house in under an hour. I’d been wasting my time worrying about things that I couldn’t change. It was one of those moments that I just had to take a deep breath and pretend that I w
asn’t about to lose it.
“Dylan, sorry. I thought you were someone else.”
“Did you think that I was Tyler?”
I shook my head, but didn’t answer him. He knew that I was married, something I would have never kept from him, but I could tell that he didn’t like it. Dylan was romantic and sweet, but he was also a little possessive, and it was hard to possess what was already someone else’s.
“I was just about to call you and let you know that I was leaving.”
He seemed relieved. “Good, I was starting to worry that you weren’t going to come, that maybe you’d changed your mind.”
“I would never change my mind, Dylan. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all week.”
“Good, I’ve made us a feast. I can’t wait to see you.”
“I’ll be there soon, Dylan.”
“I love you, Maya.”
I paused at his words. They sounded different than the way Tyler said it. Dylan said it like he meant it, and I believed him. He wanted to hear it back, and I heard myself saying it to him. I didn’t know if I meant it. I think I did, but there was no telling anymore. Did I love him, or was he an escape? I was going to find out tonight which Dylan was. The problem was that I didn’t know which one I wanted him to be. Did I really want to walk away from my marriage? Or did I not have to choose? Eventually I would have to, but tonight, I just had to worry about what came next. It had been months since Tyler had really touched me, and I was ready to feel desired and needed again.
Brushing on the last of my makeup and running my hands through my hair, I gave myself one last look before I got up and slipped the dress on. It fit perfectly, and for a moment when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. All of those months without him in my life had dropped the extra weight from my body. The smile on my face was so foreign; I didn’t remember that I could look this way. Dylan might not be my soul mate, but at the moment he was my second chance, and I was going to take it.
Shutting off the light to my vanity, I looked back at the bed I used to share with my husband and turned away, fighting the tears. One thing I did know. It was over with me and Tyler. Whatever happened next, that would still be the same. It was over.
