by Katie Dowe
“It's always about you isn’t it?” Frances said in amusement. “Actually no, the issue was…actually now that I think about it, it was how immaturely you were handling my burgeoning success. So you’re saying you’re okay with me having a life outside of you now?” she asked trailing French fries in the sauce so they were thoroughly soaked and then sucking them into her mouth. Allen was distracted by this but he tried to concentrate.
“I wasn’t not okay with you having a life outside of me. I just didn’t like how much it took you away from me,” he protested.
“Are you over that now? Because I have postponed book tours, and appearances I have to make up for…it's going to be a busy time,” she warned.
“I can compromise too. You came with me, you supported me when I was just starting out. I can do the same for you. I’ll never be happy with not seeing you, you gotta realize that is not going to change; but I can handle it better than I did. I can be a man about it.”
Frances studied him in quiet consideration, “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
Allen laughed, “Try going to see the love of your life in the hospital and having her look at you like you’re a total stranger. It changes you.”
“So I see,” she replied.
“Anyway that’s over now right? And you still haven’t answered my question.”
“What question would that be?” Frances asked still making patterns in the tomato sauce with her French fries. Allen leaned back in his chair and stared at her in disbelief. She glanced up at him as the silence stretched between them, puzzled as to why he didn’t answer.
“What?” she asked when she found him staring at her.
He sighed theatrically, getting off his chair and coming around to hers. she watched him in surprise wondering what was up. They hadn’t finished eating. He got down on one knee.
“Frances Elizabeth Hilton, will you marry me?” he asked. The table next to them turned to watch, as did various other people milling about. Frances could feel the heat in her face and imagined how flushed she must be. Getting a proposal inside Mickey D’s had not been on her bucket list. This was blackmail, pure and simple.
“Yes, yes I’ll marry you, now get up before the entire restaurant stops to watch us,” she whispered frantically. Allen was grinning wickedly as he got up, looking supremely satisfied with himself.
“I don’t have a ring on me, but I promise you shall have one by the end of the day,” he said. Frances could feel her stomach stirring; getting ready to eject everything she’d just eaten into her lap. She stood up quickly and ran for the ladies, hand over her mouth as her body began to heave. The table beside them was extremely entertained by this behavior, with one of the guys going so far as to pat Allen on the back in commiseration.
She made it to the bathroom without embarrassing herself…more and threw up her food regretfully. She had really enjoyed that cheeseburger and she was sorry to see it go. She washed her hands and face, taking her time about it. She had to go out there and face the entire restaurant in a moment, plus she’d just agreed to marry Allen and her stomach was empty. She didn’t really know what issue to focus on at the moment but she was basically miserable. Finally, she emerged to find Allen waiting not two steps away, a bag in his hand. He held it up to her.
“I got you a refill. Take away,” he said solving two of her major issues in one go.
She lurched forward, throwing her arms around his neck. “I love you,” she said gratefully into his neck.
He laughed, snaking his arm around her waist and leading her out of McDonalds, “You’re so easy,” he said smugly.
She really didn’t feel like she could argue with that.
*****
Allen deposited her on the couch with a blanket and her food, stuck in the Game of Thrones DVD and then disappeared. He didn’t tell her where he was going and by the time it occurred to her to ask, he was long gone. She settled back in her blankets, enjoyed her food and watched her movie feeling as contented with the world as it was possible to. Unfortunately, the baby was against junk food on principle it seemed, because pretty soon after demolishing the fries, Frances began to have heart burn. She rubbed at her stomach, trying to get some relief but it didn’t help. So she snatched up her phone to call Allen.
“What?” he answered but his voice was indulgent.
“I have heart burn,” she said sulkily.
“Aww poor baby. You want me to get you some tums?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she replied, cradling the phone and close to tears for some reason. “Thanks,” she said swallowing the lump in her throat.
“Hang in there baby, I’ll be home soon with them okay. Give you a back rub; would you like that?” he asked.
Frances couldn’t help it, the tears were just falling on their own. “Yeah,” she said sniffing hard and hoping he wouldn’t notice.
“Baby what’s wrong? Does it hurt that bad?” he asked making her cry harder. She didn’t even know why she was crying.
“Okay, give me twenty minutes I’m coming. Can you hang in there for twenty minutes?” he asked, his voice concerned.
“Y-you d-d-don’t ha-have to come b-b-back,” she managed to get out, breath hitching as she cried.
“Baby hold on okay. Ten minutes,” he said and hung up.
Frances dropped the phone and bawled her eyes out. It was the first time she could remember crying like this…ever. Once she started though, she couldn’t seem to stop. The tears were endless and they came from the core of her so that her whole body was wracked with sobs. It was bewildering and scary and she just wanted Allen to be here so he could tell her what the hell was happening. By the time he got back, the sobs were petering off and she was exhausted. He came into the house at a run though, face frantic and clutching a package in his hands.
“Frannie?” he said when he saw her, eyes flying over her face in fear. He came to her and she fell into his arms, tears falling afresh as he held her to him as tight as he could.
“What’s wrong baby?” he asked rubbing his hand up and down her back.
