"Why are you saying that? Lexie that makes no sense. None of that stuff Ed said was true."
"Yes, it was," she nodded. "All of it. Sam, what are you doing with me?" A tear ran down her cheek. "You could do so much better. If it wasn't for you, who knows where I'd be today. Maybe still stuck in Vegas. Cleaning or waiting tables, or God... stripping or -"
"Stop. I wouldn't have let that happen to you." His eyes searched hers desperately.
Her cheeks burned in remembrance, and the blood began to pound in her temples. "You helped me, and you didn't even know me. Sam, I'm just a person who you took pity on." He looked at her like she'd just slapped him in the face. Saying "pity" may have been harsh, but it was true. "You were always out of my league, and out of my reach. And I was always nothing." She released the breath she'd been holding on to.
"Lexie."
"No." She shook her head and pried his fingers off her arm. "No."
He released her fully from his grasp, giving her the chance to run away before the tears truly came.
Chapter 16
"Hi sweetie." His mother's voice sounded as mellow on the phone as it did in real life. It was the kind of dulcet tone that soothed a troubled mind.
It was just what Sam needed right now.
His mother had always had that effect on him, and could always make him feel better no matter the problem. Her call was most welcomed, as Sam had just stepped into the dark, lonely apartment when his cell phone rang.
"I just wanted to check on you because you've been working so hard. I was hoping you'd be out." She commented with a soft laugh. "Not at work out, but out having fun."
"I'm at the apartment." And at the rate he was going he'd be curled up in bed with pop tarts and classic films until retirement.
He was having a hard time processing what happened with Lexie, and he was mentally exhausted. It felt like he'd lived a whole lifetime in the last few weeks. So much had happened. So much to either drive him away or keep him from her. But, he had to admit that this last thing with Ed infuriated him the most. He was so angry right now that he had a good mind to find that idiot and beat the hell out of him. It wouldn't change anything, and it would be wrong because the guy was completely weak in comparison to Sam, but it would have certainly put him in his place.
The thought of putting him in his place was tempting, but what superseded that idea was Sam's worry over Lexie. He wanted to go and see her.
He regretted letting her go and had wanted to go after her, but wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. He didn't know if she needed to get away from him because she needed time to herself, but what was worse was allowing her to believe she was nothing.
"Honey, did you hear what I said?" No, he hadn't even realized she was talking.
Sam sat on the arm of his sofa, gazing ahead at the cascade of city lights through the windows.
"Sorry. I'm just a little distracted."
"That's okay. I was saying I got you Belgian chocolates." There was a smile in her voice. Chocolate would have been good now. He could almost taste the rich, creamy texture.
"That sounds perfect."
"I'll send them over to you. I miss you kid," she chuckled.
"I miss you too."
"So, what's the matter. I hope Zane hasn't been up to his usual craziness."
He wished it was Zane this time. At least Sam knew how to deal with him.
"It's not Zane." He pulled in a breath and looked over to the glass wall, focusing on the vast array of city lights. "Do you remember that girl I told you about? Years and years ago, from Vegas."
"The one that got away." She sighed.
"I found her." He filled her in on everything that had happened. "Do you think I should just allow her the space she needs to cool off. My life isn't exactly perfect." His life was still a mess. Being in San Francisco was just a buffer, but when he returned to Chicago the truth of reality would all come rushing back on him. It almost did over the weekend when he was there. If his house felt like he was a visitor then, after just being in San Francisco for weeks, imagine what it would feel like in a few months' time.
And, it wasn't just the house. It was everything with Jessica and Amy. And now Lexie. The last few weeks taught him that he was ready to move past the pain Jessica caused him. But, only with Lexie. That was a scary thought by itself since right now she didn't want to be with him.
"Sweetie, will leaving it as it is help you?" It was a practical question. With a simple answer.
He didn't need to think that hard to respond. "No." Leaving things as they were would be worse for him. Everything changed for him when he came to San Francisco and found her. And, he couldn't just be friends with her.
"We don't know what she went through before you met her, but it doesn't sound good." Her voice took on a sympathetic tone and reminded him of how Lexie looked whenever the past was brought up in any form. Even if it was hinted at. He remembered when they first met and she told him she'd just got out of an abusive relationship. Back then he stopped himself from imagining what harm could have come to her, but he was thinking about it now. "Those kind of scars don't just heal up on their own. I'm sure her past will always haunt her."
Sam thought of how distraught Lexie was earlier. She no longer resembled the confident scientist who was head of bioengineering at a state of the art research facility. The same scientist who could put a top CEO in his place and make him agree to her terms if he wanted her and her team to work for him. No, tonight Lexie had regressed to that frightened nineteen-year-old girl he first met.
"Sam," his mother continued. "If every man she's ever been with made her feel like nothing then it's no surprise why she's scared to be with you."
"I would never make her feel like that." He wouldn't dream of it. "I've never met anyone like her." He said more to himself. He'd wanted to take her to the marina tonight. To look at the boat he was planning on buying. It was a stunning Abeking and Rasmussen twenty-five-meter motor-sailor with grand white battened and spinnaker sails. He wanted to share that excitement with her.
