by Ann, Natalie
He reached up and pulled her into his lap, wrapped his arms around her, and then laid his head on her shoulder, needing his mother’s reassurance. “I love her so much,” he whispered.
“I know you do, honey. Anyone can see it. Even her.”
When he lifted his head to look at her imploringly, she repeated, “Yes, even her. Women know when someone loves them. She has to decide for herself if she is ready. You’re focusing on her whole life, but you’re forgetting what happened to her in the last year. She hasn’t recovered nearly as much as everyone thinks she has. Physically maybe. Emotionally, not even close.”
***
By the end of the week, Lucas was starting to get worried. Brooke was eating less and working harder. She had lost a few pounds that she couldn’t afford to lose and he was afraid she was going to make herself ill. Enough was enough and it was time to address the situation.
She was in her kitchen preparing a quick dinner when he walked in and gave her a kiss. The sadness in her eyes was the last straw. Suddenly wanting to ease into the subject was a thing of the past. Watching her break right in front of his eyes and not being able to do anything about it was killing him.
“Brooke, you have to talk to me, please.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.”
***
She started to turn to get something out of the refrigerator, but he reached for her arm before she could step away. All Brooke felt was the hand on her arm turning her around. She didn’t see Lucas standing in front of her. She saw another man in front of her, one that hurt her deeply, one that had lied, and betrayed her. Humiliated her. And she snapped.
“I don’t owe you a damn thing. Let go of me right now!” She jerked her arm out of his grasp, spun around, her eyes wide.
He was stunned.
She fisted her hands and covered her eyes, rubbed them a few seconds, then dropped them down, looked at him, without really seeing. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“You’re right. It was. But why don’t you explain why you reacted like that? What is going on?”
“Why do you want to know? Why does it even matter anymore?” she asked, tired of fighting.
“It matters because I love you.” She froze, eyes wide in shock again. But that didn’t stop him. “Yeah, that’s right. I love you. Why are you so afraid of that? Why are you suddenly looking like you need to run for the door because I said that? Is my loving you so bad?”
“You don’t know who I am. I can’t give you what you want.” She lowered herself onto the barstool. “You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can love you the way you want it, the way you need it. I don’t know if I even have it in me to do that.” She saw the hurt spread across his face. Hurt at her harsh words.
“You don’t know that. You don’t even let yourself try.”
Bitterly she shook her head. “Yes, I have. I tried once. It didn’t work out.”
Threading his hands through his hair, his arms and chest tense, he shouted back at her, “Why? Because Robbie died? You loved someone and he died. So you think you can’t love again? You won’t even talk about him, nothing. Why are you so afraid to even say his name? I’m not going to be upset if you want to talk about him, not if it helps you heal.”
Her laugh was humorless and cold. “You don’t know anything about it.”
“Because you won’t tell me!”
Pushing herself off the barstool, she started to walk away. She had enough of this. She’d taken two steps, and then she stopped, turned back to him and blurted out. “Because it’s my fault.” She slammed her fist into her chest. “It’s my fault Robbie died.”
Lucas remained calm, even though she saw the shock on his face. “How can it be your fault? You weren’t even driving.”
“No, I wasn’t. But if it weren’t for me, we wouldn’t have been in the car in the first place, let alone crashing. You want to know what happened so bad?” she asked bitterly. “Fine, I’ll share my humiliation.”
The memories started to flood her brain as she began. They were at Robbie’s parents’ house for a dinner party. His father’s cigar smoke was giving her a headache, so she excused herself for some fresh air.
Robbie had been nowhere to be seen for at least twenty minutes. Nothing new there. He always seemed to disappear, leaving her to fend for herself.
Walking the grounds in the quiet night, she heard voices over by the gazebo, voices she recognized, and went over to investigate. She could see them through a crack in the bushes, but they couldn’t see her.
“Robbie, stop, someone might see us,” Tina, Robbie’s secretary, said, playfully swatting the hand that was pulling her close.
“No one is going to see us back here. We’re safe. Besides, it’s been a week, and I’m missing some of this,” he said, reaching for her breasts, and cupping her roughly through her shirt.
Tina giggled and leaned in closer to his touch. “When are you going to do it, Robbie?”
He laughed and started to kiss her neck. “Patience, I’m doing it right now. And I know exactly how you like it.”
Moaning, Tina moved her head to the side for him to have better access as he started to kiss her neck. “That isn’t what I meant. I meant, when you are going to break it off with Brooke?” She giggled again and ran her hands up his arms.
Robbie abruptly pulled away and shot Tina a cold stare. “I’m not. I told you. I need her as my wife. She’s exactly the type of wife I need to move my father’s business to the next level. Exactly who my parents expect me to marry if I’m to take over one day. You know that.”
When Tina started to pout, he pulled her closer for another kiss and said, “It’s for appearance only. You know you’re the one I really want. Once Brooke and I are married, she won’t be working at the firm anymore, so we’ll have the days together, too.”