“I d-d-don’t kn-now,” she cried into his shoulder. “I c-c-can’t s-s-stop crying!”
“Shhh,’ he said rubbing at her back and her arms, holding her tighter to him as she completely fell apart. He murmured nonsense words to her and at some point she was pretty sure he was singing nursery rhymes. Eventually though, the crying petered off and left hiccups behind.
“Did you –hic- bring the –hic- tums?” she asked because her stomach was still burning up.
“Yeah,” he replied thrusting the small bag he was still holding into her hands. She opened it and saw a bottle of pills, and then there was another box; a black one, square and velvet underneath that. She extracted the pill bottle, popped it and put a tum in her mouth, all without taking her eyes from the other box. As she chewed on the antacid, she reached in to take out the black velvet box. Allen looked startled to see it in her hand.
“Oh, I forgot that was in there,” he said sheepishly.
She stared from the box to him and then back to the box. He took it gently from her hand and opened it, turning it so she could see what lay inside. It was a unique ring or at least Frances hadn’t seen one like it before. The classic styling was perfect, the taper from the lateral sides to the gem natural and beautiful. The detailing was intricate and carefully done. The emerald was dynamic, going from a piercing, dazzling green, to a deeper, more rich tone depending on the lighting and environment. The rose gold was beautiful and added additional classic beauty to an already gorgeous antique flair. The band width was perfect, with subtle details in the band styling. The ring looked different in shade, as opposed to with sunlight directly on it; it displayed a changing energy that Frances could only marvel at.
“It was my mother’s,” he said also looking at it. “I had it re-sized so it could fit your hand.”
“You did that in the last few hours?” Frances asked in disbelief.
Allen smile
d looking shy all of a sudden. “Well actually no, I had it done after we got back from the hospital when the doctor said you were pregnant. I had plans to make it official at some point before the baby came. I was just giving you time to get used to the whole idea of me, and pregnancy and amnesia…” he said and he was blushing…Frances could hardly believe it; he never blushed.
“So did me getting my memory back throw a curve ball in those plans or…?” she asked.
“Oh yeah definitely. No need to wait anymore,” he said with a small laugh.
“Hmm,” she said and looked at him. He looked back at her and they just stood for a while. Then Frances held out her ring finger and Allen took the ring and slipped it on, all without losing eye contact.
“How does it fit?” he asked.
“Perfect,” she replied not looking at it.
Allen nodded his head, “Good.”
Frances smiled.
Allen took a step closer to her as she did the same and their lips met, softly. The kiss was short, and Allen tried to keep it light, but Frances pressed forward and gave it all she had, trying to say everything with this one action. She drew Allen's bottom lip into her mouth and slid her hand into Allen's hair. Kissed him sweet and hard and pulled away slowly, keeping her eyes shut until she was back where she started, hand slipping back to her sides, heart hammering like she just had a near-death experience. Allen’s eyes were still open and he could see the earnest little crinkles at the edges of Frances closed eyes. He could feel her suck his top lip between her own, and hear it when she let out the tiniest sigh against his mouth, like she was just so fucking happy.
“Well,” he said after a stretch where they both just breathed.
“Well,” Frances agreed.
“How is your stomach doing? Still burning?” he asked.
Frances looked down at her still flat stomach in surprise, she’d completely forgotten all about it. “Huh, I do believe its just fine and dandy,” she said musingly.
“Great. Do you wanna maybe take this action to the bedroom?” he asked with a small side smile.
“Seal the deal, so to speak?” she quipped.
“Yep.”
“Always.”
Allen took her hand and led her to their room. He was gentle with her because he hadn’t forgotten the crying jag earlier and it had scared the hell out of him. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Frances cry before. Not even when they’d almost been arrested that one time when collecting for Karl. The mark hadn’t wanted to hand over the cash. He was a new guy and thought he could intimidate a couple of kids by pulling in his pal who he said was a cop. Allen had been terrified but Frances had stood up to him and threatened to break his legs if he didn’t stay out of business that wasn’t his. Heart hammering like a drumstick, Allen had backed her up and he was already a big guy then. The mark had hemmed and hawed a bit just for appearance sake but he handed over the cash when he saw that the ‘kids’ weren’t backing down. It had been a lesson for Allen, Frances might be small and female but you didn’t mess with her because she was tougher than all the big tall men in the room.
Coming home with her after that was what had given him courage to stand up to his uncle. Because he knew she had his back, and she would break his uncle’s legs if he tried anything funny ever again. Not that he’d seen her actually break anyone’s legs but she had the chutzpah to do it definitely. Allen smiled to himself, wondering why he’d never been afraid she would break his legs. God know he deserved it on quite a few occasions.
“What are you smiling at,” she asked him as she lay in gleaming sated contentment beside him.
He shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t deeply embedded in the mattress, “I was just thinking about that time you threatened to break that mark’s legs. Remember? The one who said he’d call the police on us?”
“Oh you mean fat Joey? Yeah he was always full of bluster. Generally harmless though.”
“I was scared to death,” he confessed.
