“I know. My reasons weren’t good ones. But my intentions were. You wanted something that could never be, Clara. I didn’t want you to get your hopes up.”
But Clara could remember her pleading with her mother. Instead of not getting her hopes up, she’d lost all hope. There was a great difference, wasn’t there?
“I never knew your reasonings,” she whispered. “I thought you didn’t want me to look better…”
“I never wanted you to be permanently scarred, Clara. You were my beautiful Clara, my youngest daughter.” Her mother held both her hands. “You’re right. I should have talked to you more. I should have explained myself. But it’s not my way.” With a helpless shrug, she met Clara’s eyes. “Growing up, my parents never wanted me to speak out much. Your father was a good man, but he never encouraged me to spout my opinions either. I guess I got used to keeping everything inside.”
“Maybe we could start over?” Clara asked. “Maybe we could both try to talk more?”
With a watery smile, her mother squeezed her hands. “I’d like that.”
Feeling vaguely helpless, Clara gave this new way of communicating a try. “Um…I don’t know what to do now about Tim. I don’t want to leave you alone…but I do want a life with him.” She gazed down at her hands, not sure how her mamm would react to this kind of straightforward talk.
But her mother surprised her.
“I think I might have a solution. After our last conversation, I realized that I’d been intent on keeping you with me. Now I know you need some independence just like any other girl. So I wrote to your sisters and asked if I could live with them.”
“What?”
“It’s time. Besides, I think helping with the kinner is still something I can do. Then you could move back to this house, Clara. If you and Tim marry, he could farm this land.”
She felt dizzy. “I don’t know…”
“I know it’s only fifty acres, but perhaps he could still help with Frank and Elsa, too.” With a glint of humor, she added, “Something tells me that Joshua and Caleb aren’t too eager to walk behind a plow.”
“Mamm, I don’t know if he’ll want to leave his family.”
“Even if he doesn’t, I think I’ll still go. It’s time. Seeing Ty and Anson reminded me of just how dear each day is. We shouldn’t spend each one in a shroud of self-pity. It’s time to become a help instead of a hindrance.”
“Do you think Ruth or Patricia will offer you a home?”
“Of course, dear.” With a sly little wink, she said, “For all my faults, I certainly know how to use a smidgen of guilt to get what I want. This time, I applied a bit of that to your sisters. Actually, I really gave them little choice.”
Clara found herself laughing with her mother. On a day that had started out to be one of her darkest ever, a ray of hope enlightened her way…shining more brightly than she’d ever dared to imagine.
Chapter 30
“You came back.” Clara watched as Tim first peeked in her schoolhouse door, then seeing only she was there, stepped inside confidently.
He grinned. “I couldn’t stay away.”
The closer he got, the more her heart seemed to beat in double-time. Yes, she’d hoped he’d return from Indiana soon. And she had hoped that a visit to her would be on his agenda…but she hadn’t really allowed herself to believe.
Believing in his promise would make her feel as if they were courting. And that was something that she didn’t dare hope for.
“If you had hoped to see Anson or Carrie or Maggie, you missed them. The children are all gone for the day,” she blurted. Even as she said it, she wondered why she even had. It was obvious that he hadn’t come to see the students.
It had always been obvious that he hadn’t ever stopped by school in order to see anyone but her.
“I know they’re gone. However, I hoped you still would be here,” he murmured, taking off his hat and setting it on the desk. Shaking his head slightly, he smiled a crooked grin. “And you are.”
Hastily, she moved around her desk so he wouldn’t think she was hiding behind it. But once she was standing right in front of him, she went speechless again. His eyes appeared especially golden with the sun streaming in from the open door. He looked as handsome as ever. His white shirt was obviously freshly pressed, and his brown trousers brand new.
He noticed her staring. Waving a hand, he shook his head again. “Sorry. Am I sweaty? It’s a warm one out. Summer’s almost here.”
“No, you’re fine. I mean, yes it is.” When his eyebrows rose, she became even more flustered. “I mean…” By now she had forgotten what she’d even been commenting on. “I mean, it’s good to see you. I was just going to write down some problems for the students’ morning work.”
“Ah.”
She felt like a silly fool, standing in front of him. Scurrying over to the blackboard, she picked up the chalk, attempting to busy herself. “This will only take a few minutes. Or, um, I can wait to do my work if there was something you needed.”
He looked her over. His lips curved a bit, like he was struggling not to laugh. “I don’t mind waiting, Clara. What I need is worth it.”
Oh! She turned her back to him and lifted her left hand to the board. Then completely forgot what she’d intended to write. What a ninny she was being. She needed to calm herself. And calm herself quickly.
Her pulse slowed a bit when he turned to the map of the United States, which now had thirty-seven postcards neatly pinned up across it. Seeing he was occupied, she quickly wrote out two math problems and a sentence in English for everyone to copy.
Behind her, he whistled low. “Well, those dancing girls are very bright indeed.”