Brooke started to gag, turned to move and in her haste tripped on a stump and hit the bush. Straightening herself up, she rushed back to the house. Only she didn’t make it far.
Robbie, having heard the noise, came to investigate and caught up with her. “Brooke?” But when she continued walking, he grabbed her arm and yanked her around. “What are you doing out here? Are you spying on me?”
“Let go of me right now,” she cried out in pain, her eyes full of tears.
“No. You’re not going anywhere.” He tightened his grip on her arm. “We are going to talk about this, and you’re not going to say a word about it to anyone. Do you hear me?”
“You are hurting me, Robbie.” Tears of humiliation and pain ran down her cheeks.
He let go of her arm quickly, composed himself, and tried to explain. “It means nothing, Brooke. You know how stressed I’ve been. You’ve been working just as hard as I have and we never see each other. It just happened. It won’t again, I promise. Give me another chance,” he begged, and must have actually thought she would believe him.
“No. We’re done. I’m leaving now.”
“You’re not going into that house, and you’re not going to say a word to anyone, do you hear me?” He reached for her again. “And you can’t leave without me. We came together.”
“I’ll call a cab. Don’t worry. I won’t say anything to your parents, nothing that might tarnish the view of their precious child.” The tears ran unchecked as she pulled out of his grasp and started to walk quickly toward the house.
He caught up with her. “Where are you going? I told you not to go in that house, especially looking like that. They’ll know you’re upset and want to know why. We haven’t resolved this.” His eyes turned cold, making her shiver.
“We have resolved this. I’m done. I won’t be made a fool of by anyone. But I need my purse and my phone to call a cab,” she calmly explained, wiping a tear from her eye.
“No, I’ll take you home. I’ll get your purse. Wait here,” he ordered roughly, then stalked away and left her on the lawn. He came out a few minutes later with her purse
in his hand. “I told them you had a headache and I was taking you home. No one questioned it.” He grabbed her arm angrily and pulled her to his car. “Let’s go.”
The clouds seemed to come out of nowhere. The only sounds in the car were the rain scattering on the windshield and the wipers working furiously.
Robbie looked over at her, disgusted. “Stop with the waterworks. They won’t work on me. I refuse to believe you are actually upset over this.”
She stiffened in the seat next to him, drew in a breath and wiped another tear from her cheek. “I’ve given you everything I had. You held my heart and cruelly threw it away.”
He laughed at her, actually laughed. “Are you serious? This has never been about love, Brooke. How naïve can you be?”
Her eyes widened, filled with even more tears. “What do you mean?”
He shook his head. “You of all people should have understood what our relationship was about. It’s all business, Brooke. Your family’s connections, along with mine, I was going somewhere. You were the last piece of the puzzle,” he added with a smirk.
“You can’t mean that. You said you loved me. I believed you,” she cried.
He sneered at her. “You’re pathetic on top of being naïve. No one marries for love. It’s a business contract. You have what I need. I know what I want, and I’ll get it with you by my side. Once you calm down you’ll realize that and we can move on like we were before.”
He stopped, looked at her again as he drove through the pouring rain. “Don’t worry. I’ll be more discreet in the future. I can’t have it reflect poorly on me, either,” he said with a laugh. Then shook his head. “On second thought. Maybe you can get together with Tina for a bit. She knows what I like, what I’m looking for.” She sat there stunned, the sneer never leaving his face. “Nah, you don’t have it in you. Too cold and too frigid. It’s no wonder even your parents couldn’t love you.”
“Stop the car right now,” she demanded.
He turned with a start, took his eyes off the road and glared at her. “No. I said I would take you home and I am. We have a lot to talk about and we’re going to finish it tonight.”
“There is nothing left to say. We’re done.” She was crying uncontrollably.
“Get ahold of yourself,” he yelled. “Stop being so childish. You aren’t going anywhere. We are going to make this work, one way or another.” His eyes bulged out of his normally handsome face, transforming him into something evil. She shrank back in fear.
She started to fumble with her seatbelt, planned on jumping out at the next red light. When Robbie realized her intent, he grabbed her hand to stop her and stepped on the gas.
“Slow down. You’re scaring me,” she screamed at him.
He laughed and pressed his foot down on the accelerator more, then swerved the wheel with his other hand, keeping a firm grip on her. She jerked her hand away from his, causing the wheel to slip out of his grasp, sending the tires spinning on the wet roads. Overcorrecting the skid had sent the car off the road—head-on and full speed into a tree.
***
When Brooke finished reliving that night to Lucas, talking as if in a daze, he felt a rage burning within. A rage he never experienced before. Rage toward the man who did that to her and rage for the fact that she blamed herself for Robbie’s death. Even after everything that happened that night, after that bastard put his hands on her, tried to scare her, and broke her heart.
He didn’t know what to say. Of all the things he expected, it wasn’t this. Or that she had lived with this for a year. But he had to know if she truly was alone. “Does anyone know what happened that night? Does Mac?” Lucas asked.
