One Friday afternoon, I get home from work and there is a huge bag packed by the front door.
“Finn?” I call out, confused by the luggage by the door.
“Hey, Magpie. How was work?” he asks after giving me a kiss and a belly rub.
“Exhausting. I mean, I get tired just sitting.” These babies are taking a toll on me.
“What’s this for?” I point to the bag by the door. I don’t recognize it, so it must be his.
“I’m taking you away for a few nights. Not too far, just to a bed and breakfast about an hour from here. Just a little treat before the babies come. I won’t be able to whisk you away for a while. I want you all to myself.”
I smile, loving that he thought of this. “I don’t know how much fun I’ll be. Your kids are sucking the life out of me. I may sleep all weekend.”
“I have no objections to us staying in bed, Magpie. You should know that by now.”
I, of course, fall asleep the second we pull onto the interstate. Finn wakes me up when we arrive at our destination, a quaint little cottage that’s part of a larger bed and breakfast right outside of town. It’s cute and cozy, a perfect way to spend the weekend.
“I love this. Thank you,” I tell him.
“I thought you would. Why don’t you go relax in the tub and I’ll order us some dinner. There’s a claw foot tub in there that’s got your name written all over it.” He grabs some stuff out of the bag and heads into the bathroom. “Hang on just a minute. Let me get it ready for you.”
I sit on the bed while Finn does his thing in the bathroom. I can feel a headache coming on when he comes out. He looks at me and frowns.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired.” He pulls me up from the bed and pushes me towards the bathroom. There are candles lit on every surface possible. I can see some silk folded up on top of the little cabinet next to the tub. My favorite bath salts and lotion are on the ledge of the tub.
“You thought of everything. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, go relax. Don’t fall asleep in there. Any dinner requests?”
“Surprise me.”
He leaves the room after giving me a delicate kiss, and I start undressing. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I do a double-take. I look HUGE. Not just my growing belly, but everything. My butt is getting bigger every day, and I’m starting to notice stretch marks along the sides of my thighs and boobs. My belly is getting them too, despite all of the anti-stretch mark cream I lather up with every night. Cellulite that was not there before I got pregnant is now creeping down my ass and thighs. I turn away from the mirror, disgusted with my reflection.
I sink down into the tub, noticing how much the water level rises when I get in. I close my eyes, put my head against the back, and try to relax. It’s not easy, when all I can see behind my lids are the stretch marks and cellulite that’s adorning my body. I try to stop the flow of tears, but it’s impossible. How can Finn stand to look at me like this? I’ve seen plenty of women with him in the past and none of them were anything less than perfect. I am a hot mess. A swollen, fat, cellulite and stretch mark-ridden mess. He’s got to be miserable being stuck with me. My headache is getting worse as the tears leave my eyes faster.
“Dinner’s here,” Finn says, poking his head through the bathroom door. When he notices that I’ve been crying, he rushes to the side of the tub.
“What’s the matter? Is it the babies?”
I give a slight shake of my head and wipe at my face. It doesn’t do any good. I can’t seem to stop the flow of tears. He grabs a towel off the warming rack and holds it open.
“Come on, Magpie. Let’s get you out of here and dressed.” He reaches out his hand to help me up, but I don’t take it. I don’t want him looking at my body.
“I’ll do it. Just leave the towel and go,” I whisper.
He squats by the edge of the bathtub, wiping at my face with the warm towel. “What’s got you so upset? Talk to me, Maggie. Let me help you.”
“Look at me, Finn,” I tell him, moving my hand up and down my body. I shake my head in disgust. I’m so big I can barely manage to shave my own legs.
“I am looking at you. I can barely keep my eyes off of you. Or my hands, for that matter. You’re magnificent. You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”
“You told me you wouldn’t lie to me,” I whisper, closing my eyes. I can’t look at him and listen to him spewing lies for my benefit.
“Look at me,” he says, his tone harsh. I open my eyes and he keeps talking, the harshness gone. “I don’t know what’s prompted this, but it’s completely unwarranted.”
“It’s not. I look like a whale. I don’t know how you can even stand it.”
“Maggie, you’re growing two babies. You’re gonna gain some weight. I don’t care about that. I think it’s beautiful. Every time I look at you I’m reminded about what’s going on inside of you. I think about how hard your body is working to create our children. It’s awesome. If a little weight gain is part of the deal, then so be it. If you gain a thousand pounds, I don’t give a flying fuck. You will always be perfect in my eyes. You are the mother of my children.”
“But I know the kind of women you like.”
“I don’t like any kind of women. I love you. I don’t want to have this conversation again. I’m sorry you’re upset about this. You have nothing to worry about. It doesn’t matter to me one bit what you look like. That’s not why I love you. I love you for your sassy mouth, your humor, your huge heart, and your ability to love me, despite all my many flaws. And for the record, I still think you’re smokin’ hot, Magpie. My opinion about that hasn’t changed at all. In fact, I think you’ve only gotten hotter. Now, let me bathe you so we can go eat.”