By now she’d become used to them. “Sometime I wish we’d gotten more postcards like that one,” she said with a smile, finally summoning up her courage and walking to his side. “Somehow, the Mississippi River or the snow in Minnesota doesn’t have the same excitement.”
“I imagine not. I’m glad we can laugh about it now.”
Remembering how awkward that lesson had been, Clara nodded. “Me too.” Picking up her lunch bag, she said, “I’m all done here, if you want to leave. Or, um, talk.”
“I want to do both. Care to walk with me by the creek?”
“I would like that.”
“Then let’s walk together, Clara.”
His voice was tender and silky-smooth, warming her insides. Giving her hope. Holding on to that feeling, she moved to his side and let him escort her out the door.
Soon after they’d left the confines of the schoolhouse, he reached for her hand.
Their hands remained linked as they walked slowly away from the school and down the road. Up the hills surrounding the creek, and over a small bridge.
Soon, they were near the creek. By mutual agreement, they stood gazing at the view. “It looks a fair sight different now, doesn’t it?” Tim asked.
“Very much so.”
Though ten days had passed, the memories of the afternoon they’d searched high and low for Anson and Ty came flooding back, just as if the rain was still drenching their shoulders and the air was thick with worry and fear.
“Remember standing here?” he murmured.
“Oh, yes.” It was where they’d walked unsteadily, frantically calling out for Anson and Ty, when all hope seemed to have been lost.
They walked toward the spot where the creek widened. Where three large rocks lay waiting for them.
Where she’d been on the afternoon they’d first met.
“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at this creek without remembering that day.”
“It was a scary one,” she said. “I was so afraid we wouldn’t find the boys.”
“That was a special moment. But, I was talking about a different day. The day that we first met.”
Ah. She remembered their first meeting as clearly as if it had happened only that morning. “I didn’t know who you were. I thought you we
re teasing me when you asked if I had a sweetheart.”
“I wasn’t teasing at all. From the moment we talked, I knew I wanted to know you better.”
“And…we have.”
“I am grateful for that.”
His words, so kind and loving, painted pretty pictures in her mind. For a brief second, she imagined being part of his life, forever. Of having a lifetime of pretty words.
“Clara, I went home to try to figure out our future. But I was wrong to have done that. My father reminded me that if I want a life with you, it should have been you who I told all my worries. I’m sorry for that.”
“I didn’t mind. I needed the time, too. Everything between us has felt like this river…choppy and full of surprises.”
He bent down and ran three fingers through the placid water. “But sometimes it’s also peaceful and perfect.” He glanced up at her…offering a silent invitation.
She looked at him in wonder. Saw the truth in his eyes. Tim Graber did think of their relationship in those terms. As something full of promise.
“My mother and I talked,” she murmured as she set her lunch bag down and knelt by his side. “She intends to move in with one of my sisters.”
“Truly?”
With a wry smile, she said, “She says it’s their turn. I, for one, am inclined to agree.”
“Good for you.”
“And good for her, too. We finally talked. Really talked. Timothy, I do believe she knows just how difficult it has been, taking care of her.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Well…it’s going to take some time for my mother to relocate, so I thought I might go live at Mrs. Miller’s for a bit. She has a room above her garage. I think I might enjoy living in the middle of Sugarcreek, too.”
“By yourself?”
“Perhaps.” She nibbled her lip as she ran her fingers in the water. It was icy cold. “Living at Mrs. Miller’s will be different, but I think it might be nice. After all, Joshua and Gretta have seemed to enjoy living over the store very much.”
“I might like living in a place like that, too…until I started farming again.”
“I don’t know if you knew this, but my mother still owns quite a bit of land. Fifty acres.”
“That’s enough to farm,” he said encouragingly. “Especially if someone had other work to do, say with his family’s farm, too.”
“Would that be something you’d ever want to do?”
“Would you let me?” Getting to his feet, he reached down for her hands and gently tugged. In an instant, she was wrapped in his arms. “Clara, would you marry me and live here in Sugarcreek? In a room at Mrs. Miller’s…and then together, on your farm?”
This was a moment she’d always dreamed of. His words were so perfect, the setting so beautiful, she was afraid to believe it was happening. Afraid to believe it all couldn’t be taken away in a heartbeat.
And so she questioned him, needing to be sure. “You wouldn’t mind not going back to Indiana?”
Instead of minding her question, he linked his fingers behind her back and smiled. “I think my destiny lies here. During my visit my parents told me that they were ready to retire. Daed wants to sell the farm and travel some. He could have knocked me down with a feather, I was so surprised. They’ve never traveled anywhere.”
“Perhaps it is time, then.”
“When they’re done, they want to get a little home in Sugarcreek so they can live near Frank and Elsa. That is, if I’m not going back.”
“What about Ruby?” She didn’t mean to sound coy, but she wanted everything settled between them.
“Didn’t I tell you? She’s already seeing someone else. Which is good, because I don’t love her. I love you.”