"Well for heaven's sake my dear boy, don't let her get away, again." She laughed.
He wouldn't. He didn't think he could, even with the complications his life had. Amy was the essence of his heart and Jessica would always be an obstacle, but he couldn't let his problems prevent him from being with the one woman he'd thought about for the last twelve years. He didn't know how long he'd be in San Francisco but he'd be damned if he'd spend the time he had left regretting that he didn't take whatever chance he had with Lexie.
* * *
Lexie spent the whole night crying.
She'd cried until she felt numb. Numb from the thoughts that clouded her mind and weakened her with self-pity. As a general rule, she always tried not to think about the past too much. It was the one thing that was guaranteed to wear her down and break her, as it stirred up feelings she wanted so desperately to lay to rest.
Every now and again there would be something to trigger a memory. Usually, she could push away the guilt and the low self-worth that accompanied it, but tonight had been by far the worst. Ed's words had awoken all those horrible feelings she had and added to her scarred mind.
She hated that she'd been with Adam and all that she'd put her family through, she hated that she hadn't been up front with Ed about her feelings long ago, and most of all Lexie hated that she couldn't be with Sam.
Every time she thought of Sam her heart ached.
She wanted nothing more than to be with him, but this was best. It was better to be hurt now, than when he realized she wasn't worth his time.
Not only that, there was a lot to think about when it came to Sam. Things she hadn't considered past her intense feelings for him. Like that he lived in Chicago and was only here temporarily. The day would come when he would have to leave for good and go back to his life there. Then what?
Lexie went into work the next day with a heavy heart deciding she'd lock herself away in her offic
e and do reports.
She put on her brave business face as she went inside the building, and hoped that this was one day Tim and Gina hadn't decided to come in early. They were both excited for her yesterday, and she didn't have the energy to tell them what happened. She was nearly an hour early so hoped to just be by herself for a while.
But she didn't get the chance.
She opened the door to the lab and found Sam there. He was standing at the window with his back turned to her. It wasn't until the door opened fully that he turned to face her. Lexie's heart stilled as she watched him and she clutched at her purse as a wave of emotion washed over her.
"Hey." He spoke first, a tentative expression played on his face. "Do you ... want to come in?"
Well, at least he was talking to her. He looked so hurt last night that she considered he might not.
Lexie pulled in a steady breath past the constriction in her chest to calm herself and her racing pulse. She swallowed hard as she went inside and closed the door behind her, anxiety building. As she watched him, she wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms so he could hold her and kiss her until she felt better. But that was a comfort she had to push out of her mind.
"We need to talk, Lexie."
What should she say?
If she wholeheartedly wanted to put a stop to everything right now, she should tell him that there was nothing to talk about and say it was better this way. But seeing him now face to face, and feeling the way she did about him held her back from saying that.
His expression grew serious. "I... should have gone after you."
"But," she began, but he stopped her.
"No. Please, let me finish. Lexie, I know even without you telling me, that you've been through a lot. That you went through a lot before I met you. But, you can't put me in the same category as everyone else." He really focused on her now and stared deeply into her eyes as he said, "I'm not Adam, and I'm not Ed. I'm not like everyone else because I know you."
His words pulled at her heart and gripped her in place.
He walked up to her and stopped just a breath away. "Ed definitely didn't know you, or else he would never speak to you the way he did. Drunk or not." Sam offered a confident smile. Lexie couldn't stop the small tear that rolled down her cheek. Sam reached out and cupped her face, making her skin tingle from his touch. "And Adam... well all I know is that he never treated you right and if he knew you like I do, you'd have no reason to leave him. You're Lexie, and there are at least a hundred things I know about you that makes you amazing. You are way out of my league, but I'm still going to try my luck. Because you are everything."
She pulled in a sharp breath at his words. No one had ever said anything like that to her before. Her hands shook as she covered her mouth to keep from crying, but she couldn't hold back the tears that shook her. Sam came closer and pulled her into the safety of his embrace. Holding her like she belonged to him.
"Thank you." She muttered against his chest.
"No. Thank you." He rested his head against hers and stroked the small of her back.
"I'm so sorry about last night Sam," she cried.
He moved back a little so he could gaze down at her. "There's nothing to be sorry about." He smiled. "Should we start over again?"
"Again?" she asked weakly, trying to smile. He nodded. "Which part are we going to start at this time?"
His face brightened. "Last night where I said are you ready to go, and then you said..." he paused giving her a chance to fill in and play along.
"Where are we going?"
She giggled when he tweaked her nose.
"You'll see. I have a meeting at ten, but I'd love for you to meet me at the marina at one." He released her and pushed his hands into his pockets as he leaned casually to one side.
"The marina? At one?" She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Yup."
"What about work?"
"We're going to be away this week."
It was crazy for her to even contemplate being away for a week, but him? "But you're so busy."
"Lexie I'm going to be busy for the rest of my life, and so will you if you continue to work for me." He sighed and widened his eyes. She laughed at the thought. "I think we could both do with the break. I've made arrangements for our work to be taken care of. All you have to do is meet me at the marina at one."