With the gentlest of hands, Finn bathes me and shaves my legs. When he’s done, he helps me from the tub and wraps me in a warm towel. I sit on the closed lid of the toilet so he can put lotion on my arms, legs, and stomach. None of his actions are the least bit sexual. He knows I’m upset and he’s taking care of me. He wraps me in the soft silk that I spotted when I came into the bathroom. It’s a beautiful embroidered robe, the palest shade of pink, which feels so luxurious against my skin.
Out in the main living area, the table is set with dinner and candles. Spinach salads on stark white plates are in front of each seat, with the main entrees under warming dishes, waiting to be revealed.
“Are you hungry?” he asks, pulling out my chair.
“A little. My head hurts, so I need to try to eat something. I need to take medicine.”
“Have you taken your blood pressure today? I don’t like all these headaches you’ve been getting. Dr. Newman said they weren’t a good sign.” He walks over to the bag, pulling out the cuff.
“I took it before we left. It’s been higher than usual, but not too bad. Sit down, Finn, and enjoy your dinner. I’ll be fine when I lay down.”
He walks over and runs his hand down my hair, laying a kiss on the crown of my head before he sits.
“So, are we going to continue to refer to these twins as ‘the babies’ after they are born, or are we actually going to give them some names?” he asks between bites of salad.
“It’s kinda hard to name them if we don’t know what we’re having. We need girl combos, boy combos, and boy-girl combos. I would like to name one Thomas if we have a boy.”
He smiles at me. “I would like that. See, this is not difficult. One name down. Can we agree no trendy celebrity names? I want good, strong Irish names for my babies.”
“Our babies, Finn. And yes, we can go with Irish names.” I giggle. “Can we skip over Finnian, though? It’s a little too Irish for me.”
He tries to look insulted, but fails. “That’s fine. Besides, if we have two boys and one is named after his kick-ass father, it will probably cause some hostility between them. We can’t have that.”
I roll my eyes. “I think Goose gave me a baby
name book. We can look at it when we get home and find some mild Irish names for these kiddos.”
Finn and I finish our dinner of filet mignons and asparagus, talking about our babies, the future, and us. It’s the perfect way to spend one of our last weekends alone before we become a family of four.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Today is my last day at the shop. I went to the doctor yesterday, and my blood pressure is starting to hover in that red zone we were warned about. Dr. Newman thinks that it’s not bad enough to put me on full bed rest, but he wants me on modified bed rest, so I can’t keep working here. I have to hang out at home, stay off my feet, and just wait for my babies to finish cooking. I decided to work my last shift today. The guys are swamped with appointments, and I figured one more day here wouldn’t kill me.
I wish I would have stayed home. I should have listened to the doctor.
Just as I’m hanging up the phone, I hear the chime above Ink Addiction’s door. When I see who’s walking through it, my jaw drops open. I can feel all the physical signs of my blood pressure starting to rise. My heart is hammering in my ears and I feel like hands are grasping at my throat.
What is she doing here?
“What a pleasant surprise. Finn’s got his knocked up girlfriend working at the shop so he can keep an eye on her. That seems to be his MO.” She points to the chair I’m sitting in. “I used to spend my days in that seat, too, watching him flirt incessantly with all the bitches who came into this place. It was really quite disgusting.”
“What are you doing here, Stephanie?”
God, she’s so skinny and cute it’s repulsive. Her clothes fit her like a glove. Her figure is to die for. She’s just flawless. And here I am, barely able to fit in the chair I currently have my fat ass deposited in.
“Why do you think I’m here, Maggie?” she asks, spitting my name out like poison. “I’m here to see Finn. Is he in the back? Don’t bother getting up. I’m sure it’s not easy moving around with that,” she says, tilting her head towards my belly. “I mean, you’re huge. And with two of them in there, God, you’re only gonna keep getting bigger. How are you ever gonna get rid of all that weight?”
How does she know about the twins?
I clear my throat. “Finn’s not here. Sorry.”
“That’s alright. I can just give this to you. I’m sure most of the money goes to you anyway, since the two of you are living together.” She digs around in her purse and pulls out a check, handing it to me.
I look down, feeling my pulse ringing in my ears. My vision is spotty and my breath is coming out in short, rapid spurts.
“What’s this for?” I already have a pretty good idea when I see the amount that’s written, but I need to hear her say it.
“Oh, this is classic Finn,” she laughs. “He didn’t tell you, did he? It’s obvious by the look on your face. You have no idea that I’m the one renting out his loft, do you?” She’s grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
She continues with her torment. “I mean really, I should be the one paying him. I look forward to the first of every month. Finn’s the best landlord I’ve ever had. I get so much more out of the deal than just a place to live.” The check slips out of my shaking fingers and onto the floor, but she never stops talking. “His birthday was the best. We partied all day, just like old times. I’m so glad you let him off his leash every once in a while, Maggie. You know as well as I do that he’s not the type of man that can be tied down. I tried warning him about this when he told me about the two of you, but he wouldn’t listen. I know him better than anyone. I knew this whole family man act wouldn’t last. And look, he couldn’t even hold out long enough for you to pop those kids out.”
“Get out,” I whisper, barely able to talk.