There it was. The three words she’d always hoped for, but had never dreamed of hearing. “I love you, too,” she murmured.
“So, will you marry me, Clara? Will you be my wife?”
An answer had never been more easy to say. “Yes, Timothy. I will marry you.”
“And live here in Sugarcreek with me?” he prodded.
“And I will live here with you.”
Then, just when his lips were mere inches from hers, he murmured, “For happily ever after.”
He gave her no chance to reply to that, for their lips finally met. Once, then brushed against each other again.
Clara felt his arms curve around her and hold her closer as his kisses became two and then three and then too many to count.
She kissed him back, his love making her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Just like a fairy tale.
Or something better. She felt new again. Renewed. Filled with hope and trust and love.
There, on the banks of a little creek right near her home. Right where they first met. Where she’d first dared to believe that dreams truly could come true.
Dear Reader,
Some books are just easier to write than others. Some mornings, I sit in front of my computer screen for an hour and barely get a single page written. Other times, I’ve had to stop when my fingers hurt because I’ve been typing so fast. I have to say Spring’s Renewal was one of my favorite books to write…and one of the easiest. The reason is pretty simple…I fell in love with Clara.
There was something about Clara that made me dig a little deeper inside of myself in order to tell her story. Of course, I’ve always had a soft spot for a heroine in need, and for a person who continues on with a positive attitude, no matter what her circumstances.
Perhaps you know people like Clara. People who have quite a few unfulfilled dreams but are determined to make the best of things. People who don’t complain but count their blessings. These are the kinds of people who inspire me. Who motivate me to count my blessings too and give thanks for God’s grace.
Of course, this work of fiction could never happen without the help of many people. First, thanks to my editor, Cindy DiTiberio, who’s given me the opportunity to write about the Amish and is always so kind and encouraging to me. She makes some of my most wordy, convoluted paragraphs actually make sense! I’d also like to thank everyone in the sales team at HarperCollins who do their best to make sure my books get into stores. You all are incredible and I’m so grateful for your enthusiasm.
Once again, I’d like to thank my agent, Mary Sue Seymour, who always listens to my worries like she has all the time in the world. Agents like that are priceless.
Thanks to my husband, Tom, for driving with me to Sugarcreek. And for cooking dinners and running errands so I can write. And for never pointing out that all people I talk about at dinner…are actually made up.
And, of course, I owe so much to the real Clara. Her patience and wisdom and kindness seem to know no bounds. Thank you, Clara, for letting me ask you dozens of questions…and then ask them again.
I love to hear from readers. If you’re inclined, please visit my website, or visit me on Facebook! Thank you for picking up my books, for telling your friends about them, and for asking your library to put them on the shelves. I’m forever grateful.
With God’s Blessings,
Shelley Shepard Gray
Questions for Discussion
Lilly’s miscarriage and recovery was an extremely difficult period in her life. After two weeks, her mother finally encourages her to move on and go back to work. Was that what Lilly needed? What has helped you recover during times of grief and loss?
Perception of ourselves and how others see us is a key theme in the novel. Clara yearns to be seen as more than a woman who is scarred. She tries to show the dangers of judging others at face value by talking about the women on the Las Vegas postcard. Was this a fair comparison? How do first impressions play a role in our views on other people?
Why do you think Tim’s relationship with Ruby Lee ultimately failed? Was it mainly one person’s fault, or could the break-up not have been prevented?
Clara and her mother’s relationship is multifaceted and complicated. As layers of
lies are revealed, the underlying truth is almost as disheartening as the stories that were perpetrated. How did uncovering the truth help to heal their relationship? How might Clara’s life been different if she’d been allowed to have that final operation?
Clara discovers that much of her mother’s motivations were guided by fear. Fear of being alone, fear of being spurned because of her faults, fear of hurting her daughter further. How does fear play a role in our lives? Or, is it possible, to live fearlessly?
Anson’s and Ty’s disappearance brings the whole community together. Clara and Tim become closer, as do Lilly and Gretta. How do you think periods of stress help strengthen relationships?
As the series progresses, Caleb becomes more and more discontented with his life in the Amish community. Are these just normal adolescent feelings…or do you think his feelings can be justified?
Has Clara grown and changed at all during the novel, or has she simply finally gotten what she really wanted? Does it matter?
By the end of the novel, the Grabers and the Allens have forged their friendship. How have deep, meaningful friendships been nurtured in your life? Do all relationships mature over time, or through shared experiences? How can surviving a crisis bring people together? What friendships in your life have weathered a crisis or two?
Coming soon…
Book Three in the Seasons of Sugarcreek series
AUTUMN’S PROMISE
“I’m pregnant,” Lilly Allen’s mother announced at breakfast. Calm as could be—just as if she was asking for someone to pass the bacon.
Lilly almost choked on her juice as she stared at her mother in shock. “What?”
Seasons of Sugarcreek 02. Spring's Renewal Page 21