“Yeah? Well you didn’t show it,” she said turning over to face him and resting her head on her hands. The cold sharpness of her new ring startled her and she moved her head slightly to look at it.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this,” she said.
“What? The ring or the life?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Both? I mean I have the last ten years back sure, but sometimes being a street rat seems like the only real reality, you know? The rest is like a cruel dream I’ll wake up from one day and find that it wasn’t real. I’m back in my bunker, I’m alone and nothing has changed.”
Allen reached forward and pinched her arm “I’m real,” he said quietly.
“Ouch,” Frances replied.
“So is that why you were crying earlier?”
It was Frances turn to shrug. “I don’t know why I was crying. It was just…suddenly too much. I think I cried for every time I wanted to cry before in my life you know?”
“You finally felt safe enough to,” Allen said completely surprising Frances.
“Hey Dr. Phil where’d you come from?”
Allen laughed, “Or maybe its just pregnancy hormones.”
“Oh my God, what are you going to say next? PMS?” she scoffed.
Allen just looked at her. “Listen Frances, I’m gonna be serious for a minute so I need you to brace yourself.” Frances actually held her breath.
“I am sorry if I never made you feel safe enough to express yourself the way you needed to, okay?”
Frances laughed. “Trust you to make this about you,” she said in amusement.
“I’m serious Frannie,” he persisted.
“Yeah I know. It's not that I didn’t feel safe. I promise. Maybe it's just the first time I felt safe and my hormones were working overtime,” she dismissed.
“Promise me you won’t wait for the stars to align that way next time. If you wanna cry, then cry. Safe room okay? Always,” Allen said.
“Deal,” Frances replied with a smile. “Can we stop talking about this now please.”
“Sure tough guy, go to sleep,” he said.
Frances face screwed up. “I’m kinda hungry.” Allen laughed out loud but he got up to go scrounge for something to eat.
“Hey you,” Frances said sitting up.
“Yeah?” Allen said.
“Thanks for not judging me,” she said.
Allen turned around to say something but Frances dived back into the blanket, covering her head. “Go on, get food,” she said from inside her cocoon. Allen smiled and went.
*****
Kareem came back two days later. Frances hadn’t told him about her recovery because she wanted to see his face when she said she remembered him; but also she needed to tell him about the wedding and she hadn’t previously been aware that he was still in love with her. She still loved him as a very good friend and did not want to hurt him. She didn’t know how she could tell him without doing that. Still, they’d managed to be friends through at least five years of her and Allen being together so he must have contemplated the possibility of marriage between them. Especially now that she was pregnant. Allen told her that it was in fact Kareem who had told him to make a move on her, so she knew he was at least okay with the idea of their togetherness and with them having sex. It was just a hop skip and jump to ‘we’re getting married!’ she hoped. If it wasn’t, then for his own good, she might have to cut him loose and she didn’t want that.
“Kareem,” she said as she opened the door to him.
“Hey girl,” he said stepping forward to give her a one armed hug. “Guess what I have for you.”
“Cheeseburger?” she asked; it was fast becoming an obsession.
“Guess again,” he said holding out a bag to her.
She took it and peered inside; clothes. She reached in and pulled out a pair of black jeans.
“Biker pregnancy clothes!” Kareem exclaimed excitedly. “They have an elastic waist which will expand with your belly.”
Frances smiled; they were going to be alright. “You are the best Kareem, you know that?”
“Of course I do. Now go on, try them on,” he said shooing her away.
She went off just to oblige him and came back wearing the jeans. They fit her like a glove and the color was perfect for her complexion. It brought out the brightness of her hair and her complexion.
“You are a genius Kareem,” she told him, modeling her outfit.
“Thank you kindly,” he replied with a smug smile.
“So anyway, I have some news,” she told him.
“Spill,” Kareem said settling down on the sofa.
Frances spread her hands out and opened her mouth. Kareem’s eyes shifted to her fingers.
“Oh my God, he proposed,” he said staring at her ring.
“Gawd you ruined my announcement,” she said putting her hands down.
“Oh my sorry. Okay pretend I know nothing. Go,” he said.
“I’m getting married!” she exclaimed.
“Yay!” Kareem replied. “About time he made an honest woman of you.”
Chapter 10
Allen was infected with nostalgia at the thought of getting married; he was looking through pictures of his parents, and all the memorabilia they left behind including the postcards they sent from St. Maarten and some photos that had been rescued from their camera. They were so happy and content and Allen took comfort from the fact that their last memories were obviously happy ones. Frances came into the study, carrying a cup of coffee for him.
“Thought you could use one,” she said.
“Thanks,” he replied absently. “How would you feel about getting married on St. Maarten island?”
“What? Where?” she asked caught wrong-footed.
“I was thinking we could retrace my parents’ steps you know? They went to St. Maarten for their anniversary. I thought we could get married there,” he said still studying the pictures.
“Don’t you think that’s a little bit…morbid?” Frances asked.
“Nah. I mean, sure they died in a horrific plane crash returning from there, and that’s maybe a bad memory for me. But for them, they were happy when they were there. I want to turn that memory around. make it good.”