I’m clutching onto the desk, reaching for my phone on the opposite end on the counter. I need to get out of here before he comes back. I can’t see the two of them together in the same space.
“Are you sure you want me to go? We can swap stories. Share secrets.”
I ignore her, texting Landon.
Maggie: Come get me at the shop ASAP
Thank God his art gallery is just right down the street. A few minutes later, he comes pushing through the front doors, wild-eyed. He takes one look at me, grabs my hand, and pulls me out of the doors and towards the street. Stephanie is still there, she’s just made herself more comfortable on the black leather couch in the lobby. I didn’t even bother telling any of the guys I left. They’re intelligent people. I’m sure they’ll see her perched there and put two and two together.
Landon gets me settled in his car before he starts asking questions. He knows I’m not having the babies, or I would have said so.
“What happened? Does this have anything to do with that girl sitting in the lobby?”
I can’t talk about it. I just nod, the tears streaming down my face. I can’t even muster up the energy to wipe them off my face. I let them fall, hoping that the tears will help purge some of the sorrow. They don’t. The more I cry, the worse I feel.
When Landon tries to take me to the apartment I grab his arm and shake my head no. “Please, take me to Momma’s.”
I don’t want to be in the apartment right now. I know that as soon as he gets back to the shop with our lunch and sees her there, he’ll come charging home. I need to be alone. I don’t want to face him right now.
We get out the car and up the front walk, and Momma greets us at the door. I don’t say anything to her, just drag my weary body up the stairs and crawl into my childhood bed. I feel safe in here, but it prompts a fresh wave of tears. I still feel like a child. I’m about to have two of my own, but when things get rough, I run back home to my Momma. I don’t know if I can handle being a parent. I still need mine, so much.
I close my eyes and try to get my emotions under control, try to calm down so my blood pressure doesn’t kill me and my babies. Minutes pass, hours pass, I’m not sure. At some point, I feel the bed depress behind me.
“What happened, baby? Landon just left. He told me what he knew, which wasn’t very much. I don’t know who this girl is, but you have nothing to worry about. Finn loves you. I can see it, Mags. It’s the most obvious thing in the world. It has been from the very beginning.” She hesitates before continuing. “Your hormones are wild right now, and you might be blowing this out of proportion. Have you talked to him?”
I lift my head from the pillow and twist it around so I can glare at her. “Are you siding with him instead of with your own daughter? She’s his ex-girlfriend, but it didn’t sound like she was too much of an ex when she came by. He’s renting his loft to her, Momma. They still hang out. He knows how I feel about her and he’s still seeing her all the time.”
How could he do this to me? Of all the people in the world, why would he rent it to her?
She pushes her hair from my face. “I know you’re upset. I’m not siding with anyone. I’m speaking from experience. I was married for a lot of years. You need to talk to him. I know it’s hard to remember because of your situation, but you and Finn are still in a new relationship. These things take work. Will you talk to him?”
She’s right. I laughed at Lamaze when he was joking about the timeframe of our relationship, but he was right. We haven’t been together long at all. This is new. We need to learn how to navigate this. I nod my head, agreeing to talk to him.
“Good. He’s downstairs with Ava. I think I’ll take her to the park across the street. I’ll send him up.”
Shit. I didn’t know she meant talk to him right now.
I don’t make any attempt to open my eyes or roll over, but I can feel Finn moving around in my room. He’s looking at the pictures on my desk and the posters on my walls. This room hasn’t changed one bit since I moved out after high school. It’s a nice glimpse into my old life. Boy, how times have changed.
“You awake, Magpie?”
I don’t answer, but nod my head. I’m scared if I start speaking, I won’
t be able to control what comes out. I want to try to be an adult about this.
Try being the operative word.
He pulls up a chair and sits down by the edge of the bed. His hand grabs mine and starts drawing patterns into my palm. I don’t want his touch right now. Where it used to be comforting, it’s only causing pain now. I pull my hand away and push myself up to sit against my headboard. I cross my legs and wrap my arms around my belly, making it clear to Finn that any and all physical contact is off limits.
He runs his hands through his hair, pushes his glasses up, and begins speaking. “I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just start at the beginning. She came to the shop a while back, wanting to rent the loft. I told her no, but she offered to pay double if I let her have it. I couldn’t turn her down, Maggie. I needed that money. The babies will be here soon. I want you to be able to stay home with them. You shouldn’t have to work. I did this for our family.”
I close my eyes, fresh tears escaping. “You lied to me,” I whisper. “You promised no lies.”
“I didn’t lie. You never asked who was renting it. I just didn’t tell you. There’s a difference.”
“A lie of omission is still a lie.”
“She’s gone. I gave her until the end of the week to pack her shit and get out. I’ll sell the loft. I don’t want any reminders of things that hurt you.”
I open my eyes and look at him. “It’s not even about that. She said plenty of other shit about the two of you, Finn. What did you do the day of your birthday? Did you spend it with her?”
Now it’s his turn to close his eyes. He doesn’t answer my questions right away, which is an answer in itself. He finally opens his eyes, which are hazy and red.
More of You Page 17