“He’s the only one, and now you. I overheard my parents arguing last weekend. My father suspected Robbie’s infidelity but never said a word. My mother didn’t even care. She tried to brush it off, continued to defend Robbie. But no one knows the details of the crash. Wet roads were determined as the cause of the accident.”
When Lucas remained quiet, she added pathetically, “You know what the worst part was? I didn’t even remember all the facts until weeks later. The events of that night were just bits and pieces. When I came out of the coma, I grieved for him. I actually grieved for the guy that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. When all the memories came crashing back to me, I still didn’t believe they were true. Not until I saw Tina, and the guilt and sadness on her face when she came to apologize. Then I realized what a fool I had really been.”
She swiped at the tears now flowing down her cheeks. “Then I was angry once the memories returned and I realized what had really happened. He was right. I was stupid and naïve for believing he loved and cared for me. And then came the guilt, beneath it all, always guilt. However much of a bastard he was, he didn’t deserve to die. If I had stayed in control we would both be alive today. All I had to do was keep quiet, let him drive me home.”
Lucas felt completely helpless. Part of him was relieved she didn’t still love Robbie, that she wasn’t holding on to some long lost love she wouldn’t find again. But the other part of him was saddened. Saddened that she felt she was to blame for that bastard’s actions. “You aren’t to blame. You didn’t put yourself in that situation. He did. He did that all himself by being unfaithful, by forcing you into the car, by driving too fast, by grabbing your arm. You trying to get away from him…everything you did was reaction. Reaction to his action.”
“You’re sounding like a defense attorney right now. Maybe you should have gone to work with your family,” she said dryly.
He ignored her, and lifted his hand to reach for her, but she stepped back, causing him to drop it helplessly to his side. “Where do we go from here?” he asked, holding his breath.
“Nowhere. You deserve better than someone who is as broken as I am. I don’t even know what love is anymore. I thought I did, but I was wrong. I sure as hell didn’t get it at home. And I obviously failed with Robbie.” She backed up a few more steps out of his way. “I think you should leave now. It’s better this way.”
Lucas knew there was nothing he could say at that moment to get through to her, to reach her. He remembered his mother’s words in his head—“she feels deeper.” Right now it seemed as if no one could possibly feel pain as deeply as he did at this moment, as hurt as he was. He wasn’t willing to let her go, but forcing her wasn’t the way either.
In the end he respected her wishes, grabbed his keys, and walked out the door without another word.
Won’t Give Up
The minute Lucas walked out her door Brooke went to the kitchen and grabbed the wine she had chilling on the counter. Straight from the bottle, she took her first gulp. Several gulps later, she realized that the wine wasn’t going to help her forget what happened. It was only going to get her sick the next morning. She realized even in her distressed state of mind she still did the practical thing. She put the bottle back down and walked away.
Her back and thigh started cramping badly. She knew it was because she was so tense, so she ran a bath and decided to soak in it. The hot water momentarily soothed her physical ache, but not her emotional one.
Unaware, tears flowed down her face, one after another like a faucet into the bubbles. How long she stayed there and cried she had no idea.
When she started to shiver from the cold, she climbed out of the tub, dried off, and got ready for bed. She was sitting on her comforter staring at the floor when she heard her phone go off in the kitchen.
On autopilot she went to retrieve it and read the text message from Lucas. Good night. Those two words brought on a new flood of tears. Minutes, or hours later—she wasn’t sure—she made her way back to her bed, crawled on top and hugged her pillow as she drifted off to sleep.
Waking intermittently throughout the night, she shed more tears. For the little girl who wanted her mother’s love. For the man who betrayed her, for the pain and guilt of Robbie’s death. More tears for herself, but most of all, for Lucas, the
man who never judged her. The man who wasn’t afraid to hold her hand or give her a hug. Who always had a bright smile for her and quick grin. Who made her happy—the man who loved her through it all.
And she’d thrown it all away.
***
The next morning, turning her head to look at the alarm clock, she noticed her phone sitting there. She had put it on silent the night before, not wanting to hear from anyone else.
Picking it up, she saw she missed several texts throughout the night and morning. She never responded back to Lucas, and he never sent her another text after he wished her good night. She did notice she missed several texts from Mac, asking her if she was all right, and to call him. The very last text coming in less than thirty minutes ago.
Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she forced herself to move, thinking a hot shower might help, along with some aspirin. Though she doubted an entire bottle of aspirin would dull her pain.
Before she could make it to the bathroom, she heard knocking at her front door. She couldn’t possibly imagine who would be knocking at her door at barely eight o’clock on a Saturday morning.
A few steps before the door, she heard Cori’s voice on the other side. “Open up, Brooke. I know you’re in there.”
Rushing forward in fear that Cori would start shouting and wake the neighbors, she yanked the door open.
“Wow, you look like hell,” Cori stated. Brooke stood in loose-fitting pajama pants that hung lower than normal, thanks to her recent weight loss, and a tank top that didn’t quite cover her stomach. Her hair was falling out of a haphazard ponytail. Her eyes, which were swollen and red, indicated the tears shed throughout the night.