"Why are we going to the marina?" She wondered what he had planned.
"You'll have to come and find out." He backed away with a cheeky grin. She watched him as he walked towards the door and stopped. "You'll need to pack a bag too. It may be wise to go home and pack now."
Pack a bag, and go to the marina. Had he bought the yacht? He winked at her before leaving.
She sighed and rested onto the edge of the workstation, thinking about his words. Lexie was in complete awe and felt that if he thought she was everything maybe she could try to be what he saw. Maybe she could take small steps to mend that part of her that was damaged.
On that thought, she left and went back to her apartment. Since it was still very early, she went back to sleep for an hour. When she woke up, she felt rejuvenated, and a new found excitement worked its way through her.
She got dressed in more casual clothes. A simple black tank top with a short blue wrap skirt. Lexie then packed her travel bag with an assortment of things since she had no idea what she was going to be doing.
Sam had said a week, but did that seriously mean they'd be with each other for the week? Her cheeks warmed at the thought, but she was truly excited to spend all that time with him.
When she finally left, she stopped at the salon first and was glad both Tamar and Hayley were there.
"My gosh. There you are," Tamar gasped.
"We were just about to go to the lab." Hayley stepped in. It was a good thing the place was free of clients because they had a tendency to overreact and cause a scene when they were worried. "Didn't you get our calls?"
Lexie hadn't actually looked at her phone. "No, I'm sorry. I've had a rough night."
"Jay told us about Ed," Tamar offered. "And we knew you weren't with Sam because Hayley saw him leaving without you."
"Yeah. Things got totally messed up." It was only when they heard the somber tone of her voice that they calmed.
"Let's go to the coffeehouse, and you can tell us what happened," Hayley suggested.
She planned on telling them anyway and wanted to spend a bit of time with them before leaving. Besides, she could do with the pep talk that would go along with it.
Within five minutes they had her sitting comfortably in the coffeehouse, with a steaming mug of hot chocolate decked out with marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles. Just like when she was little. Lexie was lucky to have them. They always took such great care of her.
She told them about meeting Sam at the marina first, but before they got too excited, she told them everything else that had happened. She needed to because it was the first time ever that she wanted to talk about Adam. She didn't plan to, but she realized that it was something that had to be discussed, especially with her sisters.
"Adam affected me again," she muttered. A lump formed in her throat and she clutched onto the edge of the table looking down at the multi-colored vinyl print on the tablecloth. "When Ed called me nothing, it brought back painful memories of Adam. He used to call me that, a lot."
Lexie looked back up to her sisters to see that both had straightened up and had stopped drinking their coffee to look at her. Adam was a name rarely uttered between them. His name was only mentioned when she said it. Like she was signaling permission to talk about her past. Sometimes she was grateful for the respect they gave her, but at other times, she just wished they'd tell her what they were thinking. It wasn't as if her sisters held back their thoughts on any other topic. She'd bottled up her feelings on Adam for years, and she supposed it was easier to forget it. But it wasn't. What happened to her wasn't something that could be forgotten.
"So
you thought if Adam and Ed thought that, maybe Sam would too?" Hayley offered, her brows pulling down in concentration.
"Yeah, it definitely seemed to be a trend."
Tamar sighed and considered her with a thoughtful expression. "I don't think Sam could think that about you, Lexie. I think I speak for everyone when I say the past is exactly that and you can't dwell on it. You learn from it. The good and the bad. You're in a good place right now, and you seem to really like Sam. Just open your heart and mind to the newness of this."
"Yes and forget that jerk Ed too. He'd better hope I don't see him," Hayley said pointedly.
"Me too." Agreed Tamar. "Lexie," Tamar's expression returned to its prior concern.
"Yeah." She focused on her, on the wealth of emotion that filled her expression, and brought her hand to her cheek.
"You know you can talk to us about anything, right?"
Lexie nodded. "I know." Like always it was difficult to find the words to begin. For the few times, she'd attempted to talk about Adam she'd always failed for that reason.
Tamar gazed at her and templed her long elegant fingers as she leaned forward onto the table. "We have an idea about what happened between you and Adam, and I understand that it may not be something you want to discuss with us, but we're here for you when you're ready to talk."
"I'm ready," Lexie replied, quickly then brought her hands up to her cheek.
Tamar and Hayley both exchanged curious glances then looked back to her.
"You are?" Hayley asked.
Lexie nodded and clasped her hands together in an attempt to calm herself. Yes, she was ready. Perhaps if she'd shared her feelings more to the people she trusted she wouldn't have been in this position now. And maybe she wouldn't have even been with Ed. Last night told her she was far from over the damage Adam caused. Her emotions were deeply suppressed, and she couldn't hide behind work forever. Eventually, everything would come to a breaking point.
Lexie stared at them both and saw nothing but love in her eyes. From one to the other, Tamar and Hayley both gave her that warm look that told her she would always have them, and they would always be there for her when she needed them.
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